if you don't want me Ninja, let me find someone who does!!!!

[yods]

I am sorry but this is stalkerish behavior to me.

 

[aribell]

^^^Very much so.

But with him tracking down my dates and potentials, I swear i have no involvement. My ex is a very well-known guy in my city and pretty much knows everyone. A guy i went out with this past saturday (who i thought wouldn't know him) sent me a text message yesterday saying ' i don't want to get in the middle of a lovers tiff. I really enjoyed our date, would have liked to have gotten to know you more but since you are already taken......i guess not'.............!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW my ex contacted him. This is the third time he has done this. He stalks me on fb, if he sees me out with a man (in the club etc...) he'll approach him when im in the ladies' or he'll try and make friends with guy so as to annoy me. I'm at my wits end....this almost feels abusive to me.

Was he a controlling person before? That just seems beyond the pale. From what you wrote, I have an image of a well-connected man who believes that he should be able to control the nature of your relationship, who you should see, etc, while he does whatever he wants.

I don't understand, though. Does he actually want to get back together with you? I mean, yes, he has a girlfriend right now, but is he saying that he wants to be back with you instead? What is his objective here? How does he want you to respond?

ETA: Like the other ladies said, you can easily nip this in the bud. Cut off the FB friendship. Don't confide in his sister, as she could very well be telling him info...as it doesn't make sense that if she's your friend that she would allow her brother to continue to do these things without trying to talk some sense into him, unless she's on his side (just a speculation, idk). And if worse comes to worst, there are always restraining orders. He might care enough about his reputation to avoid getting his name caught up in something sketchy.

 

[awhyley]

This is the third time he has done this. He stalks me on fb, if he sees me out with a man (in the club etc...) he'll approach him when im in the ladies' or he'll try and make friends with guy so as to annoy me. I'm at my wits end....this almost feels abusive to me.

I feel that it's abusive as well. You may need a restraining order taken out, if this behavior continues. If he's telling everyone that you're still his girlfriend, how come his current girlfriend isn't concerned? He's really bold if his doing all of this behind her back. How do you know that he has a girl friend? Is he dating to make you jealous?

I feel like talking to my ex will just make the problem worse. I'm trying to block him out. It's hard but neccesary. Another thing is i'm good friends with his sister so I feel he will always have some sort of access to me. Should i terminate that friendship?

You may have to cool off that friendship until you're sure that your ex is over you, because in this state, he's only going to use her to get to you.

I'm sorry ladies, i know i sound like a tired-a$$ old woman, but i'm feeling like one.

The one what exactly? erplexed erplexed

 

[gabulldawg]

I agree with getting some type of protective order. If things are really going down the way you say they are then that is just ridiculous. What are you supposed to do?? Be single until he finds another woman to occupy his time?? Just TRIFLING. Cuz just like someone told me, (as harsh as it may sound) HE DOESN'T WANT YOU. He just wants to continue to manipulate you and control you. If he really wanted you he would be coming to you CORRECTLY, and wouldn't have a girlfriend! erplexed

My ex tried to pull some crap like that. When he found out I was dating someone else he threatened to follow me to his house and beat him up and tell him these lies about how we were actually still together. I let him know quickly that that crap would not be tolerated and that if I saw his car anywhere NEAR me I would call the police. Haven't seen him in over 6 months! Needless to say it took a little more to get him to finally stop calling, but that's another thread...

 

[MrsAriannaAmbers]

We all know...if you play with fire...mess around and get burned...

At this point its not cute and really just time to cut it off before it does turn serious though...cause this is just leading to hot messness...

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Why don't you confront him in front of the girlfriend? Be sure to have some evidence with you i.e. a voice message from him or the guy that thinks this is a lovers tiff. It might be a stretch to get the guy there as that just sounds like drama but you don't have anything to lose.

 

[lesedi]

I was just saying i feel like a tired-a$$ old woman..

I feel that it's abusive as well. You may need a restraining order taken out, if this behavior continues. If he's telling everyone that you're still his girlfriend, how come his current girlfriend isn't concerned? He's really bold if his doing all of this behind her back. How do you know that he has a girl friend? Is he dating to make you jealous?



You may have to cool off that friendship until you're sure that your ex is over you, because in this state, he's only going to use her to get to you.



The one what exactly? erplexed erplexed

 

[CaribbeanQueen]

Sorry OP but this behaviour is frightening and I dont think you should take it lightly at all.

Change your number, block him on facebook etc. and if all else fails get the police involved.

He sounds like a stalker.

 

[OrangeMoon]

this is some old-a$$ game
my aunt had a college clasmate in this situation
ffwd 40 yrs, dude married his gf, still boinking the side dish,
wife died, he married someone ELSE,and, yes he is STILL BOINKING THE SIDE DISH.

they're damn near 70.

get out now.

Damn

 

[lesedi]

Thank you ladies. I just spoke to his sister and told her that for my sake (and hers) we will have to cool the friendship down a notch or two. I heard today that you can block someone from FB, and i'm on it!

Thank you ladies, your advice has been invaluable. I realise now that not only is this situation irritating, but DANGEROUS.

I'm glad i called out for help

 

[cutenss]

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

 

[awhyley]

Needless to say it took a little more to get him to finally stop calling, but that's another thread...

Nope, this is the PERFECT place to talk about this, because after she blocks his facebook, etc.; she's gonna need info. on how to get him from stop calling, (until she changes her number, if needs be).

Why don't you confront him in front of the girlfriend? Be sure to have some evidence with you i.e. a voice message from him or the guy that thinks this is a lovers tiff. It might be a stretch to get the guy there as that just sounds like drama but you don't have anything to lose.

You're asking for trouble with this one; nothing but trouble. The new GF could accuse her of lying, trying to get in the middle of their relationship, etc. All sorts of things. I'd stay to steer clear of ALL of them.

I was just saying i feel like a tired-a$$ old woman..

Yeah, I got that, after I read it again. My bad. How did the sis react to your news?

"Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option."

One of the radio hosts here ends her show with that every day. The mantra is branded in me.

 

[gabulldawg]

Nope, this is the PERFECT place to talk about this, because after she blocks his facebook, etc.; she's gonna need info. on how to get him from stop calling, (until she changes her number, if needs be).



You're asking for trouble with this one; nothing but trouble. The new GF could accuse her of lying, trying to get in the middle of their relationship, etc. All sorts of things. I'd stay to steer clear of ALL of them.



Yeah, I got that, after I read it again. My bad. How did the sis react to your news?



One of the radio hosts here ends her show with that every day. The mantra is branded in me.

Well, I had to get my parents involved in order for him to stop calling. I don't usually recommend getting other people involved in your business, but my ex was/is EXTREMELY hard-headed and couldn't seem to understand that things were over between us.

I didn't go to my parents first. I tried multiple tactics before I was just at my whit's end. I was starting to fear for my safety AND sanity. I used to wonder how long I would have to deal with that crap! I tried telling my ex that it was over (MANY MANY times). I tried threatening. I tried ignoring his calls/texts. He would stop for a couple of weeks and then would start back up again. So I eventually went to my parents. They suggested getting some type of protective order, but I didn't think that I had enough evidence to successfully obtain one.

So, one day my father called my ex and politely asked him (on my behalf) to stop calling me. He didn't yell, scream, or cuss. He just asked him to stop calling because I asked him to. Ever since then I haven't gotten anymore texts or calls.