Communication w/SO while on vacay

Sapphire

Sapphire

kinks n curls girl
When you are out of town on vacation, how often do you speak to your SO? Or is it a given that you'll be too busy enjoying your vacation to call/text your SO? This question is specifically for those who have frequent communication with their partner throughout the day.

I'm asking this because things ended with a guy I was seeing after I took a trip out of town with my mom and sis to Las Vegas. I got upset because he basically stopped communicating with me shortly after arriving in LV. He made one attempt (that I know of) to call and text me after I griped about his lack of communication, however I missed that call and text because I was in the shower. I did not hear from him again for the remainder of my trip despite my attempts to call/text him.

Yesterday after speaking with him in person he claimed he tried to call but didn't get an answer/went straight to voicemail. Plus after reading some of the texts I sent him he chose not to say anything. I don't feel as though I said anything bad, just simply expressed my concern after not hearing back from him. For example, "I feel like you're ignoring me." " I'm assuming our relationship is over since you're not returning my calls/texts. This was after not hearing from him for two days. He felt that we haven't been together long enough for me to be concerned that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days.

I realize I may have overreacted/jumped the gun by assuming the worse, but this wasn't someone I was just talking to/dating. We had the exclusive talk, removed our profiles from the dating site we met on, etc. There hasn't been a day that we have not talked since he first contacted me online.

So is it wrong to want to communicate with your SO while on vacation? I'm not talking full hour long conversations, just a text or short phone call here and there to touch base?
 
I don't vacation without my husband. I might take one night trips with friends so it's not an issue. We have spoken everyday but 1 since we started dating. The day we didn't speak 12 years ago, he's she salty about it.
 
Sapphire said:
When you are out of town on vacation, how often do you speak to your SO? Or is it a given that you'll be too busy enjoying your vacation to call/text your SO? This question is specifically for those who have frequent communication with their partner throughout the day.

I'm asking this because things ended with a guy I was seeing after I took a trip out of town with my mom and sis to Las Vegas. I got upset because he basically stopped communicating with me shortly after arriving in LV. He made one attempt (that I know of) to call and text me after I griped about his lack of communication, however I missed that call and text because I was in the shower. I did not hear from him again for the remainder of my trip despite my attempts to call/text him.

Yesterday after speaking with him in person he claimed he tried to call but didn't get an answer/went straight to voicemail. Plus after reading some of the texts I sent him he chose not to say anything. I don't feel as though I said anything bad, just simply expressed my concern after not hearing back from him. For example, "I feel like you're ignoring me." " I'm assuming our relationship is over since you're not returning my calls/texts. This was after not hearing from him for two days. He felt that we haven't been together long enough for me to be concerned that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days.

I realize I may have overreacted/jumped the gun by assuming the worse, but this wasn't someone I was just talking to/dating. We had the exclusive talk, removed our profiles from the dating site we met on, etc. There hasn't been a day that we have not talked since he first contacted me online.

So is it wrong to want to communicate with your SO while on vacation? I'm not talking full hour long conversations, just a text or short phone call here and there to touch base?
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I going to have to agree with him. I think as women we latch on to quickly. But I agree with you he should have responded to the concerned texts.
 
No, it's not wrong to want to communicate with your SO while on vacation.

When I'm on a vacation or an out of town trip, my boyfriend and I still communicate with each other...not as often as when we are in-town but still, we communicate via phone call or text during each day I'm out of town. We've been together for almost 1.5 years.

But anyway, how long have you been with your SO? You said y'all had the "exclusive talk"... Are you for sure that he sees you as his exclusive woman?

If so, and if you two haven't been a day without communicating, I would find his behavior (not contacting you in two days) suspicious given that he would not return your calls or text messages shortly after arriving in Las Vegas. What type of text messages did you send him before sending those two texts about him ignoring you and assuming your relationship is over with him?

Next time you take a vacation, enjoy your vacation with the people you go with. Do not let him be the focus while you're out of town. Don't worry about what all he's doing, especially if you haven't been together very long.
 
How long were you together?

Last year, after about four months of dating my now-fiancee, he called at least every other day when I went away for a week. He also made time to do that when it was him that went on vacation. We even said when we would be too busy to call (like if he knew he and his dad would be gone all day on the golf course) and said that we would just plan to skip that day and then call the next day.

Even then though, there wasn't one day that didn't go by without me getting at least a text from him.
 
Its all about precedents. If you're everyday-all-day communicators, then yea, if you go away and that stops, I understand why their might be concern, because there's an obvious change in behavior.

I travel 100% for work - so the DID doesn't hear my voice daily and I'm not a phone talker and haven't be since day one. But its rare that we go 24 hours without an email/text of some sort.

I think your feelings were valid, given the precedent you 2 set. I would just caution you to not use extremes when trying to resolve an issue. "I'm assuming our relationship is over since you're not returning my calls or texts" - things like that can be misconstrued and seen as blind threats. And frankly - its too early for that.
 
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When I vacay away from DH, we communicate on a nightly basis because we have kids and I like to wish them good night. Also, for some reason we both miss each other a lot when we are away from each other.

However, there are times when we are away from each other (he may be TDY or deployed) and depending on the itinerary, he or I may not have time to talk to each other everyday. No harm, no foul on either part. As long as we have touch base at some point upon arrival, mid trip, and departure via phone or email, its all good.

IMO, I think you jumped to conclusions a bit by assuming that your relationship was over because he didn't respond to you. Maybe he was busy and forgot about calling/texting you. Or maybe he just wanted to just let you hang with your mom, without him calling. Or maybe he isn't the type of person who does the vacay communication. Men are weird like that.

Have ya'll talked since the breakup or even confirmed that its over?
 
I go away a couple times of year for a night or two. I usually call to let dh know I arrived, and then call to let him know around what time I'll be back.

Other than that, I don't call.

If I was gone for more than two nights yeah I'd check in.

But everyone's different.

IMHO I think you zapped out unnecessarily and he decided he didn't want to deal with an easily excitable over-dramatic person. I'm not saying you ARE, but that is likely what was going thru his mind when you started talking breakup so quickly.
 
UmSumayyah said:
I go away a couple times of year for a night or two. I usually call to let dh know I arrived, and then call to let him know around what time I'll be back.

Other than that, I don't call.

If I was gone for more than two nights yeah I'd check in.

But everyone's different.

IMHO I think you zapped out unnecessarily and he decided he didn't want to deal with an easily excitable over-dramatic person. I'm not saying you ARE, but that is likely what was going thru his mind when you started talking breakup so quickly.
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Agreed. Folks shouldn't resort to extremes to get a response - "I'm sorry I missed your call - I was in the shower. Lets talk - I want to hear your voice. :)".

Get him on the phone first - then you can start airing your side of the story...
 
dlewis said:
I don't vacation without my husband. I might take one night trips with friends so it's not an issue. We have spoken everyday but 1 since we started dating. The day we didn't speak 12 years ago, he's she salty about it.
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My SO and I are don't vacay without each other. If we were to do that than I would still speak to him throughout the trip.

My older cousin went out of town and did not keep in contact with her Boo. She feels like they don't need to be up under each other all the time.
 
SO and I are working that out right now. My mother and I are going on a cruise at the end of the month, but I believe since we are only going to the Carribean, we would still be able to talk every day. We have spoken to each other, in addition to emails and text's every day except 1 day since Feburary. Communication is the key for us because we are in a LDR. Every night at 9:30p he calls me.
 
I had something similar happen to a guy I was talking to. He went on vacation and didn't call me for like a week. I broke it off with him when he came back.
 
We talked a few times when I was in the Dominican Repiblic and texted and my phone bill was $500.00. But in the states in I vacation my fiance and I talk twice a day in the am and pm.
 
he couldve called...text something...i loathe straight up inconsiderate ppl...

i didnt think you over reacted..**** coulda called...
 
I think there was some mega overreaction on your part. I'd be pissed too at being ignored though....so maybe just mini overreaction :)

To answer your q though we speak/skype almost every night when i go away without him.

He has yet to go away without me but I'd assume it would be the same deal.
 
Sapphire said:
When you are out of town on vacation, how often do you speak to your SO? Or is it a given that you'll be too busy enjoying your vacation to call/text your SO? This question is specifically for those who have frequent communication with their partner throughout the day.

I'm asking this because things ended with a guy I was seeing after I took a trip out of town with my mom and sis to Las Vegas. I got upset because he basically stopped communicating with me shortly after arriving in LV. He made one attempt (that I know of) to call and text me after I griped about his lack of communication, however I missed that call and text because I was in the shower. I did not hear from him again for the remainder of my trip despite my attempts to call/text him.

Yesterday after speaking with him in person he claimed he tried to call but didn't get an answer/went straight to voicemail. Plus after reading some of the texts I sent him he chose not to say anything. I don't feel as though I said anything bad, just simply expressed my concern after not hearing back from him. For example, "I feel like you're ignoring me." " I'm assuming our relationship is over since you're not returning my calls/texts. This was after not hearing from him for two days. He felt that we haven't been together long enough for me to be concerned that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days.

I realize I may have overreacted/jumped the gun by assuming the worse, but this wasn't someone I was just talking to/dating. We had the exclusive talk, removed our profiles from the dating site we met on, etc. There hasn't been a day that we have not talked since he first contacted me online.

So is it wrong to want to communicate with your SO while on vacation? I'm not talking full hour long conversations, just a text or short phone call here and there to touch base?
Click to expand...

Does he see you as an SO, or just a friend (w/benefits)? I don't mean to sound harsh, but maybe he's not as into you as you are him.
 
Ok, I guess I'm going with I probably did overreact. We've only been seeing each other about a month. This whole relationship stuff is new to me so I don't know the exact protocol. All I knew was that I tried contacting him and did not receive a response, which went against the routine we'd established. He has made similar comments if I didn't answer when he called. Oh well...even still, I don't think it would have hurt him to send a text saying, hey I'm busy/sleep/tired instead of saying nothing. Yes he may it clear that I was his woman/we were exclusive. No, we didn't have an official breakup talk. Doesn't really seem necessary at this point. Thanks for the responses.
 
I think if you're in a relationship he should want to communicate with you. I couldn't figure out skype on my new laptop when I was taking a trip to France. Basically I downloaded it but for some reason the video screen wasn't popping up right. Don't you know my SO at the time, now my fiance, was at my place taking my computer, and was over to Best Buy that dayand got it fixed so we could communicate lol! He wasn't playing! I was like oh well, and said it matter of fact. Next thing you know, I was buzzed and was told by the doorman that my fiance was downstairs. That computer got fixed with a quickness! We talked every night that I was in france via skype even if it was for a couple of minutes. If a guy is into you he wants to talk to you even if its for a couple minutes (because he's busy) every night. I think a guy who is into you will do what he can to make it work
 
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Sapphire said:
Ok, I guess I'm going with I probably did overreact. We've only been seeing each other about a month. This whole relationship stuff is new to me so I don't know the exact protocol. All I knew was that I tried contacting him and did not receive a response, which went against the routine we'd established. He has made similar comments if I didn't answer when he called. Oh well...even still, I don't think it would have hurt him to send a text saying, hey I'm busy/sleep/tired instead of saying nothing. Yes he may it clear that I was his woman/we were exclusive. No, we didn't have an official breakup talk. Doesn't really seem necessary at this point. Thanks for the responses.
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Just saw this....

interesting. Yes. you probably did over react if it's a very new relationship....

HOWEVER he is revealing how he feels about you in this stage and that should be noted. Oh and if he did make it clear that you were his woman, he should've made you a priority...so I'd still have my eye brow up about this.
 
I went away for three days and my SO called every night. Some nights I was too tired to talk, but still appreciated him calling. But I did get a little upset when we first started dating and he went on a trip and didn't call or email the whole time. I said something like "Oh that was the trip to meet your other gf..." but he immediately apologized and said he just didn't want to pay the intl call fees.

I think if he at least lets u know he arrived or left (safely) that's important.
 
I would have been hurt too if I were you, but I agree that you over-reacted. DH and I have almost always been on the same page regarding frequency of communication so that keeps down on friction. We have talked pretty much every single day since we started dating 27 years ago. We may have missed 1or2 days total when he or I were travelling and the combo of travel time and time difference got in the way.

My instincts tell me he may not be the one for you. It's unfortunate you two didn't work out some type of communication plan before you left. Don't be too hard on yourself though, if he really wanted to work things out with you he would. Most men know we women can get a little over emotional on occassion. If you scared him off for good, then so be it, trust me when I tell you that if a guy is crazy about you, he will be more understanding and he will return your calls/texts, angry or not.
 
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NaturalRed said:
Does he see you as an SO, or just a friend (w/benefits)? I don't mean to sound harsh, but maybe he's not as into you as you are him.
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He saw me as his girlfriend. We did not have sex. He seemed to be very much into me, which was a nice change from guys I had previously dated. He was always consistent with calling/returning my calls which was another thing I appreciated.
 
Thanks again for your responses everyone. I realize that some of things I said in my texts probably came across badly. His sudden change in demeanor was quite a blow. I was drinking at the time so that probably didn't help matters. Not a good excuse, but it is what it is.

I'm not buying the whole bit about him giving me time to enjoy my vacation/spend time with my mom and sis. I had a family reunion in my city around the time we first began talking and he still made an effort to maintain contact with me (i.e. sending me silly texts to make me laugh and let me know he was thinking about me). He claimed he was asleep all weekend (he works nights and sleeps during the day) but that's never stopped him from communicating with me before. I could sense that he was not pleased with the idea of me going out of town to Las Vegas. He has never been there, but only had bad things to say about it. I just think he is an insecure man (was cheated on in his previous relationship) and was butt-hurt about me partying out of town and decided to flip the script.

It's true that maybe a month of being with someone is not enough time to be upset over something like this, but frankly, I don't care if its been 2 weeks or 2 months, you don't just ignore the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with. I get tired of playing these games with men. One minute they're calling you the next minute they're not.... but you're not supposed to question why things have changed? Consistency is important (for me) in any relationship. Although I'm sad things didn't work out, its probably for the best.
 
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I'm not married, but with my ex-SO I went to Chicago for about 4 days. I text him to let him know I made it there ok and I think I tried to call him one other night, but other than that, that's all we really communicated. If it's for a few days, I don't really see the big deal. As long as they let you know they got there ok, then fine. Otherwise, if someone is gone, I assume they're having a good time or taking care of business or whatever. BUT, I travel a good bit and usually it's the SO who's at home and calling me :yep: Sometimes I just get sidetracked or out with the fam or doing whatever I'm doing, so that by the time I think about calling it's too late. I may text something quick though. So I understand if they don't get right back with me.

I have had it the other way around where the SO called/text so much it was annoying. I DID NOT like that...so, I tend to understand if a couple days have gone by. Now, if we're inching towards a week or longer, then I do expect more communication.

But maybe talk to him about the next time he goes or you go out of town and what your expectations are if it bothers you and he's not inclined to communicate like that.

Also, those passive-aggressive texts are annoying too. Sorry OP, just saying.

ETA: Decided to read your ENTIRE post, LOL, and I just think there was miscommunication. No protocol had been established for being out-of-town, and evidently you both had different expectations and a month is kinda soon to know that without explicitly talking about it.
 
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Sapphire said:
When you are out of town on vacation, how often do you speak to your SO? Or is it a given that you'll be too busy enjoying your vacation to call/text your SO? This question is specifically for those who have frequent communication with their partner throughout the day.

I'm asking this because things ended with a guy I was seeing after I took a trip out of town with my mom and sis to Las Vegas. I got upset because he basically stopped communicating with me shortly after arriving in LV. He made one attempt (that I know of) to call and text me after I griped about his lack of communication, however I missed that call and text because I was in the shower. I did not hear from him again for the remainder of my trip despite my attempts to call/text him.

Yesterday after speaking with him in person he claimed he tried to call but didn't get an answer/went straight to voicemail. Plus after reading some of the texts I sent him he chose not to say anything. I don't feel as though I said anything bad, just simply expressed my concern after not hearing back from him. For example, "I feel like you're ignoring me." " I'm assuming our relationship is over since you're not returning my calls/texts. This was after not hearing from him for two days. He felt that we haven't been together long enough for me to be concerned that I hadn't heard from him in 2 days.

I realize I may have overreacted/jumped the gun by assuming the worse, but this wasn't someone I was just talking to/dating. We had the exclusive talk, removed our profiles from the dating site we met on, etc. There hasn't been a day that we have not talked since he first contacted me online.

So is it wrong to want to communicate with your SO while on vacation? I'm not talking full hour long conversations, just a text or short phone call here and there to touch base?
Click to expand...

I'm sorry, but the bolded above would seem like red flags to me and I agree with your SO. I think you did jump the gun a bit and overreacted. My husband and I never vacation separately, but we've been apart for 2-3 days before, and we usually send a text or two once a day, normally before we go to bed to say good night and such and also when we've arrived safely. I prefer not to talk to him til he or I get back.

I've been guilty of ignoring texts/calls I thought were too pushy, because once the person is already mad at you (esp. when you honestly just had your phone on silent and didn't realize it) its hard to welcome calling them back to obviously be berated. I think after your texts above he may have felt smothered. People are not always playing games.

But I've been notorious for forgetting to call/text my hubby or not answering and he does get mad at that. I don't mean it, I'm just pre-occupied and not good with my phone (for him or anyone else for that matter). We were apart once for 6 months and I was REQUIRED to speak to him every single day, which irritated me and dampened my plans sometimes, but I did it for him because he didn't like the feeling that I was on the other side of the Earth where I could be hurt and he wasn't around to protect me. But if he hadn't told me I would have never known, so I do understand your side some.

Give it some time and then maybe email him and explain things and apologize. Then let it be. I'm sure if you are real with him and then give him his space
 
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I tried to explain my side of it when I got back on Monday, but he seemed unable/unwilling to understand my side of it. He told me that he had already decided after one of the texts I sent where I said something about "feeling ignored and perhaps I was overacting but I felt that way because he was not responding to my calls/texts" that he wasn't gonna respond to anymore of my texts to "see how far I would take it".

That doesn't sit well with me. Its like he saw that I was upset and instead of saying something that would reassure me, he decided to give me enough rope to hang myself with by not responding at all. He hasn't contacted me since I spoke with him on Monday. I won't be contacting him anymore, ever in the future.
 
Sapphire said:
I tried to explain my side of it when I got back on Monday, but he seemed unable/unwilling to understand my side of it. He told me that he had already decided after one of the texts I sent where I said something about "feeling ignored and perhaps I was overacting but I felt that way because he was not responding to my calls/texts" that he wasn't gonna respond to anymore of my texts to "see how far I would take it".

That doesn't sit well with me. Its like he saw that I was upset and instead of saying something that would reassure me, he decided to give me enough rope to hang myself with by not responding at all. He hasn't contacted me since I spoke with him on Monday. I won't be contacting him anymore, ever in the future.
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Very petty game. I hope you stick to not contacting him anymore. Seriously that's beyond childish.
 
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