Comfort zone?

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syze6

Well-Known Member
I was told that I am the perfect wife to cheat on because I have created this comfort zone for hubby. I am really a home body and I enjoy being home having me time and with my children. My husband hangs out with his friends at times and I don't question if that is where he really is. I don't call him during the course of his hanging because I am enjoying my me time. My energy is not for worrying or checking phones and such regarding a man. Now I have gone out with my girlfriends if I feel like getting out. It is not a regular thing I do because I enjoy my time with my children and myself. I have been told by my friends and two close male friend that I am the turn the other cheek kind of woman. In that as long as I don't know and home is taken care of I don't concern myself with what he does outside the door.

So when I tell them, my concern is not to worry about a grown up and cloud my mind with negative thoughts they call it BS! I didn't get married to worry about my hubby where about and to as they say check phones, sniff for scents, underwear and all. They think I should switch up my routine because he is comfortable with my whereabouts which creates all the room to be a cheater if he wanted t be. I work and I am a full time student with children and a marriage. Really? So I need to go out every weekend because hubby knows I am really a home body and he has no worries when out. I am what they label a robot and predictable and every man's dream for a chase of options. WHAT!!
 
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I wouldn't worry about them. Don't let them stir up ish in your marriage, my dh travels a lot, like a week here, a week away. I never worry about other women He knows what he could lose and I'm sure your dh feels the same.
 
Yep...People always seem to try to know what works for someone's relationship. I don't have the time nor energy!
 
syze6 said:
I was told that I am the perfect wife to cheat on because I have created this comfort zone for hubby. I am really a home body and I enjoy being home having me time and with my children. My husband hangs out with his friends at times and I don't question if that is where he really is. I don't call him during the course of his hanging because I am enjoying my me time. My energy is not for worrying or checking phones and such regarding a man. Now I have gone out with my girlfriends if I feel like getting out. It is not a regular thing I do because I enjoy my time with my children and myself. I have been told by my friends and two close male friend that I am the turn the other cheek kind of woman. In that as long as I don't know and home is taken care of I don't concern myself with what he does outside the door.

So when I tell them, my concern is not to worry about a grown up and cloud my mind with negative thoughts they call it BS! I didn't get married to worry about my hubby where about and to as they say check phones, sniff for scents, underwear and all. They think I should switch up my routine because he is comfortable with my whereabouts which creates all the room to be a cheater if he wanted t be. I work and I am a full time student with children and a marriage. Really? So I need to go out every weekend because hubby knows I am really a home body and he has no worries when out. I am what they label a robot and predictable and every man's dream for a chase of options. WHAT!!
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They need to sit down with this. Lawd. It's probably the dream of the man that said this to you.
 
syze6 said:
I was told that I am the perfect wife to cheat on because I have created this comfort zone for hubby. I am really a home body and I enjoy being home having me time and with my children. My husband hangs out with his friends at times and I don't question if that is where he really is. I don't call him during the course of his hanging because I am enjoying my me time. My energy is not for worrying or checking phones and such regarding a man. Now I have gone out with my girlfriends if I feel like getting out. It is not a regular thing I do because I enjoy my time with my children and myself. I have been told by my friends and two close male friend that I am the turn the other cheek kind of woman. In that as long as I don't know and home is taken care of I don't concern myself with what he does outside the door.

So when I tell them, my concern is not to worry about a grown up and cloud my mind with negative thoughts they call it BS! I didn't get married to worry about my hubby where about and to as they say check phones, sniff for scents, underwear and all. They think I should switch up my routine because he is comfortable with my whereabouts which creates all the room to be a cheater if he wanted t be. I work and I am a full time student with children and a marriage. Really? So I need to go out every weekend because hubby knows I am really a home body and he has no worries when out. I am what they label a robot and predictable and every man's dream for a chase of options. WHAT!!
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Do you think he is cheating or attempting to cheat? Is that why you really posted? Are you actually really scared inside but hide behind your homebody mom stance?

Just curious.
 
If I feel the need to check phone records, check email, check car mileage, pop up, follow him or otherwise snoop, then I need a divorce. Some people enjoy that kind of relationship though. Not me.
 
Do they know something you don't? How does this even come up? I would be reading between the lines only because I know guys generally don't rat each other out.

Anyways I can see some validity to what they are saying even if it's coming out wrong. Familiarity breeds contempt. Doesn't mean they will cheat. I forget where I read it, but someone said cheating isn't good for a marriage, but the threat of it is. I think there is some truth to that.
 
Dang my long post didn't come through!

I don't disagree 100% with your 'friend/s.'
I've seen a lot of 'gaps' in otherwise strong marriages that allow room for sniffing outsiders. Of course I don't know how the marriage TRULY is but, I strongly believe in shared activities. How often do you go out with him? What types of places is he going to without you? Sometimes too much space/freedom gives too much opportunity and opportunity breeds temptation and well, we are human. Best to just avoid temptation breeding ground. Reminds me of the cheating cops thread. I think lots of them are this way because of the opportunity they have, same goes for any man in uniform not standing behind a counter/cashier giving you change.
In the end it all boils down to values and your relationship and sometimes they cheat simply because they can...

Funny because of the dating lessons I've learn or made a mental note about is to never let myself get so complacent that I forget to enjoy a social life with my SO or DH. Partly because of experience.

I hate cheating threads. Makes me paranoid lol
 
Fine 4s said:
Dang my long post didn't come through!

I don't disagree 100% with your 'friend/s.'
I've seen a lot of 'gaps' in otherwise strong marriages that allow room for sniffing outsiders. Of course I don't know how the marriage TRULY is but, I strongly believe in shared activities. How often do you go out with him? What types of places is he going to without you? Sometimes too much space/freedom gives too much opportunity and opportunity breeds temptation and well, we are human. Best to just avoid temptation breeding ground. Reminds me of the cheating cops thread. I think lots of them are this way because of the opportunity they have, same goes for any man in uniform not standing behind a counter/cashier giving you change.
In the end it all boils down to values and your relationship and sometimes they cheat simply because they can...

Funny because of the dating lessons I've learn or made a mental note about is to never let myself get so complacent that I forget to enjoy a social life with my SO or DH. Partly because of experience.

I hate cheating threads. Makes me paranoid lol
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^^^I agree with this but only because my mom was a sit-at-home-all-the-time-with-the-kids wife while my dad went out and partied and flirted with women and bought them drinks (and who knows what else). I've chosen to remain ignorant about their situation and regardless of what might or might not have happened, they're still together - 40 years later. But I do think that my mom did herself a disservice in her marriage. I'm not saying that you should be paranoid. You know your husband. And you know how you like to spend your free time. Ultimately it all boils down to character, values and trust. But I do think that making sure that you still date your husband and continue to be a "girlfriend" (not just a wife and a mother) is important. (Says the girl with little relationship experience herself *lol*)
 
Do you. If you have no worries they shouldn't be worried unless they got something they really wanna tell you but aren't willing to tell you. I think you should tell them to shut up with all that noise because you don't really care to hear it.
 
Girl...You better stop letting people place doubt in YOUR marriage. Why is you and your husband's business even up for discussion anyway?
 
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MixedBerry said:
Do you think he is cheating or attempting to cheat? Is that why you really posted? Are you actually really scared inside but hide behind your homebody mom stance?

Just curious.
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No...I don't even consider it. I know no human being is beyond fault but that is not what goes across my mind when he leaves. I enjoy being home and curling up with a good book or just doing me. I don't have an issue with it but my friends seem to think it is a cheating oasis in the making because men get comfortable. Especially men who hang with their friends while the woman is a homebody. I don't know why I would hide behind the homebody stance concerning the actions of a man. If I enjoy home that's what I enjoy. If he enjoys hanging with friends at time, then that should be something he gets to enjoy. Me feeling as if he is not, should never be a reason for me to become unpredictable. That is what I was trying to convey to my friends. Who really spends their time and energy worrying every time a man steps out the door? My life is pretty full.

I guess I'm not understanding your question.
 
pink_flower said:
Do they know something you don't? How does this even come up? I would be reading between the lines only because I know guys generally don't rat each other out.

Anyways I can see some validity to what they are saying even if it's coming out wrong. Familiarity breeds contempt. Doesn't mean they will cheat. I forget where I read it, but someone said cheating isn't good for a marriage, but the threat of it is. I think there is some truth to that.
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I was asked to attend a party and declined. I'm not big on parties during the week. That is when the issue of me not being social came up. That most of the time, I'm inside and he goes out with his friends. I was even told by my guy friend that I shouldn't believe any man is constantly hanging with his friends. We go out together to dinner, movies and take weekend walks just to catch up on things. We even take trips out of town minus the children together. He goes out with his friends when he gets a chance. Their main thing is that I'm not doing enough with friends but when I do something, I invite him along. Now...I have gone out with my gfs but they party during the week most times and I can't hang like that.

So they seem to take me being at home enjoying a good book or movie is me not socializing. So if I want to stay in they feel he should also. So he should not be sociable because I would rather stay in. I don't know how that would deem me a weak woman who is the ideal candidate to get cheated on. What they don't understand is that I make my choices to stay inside, he would never try to stop me. I'm not the party goer who has to be out on the scene. Sometimes I think it bothers them that I don't talk about my marriage most times. I was told that that is for you and your partner. So they see me in the home most of the time and they create their own ideal of what is going on.

IDK..I just think it's crazy to become so invested in someone's marriage.
 
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Switch it up one time just because. Show up where he is unexpectedly (ideally for like a party, not crashing guys night at the pool hall) It would be fun for him likely to have his forever gal there.
 
One more tidbit about my parents (not because you asked, but just because I thought about it). In the midst of being a homebody, my mom stopped keeping herself up - no makeup, not much thought to her clothes and such.

In the last couple of years, though, I introduced her to Sephora and tried to help her with her clothes. (With my brother getting married a few years ago, there was an incentive for her to really perk up her wardrobe and style game.) Once she started doing that, my dad started taking her out more and bragging on her to his friends at "the club"....

Not that this is necessarily relevant to you and your situation...just something I thought about and figured I would add in case it would benefit someone else reading the thread.
 
You're like me, so obviously I think your stance is a good one.

I would NEVER worry about my SO, I do me and that's exactly how I want it. Some women love to check for signs of infidelity, but that's not how I want to live.

One thing I've learned is to never discuss my relationship with friends or family. If I have anything to discuss, I'll take it up with SO.

It sounds like your friends are jealous of your comfortable and stress free life.

Anyway, you can't stop a man from cheating, so if that's what he wants let him do it (that's how I think). Then let him deal with the repercussions.

If he thinks it's that easy to find a good woman like me, let him try it!
 
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