Co-worker mad-what do you think?

[cheche]

Ladies,
I just have to vent, for the last two weeks I have been training a new lady at my job, and just basically took her under my wing. Well I had been without a perm for about 12 weeks and have been wearing a bun, and finally got a perm over the weekend, so she had never seen it down. Yesterday morning she came up behind me at my desk in front of everyone and started feeling the ends of my hair, I was taken off guard but didnt trip, but then she started putting her hands all in the back of my hair down to the scalp.

My hair is about bra strap length, so I figure she musta thought it was a weave. I then told her "dont you know its rude to put your hands all in another persons head without being asked to". She stated to me that it didnt look that long when I had it up-I wanted to say duh! I havent had a perm in 12 weeks what do you expect. Do you know she has not spoken to me since, is that triflin or what. All day she did every thing she could to avoid asking me questions. Was I wrong for saying that to her? I feel justified cause I feel she made ignorant assumptions about my hair. Plus, she dont know me like that.

 

[determined_to_grow]

I'm going to get straight to the point- SHE'S A HATER!!! Don't even get yourself over this chick

 

[Mitre]

You were right if something is bothering you say something other wise how would she know. Also it is not good to walk around upset the entire day you should get it off your chest.

 

[caribeandiva]

gurl you had every right to tell her off. she's lucky you didn't cuss her out in front of everyone. the nerve of her weave-checking you like that!

 

[BerrySweet]

Good job telling her to get her hands outta your hair. If she's not gonna talk to you, then don't talk to her!

 

[cheche]

gurl you had every right to tell her off. she's lucky you didn't cuss her out in front of everyone. the nerve of her weave-checking you like that!

lol-I like that, weave checking! Though It is still sad that we do each other like that.

 

[Mestiza]

You were not wrong, at all! She was wrong for putting her "who knows where they've been" hands in your hair. It irks me when people walk up to me and start touching my hair w/o asking. Some have even done it w/o so much as a "Hello" first.

 

[Tee]

she was out of order for putting her hand in your hair like that. I think you handled it well.

 

[Starian]

A lot of the time, people just like to be touchy feely. Doesn't always mean they're checking for weave. Although she may have been...I suppose you would be the best judge of her character and intentions.

I've known people with long hair, and I occasionally ran my fingers through their hair. Not out of hating, but admiration. She probably thought you were the rude one for calling her out like that, if she was just touching to be touching.

Some women feel touching hair is rude. Me, I don't care. No one does it very often anyway. And when they do, I just brush it off and go abotu my business. I probably would have let it go that one time, and if she attempted again, I would kindly tell her "I really don't like it when people touch my hair." The way you posed your answer "Don't you know it's rude..." sounds kind of..I dunno. Uppity. I really don't mean to offend you and I'm not saying you were WRONG for reacting the way you did.

I'm just trying to say what it may have sounded like. Don't lynch me, please.

 

[beyondcute]

I agree with Starian. It jkinda felt to me like you were attacking the womans home training. Like she had no manners or something. In my family we tend ot be a lil touchy feely but it took me a while to learn that everyone else doesnt grow up that way. I always play in my moms hair (or anyone else for that matter...) And she may have felt close enough to you that you wouldnt mind...

 

[MzOptimistic]

Good job telling her to get her hands outta your hair. If she's not gonna talk to you, then don't talk to her!

I hate to say it but SHE needs you, You do not need her. You did right if you don't want anyone touching your hair you have the right to stop it. If you want to break the ice to let her know that you are not completely mad at her, you just wanted her to STAY out ya head. You can say something like "How are things going? (As if you care) If you have any questions let me know? (hoping not) It's not like you are kissing her *** or anything, you just don't need that type of drama in the workplace. Aint nothing like drama in the workplace. It's contagious like a virus and spreads like aids..

*edited* I did not mean to comment in your post, BerrySweet.

 

[punchinella]

She should have gotten to know you better. She has only known you a couple of weeks, so she really didn't know what type of reaction you would have. Based on the fact that she was feeling your scalp and saying your hair didn't look this long before makes me think she was checking for weave (I could be wrong).
When are people going to realize that hair falls under the umbrella of personal space

 

[cheche]

I am so happy to hear the different responses, and am not offended by any of them at all I think its good advise. If I hadnt seen some messy traits in her so far, I probably wouldnt have said what I said. So far she judges other co-workers from their hair, to their clothes, body size etc. and she doesnt even know these people. So I kinda know her mindset and character from listening to her. I've had people admire my hair, and thats not what she was doing. Her whole demeanor and tone screamed "mess". If she was genuine I wouldnt have tripped. I remained professional, I mean I didnt get loud or anything my tone remained the same with her. Personally I would never, after only knowing someone for a couple of weeks, go all through their hair like that. Buts that just me.

 

[misscrystal]

Maybe since you've been taking you under her wing, she feels really comfortable with you and though it'd be okay.

I can understand if you were upset because it really seemed like she was just trying to see if you had a weave in, but I think you may have been too harsh with her.

I hate it when people but their hands up in my head, but funnily enough I do it to my friends all the time. It's just a familiarity thing I think

 

[cmw45]

Hater...nuf said. Be about your business.

At 'determinedtogrow'...I'm gonna need you to take that tracker out of your siggy if that's you in your avatar cause you are lookin too fly.

 

[seemegrow]

That was so rude. Some people just don't know how to act professional. I don't feel its "uppity" to protect your personal space.

 

[Allandra]

Was I wrong for saying that to her?

Hun, you were not wrong for saying that to her. I think what you said was nice, polite and to the point. She's probably just embarrassed now (especially since she knows you're right, and she was wrong).

 

[dlewis]

I'm going to get straight to the point- SHE'S A HATER!!! Don't even get yourself over this chick

I second that.

 

[Cichelle]

What? No, you didn't do anything wrong. Why in the world would she think it was okay to do that without asking? AFAIC, it's just basic manners to ask before putting your hands in someone else's hair. We are not talking about a family member here or a really good friend (and truth be told I tolerate that but don't like it). This is some new chick at your place of work! Yeah, it's best to be polite. But I DEFINITELY would have said something to her, too.

 

[femalegold]

First of all your co-worker was wrong on so many levels for touching you period without your permission. I think you were to calm, because I would have went off. But, good for you for keeping your cool. Its so sad that some women have to hate so bad.

 

[Kimberly]

I think you let her off light.

I've had it happen with co-workers that I've known for years and I still didn't like it. I can't imagine with one that has only worked with me for two weeks.

You were extremely polite and professional. She should be embarrassed.

 

[Qetesh]

She was probably checking for weave.

It completely disgusts me how sick some women can get over another women's long hair, I have had a lot of the same type of thing happen to me in the past. (My hair is mid-back ... yet I have yet to get to waist length)

Since you had your hair hidden for so long, she probably assumed she had longer hair than you and didn’t see you as a threat (I know its sad women look at other women like this) anyway after you let down your hair and straightened she was probably shocked to see how nice your hair really is.

I would politely tell her it's not weave and if it was I wouldn’t lie, I like it better when women just outright ASK me if I have a weave instead of feeling up in my hair on some sneakiness. It's almost like they want to catch me in a lie so they can feel like they have 1 up on me. All you can really do is keep your head up and hope she gets over her insecurities usually people are very insecure when the judge people as you mentioned she does. But try your best to be polite and down to earth with her even if she is jealous.

 

[wadadligyal]

YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!!!!!!
The nerve of some people!!!! I don't care how close she thought you guys were doing a weave check was totally out of order. I don't understand how some people are so bold to do things like that. If she would have asked then that's different story but to just take it upon herself to have her hands (god forbid she had a hang nail or something that would snag and pull on your hair) all up in your hair and at the roots too!!!!
Sorry but my initial reaction would have been to slap that heifer's hand and ask her what the hell she doing? But since you were at work and all you handled yourself pretty well.
Her ignant arse is probably toooo embarrassed now that's why she avoiding you

 

[deltagyrl]

I can't believe that in 2006 "we" STILL have issues with each other's hair.

That was rude of her and it DOES speak to her home training (or lack thereof). I'd lump her in the category with people who touch the preggo bellies of complete strangers or people who touch the face/hands of any newborn that's not theirs. Of course I'd have to sprinkle just a little bit of 'hateration' into the mix (because she WAS hatin') too.

Some people just don't know how to respect the personal space of others.

 

[KeyahGirl]

Since you had your hair hidden for so long, she probably assumed she had longer hair than you and didn’t see you as a threat (I know its sad women look at other women like this) anyway after you let down your hair and straightened she was probably shocked to see how nice your hair really is.

Um ... I didn't get ANY thing like that from the OP's post. And to be honest, I think that more of the respondents to this post are claiming "haterism" than the OP had.

There's two things I see here: We have two women, one of whom is pretty new to the work environment, the other who is training the first woman. As misscrystal mentioned, it's possible that Cheche's coworker assumed a deeper relationship than actually exists (or existed). In the world of Cheche's coworker, maybe she goes around regularly feeling in her "friends'" hair. I don't know. The thing is, though, neither do you, and you and others seem to be projecting your OWN experiences onto this situation. I'm sorry that folks have hated on your hair in the past, but just because it happened to YOU doesn't mean that it happened here.

It completely disgusts me how sick some women can get over another women's long hair

And it really distresses me how quick some women are to scream "hater" at the first long look from a "shorter haired" woman. My hair is probably much shorter than yours. I always admire women with longer hair than mine, but I have a genetic issue with my teeth that makes my smile not so good. So I don't smile. Some people may think I'm "looking too hard" at their hair when I'm just thinking, "Dang! Sis is working it out." So now I just don't bother - and it's sad. I think Cheche's coworker is more upset that her illusions that she and Cheche were close were shattered more than about how many inches longer than hers Cheche's hair may or may not be.

 

[deltagyrl]

Um ... I didn't get ANY thing like that from the OP's post. And to be honest, I think that more of the respondents to this post are claiming "haterism" than the OP had.

There's two things I see here: We have two women, one of whom is pretty new to the work environment, the other who is training the first woman. As misscrystal mentioned, it's possible that Cheche's coworker assumed a deeper relationship than actually exists (or existed). In the world of Cheche's coworker, maybe she goes around regularly feeling in her "friends'" hair. I don't know. The thing is, though, neither do you, and you and others seem to be projecting your OWN experiences onto this situation. I'm sorry that folks have hated on your hair in the past, but just because it happened to YOU doesn't mean that it happened here.



And it really distresses me how quick some women are to scream "hater" at the first long look from a "shorter haired" woman. My hair is probably much shorter than yours. I always admire women with longer hair than mine, but I have a genetic issue with my teeth that makes my smile not so good. So I don't smile. Some people may think I'm "looking too hard" at their hair when I'm just thinking, "Dang! Sis is working it out." So now I just don't bother - and it's sad. I think Cheche's coworker is more upset that her illusions that she and Cheche were close were shattered more than about how many inches longer than hers Cheche's hair may or may not be.

I think this is about not respecting boundaries and hatin' (just a little). I have several VERY close girls whom I LOVE like sisters and would pretty much do anything for them but as close as we are I would never think it's okay to walk up to them (from behind) and run my fingers through their hair (down to the scalp). ESPECIALLY when it's obvious that it was just done...

Something's a little "off" with that co-worker imo.

 

[myco]

I can't believe that in 2006 "we" STILL have issues with each other's hair.

That was rude of her and it DOES speak to her home training (or lack thereof). I'd lump her in the category with people who touch the preggo bellies of complete strangers or people who touch the face/hands of any newborn that's not theirs. Of course I'd have to sprinkle just a little bit of 'hateration' into the mix (because she WAS hatin') too.

Some people just don't know how to respect the personal space of others.

I agree. I wouldn't say that it was blatant "hateration" - but what she did would bother me because it is overly familiar. Especially in a work environment that she just joined. People have asked me many times before how my hair could look short in a bun and then be as long as it is when I wear it down. So that wouldn't have offended me - truth be told, it amazes me too sometimes.

Like someone else posted, I tolerate friends and family playing in my hair. But I don't really care for it. "You're not my man and I'm not your pet." I would never touch someone's hair uninvited - I don't care how much I admire it. My coworkers (white, black, and asian) and I talk hair every time we get together - but we never put our hands in each other's hair.

 

[MissYocairis]

Dam. That is just.....she has absolutely no self-respect to be THAT JEALOUS! Do the white girl hair toss next time you walk past her desk. *lol!*

 

[hotshot]

its never okay to touch people. is she black?

 

[Qetesh]

to Keyah girl

I am so happy to hear the different responses, and am not offended by any of them at all I think its good advise. If I hadnt seen some messy traits in her so far, I probably wouldnt have said what I said. So far she judges other co-workers from their hair, to their clothes, body size etc. and she doesnt even know these people. So I kinda know her mindset and character from listening to her. I've had people admire my hair, and thats not what she was doing. Her whole demeanor and tone screamed "mess". If she was genuine I wouldnt have tripped. I remained professional, I mean I didnt get loud or anything my tone remained the same with her. Personally I would never, after only knowing someone for a couple of weeks, go all through their hair like that. Buts that just me.

this is what i based my repsonse off of, sure i have some of my own experiances that play a part in it, but when she mentioned this i seriously doubt she would run her fingers that far into her hair for no reason. now with my close friends i have no problem with them running thier fingers thro my hair or a light tug or so, but they way she discribed it was more than that she was up in her roots while at the same time saying i didnt think your hair was this long.

And it really distresses me how quick some women are to scream "hater" at the first long look from a "shorter haired" woman. My hair is probably much shorter than yours. I always admire women with longer hair than mine, but I have a genetic issue with my teeth that makes my smile not so good. So I don't smile. Some people may think I'm "looking too hard" at their hair when I'm just thinking, "Dang! Sis is working it out." So now I just don't bother - and it's sad. I think Cheche's coworker is more upset that her illusions that she and Cheche were close were shattered more than about how many inches longer than hers Cheche's hair may or may not be.

why would she be shatterd at her hair being longer than hers?? shoudlnt she just be happy that she can grow her hair out like that and because its healthy. I dont assume women are hating on my hair, but if a women a barely know has her hands on my roots i would def get suspecious. why not just ask her if she has weave if you wanna know and then take her answer as truth. it jus seems like this co-worker went about it the wrong way and felt salty after she was called out.