Co-worker mad-what do you think?

[Healthb4Length]

You had every right to react the way you did. Yes your hair is pretty and she wanted to feel it, but did she have to put her hands all up in the scalp? Doing a weave check? Please! Why do black people feel the need to 'call out' someone? She was in the wrong and now she feels stupid, that's why she's avoiding you. She OLD ENOUGH to know better and she could have simply asked you, that would have spared her embarassment. Often times people make 'asses' out of themselves by 'ass'uming they know something about you, this is a classic case. ANd BTW why on GOD's earth would you want to run your fingers down someone's scalp...ew! I'm not saying anything against you or your cleansiness obviously, but WHY would you do that? I just think about personal hygiene...but that's just me...JMO.

 

[beyondcute]

As another poster said, it is never okay to tresspass on a person and touch them without their consent. However, to me, it depends on what is touched that will offend me. For instance, I love fur coats and a couple of years ago, one of my co-workers was admiring my new mink coat. She came up to me and touched it and started oohhhing and ahhhhing at the coat. I was not offended because I have done that to women in my church when they wore their fur coats. Now, as for touching hair or body parts, I would NEVER touch another person unless I knew them very well, especially co-workers; I believe in keeping business and personal separate.

It seems to me that you were shocked that she touched your hair and the way she touched it, going all through your scalp like that. I do believe that she was a little envious of you because of her comment that your hair didn't look like that the other day (sorry if I didn't quote you verbatim, this is a long thread). It seems like she was trying to call you out in front of your co-workers to see if you were wearing a weave and, if you did have a weave, if you would lie about wearing one. What difference does it make if you did have a weave? Why did she feel that need to check your scalp for tracks? Is there a law against wearing a weave in your workplace? Did you make any comments about your hair before the incident that would have lead her to believe that she had to be the hair police and check you for fake hair?

On the job note, I hope that she is competent enough in her job duties after two weeks of training. Does she know the job well enough to perform without your supervision? If not, then her professionalism is very mediocre. You should never have drama at work with co-workers, especially management or persons who have a direct effect on your position. What is wrong with talking about problems in order to iron things out? It seems like if someone is rubbed the wrong way, it has to be the end all of communication and then the silent treatment takes over.

I would be the bigger person and go to her and tell her that you are sorry if you offended her; that you were taken aback at her actions and HER comments about your hair and that you didn't expect that from her. Also let her know that this is the workplace and there is NO room for childish behavior or bad attitudes because you are there to help her and this trivial matter could affect both you and her working relationship. Always be professional and speak with her if she comes to you for help with her job duties. You don't want to let small personal issues affect your professionalism. If she doesn't act adult about the situation after that, then you should just carry on with your life and leave her alone.

OUCH! See thats what Im saying! Jeez now the woman is childish and attitudinal.... Im glad I dont work with some of yall. Id hate to borrow a stapler or something. "Dont u know its rude to blah blah blah." Obvisouly she didnt mean to offend you or be rude, I mean come on. If she knew you thought it was rude I can garuntee you she wouldnt do it. But whatever. I just think sometimes people often want to put people "in thier place" by demeaning them and I think that that respose was demeaning to this grown lady that was so called "under her wing."

 

[WomanlyCharm]

OUCH! See thats what Im saying! Jeez now the woman is childish and attitudinal.... Im glad I dont work with some of yall. Id hate to borrow a stapler or something. "Dont u know its rude to blah blah blah." Obvisouly she didnt mean to offend you or be rude, I mean come on. If she knew you thought it was rude I can garuntee you she wouldnt do it. But whatever. I just think sometimes people often want to put people "in thier place" by demeaning them and I think that that respose was demeaning to this grown lady that was so called "under her wing."

Beyond, I think you're taking this to a totally different place.
The woman didn't ask to borrow a stapler, she invaded some's personal space in a very rude way.

The response may have been "demeaning" (you said it, I didn't), but in my mind, this woman's LACK OF TACT, SELF-CONTROL AND CLASS deserved it.

I don't care who it is, or how well they think they know me...what in the world would possess a grown woman to rake their hands and nails down someone's scalp IN PUBLIC, looking for tracks?
I work with people from all walks of life, and not once have I had anyone just roll all up in my APL hair out of the blue. You know why? Because they understand it's not something you do IN THE WORKPLACE, or with a co-worker you are not that close to.

Not only is it disgusting (who knows where her hands have been?) it's disrespectful.

Now you can borrow my stapler...here, take these scissors too!

 

[beyondcute]

I wasnt there so I dont know what happened but as sisters we can address each other in a much nicer way. "Dont you know its rude..." just seems so harsh to me. Im not saying she wasnt righ to be offended but I think it could have been handled better. And while youre at it can I borrow some thumbtacks?

 

[WomanlyCharm]

I wasnt there so I dont know what happened but as sisters we can address each other in a much nicer way. "Dont you know its rude..." just seems so harsh to me. Im not saying she wasnt righ to be offended but I think it could have been handled better. And while youre at it can I borrow some thumbtacks?

Common courtesy goes a long way, I'll agree with you on that.
Girl, you don't need any thumbtacks, how about we just go out to happy hour instead? You're buying!

 

[JewelleNY]

I'm sorry but my body and all parts of it are off-limits to everyone!

The problem comes when people touch others and then are upset when they get told off. You can't go around doing that to random people, everyone has their own issues. I have some issues and sometimes someone coming close or touching me, even something as simple as touching my arm, may make me jump nervously. And then her toughing up to the scalp would really give me the chills

I had a co-worker who would run her very long acrylic (sp?) nails through the heads of ladies with long hair. Whenever I would get a touch-up she would catch me from behind and made sure she hit the scalp. It was rude and creepy and I think the last look I gave her sent the message that she better not do it again lest she lose one of those nails

 

[cheche]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, However I do have a couple of points to add. She and I were not having a budding friendship-it was strictly professional and yes we are both African American. I decided after seeing how she talked about EVERYBODY, she and I would not be friends. If she talks about them she'll talk about me. I now know was checking for a weave, she made comments to another co-worker that she was looking for tracks. Now this is a fact because the lady she told this to, works in a completely different department and was not there when this happened, but saw me and told me this morning. The lady even told her, yea she goes a long time between perms but it is her hair.

I kinda think its being more messy than hating. When I say take her under my wing-I meant showing her around, letting her use my badge till hers comes in, and systems training her-all professional stuff.

Her hair is a very nice chin level bob and is always laid and cute, so I dont think she dislikes her own hair. I just think she didnt believe it was mine, and wanted to check on the cool. When I say I know her character, trust me I do. From jump I could tell she was not friendship material. I still tell her that if she needs help to let me know-of course she doesnt, but thats cool cause at least I offer and am cordial about it.

 

[Sosoothing]

I dont think you over-reacted at all. I think it was good of you to begin your verbal response with "Do you know its rude....."

Im afraid if you said "I dont like it when people feel my hair.." she might not have realized that it wasnt just you and that a good number of women dont like being felt on like that.

Thats my reasoning and I dont think your response was rude at all .

 

[Denim And Leather]

Thanks for all the responses ladies, However I do have a couple of points to add. She and I were not having a budding friendship-it was strictly professional and yes we are both African American. I decided after seeing how she talked about EVERYBODY, she and I would not be friends. If she talks about them she'll talk about me. I now know was checking for a weave, she made comments to another co-worker that she was looking for tracks. Now this is a fact because the lady she told this to, works in a completely different department and was not there when this happened, but saw me and told me this morning. The lady even told her, yea she goes a long time between perms but it is her hair.

I kinda think its being more messy than hating. When I say take her under my wing-I meant showing her around, letting her use my badge till hers comes in, and systems training her-all professional stuff.

Her hair is a very nice chin level bob and is always laid and cute, so I dont think she dislikes her own hair. I just think she didnt believe it was mine, and wanted to check on the cool. When I say I know her character, trust me I do. From jump I could tell she was not friendship material. I still tell her that if she needs help to let me know-of course she doesnt, but thats cool cause at least I offer and am cordial about it.

Ok, so now it's confirmed that this ignorant hater was indeed weave-checking? Ooh, I hope you do that white-girl hair toss every opportunity you get when you pass her. The nerve.

 

[blueabyss333]

A lot of the time, people just like to be touchy feely. Doesn't always mean they're checking for weave. Although she may have been...I suppose you would be the best judge of her character and intentions.

I've known people with long hair, and I occasionally ran my fingers through their hair. Not out of hating, but admiration. She probably thought you were the rude one for calling her out like that, if she was just touching to be touching.

Some women feel touching hair is rude. Me, I don't care. No one does it very often anyway. And when they do, I just brush it off and go abotu my business. I probably would have let it go that one time, and if she attempted again, I would kindly tell her "I really don't like it when people touch my hair." The way you posed your answer "Don't you know it's rude..." sounds kind of..I dunno. Uppity. I really don't mean to offend you and I'm not saying you were WRONG for reacting the way you did.

I'm just trying to say what it may have sounded like. Don't lynch me, please.

You said everything I was feeling. I think she might be hurt by what you said to her IF she was touching to touch.

 

[punchinella]

Nowadays I think people try to be a little too "PC". I know it's not what you say but how you say it. But why is it wrong to call somebody rude if they are being rude?

 

[caribeandiva]

Nowadays I think people try to be a little too "PC". I know it's not what you say but how you say it. But why is it wrong to call somebody rude if they are being rude?

EXACTLY!! she was being rude. it's what she said, did, and how she said/did them. plus now we've got concrete evidence that she was indeed hatin'. 'nuff said.

 

[dynamic1]

You are not wrong. Your reaction was normal given the situation. It is never okay for anyone to touch any part of you in the work place with very few exceptions (injuries, choking or handshakes). Unwelcomed touching in the workplace is harassment (male or female), period! Hair is not exempt. Don't rub my shoulder, feel my scalp, touch my arm, expect a hug or stroke my hair.

If you are a touchy feely person, please keep your hands to yourself at work. Is it okay for a "touchy feely" guy to rub your back or stroke your arm? When you are with friends and family, there may be room for error but not at work!

 

[jasmin]

Don't get it twisted...that girl was checking for a weave or she wouldn't have mentioned that it didn't look that long when it was in a bun. She may not be a hater but she's too damn nosey.

 

[Jas123]

I think one thing we all need to take in consideration is (no matter what side of the fence you're on) when it comes to somebody elses body parts, including hair..we should be mindful & respectful of their body, bottom line.
Some people may be ok with you touching them some people may not be and they have that right, it is THEIR body.
There have been many of times when I admired a beautiful head of hair and even found myself staring at it..but I would never cross the boundary of touching it..
Also, while it appears to me that most of the LHCF community is very respectful & tolerant and may not curse you out for touching their hair ...even if they wanted to..but what if you ran into that one person who went off on you, became physical with you..why take that chance?

 

[Jas123]

I'm sorry but my body and all parts of it are off-limits to everyone!

The problem comes when people touch others and then are upset when they get told off. You can't go around doing that to random people, everyone has their own issues. I have some issues and sometimes someone coming close or touching me, even something as simple as touching my arm, may make me jump nervously. And then her toughing up to the scalp would really give me the chills

I had a co-worker who would run her very long acrylic (sp?) nails through the heads of ladies with long hair. Whenever I would get a touch-up she would catch me from behind and made sure she hit the scalp. It was rude and creepy and I think the last look I gave her sent the message that she better not do it again lest she lose one of those nails

Right, Right and I know that's Right

 

[anatomicallycorrect]

She's ignorant. Dont' even sweat it. And even more ignorant to be avoiding you and not getting the training her stupid butt needs for the job over something stupid like that.

 

[hopeful]

Don't get it twisted...that girl was checking for a weave or she wouldn't have mentioned that it didn't look that long when it was in a bun. She may not be a hater but she's too damn nosey.

ITA!

She's ignorant. Dont' even sweat it. And even more ignorant to be avoiding you and not getting the training her stupid butt needs for the job over something stupid like that.

ITA with this too. I can't imagine what I'd do if somebody dug their fingers in my hair. She's lucky you didn't curse her out.

 

[motherx2esq]

This woman is grown. It is not your job to accommodate her ignorance and bad manners. All due respect to those who just "grew up that way" but we ain't talking about two year olds who need to be shown patience until they learn how to act. We are talking about a woman who is intelligent enough to be employed. If she was offended because she thinks you offended her home training, then GOOD. Because, the unfortunate woman doesn't seem to have any. If your response came off as "uppity" then good, now she knows to keep her hands to herself. Instinct may urge you to want to reach out an touch. But adults need to control their instincts and let their common sense and respect for other's personal space kick in and KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES! If it's not that serious for some, then more power to them. But that's them, it ain't me.

Ditto! Pretty much my exact words!

 

[Chinagem]

I can't STAND hair molesters! I woul NEVER stick my hand in somebody else's hair. You never know how greasy or dirty or funky it might be and I hope nobody ever sticks their hands in my head. I prob wouldn't say anything to them in front of others b/c I don't like embarrassing people, but I would definitely say something when we are alone. i wouldn't even jokingly say to them that I don't like when people stick their hands in my hair b/c then they might not take me seriously. I don't think I'd mind a close family member or friend touching on my hair/scalp IF their hands are clean but it's a definite no-no for a stranger. If the only time I spend with you is at work then you are a stranger.

 

[Crysdon]

A lot of the time, people just like to be touchy feely. Doesn't always mean they're checking for weave. Although she may have been...I suppose you would be the best judge of her character and intentions.

I've known people with long hair, and I occasionally ran my fingers through their hair. Not out of hating, but admiration. She probably thought you were the rude one for calling her out like that, if she was just touching to be touching.

Some women feel touching hair is rude. Me, I don't care. No one does it very often anyway. And when they do, I just brush it off and go abotu my business. I probably would have let it go that one time, and if she attempted again, I would kindly tell her "I really don't like it when people touch my hair." The way you posed your answer "Don't you know it's rude..." sounds kind of..I dunno. Uppity. I really don't mean to offend you and I'm not saying you were WRONG for reacting the way you did.

I'm just trying to say what it may have sounded like. Don't lynch me, please.

Well said.

Too many posters on hairboards are quick to call out "hater" when someone is simply admiring their hair. I have folks touching my scalp on a regular and I don't get mad. JMO.

 

[Sweet C]

You could have been just a tad more tackful in your response, but I understand. I don't care for people touching my hair (mainly cause I don't know where their hands have been), but I will let most people slide (i.e. those I don't know like that) with touching the hair. I have had Asian women chase me down to feel on my hair when I have had twist sets or curls and flat twists especially. And even when touching my twists, they did not dig up my scalp. The scalp isssue I guess its whats bothering me. I guess I am trying to figure out why would you want to touch someone's scalp besides checking for weaves.

 

[Ebonygurl00]

Well, I had an Asian friend ask me if she could touch my hair, and I let her. She told me it was so silky, and that she wishes her hair was like mine. I took it as a great compliment, because I LOVE her hair! If someone asks me if they can touch my hair, I don't mind, but if they just come up and start putting their hands in my hair, that's rude.

 

[motherx2esq]

Don't get it twisted...that girl was checking for a weave or she wouldn't have mentioned that it didn't look that long when it was in a bun. She may not be a hater but she's too damn nosey.

Right!

It's just like a pregnant woman. I hated when people just walked up and touched my belly! Why do people feel it is their God given right to invade on someone's personal space. So it was rude of the poster to say hey respect my space but not rude of the intruder? Be for real. If someone came a grabbed your breast and said they just look so nice and healthy would you let them? And there is no difference; it still that person's body. Hair, breast, teeth, all of it! Be respectful! And yeah, she was doing a weave check!

 

[sexibeach]

i don't think her touching was admiration b/c if it were she wouldn't have gotten mad and no longer speak to you. she would have stated that it was admiration b/c if it was that simple you would explain yourself.. it was the actions of a hater, and a by law any unwanted touching in a rude or insolent manner is considered a battery.. just the mere unwanted touching.. she don't know you that well to be touching you..

 

[DragonPearl]

She was probably checking for weave.

Yep, especially since she said she didn't think your hair was that long.

Don't stress it. Let HER feel bad about invading your personal space and being nosy, as she should. This is the workplace, not touchy-feely group therapy. I am PROUD of you for setting your limits.

 

[Relentless]

Some people walk up to me occasionally and touch my hair and it irks me. I haven't been good at asking them to stop because I don't want to hurt their feelings or come across like I think I'm too good; but I'm over that. You have to stop people in their tracks. People who do triffling things like that are haters. I even caught one of my co workers looking at me with her nose turned up in the ladies restroom because I had my hair down. My hair isn't even bra strap length yet.

 

[Blacktresses]

I think most people would agree that there is a certain about of personal space that everyone expects from others.

I am pretty mean when it comes to that. Had it been me I would have asked her was she gay because of the way she molested my hair. I would have said that in front of the other co-workers so they would know not to touch my hair. NOT TO OFFEND ANYONE, but if you like having your hair molested that is find. If you are the kind of person that don't like people in your space and hair, you have to say something about it. Else, who knows if other people will follow suit.

You handled yourself quite eloquently. If she is not speaking to you, she will have medical problems later in life due to pent up stress.