CHEATING OR NOT?

HarlemHottie

HarlemHottie

New Member
I found out my SO has been hanging out on a site called Second life preforming sex acts via an avatar, and sending a young lady photos of his man hood.... Help me keep from losing my mind please!!

How do I hand this?
 
Gurrlllll....

For him:
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For you:
2.gif
 
And according to the young lady this started right before Christmas... And there were phone calls, txt, msgs and such.. I really think there was some phone sex, because why else would there be photos of his privates exchanged?
 
uumm the first part didnt bother me as much as the second. why is sending pics of his junk to ANYONE?! did you already confront him?
 
bananabunneh said:
uumm the first part didnt bother me as much as the second. why is sending pics of his junk to ANYONE?! did you already confront him?
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Yes and he has apologized and admitted his wrong doing and such but... I still feel like there was a violation. He was even asking her to meet him in NC when he went down to check on the house.
 
Yes...it is a form of cheating. How did you find this out? Was it by accident or were you snooping (just askin ok)? Sending a pic of his manhood is a big nono! Could it have been a fake pic and someone elses peen? I know I'm reaching. Have you confronted him yet?

:bighug: He has got lots of 'splaining to do. Some men can be so stoopit!

ETA: Saw someone else asked the same quest.
 
HarlemHottie said:
Yes and he has apologized and admitted his wrong doing and such but... I still feel like there was a violation. He was even asking her to meet him in NC when he went down to check on the house.
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MAJOR red flag! Is he setting up the house for you and him for for him and the side chick...I WOULD GO OFF.........I'm sorry to hear this is happening to you...
 
HarlemHottie said:
Yes and he has apologized and admitted his wrong doing and such but... I still feel like there was a violation. He was even asking her to meet him in NC when he went down to check on the house.
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Considering what's taken place thus far, I'm pretty sure they weren't meeting up to play XBox.

I'm sorry, girl, but I would SERIOUSLY reconsider moving anywhere with this dude.
 
While not technically cheating, it does not enhance the relationship and I would be PO'd. It is not a good thing. Things always start off small then mushroom. If he hasn't cheated, I believe that he will soon enough.

I say cut your losses now.
 
Honi said:
Yes...it is a form of cheating. How did you find this out? Was it by accident or were you snooping (just askin ok)? Sending a pic of his manhood is a big nono! Could it have been a fake pic and someone elses peen? I know I'm reaching. Have you confronted him yet?

:bighug: He has got lots of 'splaining to do. Some men can be so stoopit!

ETA: Saw someone else asked the same quest.
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Nope no snooping my sister is apart of the same gaming site (crazy thing is he knows this), and she calls me and says she has to talk to me. So I say ok, and she proceeds to tell me what was going on. Her and the young lady are friends in the game and she was going on about some guy and the more my sister asked the more things added up... one thing led to another and next thing you know we are all on skype, she's telling me what went on (the young lady that is), then as she's talking me he calls (calls me that is), and one thing leads to another and I fuss him out BIG TIME... Now get this this fool has no idea I'm STILL on the skype call with the girl and he sends her a txt AGAIN telling her if she was going to do it like that she should of had more evidence.... That's when she showed me the pics he sent her... (side bar: THE PICS ARE NOT FAKE)
 
:bighug:oh man!

If you move forward with this man, you really need to lay down the ground rules. Men who engage with internet meet up porn, and the like usually don't stop after they were caught. Its like a sickness. My brother had that issue, and lost his wife because of it. She repeatedly took him back after he apologized after about 3-4 times. It ended when she found out he actually met 1 chick from out of town. :nono:

It starts off as an internet thing and it escalates. I hate to tell a woman to leave her man, but I don't think this is or will be the last you will hear of this activity.
 
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To me, this is cheating. It may not start physically, but most times that's the direction it leads to. He's already making plans to meet up with the other woman.:nono: So sorry you are going through this.
 
Sorry you're going through this Harlem Hottie. :bighug: But yeah, dude is dead wrong. :nono:

HarlemHottie said:
No currently we do not, HOWEVER he just got us a home in NC and we were suppose to be moving there... Now I don't see that taking place.
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And following your gut here (IMO) would more than likely steer you in the right direction both for the short and long term. :yep:
 
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I'm sorry for what you're going through :needhug:

But I wouldn't be moving nowhere :nono:

Hooking up with random folks :nono: this man could be putting your life in danger.
 
HarlemHottie said:
Nope no snooping my sister is apart of the same gaming site (crazy thing is he knows this), and she calls me and says she has to talk to me. So I say ok, and she proceeds to tell me what was going on. Her and the young lady are friends in the game and she was going on about some guy and the more my sister asked the more things added up... one thing led to another and next thing you know we are all on skype, she's telling me what went on (the young lady that is), then as she's talking me he calls (calls me that is), and one thing leads to another and I fuss him out BIG TIME... Now get this this fool has no idea I'm STILL on the skype call with the girl and he sends her a txt AGAIN telling her if she was going to do it like that she should of had more evidence.... That's when she showed me the pics he sent her... (side bar: THE PICS ARE NOT FAKE)
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Oh hell nawl! :mad: I'm mad for you. There would be no moving in for starters and he is apologizing because he got caught.

Have you asked him if he was happy in the relationship? I know he will say yes but something else is going on in his head to seek excitement elsewhere. This is a serious trust issue. I don't think I can put it behind me truthfully.

Put his arse on time-out for a few weeks until you can figure out what YOU want to do.
 
Honi said:
Put his arse on time-out for a few weeks until you can figure out what YOU want to do.
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This is what's going on right now... And I wonder if it had not been by chance that my sister and the young lady told me what would have taken place? And will there be more to follow? Of course he says he's happy, which is why I'm confused... Thing is I spent the holidays @ his house having dinner with his mom and daughter... We had a great time laughs and fun... I feel like I've been blind sided... Because how can he be giving me 100% if he is hooking up online? This will always be in the back of my head... How can I move forward and become his wife (which is what we have been talking about), when I have these mess on my heart.
 
ThickHair said:
While not technically cheating, it does not enhance the relationship and I would be PO'd. It is not a good thing. Things always start off small then mushroom. If he hasn't cheated, I believe that he will soon enough.

I say cut your losses now.
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As you can see OP...each person has a different definition of cheating. This is a question that only you can answer. While technically, he did not have intercourse, he hid his actions from you, and had to lie to you in order to cover things up so in MY eyes, he cheated.

I would seriously cancel moving in with him, and also get tested for STDs (If you are sexually active). I'm not going to tell you to break up with him, bit if it were me...he would be long gone!
 
wow. im SOO sorry. but i think this happened for a reason. and this happening is a good thing. it's God's way of showing you who he is before you invest yourself any further. moving in w. him in NC would have put you in a way more vulnerable position and it would have been harder to leave. he's shown you who he was. believe him. don't give him a chance to make you feel dumb for believing this girl. dont give him a chance to make it seem like you are overreacting. change your number if you have to. end it. it's over. dont give him another chance to do this to you.

im so sorry for your loss and your heartache. but you have to be strong now and realize that it won't get better. there's no turning back. good luck to you.
 
I'm sorry this happened to you. I'm going to say that if you FEEL like you've been cheated on, you have been (if you don't, then you weren't). No matter what we say here, your feelings will dictate how you proceed.

If the resulting feelings that you have cause you to question your relationship and distrust this man, then you will act on those feelings accordingly. A variation in definition will not undo any damage his actions have done to your heart. It may be soothing for a short while, but it's likely that your feelings will prevail (whatever they may be).
 
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HarlemHottie said:
Yes and he has apologized and admitted his wrong doing and such but... I still feel like there was a violation. He was even asking her to meet him in NC when he went down to check on the house.
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Yes, it's cheating. Games involving sex, texts, pics, phonecalls, and trying to meet in person. Please don't doubt yourself. His behavior is very sketchy. I totally agree with Thickhair that you should cut your losses. There really is nothing to discuss.
 
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