Chasing a Man Until HE Catches You.

[LaBelle Africaine29]

Ladies - married and single - what does this phrase mean to you? Have you successfully chased a man until he caught you? Or did so with disastrous consequences?

 

[Keshieshimmer]

Being thirsty until he gives up? haha.

 

[UrbainChic]

I have heard it the other way around, ( and it makes more sense to me this way)

Letting the man chase you until you catch him.

Basically let him think he is doing it all, and that he is convincing you but you had him in mind all along.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

Looking forward to more thoughts. Someone explained that it means going out of your way (the non-thirsty route) to attract the attention of a man who has yet to notice you - for various reasons that could include blindness lachen, geeky shyness, etc, but you've noticed him and took stock of what a catch he is, so you then skillfully maneuver the situation, light a fire under his butt, and he starts to chase you.

 

[Theo]

I wish I could master this. Sometimes it feels like I can never get the guy I want to chase me... its always the ones that I'm not interested in.

And its not like I display thirsty behavior. Maybe they can sense me thinking those thoughts toward them?

"Chase me, You. Dammit. Chase. Me."

Never works.

In the meantime, I've tried to get more interested in the guys that are interested in me.

 

[UrbainChic]

I wish I could master this. Sometimes it feels like I can never get the guy I want to chase me... its always the ones that I'm not interested in.

And its not like I display thirsty behavior. Maybe they can sense me thinking those thoughts toward them?

"Chase me, You. Dammit. Chase. Me."

Never works.

In the meantime, I've tried to get more interested in the guys that are interested in me.

I totally understand where you're at with this. Sometimes I think I should just give up. I have also considered ignoring obvious signs of disinterest. I have seen women pursue men that were CLEARLY uninterested, and end up with them. It seems daft to me, but hey they knew who they wanted and went for it so...sometimes I wonder if this " let him come to you" stuff is antiquated or just plain wrong.

Meanwhile I am swatting losers away like flies.

 

[fatimablush]

that never worked for me at all!

i always got confronted by their girlfriend or the wife.

one time a man gave me a lecture about how men like the chase.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

that never worked for me at all!

i always got confronted by their girlfriend or the wife.

one time a man gave me a lecture about how men like the chase.

well...um



fatimablush

What did the man say?

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

@freelove

I think you should start reading some Victorian literature because those chicks knew how to "inspire the spirit of possession" in some bored bachelor while looking all innocent about it.

I think I may have turned passive interest into active interest in some young eligible. :scratchch But it's only the first phase so no victory dance just yet. I gotta handle this the right way or it won't end well. It's a very fine line to walk because for a woman to be fingered as the CHASER means the end to everything.

 

[Summer_Rain]

Looking forward to more thoughts. Someone explained that it means going out of your way (the non-thirsty route) to attract the attention of a man who has yet to notice you - for various reasons that could include blindness lachen, geeky shyness, etc, but you've noticed him and took stock of what a catch he is, so you then skillfully maneuver the situation, light a fire under his butt, and he starts to chase you.

This makes sense to me. In some communities people (apparently) call it being/acting thirsty - in other communities it's probably called POSITIONING.

Some men are clueless, perhaps inexperienced or take a little longer to get the confidence or whatever. I see nothing wrong with clever positioning (not to be confused with thirsty) and it's probably how the woman that everyone sees as the perfect 10 ended up with the neurosurgeon who is now the envy of all his buddies.

 

[fatimablush]

well...um



@fatimablush

What did the man say?

they would always say i was the one that i did not understand they were with someone and i would not leave him alone....in actuality if they were alone it would be a different story.

i got tired of it and every time i read an article like that, i just laugh..

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

This makes sense to me. In some communities people (apparently) call it being/acting thirsty - in other communities it's probably called POSITIONING.

Some men are clueless, perhaps inexperienced or take a little longer to get the confidence or whatever. I see nothing wrong with clever positioning (not to be confused with thirsty) and it's probably how the woman that everyone sees as the perfect 10 ended up with the neurosurgeon who is now the envy of all his buddies.

Summer_Rain

Yes, you're absolutely right. Neurosurgeons, unmarried heirs and their ilk don't usually have the time to go chasing women like other types of men who have a lot of time on their hands. If you find ones who do, be very afraid and run because they're rascals well aware of their "value." Someone (non-American) told me that the great catch will most likely partner up with a woman who is sitting in plain sight. The difficult part is going about that "plain sight" positioning with skill, discretion, and finesses.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

This reminds me of another thread...

I haven't known anyone to master this...though I'm sure this is possible..

Usually men can tell when a woman is trying to act like she doesn't like him and "positions" herself for him to see her.

Or just so happens to be always be around.

Like someone else said ...for a lot of men...when they know you're "thirsty" it's pretty much over.

 

[lushcoils]

What's the difference between being dehydrated and showing interest/flirting?

 

[Katherina]

I just take this to mean positioning yourself (as another poster mentioned). It's considered "thirstiness" by some, but how do you expect a man to know how amazing you are if he doesn't know you exist?

What's the difference between being dehydrated and showing interest/flirting?

People can identify thirstiness aka desperation.
Flirting, when done properly, doesn't reveal one's desperation. If you're attractive to him, it piques interest.

@Summer_Rain

Yes, you're absolutely right. Neurosurgeons, unmarried heirs and their ilk don't usually have the time to go chasing women like other types of men who have a lot of time on their hands. If you find ones who do, be very afraid and run because they're rascals well aware of their "value." Someone (non-American) told me that the great catch will most likely partner up with a woman who is sitting in plain sight. The difficult part is going about that "plain sight" positioning with skill, discretion, and finesses.

Don't usually have the time or the need. Kind, attractive women flock to them, and they may choose at will. This is why I advocate friendliness/ kindness toward most men, because many of these types aren't immediately discernible (pre-conversation) from the rest.

 

[Summer_Rain]

What's the difference between being dehydrated and showing interest/flirting?

Actively participating in your Chem study group knowing he'll be there; positioning. Showing up at the chem study group when you're an art history major; you need an IV to re-hydrate you!

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

I just take this to mean positioning yourself (as another poster mentioned). It's considered "thirstiness" by some, but how do you expect a man to know how amazing you are if he doesn't know you exist?



People can identify thirstiness aka desperation.
Flirting, when done properly, doesn't reveal one's desperation. If you're attractive to him, it piques interest.



Don't usually have the time or the need. Kind, attractive women flock to them, and they may choose at will. This is why I advocate friendliness/ kindness toward most men, because many of these types aren't immediately discernible (pre-conversation) from the rest.

I'd love for you to contribute more. @Katherina

Belle Du Jour

Actively participating in your Chem study group knowing he'll be there; positioning. Showing up at the chem study group when you're an art history major; you need an IV to re-hydrate you!

WTH?

Can you ladies share tips and tricks?

I don't want to say too much about this project I'm "working" on, , but here are mine:

1) If you run in the same circle, or if he is a friend of a friend, find out as much as you can about him without making your intentions obvious. His close friends will distrust you and sabotage your plans if your cover gets "blown." Be cunning in finding out about his hobbies, romantic background, dislikes, etc. Drop little questions every now and then and then casually shrug off your curiosity. After some time you'll have some solid data that you can use.

2) If he is an expert at something, find a way to seek his advice about it. (This is working for me)

3) Know his thumbscrews and twirl on that sucka like a merry-go-round.

4) When his eyes start to light up and he starts to see you "in that light," (which will be easy if you're fun and attractive), use wit and humor to playfully tease him about his "intentions."



Of course, all of this will not happen overnight. Conduct due diligence and make sure he's a worthy enough prospect before you invest time and energy.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wish I could master this. Sometimes it feels like I can never get the guy I want to chase me... its always the ones that I'm not interested in.

And its not like I display thirsty behavior. Maybe they can sense me thinking those thoughts toward them?

"Chase me, You. Dammit. Chase. Me."

Never works.

In the meantime, I've tried to get more interested in the guys that are interested in me.

HA! Isn't THAT the truth!!! (re: the first part in bold) It's like I have a big red NEON sign on my forehead that says: "Only rejects and guys I'm NOT interested in need apply!" Smh... *sigh* Meanwhile, the guys I actually would LIKE to get to know better, or could actually be interested in seem to not even know that I exist! Go figure!

I might as well just give up. It seems I'm not ever going to find something "mutual".

re: the part in Purple...... I'm trying to get better at this too. Maybe that's just how things are meant to be for me I guess. I suppose I'll have to "grow" to love whoever is interested in me. *sigh*

@
freelove

I think you should start reading some Victorian literature because those chicks knew how to "inspire the spirit of possession" in some bored bachelor while looking all innocent about it.

I think I may have turned passive interest into active interest in some young eligible. :scratchch But it's only the first phase so no victory dance just yet. I gotta handle this the right way or it won't end well. It's a very fine line to walk because for a woman to be fingered as the CHASER means the end to everything.

So so true. Men definitely like "the chase". They may SWEAR up and down that they don't, but trust me...they do. They don't like anything that comes easy to them.

When men say they don't like women who "play hard to get", what they're REALLY saying is that they don't want to feel like you're playing a game with them. But when the woman "plays hard to get" NATURALLY, and makes it appear natural because she's just really oh-so-busy due to her fun, fulfilling and awesome life, THEN the guy just eats it up! He HAS to have her!

That's like guys saying: "Oh, I hate when women wear makeup!" Or..."I like it when women go w/out makeup. It makes them look natural. I like that!" All they're REALLY saying is that they don't like girls/women who look like CLOWNS when they wear makeup. THey don't like TOO much make up on women. But don't get it twisted...men LIKE makeup on women. Look at any woman you see on TV, any celebrity that they drool over, and 9 times out of 10 that woman wears MAKE UP. So, really all that means is that you have to apply makeup that looks so natural and effortless, it would LOOK like you're NOT wearing makeup. Ya dig?? :eyebrows2

This reminds me of another thread...

I haven't known anyone to master this...though I'm sure this is possible..

Usually men can tell when a woman is trying to act like she doesn't like him and "positions" herself for him to see her.

Or just so happens to be always be around.

Like someone else said ...for a lot of men...when they know you're "thirsty" it's pretty much over.

Really?? I always thought that guys were pretty much clueless when it came to this. But you're saying they can tell? Please....embellish and tell us more! What ELSE can they sense/tell?

What's the difference between being dehydrated and showing interest/flirting?

YES...please someone answer this, because I have absolutely no clue how to find a balance between this.

 

[cutiepiebabygirl]

Really?? I always thought that guys were pretty much clueless when it came to this. But you're saying they can tell? Please....embellish and tell us more! What ELSE can they sense/tell?


In my experiences, when I've attempted this, it was a fail. It's like they can see right through me. I promise I was being slick about it too!

After my "positioning"...

It got back to me from a mutual friend that he knew I liked him!!

I did not even engage in a lot of eye contact or convo..I guess I exude some sort of "I'm interested in you" vibe unbeknownst to me!

Also when I've talked to my friends...their experiences have been similar.

I believe it can be done...just not by me!

 

[StarScream35]

I wish this could work for me. It seems like the guys I like never like me back and the guys that like me, I never like them. I swear I've never had it where it was a full on two way attraction. Anyway, I by no means have ever had this work and I think of myself as a pretty modest flirt...............nothing wild or anything but mostly the guys figure it out and for whatever reason get scared or maybe I'm not their type. Here is the funny thing, when I'm not trying to "chase" it always attracts men I DON'T want or like and I'm like HUH????

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wish this could work for me. It seems like the guys I like never like me back and the guys that like me, I never like them. I swear I've never had it where it was a full on two way attraction. Anyway, I by no means have ever had this work and I think of myself as a pretty modest flirt...............nothing wild or anything but mostly the guys figure it out and for whatever reason get scared or maybe I'm not their type. Here is the funny thing, when I'm not trying to "chase" it always attracts men I DON'T want or like and I'm like HUH????

[mention=14267909] Brighteyes35[/mention]....Join the club. This has been my plight for as long as I can remember.

I think I'm just gonna give up on trying to find something "mutual".

Here is the funny thing, when I'm not trying to "chase" it always attracts men I DON'T want or like and I'm like HUH????

BINGO! And therein lies the secret. That's why I always say that if a man is truly interested....you don't really have to DO anything really. The problem however, I think is that sometimes (not always) a lot of the types of men most women would find themselves attracted to, are men that have OPTIONS...so therefore...they don't feel the need to "chase" women as hard as men who are...how shall I say..."lower" on the totem pole. It's like supply and demand! You see what I mean? When supply is low, then demand will be high, and those UE or high quality guys will probably have a lot of girls chasing after them because they're a "hot commodity", and they know it.

I know some popular books advise to treat the guys you actually DO like, like the ones you don't really care too much for, and you may see a big difference. *sigh* Idk though...I think that if a guy likes you, then he likes YOU. I don't think a woman should be a doormat, but at the same time, I think trying to be someone you're not isn't the best way to go either.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

In my experiences, when I've attempted this, it was a fail. It's like they can see right through me. I promise I was being slick about it too!

After my "positioning"...

It got back to me from a mutual friend that he knew I liked him!!

I did not even engage in a lot of eye contact or convo..I guess I exude some sort of "I'm interested in you" vibe unbeknownst to me!

Also when I've talked to my friends...their experiences have been similar.

I believe it can be done...just not by me!

You know, I'm starting to think that's my problem too! I think it must be a "vibe" that we're putting out! Lol! Afterall, they say that at least 70% of communication is NON-verbal right? So, maybe we're releasing some kind of pheremones or something that can be picked up on lol.


I swear, guys I have absolutely NO interest in whatsoever seem to be the ones that gravitate to me!

 

[Katherina]

Girl, honestly, I haven't chased a man or even casually dated (only relationships), so I don't know how much I can contribute.

I believe first impressions are so important. Quality men have great options and do not have to take any rejection risks by approaching aloof, stone-faced, or reserved women (unlike random hobos who have nothing to lose by hollering at you on the street )! Neither do they have to approach a woman to whom they are not unavoidably attracted (keeping in mind the difference between sexy and slutty). So you need to set yourself apart from the beginning.

I think most marriage-minded men desire similar things in a wife. They want an unattached (physically, mentally, emotionally), attractive, youthful, healthy, positive woman who is supportive of their goals and respectful of their manhood - a woman who gets approval from the boys and the parents.

He sees that you're attractive, now how can he know that you are interested and have good qualities? A genuine smile from a pretty girl (you) puts him at ease and a greeting from you melts away his fear of rejection. During the initial conversation, mild flirting - a coy smile, a tilted head, laughing at his jokes, genuinely enjoying his company - comes naturally when you are interested.

If you like what you hear and he likes what he sees/hears, you should be able to conjure up a reason to exchange numbers. But you'd have to fall back after that so he can think he's chasing you. I like some form of Honey Bee's initial contact with her SO: "What's good?"

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I haven't even mastered flirting let alone positioning! I wish we had a course on campus that teaches this (lol)

Sent from my VM670 using VM670

 

[CarLiTa]

Positioning... hm... I'll give an example... but keep in mind the people involved were in college. Maybe some of these tips are useful for women in their mid-twenties... but you'll have to figure out how to implement them with finesse.

I've seen the longer-term positioning play out well for someone: a black girl and a white guy. She'd had a history of dating white guys and wanted to indicate to this particular one that she was open to him and interested.

We used to hang out as a group, and I not only noticed her general flirting tactics (lively/passionate chatter during which she would look out of the corner of her eye to assess who's watching, light touches on the arm, etc), but I also noticed that she would drop verbal hints about her openness to IR dating.
On one occasion, she told him: "you know how most white guys aren't into black girls, right?" Of course, he took the bait and immediately exclaimed: what are you talking about? I'm totally into black girls! lawd.
Anyway, check point for her... she figures out he's open. Then, she starts talking about her white ex-boyfriend... so, checkpoint for him.

[I used that once... (more subtly) dropped info about an ex of non-black background, to let my new object of interest know that I was open to his people... It worked]

To mitigate any "thirstiness," most of the hanging out was done in a group. I saw her initiate a lot of things with him, but they were done... "innocently"... so to speak. She would stay late to happy hour events and end up hanging out with just him and one of his friends, or suggest other group activities to showcase other aspects of her personality. She did not fixate on him, but took the time to learn about him little by little, directly, all within a group setting (while dividing her attention fairly equally among him and the others).

She mentioned to me at one point that she didn't know if that was working, as he hadn't taken the situation by the reins yet (he seemed hesitant... turns out because of some religious stuff).

Anyway, though, it did work. After a while, it began to look like he was chasing her. When he began asking her out, his methods were much "clearer" than hers. He tried to seek her out one-on-one, whereas she always did it in a group setting (to be stealthy).

So, the end is: she got the guy....though it turns out she only wanted him for the physical stuff, but he cared about her... as once the summer was done and she went abroad for an entire year and stopped reaching out to him, he periodically would ask about her... hoping to reconnect.

 

[Katherina]

Positioning... hm... I'll give an example... but keep in mind the people involved were in college. Maybe some of these tips are useful for women in their mid-twenties... but you'll have to figure out how to implement them with finesse.

...

I was reading this like, "yay!" then I reached the end.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

In my experience this approach hasn't worked despite my best intentions. I completely feel for the ladies who have given up on trying to find something mutual. I'm there with you. My mom always says, a woman can grow to love a man but not the reverse and that a relationship can work where the man loves the woman but not the reverse and I hate to admit it but it's true.

I'm going to give this approach one more try though. There's a guy I've had my eye on and because a relationship between us wouldn't be conventional, I'm willing to cut him some slack. I had a date with a guy last week who I thought had a miserable time from his actions, but he called me last night and asked for date #2.erplexed So it may take time for some men to let their guard down, especially if they are interested.

 

[LaBelle Africaine29]

I was reading this like, "yay!" then I reached the end.

Yeh, she was wrong for that.

CarLiTa

I hope it was worth it though.

 

[StarScream35]

Crystalicequeen123

You bring up some real good points and I totally agree with the whole supply and demand thing. I oh soooooo wish things were the other way around for women. For like every 8 men there should be 1 woman! There would be a change then. Man oh man!!!!

I do notice the guys that actually do the chasing are the least desirable.............here's what I've encountered with men who chase; prison records, past history of drug use, baby mama drama, high school drop outs or no college, inability to manipulate the english language, insecure, too short, not attractive, living at home with mama, pants hanging off, wasted their youth doing stupid things vs empowering themselves with knowledge, weed heads etc. Men who don't pursue are the exact opposite any and everyway of this. The worst ones in my opinion are the ones who are single, no, kids, never married and college educated.............they KNOW they got power and believe me, they use it to manipulate women on the real!

People often scold black women for going after the wrong men and lowering their standards but I've been arguing for a while that it's not really that black women are going after the wrong men, it's just the thugs and low lifers are the ones chasing and pursuing more than the cream of crop ones.

 

[lushcoils]

I've seen the longer-term positioning play out well for someone: a black girl and a white guy. She'd had a history of dating white guys and wanted to indicate to this particular one that she was open to him and interested.

So, the end is: she got the guy....though it turns out she only wanted him for the physical stuff, but he cared about her... as once the summer was done and she went abroad for an entire year and stopped reaching out to him, he periodically would ask about her... hoping to reconnect.

All this effort for some peen. erplexed

Is this amount of effort normal for women to get the man they want?

@Crystalicequeen123
I do notice the guys that actually do the chasing are the least desirable.............here's what I've encountered with men who chase; prison records, past history of drug use, baby mama drama, high school drop outs or no college, inability to manipulate the english language, insecure, too short, not attractive, living at home with mama, pants hanging off, wasted their youth doing stupid things vs empowering themselves with knowledge, weed heads etc. Men who don't pursue are the exact opposite any and everyway of this. The worst ones in my opinion are the ones who are single, no, kids, never married and college educated.............they KNOW they got power and believe me, they use it to manipulate women on the real!

How are women attracting/meeting quality men if quality men don't do the chasing? The experts need to share their tips.