Catholic vs Christian Dating No comprise

M

MsDeeDee82

New Member
I am dating a guy for two years who I actually do love although he is short. We are at a point discussing marriage however he refuses to get married at my church and I refuse to get married at a catholic church.:ohwell: I dont know what to do. My parents absolutely adore him. They want me to marry him but they are carribbean and are strong believers in their faith. (Nothing against Catholics) I know I would set in all ways. I strong believer that a man should be the head of the household although I am a very strong person. We both dont want to break up and I refuse to date forever. There is no comprise. background. Before I met he hardly went to church I started going to church with him and he started enjoying church and respecting God. Now he is on a high horse about his children will be reaised catholic and he will get married in a catholic church. I told we can get married at a nondenominational church he said no. I know this man loves me. He adores me but in the eyes of God is this engough. So now we are deciding to break up at the end of May. basically prolonging everything. My problem I am standing by my faith and praying that God has the right one out there. I live in Boston. The carribbean community is small so there are a few good ones left but where are they. What should I do. I wont marry in a Catholic church though. We had the discussions about religion and he cant even defend himself. :wallbash::wallbash::wallbash: I hate going back into the single world. I am standing by faith on this one.

In addition, there is a fine brotha at my gym Lord have mercy trying to holla at me. I can turn him into a summer fling but thats not what i really want. I WANT THE RIGHT ONE. Jesus I am doing for you. He is very attractive but I am still suspect of men like him. Sexy tall muscle man and he also has a 12 yrs daughter. He hardly answers his phone... you know the usual. Ladies advice advice
 
if no one is compromising then if you do love each other do it at a:
beach
reception hall
a ballroom


etc, but imo i think he should give in and respect the brides wishes you only have one wedding with each other make the best of it:yep:
 
He wont even take that. he wants a catholic church but also I know he is afraid to lose me bc that means he will start all over too.
 
If you're having this much trouble with the wedding, you really have to step back and consider what this means for the rest of your marriage, specifically how you will raise the children.

A wedding is a one (or 3 day, whatever) affair. What about when it's time to decide where the whole family will go every Sunday? Sunday school for the kids? Christmas? Easter? etc...
 
wcyprien said:
He wont even take that. he wants a catholic church but also I know he is afraid to lose me bc that means he will start all over too.
Click to expand...
im sorry to hear that

ill take the man at the gym for 200 bob:bouncegre


but all jokes aside tell him how you feel and that you will not marry in the catholic church and if its your only option then you dont want to be married at all then(only say it if you feel this way)
 
I know the guy at the gym is really nothing. He looks so damn good. My man is short but he still treats me right. I am still trying to over that hump.

We have discussed the marriage situation till we turned blue and we both black. I just cant win. I know my children wont be raised Catholic no way or any religion. I tried to explain this to him but he feels this is the only thing he can win over. He wants to get married to me now more than I want to. He stay showing me rings but phrase (this is yours only one condition: marry in my catholic church) I know its getting ti him bc he is even dreaming about the day he proposes and its always be being hesistant bc where we would get married.

I feel like with the shortage of good man out there I am letting one go. But someone did say he must walk with me. In the most important area in life he doesnt. Its weird Catholics are behind being absentient and that is the only thing he doesnt believe. Im like what kind of Catholic are you its all or nothing buddy. So the only good thing out of this i can remain abstient if we do break up. I cant deal with the guilt after...:sad::sad:

Why cant he just listen. The weird thing is that he has gained more from me than I from him. I believe I have made him a better person in many ways not to blow my own horn. Can someone encourage me about the single world
 
I thought Catholics were also Christian.

Your situation sounds tough, best of luck to ya, I hope you find the right answer.
 
Marry a man who is spiritually compatible with you. The Bible gives counsel on the issue. You are doing the right thing to walk away. The Lord will send you the one who is right for you.

What faith do you profess by the way?
 
I grew up Baptist. But realized as I got older religion will not get me to heaven only my heart and my relationship with God. I am very close with my baptist church though.

I know Catholics somewhat fall under Christianity. My only concern is praying to Saints thats all. Its weird he doesnt believe 100% to praying to saints but he will put all his eggs in one bag. :perplexed:perplexed:perplexed
 
Thats what I wanted to know. Do you attend seperate churches? If so ask your pastor/minister/priest what they think you should do. I had this problem arise when I dated a seven day adventist(Sabbath on Saturday). My pastor said you have to both be in one accord. Marriage is about becoming one.
 
this relationship is doomed to fail without compromise. religion is not a phase. it is not one day. like someone else said, where will you worhip on sundays, major holidays, etc.

one does not have to convert but .......... compromises are key.

that and getting over him being short. after two years, you are not over it.
 
wcyprien said:
I grew up Baptist. But realized as I got older religion will not get me to heaven only my heart and my relationship with God. I am very close with my baptist church though.

I know Catholics somewhat fall under Christianity. My only concern is praying to Saints thats all. Its weird he doesnt believe 100% to praying to saints but he will put all his eggs in one bag. :perplexed:perplexed:perplexed
Click to expand...

I see. I was wondering how significant the doctrinal differences were. Some Catholics have a born and bred way of thinking. They do not want to leave the church because they were born in it, even when they do not agree with very significant tenets of the faith. I see this especially with some Caribbean people. It's best to leave it alone unless he makes a genuine change. Just pray for strength.

mica said:
Thats what I wanted to know. Do you attend seperate churches? If so ask your pastor/minister/priest what they think you should do. I had this problem arise when I dated a seven day adventist(Sabbath on Saturday). My pastor said you have to both be in one accord. Marriage is about becoming one.
Click to expand...

Yes, I am Seventh-Day Adventist, and at this point, will not date a Sunday keeper because our lifestyles will be too different. I want my husband to keep Sabbath with me. Not to mention, the health differences etc. I was dating a Catholic guy before. Great guy, but it would not have worked in the long run. Now I'm with an SDA, it's just better overall.
 
So what happened did you guys break up. I spoke to a pastor and he said to basically move on. He said that I already knew what to do.

A male friend has the same issue who is 32 and has been with his girl for ten yrs and refuse to talk marriage although I think he is just afraid.
 
wcyprien said:
So what happened did you guys break up. I spoke to a pastor and he said to basically move on. He said that I already knew what to do.

A male friend has the same issue who is 32 and has been with his girl for ten yrs and refuse to talk marriage although I think he is just afraid.
Click to expand...

Yes, I broke it off. He was a good person, marriage minded. But honestly, the differences were going to make it difficult later. He did not see the importance of some things and I knew that when children came, it may have been quite problematic. Children need the example from both parents. The father, being the head of the household, has an essential example to set. So the two of you really should be agreed as much as possible. So my advice to you is as the pastor said, move on.

As for your male friend, that's really long. It sounds like there may be other issues going on there.
 
wcyprien said:
I know the guy at the gym is really nothing. He looks so damn good. My man is short but he still treats me right. I am still trying to over that hump.
Click to expand...

He's nothing?? Really??? Apparently he's enough for you to mention him, his kid, his phone habits and appearance over the course of the the past hour it took for you to create this thread.

If he was really nothing, the only thing we'd know is that he's some random guy at the gym. We know a lot so that tells me he's a lot more than "nothing".

We have discussed the marriage situation till we turned blue and we both black. I just cant win. I know my children wont be raised Catholic no way or any religion.
Click to expand...

Then why are you trying marry a man who's committed to Catholicsm?

I tried to explain this to him but he feels this is the only thing he can win over.
Click to expand...

Religion is a battle to be won?

He wants to get married to me now more than I want to. He stay showing me rings but phrase (this is yours only one condition: marry in my catholic church) I know its getting ti him bc he is even dreaming about the day he proposes and its always be being hesistant bc where we would get married.
Click to expand...


So all you have to do is compromise your beliefs and you can have him.

Or all he has to do is compromise his to have you.

Where you'd get married is so insignificant in the overall scheme. Like another poster said - there are ongoing issues like which holiday is celebrated... and how... and with which side of the family??

And then the kids? Which way do you go? Catholic school? Other Private school? Public?

Do we enroll the kids in Sunday school? Cathecism classes? First Communion yay or nay? Confirmation??

I feel like with the shortage of good man out there I am letting one go.
Click to expand...

You might be. He might be an AWESOME example of a good man.

But its possible for a good man to be the wrong man for YOU.

But someone did say he must walk with me.
Click to expand...

That was me. I learned that in Catholic school.

In the most important area in life he doesnt.
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Get yourself a blank piece of paper and a pen. And then write this out and then LOOK AT WHAT YOU WROTE.

In the most important area of your life, he's not there with you.

Why are you struggling over the idea of convincing a guy to marry you when his ideal doesn't mesh with the most important area of your life??

Its weird Catholics are behind being absentient and that is the only thing he doesnt believe. Im like what kind of Catholic are you its all or nothing buddy. So the only good thing out of this i can remain abstient if we do break up. I cant deal with the guilt after...:sad::sad:
Click to expand...

What kind of **fillintheblank** are you that its all or nothing sweetie?

You are asking him to do something you REFUSE TO DO.

Why cant he just listen.
Click to expand...

Why can't you?

The weird thing is that he has gained more from me than I from him. I believe I have made him a better person in many ways not to blow my own horn. Can someone encourage me about the single world
Click to expand...

I have to step back from what I'd like to say here. And just go with basic fluff on the oooh/aaahh of the single world.

He's out there! You will find the right guy with the right credentials and religious pedigree who will walk the path you dictate.

And he might even be grateful since the gift of you has made him a better person. toot toot....

I beg you to pass on the ungrateful Catholic guy since he doesn't realize how you've made him a better person. Obviously your work is done.

Your time will be better spent on another project.. er.. man... I think the guy at the gym probably needs some of your guidance. I'm sure he has a laundry list of issues that only you can address.

He'll be a better person when he finally picks up the phone.
 
Girl I know I am not sure what to do with him.

We are in the process of breaking it off but it will take time to heal since its not something we both want to do. I just understand his way of thinking.

Laginappe: you broke it down for me. I never looked at it like that. My work may be done with him. i just pray that God sees that. I dont want to be single long. I know I am ready but God's timing is always right but I want it right now. I am wandering is it bad to pray and ask God.

Dear God,

I have heard you speak and now I am obeying. You word says we must be in one accord. As move on and leave a man that has never cheated, gave me more than I ever asked for and made me happy will you send the right one. This is like walking on the water although i dont see you holding your hands out to catch me. Also allowing the right one to know I am the right one. Is that ok. God you say when we obey you hear our prayers, well I am obeying so please hear my prayer and help me and my family to get over it quickkkkkk and send him this summer. So we can at least begin to be friends.

Amen,

Is that a bad prayer. basically saying im listening now please send the right one.

Ladies is this bad. :spinning:
 
Catholics ARE Christian, btw.

There are obvious doctrinal differences, but they believe that Jesus was the Messiah, so they ARE Christian. Catholics were Christians before Baptists, etc., broke off... so they were the first Christians, actually.
 
wcyprien said:
Laginappe: you broke it down for me. I never looked at it like that. My work may be done with him. i just pray that God sees that. I dont want to be single long. I know I am ready but God's timing is always right but I want it right now. I am wandering is it bad to pray and ask God.
Click to expand...

If you think of a relationship as work that has to be done on someone else, then you are SO not done.

I think God sees this and what you want doesn't matter until you seriously GET A CLUE.


Dear God,

I have heard you speak and now I am obeying. You word says we must be in one accord. As move on and leave a man that has never cheated, gave me more than I ever asked for and made me happy will you send the right one. This is like walking on the water although i dont see you holding your hands out to catch me. Also allowing the right one to know I am the right one. Is that ok. God you say when we obey you hear our prayers, well I am obeying so please hear my prayer and help me and my family to get over it quickkkkkk and send him this summer. So we can at least begin to be friends.

Amen,

Is that a bad prayer. basically saying im listening now please send the right one.

Ladies is this bad. :spinning:
Click to expand...

Kinda... It's not bad to pray and ask for what you want. It is iffy to pray to God and ask Him to deliver results on your schedule.

Keep praying. A blind person can see that you're not ready.

Your view of a relationship comes across as Teacher-to-Student.

Using your words as an example:

"My work may be done with him"

On one hand your arrogance is staggering. Your work??? Seriously?

On the other hand... why are you considering marriage and children and a mortgage and retirement plans and grandchildren and sharing toothpaste with someone you think needs work?

Taking it down to basics... let's pretend you have an acre of land and want to build a house.

You find a contractor to build your house. But he doesn't know how to lay a foundation...so you share your research on foundations with him.

Then he's clueless on plumbing. So you spend a few hours Googling plumbing and pass your new pipe laying knowledge to him.

And now we're on to drywall...

Backtrack for a second... would you hire a guy to build your house that isn't capable of building it to your specs?

And why would you consider marrying a man who isn't capable of building a future to your specs?
 
Laginappe said:
He's nothing?? Really??? Apparently he's enough for you to mention him, his kid, his phone habits and appearance over the course of the the past hour it took for you to create this thread.

If he was really nothing, the only thing we'd know is that he's some random guy at the gym. We know a lot so that tells me he's a lot more than "nothing".



Then why are you trying marry a man who's committed to Catholicsm?



Religion is a battle to be won?




So all you have to do is compromise your beliefs and you can have him.

Or all he has to do is compromise his to have you.

Where you'd get married is so insignificant in the overall scheme. Like another poster said - there are ongoing issues like which holiday is celebrated... and how... and with which side of the family??

And then the kids? Which way do you go? Catholic school? Other Private school? Public?

Do we enroll the kids in Sunday school? Cathecism classes? First Communion yay or nay? Confirmation??



You might be. He might be an AWESOME example of a good man.

But its possible for a good man to be the wrong man for YOU.



That was me. I learned that in Catholic school.



Get yourself a blank piece of paper and a pen. And then write this out and then LOOK AT WHAT YOU WROTE.

In the most important area of your life, he's not there with you.

Why are you struggling over the idea of convincing a guy to marry you when his ideal doesn't mesh with the most important area of your life??



What kind of **fillintheblank** are you that its all or nothing sweetie?

You are asking him to do something you REFUSE TO DO.



Why can't you?



I have to step back from what I'd like to say here. And just go with basic fluff on the oooh/aaahh of the single world.

He's out there! You will find the right guy with the right credentials and religious pedigree who will walk the path you dictate.

And he might even be grateful since the gift of you has made him a better person. toot toot....

I beg you to pass on the ungrateful Catholic guy since he doesn't realize how you've made him a better person. Obviously your work is done.

Your time will be better spent on another project.. er.. man... I think the guy at the gym probably needs some of your guidance. I'm sure he has a laundry list of issues that only you can address.

He'll be a better person when he finally picks up the phone.
Click to expand...

You summed it up pretty well. What Caribbean country is he from? In some Caribbean country, the woman takes the religion of the man. This is not an issue about compromise. You guys have to come to some kind of acceptance. Even if he agrees to marry you outside of a church, you should still be careful about the extent of your decisions. You still have the issues about how your children are raised as laginappe mentioned.

You may not understand his faith but imagine his faith being as important to him as yours is to you. How do you think he feel?
 
I agree. These are neutral areas. I had two ceremonies (just because:) a beach wedding and church ceremony.


seximami said:
if no one is compromising then if you do love each other do it at a:
beach
reception hall
a ballroom


etc, but imo i think he should give in and respect the brides wishes you only have one wedding with each other make the best of it:yep:
Click to expand...
 
I completely understand that is why I am not pushing him. He is from Haiti. I have really left in the eyes of God. It may have been a much to say he has learned alot from than the other way around. We have talked mortages and all that stuff. In that aspect everything is set. We are both highly educated and work in great fields. Where I may fall short and balances me and vs.

Laginappe: no no it dont see it as work but i believe people come in your life for a season wheter they are to change you , better you, help you or whateva. He has helped me and vs. i dunno Im lost just pray for me ladies :wallbash:
 
wcyprien said:
He wont even take that. he wants a catholic church but also I know he is afraid to lose me bc that means he will start all over too.
Click to expand...

It seems that the both of you are afraid of being alone and by yourself. I know that it's normal for single people to feel this way, especially after coming out of a long relationship/courtship.

However, marriage is not to be entered into lightly...those decision that seem so hard now will turn into bigger and harder decision later once you're married.

It's important to be on the same page before hand and know what each other's expectations are. HTH
 
Yes I do and yes to be honest. I am afraid of being alone but once again I have to rely on God to guide me. i know marriage is not something you take lightly and thats why i always change the topic with him bc i know the end result of the conversation. we wont see eye to eye
 
wcyprien said:
Yes I do and yes to be honest. I am afraid of being alone but once again I have to rely on God to guide me. i know marriage is not something you take lightly and thats why i always change the topic with him bc i know the end result of the conversation. we wont see eye to eye
Click to expand...

Why? Is there something wrong with you?
 
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