Can You Increase Attraction?!?

[Syrah]

"The power of persistent is greater than the strength of your resistance..." Is there any truth to this statement? Is it possible to wear somebody down strategically in a way that leads to a long term loving relationship?

Case in point: I've got a friend who met this dude on a bet "we dare you to go _____" and she did. And their relationship was PURELY physical after for the next 3-5 months. She knew he was dating other people (and parading other folks) but she was convinced she could "lock it down".

She put together a plan of attack, that started by being a person who comforted him to a person he came to rely on. They went from "being physical" to having conversations about work/careers, spirituality. He would casually talk about what was lacking, and she would show him that she possessed those qualities. Soon, they were having dinner together - she used the excuse that she liked trying new recipes, and slowly but surely they were cooking together (all while dating other people). And 2 years later. He put a ring on it.

At their engagement party, he stood up and said "I wasn't ready for a relationship but she showed me, little by little, that I didn't want to live without her. That me being afraid to love and be loved could keep me from the greatest gift I've ever received".

We always talk about how men will not buy the cow if they get the milk for free. But what about those 30-day risk free trials and 90 day money-back guarantees?! They work. She showed this man what she could be, as a girlfriend, strategically and pointedly, and it worked! I mean, it really worked!

Can you change how a man perceives you? Or can a man do things to change how you perceive him?

 

[MrsHdrLe]

Women are a powerful medicine and antidote. But the man needs to come to that realization on his own. It's game and if you don't have time for it, it's best not to play.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

Well helll if a stalker can become a wife than anything is possible.... heck even Urkel got Laura in the end.

But I feel some type of way having to convince a man to want me. Seems like another game if you ask me, but perhaps people are too bull headed to realize when they have a good thing in front of them and need that extra manipulative push in the right direction. But it all seems so thirsty to my like having to buy friends. Really I don't think you should have to con anyone into wanting to be with you... trust me it's way more stress than it's worth and most of the time it won't work and will just leave you frustrated and lonely. I'd rather focus my attention and energy on someone who wants a commitment with me. I think your friend is more the exception than the rule.

 

[southerncitygirl]

i don't like the idea of having to wear a man down to make him realize all that i have to offer. if he can't see it then its his loss and the next man's gain.

 

[MichelleMyBelle]

dang, she must have really wanted dude to go through all those sheninigans.

 

[ThePerfectScore]

My grandmama said just put some roots on him..

 

[ThickHair]

She just wore him out. You best believe if there was a woman that HE really wanted, your friend would have been left with her recipes and heartfelt talks. All of that does not sit right with me, she did all of the work and he fell in where he fitted in. Nah son, I would rather stay home and make cat toys then that bullshift.

 

[cinnespice]

My grandmama said just put some roots on him..

Be careful with them roots now.

 

[ebonylocs]

I think a woman would have to be extremely confident, self-aware, mature, relationship savyy, determined, and *prepared to be hurt*, if she is going to do what you just described in an honest way. Most people, I would see them getting their feelings hurt, trying to get more from the guy than he is ready to give at a particular moment, getting their emotions all tied up, frustrated, etc. I actually think that for this to be successful, ironically you would have to be not too emotional about it, and kind of alright with it not working out, because any hint of neediness would send the target scurrying like a shy horse.

It's like being a horse whisperer.

I do think it is possible. I think it happens more often with men courting women, where little by little he gains her trust and reliance by doing small and big things for her, being there for her, not making too many demands. I think a member on here (isioma?) had a story like that. I think dlewis's husband's courtship of her was similar? I hope I'm getting this right.

Really I don't think you should have to con anyone into wanting to be with you... trust me it's way more stress than it's worth and most of the time it won't work and will just leave you frustrated and lonely.

The way Syrah described the process in the OP it didn't seem like a con but a genuine attempt to get someone you really really want to see what you have to offer and how good of a fit you are. It's not my modus operandi, and I do agree about the HUGE risk of loneliness and frustration, but I think can work for some people who don't have the flashy attractiveness, but would make good partners and know it.

 

[FemmeFatale]

dang, she must have really wanted dude to go through all those sheninigans.

So I read the entire OP and what she did wasn't what I would call "shenanigans" but the nurturing, comforting girlfriend. It was a risky move since she wasn't his girlfriend but apparently it worked. She pulled the "Brazilian woman move" and seduced him

 

[dlewis]

It's like being a horse whisperer.

I do think it is possible. I think it happens more often with men courting women, where little by little he gains her trust and reliance by doing small and big things for her, being there for her, not making too many demands. I think a member on here (isioma?) had a story like that. I think dlewis's husband's courtship of her was similar? I hope I'm getting this right.


The way Syrah described the process in the OP it didn't seem like a con but a genuine attempt to get someone you really really want to see what you have to offer and how good of a fit you are. It's not my modus operandi, and I do agree about the HUGE risk of loneliness and frustration, but I think can work for some people who don't have the flashy attractiveness, but would make good partners and know it.

I see it more with men also. Im seeing it work a little for with women. This worked for my cousin (engaged) and good friend (recently married). I don't see anything wrong with finding a good man and helping him to see that you're the right person for him. What the woman did in Syrah post...IDK about that. All that sleeping around sounds dangerous.

 

[caribeandiva]

I would always worry about him finding the one he really wants and leaving me for her. Men know what they want. If they aren't pursuing you it's because they don't want you. END. OF. STORY. Why waste my time making him realize what he's missing?