Can We Talk About In Laws....? (the Good, The Bad, The Married, The Engaged, The Hopeful For A Ring)

TwistedRoots

TwistedRoots

Back2Life Back2ReLaxer!
We all know that in laws can be one of the best assets or the worst assets in a relationship (particularly marriage). How we conduct ourselves with them can make or break the peace in our homes. How do/did you get along with your in laws? Do you love, avoid, love/hate, or despise them? Spill it... I want to know how do y'all manage? (I know I said the good, but if you love them I don't care) :lol: J/K positive is always welcome :bighug:
 
Background: My DH played the field before he met me and his family treated me as such...meaning they never took the time to get to know me because I was going to be a fling and that was that. Then he proposed and it was oh he's just away at grad school so when he leaves for his job/post doc she will be left behind too.

Now we're married...before we married his mother told him that her gut told him that I was not the woman for him. (Keep in mind she still doesn't know me however I briefly called the engagement off a year before we married...soul searching or whatever but I came back.) I'm sure during that time some not so nice things may or may not have been said but who cares...

Anyhow now we are married and expecting our first child together.... and my MIL and I do not have a relationship outside of speaking when necessary. I've tried several times to make amends even though I haven't done anything wrong. It's stressful on my DH because I don't want to go visit mainly because they(she's the ring leader) treat me like an outsider. Anyhow, he's pleaded with me to be patient and after 4 years I've about had it. Now with this pregnancy he tells me oh I spoke to so and so and they asked how the pregnancy was going. Oh... did they? You're not the pregnant one and my phone doesn't ring nor does my text chime. BTW my DH and I are currently in different states, so I'm essentially alone. We are set to relocate this spring/summer for career advancement and they told him that they would help with the baby during the move...WHOSE BABY? I don't want to be ignorant but I'm so over them... rant over...for now.
 
I love my inlaws. All of them. My husb has a very sweet loving family thank god. Thats not to say they dont have their issues:rolleyes: But we get along well
We have had our problems and they have taken his side as expected. And some things they admit to me they know hes dead wrong but they still hold him down. Pisses me off sometimes

This created some distance and now we talk as needed. Not as many calls just to say hi. Its sad and hurtful but thats HIS family. I would like to think theyre mine too and recv support when i need it
 
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Don't like them. Lol. I tolerate them.
I hate to say it like this but i realized they are not my family. I'm not saying that outload of course but I treat me as such. In fact the only reason why they treat me better now is because I carried their grandson and they know they won't see him often unless they're they treat me nice.

I'm cordial. I buy them Christmas/birthday presents. I talk to them when I'm in their presence but they are on a need to know basis.

I pride myself in being a carefree black girl (before I used to hide it to make sure i didn't appear to be selfish/spoiled). Lol my dad told me stop focusing on what people said about me so much. He was right. Let people talk and keep it moving.
 
My dh's mom passed when we were in beginning stages of dating so I never met her. Dh's dad I have met along with his new (young) wife and child. Although my husband does not have the best relationship with his dad, his dad treats me nice and best of all: does not call me. :look:

On the other hand, I'm not very fond of dh's sisters. They have made no attempts to get to know me or our dd - their niece. They come across as very selfish and self involved. The only time they reach out to dh is when they need money. Never just to see how he's doing. Dh has a strained relationship with his siblings unfortunately. One lives overseas and the other lives across the coast from us.

Again, I'm happy that they don't call me and live far away. I do wish it was different though and that they were nice people. But it is what it is. Dh also pulls the "oh yeah, my sister asked about you". I really think he's making it up. :rolleyes:
 
Mine live on the other side of the country. They are not involved and at first I took it personally, so I sent gifts, cards etc to try yo open the lines of communication with little response.

In both of our cases, it is their loss. Beautiful children are involved and you're missing their lives.

OP-- stay rocking with people that celebrate and support your pregnancy.
 
For the most part I love my in-laws. I love most, like some, could care less about others. I am double related to my in-laws because three of my family members are married to someone in my husband's family. We all pretty much grew up together and our families have been intertwined for a long time. Sometimes they are too involved and it doesn't help that I see them all the time. At the end of the day I know they are his family and will ride or die with him regardless. I never let myself forget that fact no matter how much they say they love me or do for me, they are HIS famity and I govern myself accordingly.
 
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See I don't get the whole "treat the wife/gf bad thing"..Not married yet but my SO's family loves me, his parents, sister, cousins and granny..all of them.

My brother is newly engaged and his fiancé is very sweet and close to my parents and us siblings. She made the Mac and cheese for my super bowl party last night.
 
I love my in-laws to death! All of them!

At first my Mil was not feeling our relationship and threatened to not come to the wedding (she thought he was too young and that I was manipulating him into marriage). But before it happened she called to apologize and make up. But she still had the attitude that she was not looking for another daughter to "go shopping with" and stuff. After the wedding she was pleasant but we didn't have a close relationship. I was close with other members of his family though.

When I had DD, that broke the ice in a major way. She started to treat me more like a daughter. Fast forward 2 more years and our relationship turned a corner. Years later she told me it was because I was so nice and did not react to her little comments or attitudes and so she constantly felt bad. She said my genuine love changed her heart towards me. She cried when she told me.

Now we are inseparable! My own mom complains about how much she babies me lol.

Even though I'm divorced now, I'm keeping his family.

All of my relationships with my in-laws are independant of my ex. I see and interact with them way more than he ever has so they see me as their daughter/granddaugher/niece/sister/cousin rather than an extension of him. Regardless of our divorce, my mil expects me to come over weekly and is constantly asking me to move in with them cause "don't you just want to save some money for a year or two sweetie?"

I lucked out yall!

ETA: They are not biased towards him. We'd been seperated before and they did not hold back checking him and clinging to me. It's been the same through this separation and now divorce.
 
CoilyFields said:
I love my in-laws to death! All of them!

At first my Mil was not feeling our relationship and threatened to not come to the wedding (she thought he was too young and that I was manipulating him into marriage). But before it happened she called to apologize and make up. But she still had the attitude that she was not looking for another daughter to "go shopping with" and stuff. After the wedding she was pleasant but we didn't have a close relationship. I was close with other members of his family though.

When I had DD, that broke the ice in a major way. She started to treat me more like a daughter. Fast forward 2 more years and our relationship turned a corner. Years later she told me it was because I was so nice and did not react to her little comments or attitudes and so she constantly felt bad. She said my genuine love changed her heart towards me. She cried when she told me.

Now we are inseparable! My own mom complains about how much she babies me lol.

Even though I'm divorced now, I'm keeping his family.

All of my relationships with my in-laws are independant of my ex. I see and interact with them way more than he ever has so they see me as their daughter/granddaugher/niece/sister/cousin rather than an extension of him. Regardless of our divorce, my mil expects me to come over weekly and is constantly asking me to move in with them cause "don't you just want to save some money for a year or two sweetie?"

I lucked out yall!

ETA: They are not biased towards him. We'd been seperated before and they did not hold back checking him and clinging to me. It's been the same through this separation and now divorce.
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You sound like my dream. I never wanted in laws but I do sometimes date divorced men. This would be the PERFECT excuse to never deal with his family. :lol:
 
I don't care for DH's peer family group. Before he married he was single and carefree and was able to go anywhere and do anything he wanted at the drop of a dime. His cousins missed that and it showed. After marriage, they'd test the waters calling him out, inviting him to do stuff that might not be appropriate for a married man and he would refuse or he'd invite me too. He stopped hanging out with them all together eventually. I love the elders. During family gatherings I tend to socialize with them because they seem genuine and good hearted.
 
I'm not close to my in laws. When DH and I were dating his mother was nice/nasty. She never missed an opportunity to make a snide remark towards me. She worked overtime to turn her entire family against me (she comes from a big, close knit family and they stick together like glue, right or wrong). Once DH and I became engaged she began to work even harder to cause problems. She would make snide remarks about me to him until he shut her down. She extended this treatment to my parents and some of my other family members. DH and I have been married for 16 years and while her behavior towards me has improved, I can't say the same for her family. I've moved beyond being hurt and just don't care anymore. They showed me that they don't consider me family, so I stopped trying. I'm cordial, I'm respectful and I'll even engage in light conversation, but that is all I have offer them.

I should mention that I'm not the only in law they treat this way.
 
I wouldn't have a problem straight cutting off family members who disrepected my husband. I also couldn't see myself marrying someone whose family hates my guts. I won't have my children around people who hate me. Too much unnecessary drama. But yes, family members would get cut off.

mrselle said:
I'm not close to my in laws. When DH and I were dating his mother was nice/nasty. She never missed an opportunity to make a snide remark towards me. She worked overtime to turn her entire family against me (she comes from a big, close knit family and they stick together like glue, right or wrong). Once DH and I became engaged she began to work even harder to cause problems. She would make snide remarks about me to him until he shut her down. She extended this treatment to my parents and some of my other family members. DH and I have been married for 16 years and while her behavior towards me has improved, I can't say the same for her family. I've moved beyond being hurt and just don't care anymore. They showed me that they don't consider me family, so I stopped trying. I'm cordial, I'm respectful and I'll even engage in light conversation, but that is all I have offer them.

I should mention that I'm not the only in law they treat this way.
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My in-laws are great. They have always been kind to me ever since DH and I got together 6 years ago. I think part of the reason we don't have any problems is because everyone respects boundaries. DH and I don't discuss our marriage or finances with them and they never butt in with unsolicited advice.
 
MizAvalon said:
My in-laws are great. They have always been kind to me ever since DH and I got together 6 years ago. I think part of the reason we don't have any problems is because everyone respects boundaries. DH and I don't discuss our marriage or finances with them and they never butt in with unsolicited advice.
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Same here. Everyone stays in their on lane. I love my in-laws. They are the best. My mother in law spoils the crap out of me. Every time I see her she has a small gift for me.
 
no longer married but still see the ex-laws several times a year for functions.

best i could've asked for. Ive now been in the fam 25 years.exMIL still calls regularly to tell me how much she still loves me as well as the extended clan.

i do/dont feel bad for the exH current SO of 6 years (she was the side piece). she stays ignored at the functions and im showered.:2inlove:

teehee!!! :giggle:
 
We all get along, when DH called to let his two older sisters we were saying they asked for a picture and they told him in no uncertain terms he had to marry me :lachen:

His older sisters check on us often, they are the ones who send money for gifts for the kids and FaceTime them. I deal with them the most. His younger sisters are pleasant but they are high school/college age so they are living as young people should. He pays for one of his sisters to go to school now and she just sent us her Dean's List ceremony video :2inlove:

He only had three family members that are in the states and we see them often, at least three times a week.

My ex boyfriend's mum called me out the blue last weekend like when are coming to Nassau? We're still here ya know :oops:

People like me oddly, weirdos.
 
I like my MIL well enough. She has some problems, but I know she means well. My BIL is a knucklehead and always stays in trouble, so we don't really deal with him. My SIL is the star of the family, very intelligent, about to go into her junior year of college. Sweet girl. She and her boyfriend and my MIL were here last weekend, it was nice to see them since it had been a while.

My FIL unfortunately passed last year. I wish I had been able to get to know him better, but he was such a kind man. I think I've mentioned here before that he bought my wedding dress and helped me and DH make the last payment for the wedding. The first time I met him was when my DH and I first started dating. We met up with him in NY. We'd been walking around for hours and I had to use the bathroom. My FIL went into a coffee shop and bought a coffee and asked if I could use the bathroom. When we left, he took one sip of the coffee and poured it out LOL.
 
Miss617 said:
I like my MIL well enough. She has some problems, but I know she means well. My BIL is a knucklehead and always stays in trouble, so we don't really deal with him. My SIL is the star of the family, very intelligent, about to go into her junior year of college. Sweet girl. She and her boyfriend and my MIL were here last weekend, it was nice to see them since it had been a while.

My FIL unfortunately passed last year. I wish I had been able to get to know him better, but he was such a kind man. I think I've mentioned here before that he bought my wedding dress and helped me and DH make the last payment for the wedding. The first time I met him was when my DH and I first started dating. We met up with him in NY. We'd been walking around for hours and I had to use the bathroom. My FIL went into a coffee shop and bought a coffee and asked if I could use the bathroom. When we left, he took one sip of the coffee and poured it out LOL.
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Aww, I knew about the dress, I didn't know about the wedding.

I hate that the munchkin never got to meet his other grandfather. :(
 
MzLady78 said:
Aww, I knew about the dress, I didn't know about the wedding.

I hate that the munchkin never got to meet his other grandfather. :(
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Yeah, he let us put some of it on his credit card. I thought that was so sweet of him. I wish he could have been there.

Me too. He was always so happy to "talk" to the kid on the phone. Your BIL always says he would have loved him. :-(
 
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