Can married ladies have social life????

[devilish1]

My husband and I have been together for 8 years and married for 4 years. I love my husband and cherish him. We do everything together as a family unit. However, there are those rare occasions that I am invited to something after work that I would like to attend. He knows most of my coworkers because they have been to our home for dinners, bbq, parties, etc. and vice versa. He says he trusts me, but whenever I get home from a function that he did not attend with me, he has a funky attitude. He is not mean, just distant and not as loving as he usually can be. This lasts for a day or so. Most of my coworkers are married or in committed relationships. My bff is also my coworker and we usually only go to these events if either one of us goes, that way our husbands would feel more secure. I can not think of anything else that can put him at ease when he is not around. We have not had any issues with infidelity, which makes it harder for me to understand his behavior. Help me please?

 

[Deluxe]

I don't know if there is anything you could do. He has to become okay with this on his own. Does he go places without you sometime, if not then maybe he should every once in a while.

My husband goes and plays poker periodically without me (I don't care to lose money). When we first got married I had a real problem with it but not I look forward to him leaving .

 

[winterinatl]

I am not married, so take it with a grain of salt...

Have you asked him (gently) why he is acting that way after you have been out? Maybe he doesn't see his own behavior?

You mentioned you and he do everything together; does he not spend much time with his own friends?

When two people only hang with each other, I think it's easy to become too dependent on the other for all their entertainment needs. I used to be this way with my ex boyfriend (we were together for the better part of 10 years) - I always had an attitude when he went out with him rather than me, and it didn't really have anything to do with me suspecting him cheating. I just felt left out. I didn't have any plans on my own, nothing to do.

I personally think while you all are best friends, and primarily do most things together, you both need to get out and enjoy your own friends, separate from each other, and also invite those friends into you home and have fun all together. But, only if they are those type of mature friends that are truly supportive of your marriage.

If you think he's jealous of a man, or of you being around men, you all need to work on his insecurities. He needs to have more faith in you. No man can take you away; only you can go to one. Why does he think you will go to one (question to him).

As always, JMHO.

 

[bluefolli]

OP, I can barely go to Marshall's without him and the kids on my hip. My cell phone be ringing like crazy. You just got him spoiled...just because you are hanging out with your girlfriend, men will still be around where ever you are. He can't mark his territory. Sorry, that's how they are. You know it. All I can tell you is call him while you are out with your bff, so you can calm his nerves. Tell him you love him when you get home.

 

[need2accumulate]

my marriage is not like this so i am baffled. i am very independent and my husband has grown to be the same way. i don't like to feel smothered. i love alone time.

we enjoy many activities without each other and have been together 8 years (married 6) it keeps us fresh.

 

[honeycomb719]

I'm not married, but I think having a social life (outside of the marriage) keeps each individual (just that) "individuals" involved in a marriage. I dont think its healthy to become so wrapped up into one that socializing outside the marriage is frowned upon. I think the whole issue with this is about trust. I think you need to address it, and find out what the problem is and how it can be resolved.
How do you act when he goes out alone?

 

[NeeSee]

I'm not married, but I think having a social life (outside of the marriage) keeps each individual (just that) "individuals" involved in a marriage. I dont think its healthy to become so wrapped up into one that socializing outside the marriage is frowned upon. I think the whole issue with this is about trust. I think you need to address it, and find out what the problem is and how it can be resolved.
How do you act when he goes out alone?

ITA I also agree with the poster that says you got him spoiled.

 

[devilish1]

Hi ladies,

Thank you for the responses. I do believe that I may have him spoiled. I didn't intend for that to happen, it was just coincidental (sp) that our free time was always at the same time. We are either together, just the two us, or with the kids. I have no problems with him going out, in fact, I encourage it. He goes out and I enjoy it because I need that time to myself. I think that the age difference, he is 41 and I am 27, plays a big part in his insecurities. He usually goes back to his "normal" self after a day or so. I don't know if it is a phase or not because, I am just starting to do things without him. I do try to include him in as many things as possible, but sometimes I need time without him. . I pray that this is a phase.