Bringing 2 people together: Bad idea?

[fluffyforever]

I just met one of my SO's friends and we all started hanging out together recently. He's cute, funny, smart, and holds 2 jobs in 2 different cities, with one job being full time. Well, we got to talking by ourselves when my SO and his other friend left to pick up some things at the grocery store. And during the whole conversation, I kept thinking how he would be perfect for my BFF to date. After that thought initially popped into my mind, he expressed how he was looking to find a girlfriend in my city --like he could read my mind-- and how he was looking to move to my city soon.

The problem that is preventing me from setting them up on a blind date is that my BFF is in a relationship and is not looking for anyone new. But I hate her BF, and have ever since HS when he wouldn't take her to prom and threatened to go with a slut if she went to prom with me. Since then he has cheated on her many times and takes advantage of her in all ways possible. She regularly asks for my advice on how she should handle things, and I tell her straight like a BFF should to dump his *** and get a better man who can take care of you and not the other way around. But she keeps accepting him back because she is afraid no one else would want to date her, she doesn't want to be alone.

Over the years I have suggested she date other people because her BF sholl is. The next time she asks me for advice, which I can tell is going to be real soon, I want to bring up SO's friend. The only reason I would even bring him up is because she asks what I think about everything.

I was even thinking about introducing them at an outing or something where we would all get together. Not push a relationship or anything, but if they meet and hit it off, then good.

What would you do?

 

[Softerlove]

1.your bff is un available, (in a relationship & emotionally)

2. What do you ready know about this dude? Does he cheat? Crazy? Ready to settle down? Serial killer on the side?

3. There's nothing wrong with a chance meeting, but to set them up may not be the right thing at this time.

Although if dude is a good catch, there is a love connection thread on here you can put some stats up in...just sayin'
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[4evershika]

Well....

Idk how old you and your BFF are but if she's been with him since HS and she treats her so bad then even IF she leaves him there may be some things she needs to fix within herself (self esteem, self worth, etc) before dating someone new.

With that said, if you introduce them, do it with the intention for them to be FRIENDS and nothing more... no **wink winks** or hint dropping! ...you don't want to make either of them feel awkward... and everything else will unfold as it should.

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[hopeful]

I would leave it alone. Your friend has a bf and you don't really know your bf's friend. Enjoy your life and having a nice SO. Your friend will have to figure her life out for herself.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Hmm, this might not be fair to dude since she's unavailable and all. Sounds like a lot of drama for him. Let them meet once with a group, not in a couples/double date setting.

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[fluffyforever]

Thanks for the responses so far!

I think the main problem is that she got herself into a sticky situation that she doesn't know how to undo. She doesn't even care about her BF anymore, just playing the concerned GF role. For example, they have been on break for like 6 months now, but they live together and still do holidays as a couple. She has no where to live if they break up. She also feels bad about leaving beacuase she developed a great relationship with his parents (they all live together) while she doesn't get along with her own parents.

I want her to live by herself for once and meet other guys. The only males she know are family members. She isn't going to build self esteem without practice.

 

[Softerlove]

^ She is not Available for anyone. TBH, its like moving a mess from one room to another...its still a mess. There is nothing you can do but be supportive.
Besides, if this backfires on you, can your relationship survive it?
Help her with some self esteem, not another dude.
Read: baggagereclaim.com

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[hopeful]

It's great that you want all these things for your friend, but she has to want them for herself and have the courage to pursue these things for herself. She's an adult, not a child. She created her situation and will have to undo it if she wants to. I've been the friend you are trying to be. In the end, you waste a lot of time and energy.

 

[4evershika]

She isn't going to build self esteem without practice.

Jumping from one failed relationship to an new ine without self-reflection will likely be a fail. She's a grown-up, just let her do things her own way in her own time... we have to experience some things on our own without intervention to actually "learn the lesson".


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[fluffyforever]

^ She is not Available for anyone. TBH, its like moving a mess from one room to another...its still a mess. There is nothing you can do but be supportive.
Besides, if this backfires on you, can your relationship survive it?
Help her with some self esteem, not another dude.
Read: baggagereclaim.com

From MyTouch 4G...On which animated Gifs may not be seen

Supporting her to find her own empowerment is difficult, especially when she seeks my advice. I don't want to lie to her and say everything is all right and eventually you will come into your own, because I know it doesn't happen for everyone. I have some friends that I have wasted time and energy being concerned about them while trying to help. I had to let them do their own things to learn from their mistakes.

BFF doesn't always ask, but when she has come to me before, she has followed my advice.

We talked earlier tonight about what she plans on doing about her situation. She thinks it would be easier to break up with her BF and his parents after she gets her degree, which is when she will have to move her stuff out of his parents house anyway so she can move out east temporarily for her job. Originally they both were going to go, but she told him that she wants to go alone. Once she moves back here from her work rotation, she will be able to find her own place.

I didn't bring up SO's friend, I figure they'll meet eventually. I did tell her that she needs to start hanging out with other people besides her BF's family. She agreed.