NaturalEnigma
Well-Known Member
Oh my god! You're awesome! They have in person and telephone meetings. I'm going to definitely check this out. I downloaded the Boundaries book last night, going to look into the Codependent book you mentioned.
Boundaries ~ Let's Discuss
- Thread starter hopeful
- Start date
Oh my god! You're awesome! They have in person and telephone meetings. I'm going to definitely check this out. I downloaded the Boundaries book last night, going to look into the Codependent book you mentioned.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I need to remember that nothing will change my parent’s thoughts. They’ve thought and patented toxic their whole life. Things won’t change now.
Now that I think about it, I have been pushed into my masculine my entire life. I wasn’t allowed to cry. I’m not allowed to have feelings. If I have feelings I have a chip on my shoulder. If loved ones talk bad to you it doesn’t matter because they didn’t mean it or you are too soft. It’s annoying.
I felt good that I left early today.
Now that I think about it, I have been pushed into my masculine my entire life. I wasn’t allowed to cry. I’m not allowed to have feelings. If I have feelings I have a chip on my shoulder. If loved ones talk bad to you it doesn’t matter because they didn’t mean it or you are too soft. It’s annoying.
I felt good that I left early today.
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Evolving78
Well-Known Member
Please inbox me on your findings!
hopeful
Well-Known Member
@PrissiSippi you have to be patient with yourself. You are doing good. You will slip up again and again because they are your parents. That along with the black community that tries to make life impossible for us: be happy, but not too happy, put your relationship first, but if he messes up it’s your job to fix it, but let him lead, but if he doesn’t it’s your fault, be soft, sweet, and feminine, but don’t expect to be loved, cared for, and supported. Support the men in our community, march and fight for them but don’t expect the same in return. Oh and it’s ok if they date interracially but if you do, you’re not loyal. I just can’t. It’s a lose lose proposition so we have to make our own rules, lead with our femininity, heal, keep moving forward, and be determined to live a good life.
I’m glad you left early too.
I’m glad you left early too.
NaturalEnigma
Well-Known Member
Sure thing! Just attended my first CODA session today over the phone, and I’m hooked. Will inbox you the details.
caribeandiva
Human being
Yay!! I’m glad you joined! Support groups were a lifesaver for me. I joined CODA and Gam-anon (for families of gambling addicts). I don’t go to meetings anymore since I don’t feel I need them anymore. They were crucial for me to get healthy because boundaries aren’t built in a vacuum, like the book keeps saying. You’ll never set them without outside support because you’ll be too afraid to lose your current relationships and we all need relationships in order to survive.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
@caribeandiva thanks for putting the info out. I looked into CODA before, (I think based on your recommendation) but I was in such a brain fog (I’m just starting to really come out of it) that I felt the website appeared overwhelming to navigate through. I’m glad Natural Enigma had the courage to join. It inspired me to do the same.
PrissiSippi
Simply Komplex
I mean Black Women Can't WIN! It's so hard for me to not try to change this and drop the need to be right and make boundaries instead. It ANGERS me so much.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
It’s ok. All of it is infuriating. But you can and you will win
. You keep moving forward and keep healing. Your parents may never change or get it. You will have to find a way to love them from a place that allows your own personal journey. Become more detached. Assume they will never change and allow them their space to be who they are. Try to have a sense of humor about it. Why waste energy on trying to change them? They are happy with their way of life. Focus on you. The boundaries you make are not for them. They are for you. We want people to leave us alone and mind their business but it is us who needs to mind our business, heal ourselves, and make our way in the world. You have come a long way Priss. You are doing good. Keep moving forward.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
Also, not sure if I’ve shared this before but Natalie Lue from Baggage Reclaim teaches an online course about boundaries. I took it two years ago and found it to be very helpful. It’s a 30 day course.
Check it out:
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/courses/30-days-to-healthy-boundaries/
Check it out:
https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/courses/30-days-to-healthy-boundaries/
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
I will look into this. I have been watching Dr. Henry (co-author of Boundaries). He is really good and applies a lot of biblical teachings to his work.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
I took the course as I was preparing to leave my ex. The course gave me clarity and courage. I also paid for some one on one help from her as well. She is a smart lady.
Evolving78
Well-Known Member
You should have told me about this course a year ago!!! Lol I left like Tina Turner escaping to her mother’s house! Lmbo!
caribeandiva
Human being
@Evolving78 I’m glad you found my suggestion helpful! When you’re ready the right information always finds you.
hopeful
Well-Known Member
So true!@Evolving78 I’m glad you found my suggestion helpful! When you’re ready the right information always finds you.
