tking21
Well-Known Member
Even though I'm with someone new I guess I can't really help it, because what we had was so deep to me...
Basically last year was my first year of college and he was one of the first people I met. The connection was instant and the chemistry was undeniable. We spent do much time together, but since we were both in college it was understood that we were going to have our fun. A real relationship was out of the question because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and just wanted to have his fun and like I said, it was my first year of college and I wanted to have fun. Fast forward a few months later, I'm thinking that things are great. I have this dude who I can kick it with all day and night with out it being sexual, and still do what I want to do. *sigh* My feelings went from like to love in a matter of a few weeks. He always made it clear that our connection was deep and that no matter what happened he'd always be there for me and that now just wasn't the right time for a relationship. I excepted it and started talking to other guys but also enjoying our time together. Until one day, we were at a party and he'd been drinking and he was dancing on other girls and just doing his thing I guess. I was cool with it you know, we weren't together. I start enjoying myself, dancing with other guys not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know he's flipping out on me for walking into another room with a group of my friends, one of which happened to be a boy, to get my coat so I could leave. We start arguing and one thing leads to another and the next thing I know, he's lunging at me as I'm leaving for the door. Although I'm not sure if he was just following me because I was leaving or if he was trying to hit me, it still rubbed me the wrong way.
Unfortunately I didn't learn my lesson and continued to see him.
. Fast forward a bit and he's all of a sudden acting distant and I find out that he's talking to some other girl on a serious level. This was really hard for me because from the beginning he always told me that even though he was still in love with his ex, that I was his main girl and that he made it clear to any other females who tried to talk to him. Basically this new chick took my spot and then some
. This had to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my short 18 years of life. I was confused, hurt and I really felt betrayed, but I was still very deeply in love with him. As the days went by I started to feel as though I was going absolutely insane. Everyday seemed to get harder and harder.
Then I started talking to my current boyfriend and it really helped me get my mind off my ex. Months started to pass and even though I had embarked on a new relationship, I just couldn't shake my ex. 7 months after the fact, I was still crying myself to sleep. My new relationship did not hold a candle to what I had with my ex and on top of all that my ex was coming in and out of my life trying to get me back, or at least catch my attention. He kept calling and making it clear that if I wasn't in this new relationship that things would be different between us and that he had made a mistake. I wasn't buying it, even though it hurt I did my best to stay away, but I still couldn't resist answering the phone whenever he called.
Fast forward about nine months till now. Me and my ex have a lot of the same friends so every now and then we end up in the same place at the same time usually with alcohol involved and he always does a drunken confession. Even though I know that he's drunk and most of the things that he says are exaggerations if not straight up lies, it's still really hard not to take those things to heart. About two weeks ago me and my current boyfriend were having issues and were on a break. I ended up hanging out with my ex and we ended up kissing. It was probably one of the best kisses I had ever had in my life. My old pent up feelings came back faster than I could assess the situation. I pulled away from him and went back to enjoying my night with out really saying another word to him. I was really confused about what the kiss meant an I didn't really know what to do.
The day following the kiss my ex told me that he thought it was a big mistake and that we should just be friends, but I had my mind made up that I was going to get us back to where we were before things fell apart. I did cute little things like leave his favorite candy on his car and make it a point to try and hang out with him. Things seemed like they were working well, but I think his girl caught on because after I started making it a point to pay him attention, she began to copy my every move. Even though my feelings felt just as strong as they were a year ago I decided to set them aside and just focus on me. If he came around great, if not then whatever. He didn't text or call me all week until tonight. He calls me talking about how much he's in love with his ex and his current girl and how he doesn't know what he should do.
OMG when I say my heart dropped, I mean it went through the floor. Inside I was screaming. How dare he call me asking for advice on what he should do with his current situation knowing what kind of feelings I have for him. But of course, all ways polite tried and true me comes through and gives him great, unbiased advice on what to do about the situation.
Part of me feels like by handling the situation the way I did, I showed him that the things that he does don't bother me and that I have indeed moved on despite the fact that I still have feelings for him. The other part of me wants to rip into him and tell him that he's lucky that any woman would give him two looks because he's the worst of all the dogs. I also feel confused and like I'm letting him walk all over me.... I don't know, I'm just confused and I feel like this has turned into a rant lol. If anyone has any advice or has possibly been in a similar situation, could you please help me out. I don't think my heart can take anymore of this.
Basically last year was my first year of college and he was one of the first people I met. The connection was instant and the chemistry was undeniable. We spent do much time together, but since we were both in college it was understood that we were going to have our fun. A real relationship was out of the question because he had just gotten out of a long term relationship and just wanted to have his fun and like I said, it was my first year of college and I wanted to have fun. Fast forward a few months later, I'm thinking that things are great. I have this dude who I can kick it with all day and night with out it being sexual, and still do what I want to do. *sigh* My feelings went from like to love in a matter of a few weeks. He always made it clear that our connection was deep and that no matter what happened he'd always be there for me and that now just wasn't the right time for a relationship. I excepted it and started talking to other guys but also enjoying our time together. Until one day, we were at a party and he'd been drinking and he was dancing on other girls and just doing his thing I guess. I was cool with it you know, we weren't together. I start enjoying myself, dancing with other guys not really thinking much of it. Next thing I know he's flipping out on me for walking into another room with a group of my friends, one of which happened to be a boy, to get my coat so I could leave. We start arguing and one thing leads to another and the next thing I know, he's lunging at me as I'm leaving for the door. Although I'm not sure if he was just following me because I was leaving or if he was trying to hit me, it still rubbed me the wrong way.
Unfortunately I didn't learn my lesson and continued to see him.
. Fast forward a bit and he's all of a sudden acting distant and I find out that he's talking to some other girl on a serious level. This was really hard for me because from the beginning he always told me that even though he was still in love with his ex, that I was his main girl and that he made it clear to any other females who tried to talk to him. Basically this new chick took my spot and then some. This had to be one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with in my short 18 years of life. I was confused, hurt and I really felt betrayed, but I was still very deeply in love with him. As the days went by I started to feel as though I was going absolutely insane. Everyday seemed to get harder and harder. Then I started talking to my current boyfriend and it really helped me get my mind off my ex. Months started to pass and even though I had embarked on a new relationship, I just couldn't shake my ex. 7 months after the fact, I was still crying myself to sleep. My new relationship did not hold a candle to what I had with my ex and on top of all that my ex was coming in and out of my life trying to get me back, or at least catch my attention. He kept calling and making it clear that if I wasn't in this new relationship that things would be different between us and that he had made a mistake. I wasn't buying it, even though it hurt I did my best to stay away, but I still couldn't resist answering the phone whenever he called.
Fast forward about nine months till now. Me and my ex have a lot of the same friends so every now and then we end up in the same place at the same time usually with alcohol involved and he always does a drunken confession. Even though I know that he's drunk and most of the things that he says are exaggerations if not straight up lies, it's still really hard not to take those things to heart. About two weeks ago me and my current boyfriend were having issues and were on a break. I ended up hanging out with my ex and we ended up kissing. It was probably one of the best kisses I had ever had in my life. My old pent up feelings came back faster than I could assess the situation. I pulled away from him and went back to enjoying my night with out really saying another word to him. I was really confused about what the kiss meant an I didn't really know what to do.
The day following the kiss my ex told me that he thought it was a big mistake and that we should just be friends, but I had my mind made up that I was going to get us back to where we were before things fell apart. I did cute little things like leave his favorite candy on his car and make it a point to try and hang out with him. Things seemed like they were working well, but I think his girl caught on because after I started making it a point to pay him attention, she began to copy my every move. Even though my feelings felt just as strong as they were a year ago I decided to set them aside and just focus on me. If he came around great, if not then whatever. He didn't text or call me all week until tonight. He calls me talking about how much he's in love with his ex and his current girl and how he doesn't know what he should do.
OMG when I say my heart dropped, I mean it went through the floor. Inside I was screaming. How dare he call me asking for advice on what he should do with his current situation knowing what kind of feelings I have for him. But of course, all ways polite tried and true me comes through and gives him great, unbiased advice on what to do about the situation. Part of me feels like by handling the situation the way I did, I showed him that the things that he does don't bother me and that I have indeed moved on despite the fact that I still have feelings for him. The other part of me wants to rip into him and tell him that he's lucky that any woman would give him two looks because he's the worst of all the dogs. I also feel confused and like I'm letting him walk all over me.... I don't know, I'm just confused and I feel like this has turned into a rant lol. If anyone has any advice or has possibly been in a similar situation, could you please help me out. I don't think my heart can take anymore of this.
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