Being the Chick on the Side

[Honi]

Ok this is crazy!!!! Some stuff I just refuse to believe, I'm not calling you a liar, I know you are telling the truth, but my mind won't let me accept that the wife and the *** on the side agreed to meet and hang out. These women must have low self esteem, it's one thing to be with a cheater it's another to hang out with him and his other woman. If my man(and this is hypothetical because I'm single) ever asked me to meet his other woman he would get the a** whipping of his life!!!! While these women are stressing trying to make his selfish a** happy, they are lowering their self esteem and self respect and he's just as happy as he wants to be, catching nuts all over the place. I hope this lady doesn't have daughters because that is a horrible example to set for your daughter.

I completely understand your reaction. My face cracked and hit the floor as he was telling me this. Most times I can't even process what he says. I still can't believe that these women are letting him get away with it. I want to strangle his dumb *** . I told him that it was not sustainable and the both of them will eventually leave him.....that is if they both find their self esteem.

 

[treybaby2005]

Do some women go into the relationship knowing they are the chick on the side and if so don't you feel guilty for messing with someone already in a relationship?
Yes they do. Nope I sure didn't. He was the dude on the side as well. I was young and just having fun.

How many people have had relationships with married men?
I haven't. I drew the line there.

How do ya'll handle that emotionally?
There was no emotion involved. I set the rules, boundaries, and controlled how things went down. We never slept together so that was another reason why I didn't get feelings. It was great because I didn't have to deal with all the drama of having an out in the open relationship. Plus he took good care of me and kept his gf happy as well because I made sure he did. Heck she even got an engagement ring because of me. (long story)

People would love to believe it is about low self esteem and but sometimes it's just about getting what you want for the time being and then moving on. Q

WOW!

 

[Honi]

double post

 

[Ramya]

He responded that he wanted them both to meet....and they DID. I’m talking about his whole entire family (wife and kids). I was mad about the kids but anyway he said that his wife barely said anything to her the entire time. I was wondering how come she wasn't swingin' at this *****

I've done this before. I intentionally left hints that led directly to me b/c in this situation, I felt she needed to know. He was starting that "I love u and her" mess--fool u don't love me . So she e-mailed me first and we talked for a couple of weeks and then she called me. After the initial shock cleared we arranged to meet. We met alone the first time (grabbed some lunch) and I answered some of her questions. Then we both pressured him to let us "meet for the first time" He never saw it coming but we did and he figured out that we already were familiar with each other... It didn't end badly for any of the parties involved.

Plus he took good care of me and kept his gf happy as well because I made sure he did. Heck she even got an engagement ring because of me

Yep the gf that I posted about above got an engagement ring b/c of me as well. I was her biggest cheerleader througout the entire situation. I talked him into it, went to help him pick it out and helped plan the engagement. They are planning their wedding now . I still talk to him and her regularly.

 

[holland]

I good friend of mine just had her first face-to-face meeting with a married man that she met on a swingers website. I asked her "why???????". I was cheated on by an ex so I am totally opposed to man-sharing. She says that she is "too busy" with work and school to handle the demands of a full time boyfriend.

 

[treybaby2005]

I've done this before. I intentionally left hints that led directly to me b/c in this situation, I felt she needed to know. He was starting that "I love u and her" mess--fool u don't love me . So she e-mailed me first and we talked for a couple of weeks and then she called me. After the initial shock cleared we arranged to meet. We met alone the first time (grabbed some lunch) and I answered some of her questions. Then we both pressured him to let us "meet for the first time" He never saw it coming but we did and he figured out that we already were familiar with each other... It didn't end badly for any of the parties involved.



Yep the gf that I posted about above got an engagement ring b/c of me as well. I was her biggest cheerleader througout the entire situation. I talked him into it, went to help him pick it out and helped plan the engagement. They are planning their wedding now . I still talk to him and her regularly.

I just have to ask.Why do you think this is ok?I just cannot fanthom the idea of sitting down with the other woman knowing that this man told me that he loves both of us and now wants to marry me because why you don't want him?I don't get it.
An old friend of mine had this guy that she was seeing on the side of her ltr of 6yrs.They have since gotten married only because she was pregnant and didn't want to have a kid oow.The guy she was seeing on the side was also with someone at the time and she was pregnant.My old gf became friends with this woman even though she was sleeping with her man.We all went on a cruise together and while she was sleeping (the guys pregnant gf),my old gf and him would mess around in our room.
The pregnant girl never found out but she told her bf that she wanted my gf to go with the bf when he went ring shopping.She had no idea she was screwing her man.They have since gotten married too.And my old gf is still seeing him.
I just don't understand it.I mean was the dude you were talking to Amerikan not capable of getting the idea to marry his gf without you?And why were you happy with it if your were seeing him as well?Is it to have one hand up knowing you had him but didn't want him?I really don't understand.If I knew for a fact my man wanted to marry me because the other woman didn't want him,and in fact threw him on me.That's what it sounds like kinda.I would not want him at all.

 

[envybeauty]

what amazes me is that folks stay PROUD and admit to this on a REGULAR....

 

[Ramya]

I just have to ask.Why do you think this is ok?I just cannot fanthom the idea of sitting down with the other woman knowing that this man told me that he loves both of us and now wants to marry me because why you don't want him?I don't get it.

I didn't love him and I really don't think that he loved me. I think he loved the idea of me. I filled the gaps that were in his relationship. What his gf couldn't/wouldn't do, I did. But I knew that he loved her, the way he talked about her... I couldn't let him continue to mess up. She was so sweet and beautiful. I guess I wanted to help them... and I did as crazy as it sounds.

An old friend of mine had this guy that she was seeing on the side of her ltr of 6yrs.They have since gotten married only because she was pregnant and didn't want to have a kid oow.The guy she was seeing on the side was also with someone at the time and she was pregnant.My old gf became friends with this woman even though she was sleeping with her man.We all went on a cruise together and while she was sleeping (the guys pregnant gf),my old gf and him would mess around in our room.
The pregnant girl never found out but she told her bf that she wanted my gf to go with the bf when he went ring shopping.She had no idea she was screwing her man.They have since gotten married too.And my old gf is still seeing him.

Now that I wouldn't do. it's just messed up on so many levels and just nasty.

I just don't understand it.I mean was the dude you were talking to Amerikan not capable of getting the idea to marry his gf without you?And why were you happy with it if your were seeing him as well?Is it to have one hand up knowing you had him but didn't want him?I really don't understand.If I knew for a fact my man wanted to marry me because the other woman didn't want him,and in fact threw him on me.That's what it sounds like kinda.I would not want him at all.

He wanted to marry her but was unhappy the way things changed after his daughter was born. He was seeking outside fulfillment and that's were I cam into the picture. I got a relationship without the committment of a relationship. my needs were met and that's all that I cared about. It was selfish but honestly I don't see that as a bad thing. All I cared about (in the beginning) was me.

After a few months of listening and gathering information of my own, I wanted him to be happy and well after hearing about her and actually speaking to her, I wanted her to be happy too. It might sound crazy but me being in the picture brought them closer. I never came out and said anything directly but I hinted at a lot of things. She wanted to know what made me so special that he was willing to throw away everything that they had, and I told her. It took time but they worked through their problems and slowly I faded out of the picture as a threat and came back as a friend. I know it sounds crazy but it's the truth.

I can't really explain it in a way that most people will understand, especially women. But I don't feel bad for what I did.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

I read this THREE times and I'm still dumbfounded.

WTH!!!???

So wait, the friend and the guy live TOGETHER and the wife has a key to the place her husband and his girlfriend reside at?

Yes. In fact, they still live together. Now, when he gets mad at my friend, he goes home to wifey for about 30 days or so, then comes back to her. People think I'm crazy when I tell this, but their relationship has been going on for 2 years now. It happens everyday.... I can't see for the life of me how she puts up with the situation. I mean I told her, if that dude drops dead, his wife reeps all the benefits. You reep nothing. Hell, if he does drop dead, you can't even get listed in the obit program, let alone sit in the "family car."

But fa real fa real, if wifey is smart, she can actually bring litigation and sue my friend for mental cruelty, embarassment and emotional distress and win hands down, for messing with her husband. Plus this wife has children by the husband. In the state of Maryland, she would win hands down. Trust me on this one...

 

[determine3]

He wanted to marry her but was unhappy the way things changed after his daughter was born. He was seeking outside fulfillment and that's were I cam into the picture. I got a relationship without the committment of a relationship. my needs were met and that's all that I cared about. It was selfish but honestly I don't see that as a bad thing. All I cared about (in the beginning) was me.

After a few months of listening and gathering information of my own, I wanted him to be happy and well after hearing about her and actually speaking to her, I wanted her to be happy too. It might sound crazy but me being in the picture brought them closer. I never came out and said anything directly but I hinted at a lot of things. She wanted to know what made me so special that he was willing to throw away everything that they had, and I told her. It took time but they worked through their problems and slowly I faded out of the picture as a threat and came back as a friend. I know it sounds crazy but it's the truth.

I can't really explain it in a way that most people will understand, especially women. But I don't feel bad for what I did.

No disrespect to you and your views but that is just wrong. So now, in order to keep/fufill him she has to mirror what makes you special to please him??? Even if it means being someone/something she is not?? Hell No! Can you imagine what this will do to her in the end. She is going to LOSE herself. It's obvious, that he doesn't fully appreciate her for who she is. She should be special to him for being herself and if he didn't feel she was enough for him (selfish f***ing bastard) he should have left her.

This type of crap pisses me off because people take other people's feelings/lifestyles for granted so much!! In my opinion (and it IS my opinion), he put her in a situation where he took away her choice by having you on the side. What makes him so special???? GRRRRRRRRRR. Sorry, as a married women, this type of sh*t pisses me off even though I know people do it. I don't care, I don't believe there is ANYTHING anyone can say to make me think this is ok.

 

[LunadeMiel]

what amazes me is that folks stay PROUD and admit to this on a REGULAR....

Ain't that a **** tho... JSMDH at some women...

 

[Ramya]

No disrespect to you and your views but that is just wrong. So now, in order to keep/fufill him she has to mirror what makes you special to please him??? Even if it means being someone/something she is not?? Hell No! Can you imagine what this will do to her in the end. She is going to LOSE herself. It's obvious, that he doesn't fully appreciate her for who she is. She should be special to him for being herself and if he didn't feel she was enough for him (selfish f***ing bastard) he should have left her.

This type of crap pisses me off because people take other people's feelings/lifestyles for granted so much!! In my opinion (and it IS my opinion), he put her in a situation where he took away her choice by having you on the side. What makes him so special???? GRRRRRRRRRR. Sorry, as a married women, this type of sh*t pisses me off even though I know people do it. I don't care, I don't believe there is ANYTHING anyone can say to make me think this is ok.

I think u misunderstood. There was nothing more special about me. I told her why I think he was stepping out cause this really seemed out of character for him. We never had sex. He was emotionally cheating on her and most of it was HIS fault and part of it was hers. He tried talking to her and she would dismiss him. I'm not saying what he did was right but I understood why he did it and she didn't so I told her the truth. If it wasn't me, it would have been someone else the way things were going in their relationship. Screwed up? Yes but that's just how it is sometimes.

 

[MrsQueeny]

WOW!

I know. That was over 10 years ago but that's how it went down. I won't say I am proud per say but it was what it was. Funny because the guy and his gf eventually broke up, not because of me. I met my husband and got married and we were invited to his wedding with his next gf. He was faithful to her, they are still married and we are all cool with each other. Q

ETA: I never had any crazy thoughts or feelings about being with him. From the moment he stepped out on her, I knew I would NEVER want a relationship with him even though he wanted it. I wasn't foolish enough to believe he wouldn't cheat on me. Besides he was one of many of my side pieces and I really didn't have the time for all that. I had one bf that I did the bedroom and feelings stuff with ONLY. I don't do the double dipping stuff when it comes to my vajayjay. But he lived long distance so these other guys just served their purposes in my life at the time. Q

 

[tocktick]

True story....should be on Lifetime TV

I have a male friend that is married with a 3rd child on the way (she is currently 6 months pregnant). A month before fathers day he told me that he had a "chick on the side", that side chick knows about wifey (and is ok with it) and wifey was recently told (by him) about side chick. Wife was upset but continues to stay with him.

Here is the incredible part.......

For weeks he had been telling me how he wanted the side chick and wifey to meet. I thought he had a death wish and told him that it was never going to happen without some serious drama.

Well....for Father's Day wifey asked him what he would like to do. He responded that he wanted them both to meet....and they DID. I’m talking about his whole entire family (wife and kids). I was mad about the kids but anyway he said that his wife barely said anything to her the entire time. I was wondering how come she wasn't swingin' at this ***** :whipped:

Yesterday he told me that the side chick had been feeling like she wasn’t special (the other woman syndrome) and wanted the same type of companionship....even wants to have his child which is ok by him. Wifey wants him to leave side chick alone but he can’t. He says that he loves them both and they love him.

Wifes parents know about it, side chicks parents know about it. WTF

As of yesterday he told me that he was looking to buy a place so that they could all move in. In the end he is hoping that wifey will just let it be and that side chick and wifey will grow to be friends. So in his sick twisted mind it will work out. I was speechless at this point. He's a selfish bastard!

i am thoroughly disgusted at all partied involved. getting the children involved???! i don't know them but i hate them for that.

 

[xxBlackRosexx]

Anyone to sleep with a married man is a fool, with NO class.

 

[carcajada]

True story....should be on Lifetime TV

I have a male friend that is married with a 3rd child on the way (she is currently 6 months pregnant). A month before fathers day he told me that he had a "chick on the side", that side chick knows about wifey (and is ok with it) and wifey was recently told (by him) about side chick. Wife was upset but continues to stay with him.

Here is the incredible part.......

For weeks he had been telling me how he wanted the side chick and wifey to meet. I thought he had a death wish and told him that it was never going to happen without some serious drama.

Well....for Father's Day wifey asked him what he would like to do. He responded that he wanted them both to meet....and they DID. I’m talking about his whole entire family (wife and kids). I was mad about the kids but anyway he said that his wife barely said anything to her the entire time. I was wondering how come she wasn't swingin' at this ***** :whipped:

Yesterday he told me that the side chick had been feeling like she wasn’t special (the other woman syndrome) and wanted the same type of companionship....even wants to have his child which is ok by him. Wifey wants him to leave side chick alone but he can’t. He says that he loves them both and they love him.

Wifes parents know about it, side chicks parents know about it. WTF

As of yesterday he told me that he was looking to buy a place so that they could all move in. In the end he is hoping that wifey will just let it be and that side chick and wifey will grow to be friends. So in his sick twisted mind it will work out. I was speechless at this point. He's a selfish bastard!

I believe this. I wouldn't have believed this if I didn't see it for myself. A former superintendent of a school district here in Houston put herself in that situation. She moved the mistress inside of her home. Her kids were high school aged at the time and were teased at school because of the situation. So, yeah. I completely believe the situation with your male friend.

 

[Candy_C]

Being the chick on th side is no nice place to be

and i'm one of those women who will cause constant grief on the man or just basic upset until i'm out or the other one is out

i could not stand being the "other chick" when i was, and i got out

he is still very much in love with me but couldnt fully dissect himself from his childrens mother

oh well!

Hes not so great as i thought anyway

no car (got banned)
no job (maybe illegal)
no house (reposessed due to illegals)

last thing i heard he takes cocaine

NO THANKS!

 

[ArrrBeee]

True story....should be on Lifetime TV

I have a male friend that is married with a 3rd child on the way (she is currently 6 months pregnant). A month before fathers day he told me that he had a "chick on the side", that side chick knows about wifey (and is ok with it) and wifey was recently told (by him) about side chick. Wife was upset but continues to stay with him.

Here is the incredible part.......

For weeks he had been telling me how he wanted the side chick and wifey to meet. I thought he had a death wish and told him that it was never going to happen without some serious drama.

Well....for Father's Day wifey asked him what he would like to do. He responded that he wanted them both to meet....and they DID. I’m talking about his whole entire family (wife and kids). I was mad about the kids but anyway he said that his wife barely said anything to her the entire time. I was wondering how come she wasn't swingin' at this ***** :whipped:

Yesterday he told me that the side chick had been feeling like she wasn’t special (the other woman syndrome) and wanted the same type of companionship....even wants to have his child which is ok by him. Wifey wants him to leave side chick alone but he can’t. He says that he loves them both and they love him.

Wifes parents know about it, side chicks parents know about it. WTF

As of yesterday he told me that he was looking to buy a place so that they could all move in. In the end he is hoping that wifey will just let it be and that side chick and wifey will grow to be friends. So in his sick twisted mind it will work out. I was speechless at this point. He's a selfish bastard!

I wish I could come up with something to say. I can't so I will sit here and continue to shake my head and stare at the monitor with disbelief.

 

[Princess4real]

what amazes me is that folks stay PROUD and admit to this on a REGULAR....

Yep, on a regular.

 

[treybaby2005]

Yes. In fact, they still live together. Now, when he gets mad at my friend, he goes home to wifey for about 30 days or so, then comes back to her. People think I'm crazy when I tell this, but their relationship has been going on for 2 years now. It happens everyday.... I can't see for the life of me how she puts up with the situation. I mean I told her, if that dude drops dead, his wife reeps all the benefits. You reep nothing. Hell, if he does drop dead, you can't even get listed in the obit program, let alone sit in the "family car."

But fa real fa real, if wifey is smart, she can actually bring litigation and sue my friend for mental cruelty, embarassment and emotional distress and win hands down, for messing with her husband. Plus this wife has children by the husband. In the state of Maryland, she would win hands down. Trust me on this one...

See this was my family growing up when I was younger.My father did this to my mom constantly.Try 10yrs of that crap with a ton of kids.So I do believe there are losers out there like that and women who allow it.This is why I will go ballistic (and leave)if I found out my man was cheating.