Becky is rude. Or is she?

[Caramela]

I'm not being racial, because her name really is Becky. She's my co worker and she asked me if my hair was real. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But the point is why does she feel it's ok to ask me? Is asking someone if their hair is real rude? What are your thoughts?

 

[Hair Iam]

It may not be a racial thing, I think she's noticing progress and wonders if its all yours. Blacks as me that very same question.

 

[Ramya]

I don't think it's proper to do it in the work place but then again I can understand the curiosity. I guess it depends on how it was asked

 

[Lucie]

I am mad her real name is Becky

I really don't know Becky so I couldn't say for sure. Part of me really believes that non-Black women are not used to the idea that many black women (like yourself) have beautiful, long, thick hair. I have never felt comfortable to ask anyone if their hair was real or not. So, I do think she was a bit bold to ask you.

 

[ShiShiPooPoo]

I don't know if it is rude more than it is tacky...it's like asking "how much did you pay for that purse?" or "How much do you weigh?"

 

[aloof one]

I think if you alternate between wearing a weave and not you cant really be offended if people cant catch up and figure out when your hair is real or a weave.

It kinda comes with the territory, its like when folks get implants and get offended when people can spot it--- why did you get something fake if youre gonna be mad when inquiring minds want to know?

BUT If she did sound rude, or if she has issues with you, I would be like right back at her: "Is yours a weave?" If she looks flustered or offended, be like "Well dayum thats how I felt when you asked me!"

 

[cheeks87]

I think if you alternate between wearing a weave and not you cant really be offended if people cant catch up and figure out when your hair is real or a weave.

It kinda comes with the territory, its like when folks get implants and get offended when people can spot it--- why did you get something fake if youre gonna be mad when inquiring minds want to know?

BUT If she did sound rude, or if she has issues with you, I would be like right back at her: "Is yours a weave?" If she looks flustered or offended, be like "Well dayum thats how I felt when you asked me!"

OMG YOUR SIGGIE! Oh Lord

 

[Maynard]

I would tell her that if classified information and if you tell her, you'd have to kill her...

That should shut her up

 

[blazingthru]

I didn't use to think it was rude but I was younger then--now I find it very rude to ask someone if its their hair or not. I think its on the same league of asking someone how much do they weigh as well. However, if someone seriously is trying to find out if I know how to help them. then I wouldn't feel offended.

 

[LongHairDreams]

I am mad her real name is Becky

I really don't know Becky so I couldn't say for sure. Part of me really believes that non-Black women are not used to the idea that many black women (like yourself) have beautiful, long, thick hair. I have never felt comfortable to ask anyone if their hair was real or not. So, I do think she was a bit bold to ask you.

I think if you alternate between wearing a weave and not you cant really be offended if people cant catch up and figure out when your hair is real or a weave.
It kinda comes with the territory, its like when folks get implants and get offended when people can spot it--- why did you get something fake if youre gonna be mad when inquiring minds want to know?

BUT If she did sound rude, or if she has issues with you, I would be like right back at her: "Is yours a weave?" If she looks flustered or offended, be like "Well dayum thats how I felt when you asked me!"

co-signing the above bolded statements. But, i still think its rude to ask. Its just like when Barbra Walters did/does that to the black people on The View.

 

[MeccaMedinah]

She probably meant no harm. There is a white woman (Pat) that I work with who has the most beautiful red head of hair & I wanted to ask her if it was real. What I did was ask a mutual co-worker & she explained that Pat was once a hair model and that her hair was indeed real. So, I went and told Pat that I loved her hair- no malice meant at all.

 

[JustKiya]

If you alternate back and forth, then yeah, I can totally understand her asking - esp. if ya'll work in that kind of environment.

I think I have an odd office, as we talk about our weight (numbers and all) enough that it's not considered rude.

Hrm. Possibily inappropiate, most likely genuine curiosity, doubt she was trying to be rude, and personally, I wouldn't consider it rude.

But then, I've been known to ask folx if they grew all that hair myself, soo....... yeah.

 

[Lady Esquire]

BUT If she did sound rude, or if she has issues with you, I would be like right back at her: "Is yours a weave?" If she looks flustered or offended, be like "Well dayum thats how I felt when you asked me!"

I have done this. In the very same breath as answering "yes, every strand is real, is yours a weave?" Without an attitude or anything, but just to show you that I SEE YOU!

Why is it people, of any ethnicity, feel that its an appropriate question? Just because someone decided to enhance their appearance with hair, breasts, nails, etc... What business is it of yours? You have to be my girl to be that comfortable with me. I will answer the question, but I find it to be a rather nosey and intrusive question. What's next, people are going to go around asking if I have a nipple ring? WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MINE? Okay, vent over.

 

[aloof one]

I have done this. In the very same breath as answering "yes, every strand is real, is yours a weave?" Without an attitude or anything, but just to show you that I SEE YOU!

Why is it people, of any ethnicity, feel that its an appropriate question? Just because someone decided to enhance their appearance with hair, breasts, nails, etc... What business is it of yours? You have to be my girl to be that comfortable with me. I will answer the question, but I find it to be a rather nosey and intrusive question. What's next, people are going to go around asking if I have a nipple ring? WHY ARE YOU ALL UP IN MINE? Okay, vent over.

If I can see it through the shirt I'll ask

 

[Caramela]

I honestly do not think that she was trying to be rude, but I don't think it's good ettiquet to ask someone about something on their person being real. I wouldn't ask anymore about someone's hair than their fake boobs or knock off pocket book. She wasn't rude, but she wasn't discreet either. All those in the surrounding cubicles heard her, I'm sure.

 

[ItsyBitsy]

It all depends on how she asked the question. From your post I think she meant no harm & like the other poster said, she noticed progress.

Last week I had 2 people @ my job ask me similar questions. One asked if I had on a wig & the other asked "Is all that your hair" ? I didn't take offense to it, I took it as a compliment & keep it moving.

What shocked me was when one of the ladies asked if I had veeners or dentures
Again, I know that it was meant as a compliment that I have nice teeth but damn

 

[Hair Iam]

Gin...what are those 2 men doing ?

 

[ItsyBitsy]

Gin...what are those 2 men doing ?

Whatda

It looks like the guy laying down is saying "take it off for daddy"

 

[SoforReal]

I'm not being racial, because her name really is Becky. She's my co worker and she asked me if my hair was real. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But the point is why does she feel it's ok to ask me? Is asking someone if their hair is real rude? What are your thoughts?

It's kind of like a twisted compliment. I had this white lady with long blonde hair at my job say something similar to me. For a week I wore my hair in a small bun. So when I finally got it washed and wore it down she said "Did you get your weave done". I was a little shocked but I quickly told her it was all mine. I guess she thought I didn't have any hair since I wore it up a lot. I took it as a compliment by way of ignorance

 

[Arcadian]

Even though my hair is real I've had a friend of mine (whom I took on a cruise with us..she's white but not named Becky) ask if my hair was real because during the course of our cruise I had my hair in a lot of different styles.

She didn't want to offend but she was really curious on how I was able to do twists or knots and half my hair up in sticks and whatnot.

She can only do one style unless she's got a half day and a hair dresser to mess around with her hair. Me, 30 minutes -1 hour I'm good to go I took 5 minutes to show her how she could make her hair different just by using certain hair toys...that freaked her out


Unless it was done in a snide fashion, she's no doubt really genuinly curious and I would treat it as such.

-A

 

[Lucie]

Even though my hair is real I've had a friend of mine (whom I took on a cruise with us..she's white but not named Becky) ask if my hair was real because during the course of our cruise I had my hair in a lot of different styles.

She didn't want to offend but she was really curious on how I was able to do twists or knots and half my hair up in sticks and whatnot.

She can only do one style unless she's got a half day and a hair dresser to mess around with her hair. Me, 30 minutes -1 hour I'm good to go I took 5 minutes to show her how she could make her hair different just by using certain hair toys...that freaked her out

Unless it was done in a snide fashion, she's no doubt really genuinly curious and I would treat it as such.

-A

My MIL asked DH the same question when we were on the cruise because she could not get over how thick my hair was.

 

[Candycane044]

I was thinking about this the other day. I really have mixed feelings on it. I don't think it's an appropriate question to ask at all, HOWEVER I think if she was honestly curious then I guess there's no harm in it.

Sometimes I just don't think people know their boundaries, I would never ask someone that question that I didn't know, especially not a co-worker.

To put a twist on this: How do you feel when a black woman asks you if your hair is real?

I can say HONESTLY for myself, I'm more offended when a white person asks me than a black person.. It makes no sense, but it is the truth.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I wouldn't take too much offense to it, unless it was done out of malice.

Let's face it, our hair textures are different from some people of other races. of course some differences are going to insight curiosity from others. I don't think that curiosity or a lack of knowledge = racism/malice. Sometimes people just don't know!

I have not known about how some of my own fellow black women have their hair, and how they get it in such intricate styles. I simply ask them. No malice intent at all. I'm just genuinely curious. I've also asked someone of a different race than me about thier hair. No biggie IMO. As long as it is asked in a polite way intending to learn then I have no problem with someone asking me all the questions in the world!

 

[lovelymissyoli]

I think if you alternate between wearing a weave and not you cant really be offended if people cant catch up and figure out when your hair is real or a weave.

It kinda comes with the territory, its like when folks get implants and get offended when people can spot it--- why did you get something fake if youre gonna be mad when inquiring minds want to know?

... at your siggy!! You are too crazy!!

 

[neks4u2c]

I really can't say if she was being rude or not- some people might be fascinated with the length of your hair while others might not believe it is real but overall, I don't think it is polite to ask someone if their hair is real or not. This especially applies when the person asking is not a family member or close friend (not to say that anyone should be asking ).
I found it very embarrasing when a co-worker of mine asked me this same question because it was asked in a very accusing way.

I posted that video of Barbara Walters several days ago- here it is again:

http://www.bestweekever.tv/2006/07/18/icymi-barbara-still-puzzled-by-black-women/

You can see that Brandy did not like the question, but she handled herself extremely well!

 

[aloof one]

I think black people are so dependent on weave and so attached and use it as a sense of self confidence to the point where if anyone talks about it we get offended and angry. Oh she said I had a weave! (well damn, don't you? Would you be mad if he called you out for having a relaxer or wearing a banana clip? Cornrows?)

Most white women think of fake hair as accessories unless they are genuinely going bald it really isn't a big deal to them. We got Jessica Simpson making phony ponies and Paris Hilton selling lace fronts and white folks are proud of wearing them and will gladly tell you what it is and where they got it. I have asked white girls if they have extensions all the time and none of them have flipped on anybody. They ask eachother and don't care either. You rarely see white people pulling weaves off of eachother as the first part of a fight, and you don't hear them calling eachother out on weaves in a negative way. Its just a hair accessory, and they know it.

Unfortunately black women don't realize that, which is why theyre so attached to it and so desperate to keep it a secret. We make something that should be regarded as an accessory into something embarrassing, when someone asks us about this accessory, we act like they asked if we had a yeast infection or if we used to be a man or something. I mean, is it really, really that crucial? The sad thing is it is obvious when people are wearing these things or not (I mean come on, if you are NL thin one day and SL thick the next we know you did some weaving...), and yet we still act like it was a tragedy and a crime against black people for somebody white to ask. Like its a family secret or something. It gets personal. Black women want people to believe they have hair like that we buy in weaves, yet we are offended when people ask if its a weave when we are actually wearing a weave. If its your real hair its cool to say "No, its mine" with a smile. But if its fake we get uncomfortable.

If you can wear the weave, you need to be fierce with it and accept whatever people throw at you. It is your choice, you need to work it or take the weave out. I mean you can either lie and say its yours (and admit to having issues) or admit its an accessory (and be normal) or be offended that somebody asked (which I think is odd, its like being mad somebody asking whether that purse is a real Coach bag--- you got it off the truck to convince somebody it was real and wanna be mad when they call you out?)

 

[Nola Darling]

I'm not being racial, because her name really is Becky. She's my co worker and she asked me if my hair was real. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But the point is why does she feel it's ok to ask me? Is asking someone if their hair is real rude? What are your thoughts?

I'm sorry but

 

[*Muffin*]

It is kind of rude, but I don't think that she was being intentionally rude. I wear my hair up most of the time, but when I take my hair down sometimes I'll hear people (both white and black) ask me if this is all my hair, even though it's only APL. It doesn't really bother me anymore. It's actually a compliment. For them it may be uncommon to see a black woman with longer hair, so they may be compelled to ask if it's real or not. I think she was probably just impressed at the length and health of your hair .

P.S. What are the chances that this girl's name would be Becky ? Ain't that a coincidence?

 

[ajoyfuljoy]

I'm not being racial, because her name really is Becky. She's my co worker and she asked me if my hair was real. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But the point is why does she feel it's ok to ask me? Is asking someone if their hair is real rude? What are your thoughts?

I just stopped right there!

 

[hottestdiva19]

I personally think it's one of those questions that should be avoided. It's just not proper It's a bit embarrassing when I actually am wearing a weave and someone asks me. I feel like im being put on the spot. I hate that feeling so I avoid asking others. Instead I stare at their head for a good minute and see if I can figure it out on my own .....Although I can't stand it when people do this to me