Be Honest: Would You Look At Your Friend Differently

Would You View Your Friend Differently?

  • Yes

    Votes: 120 83.9%

  • No

    Votes: 23 16.1%
  • Total voters
    143
  • Poll closed .
Yes, I kept a grimey arse friend because she had been a childhoold friend. Even though we were nothing alike. I notice how she would slowly try to shyt on my thinking and self respect. Her motto was always, "girl why dont you just live, do you, F what people think" and I would always stand my ground. Anyway, her grimey colors showed and she she tried to do something fowl to me...that's when I realized that I cannot keep company with folks like her. I no longer make excuses for the next chick. If we dont have at least the same moral base and integrity....you can bounce. I like variety in personality, but values MUST be similar. If you are living the trife life to others, then you will eventually be that way to me.

I had to get burned to learn this lesson.

eta: Oh and she told me before that she would have an affair with a married man if she did not know the woman. All I said was wow. Then the other stuff ensued and I was like "well, she told you who she was already, why are you shocked?"
 
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I have a friend who is doing this. She's like a sister to me, and like a good sister I cautioned her sternly and let her learn the hard way.
 
Yeah, I would look at her differently. But I'm not going to judge her. I just wouldn't be interested in hearing about her relationship. I would never meet the man. And id tell her how I feel about it.
Hmm...I guess that means our friendship would suffer, because that would automatically make us hang out less.

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What satisfaction do these women get when dealing with a married man?? What do they provide that a single man can't?
 
chinadoll said:
What satisfaction do these women get when dealing with a married man?? What do they provide that a single man can't?
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I've heard the following.

  • They dont have to worry about commitment because they claim they dont want it.
  • They like knowing that they can pull somebody else's man...it validates them.
  • Some of these women are married themselves and messing with a married man puts them both in a position of having to keep each other's secret
  • They actually feel like they are in love with dude and he with them and they feel he will divorce his wife for them :lol: --truthfully, that ish aint even funny though it's :nono:
 
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Yes and I couldn't be friends with someone like this. I had a "friend" that did this, granted he was separated, but it really soured me towards her and we've never been as close. I love her, but until the divorce goes through he's still married and it's still a bad idea. (This was years ago, he's since divorced but has he married her? Two kids later and nope. :rolleyes:)
 
ChasingBliss said:
Yes, I kept a grimey arse friend because she had been a childhoold friend. Even though we were nothing alike. I notice how she would slowly try to shyt on my thinking and self respect. Her motto was always, "girl why dont you just live, do you, F what people think" and I would always stand my ground. Anyway, her grimey colors showed and she she tried to do something fowl to me...that's when I realized that I cannot keep company with folks like her. I no longer make excuses for the next chick. If we dont have at least the same moral base and integrity....you can bounce. I like variety in personality, but values MUST be similar. If you are living the trife life to others, then you will eventually be that way to me.

I had to get burned to learn this lesson.

eta: Oh and she told me before that she would have an affair with a married man if she did not know the woman. All I said was wow. Then the other stuff ensued and I was like "well, she told you who she was already, why are you shocked?"
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@the bolded - my sentiments exactly.

I don't necessarily judge people but I know that if you lay down with dogs long enough you will come up with fleas. Unfortunately, things aren't as simple as "it's her life. It isn't my business." because the kind of people you surround yourself with directly and indirectly affect your life.
 
I would definitely look at them differently. I wouldnt necessarily drop them, but I would tell them I thought of the behavior and that its wrong.

Now if she's one of those shady skanky, chronic married man daters, then we probably couldnt be friends b/c there is no way I could trust her
 
sistatv no you didn't try to go in on my grammar.:lachen: (Especially when your post was a lot worst than mine.) This is a forum, not school right?

Anyways, just because your friend is sleeping with a married man it does not mean she will come after your man next. People need to stop worrying about what other people are doing in their relationships so much. Focus on making your own marriage better. If she is going out seeking married men to screw that is another story.

And if it's that easy for you to drop a true friend over something like this, I highly doubt she was ever your friend to begin with. When her affair starts affecting you and your family, then you should start pushing her out. Like I said before, it's still all over a man that is not even yours.

Futhermore, as many women are part of this forum I HIGHLY doubt that none of you have cheated on your man or slept with someone elses man knowingly. We are all human and we all make mistakes. Don't be so quick to judge other women.
 
I would not spend as much time with her… largely unconsciously. I would definitely view her differently but if she was a real friend, I wouldn't pull back from her on purpose. I would just try to work through why she was doing this to herself with her.

Hopefully, with time and encouragement, she would drop this bad habit.

For some people, sex (especially the illicit and forbidden variety) is like an addiction. They hurt the people around them and themselves but they just keep doing it. Sometimes it takes strong friends, family and support system to see them through a rough spot. Other times it takes pulling back and letting the person hit rock bottom. It really depends on the situation.
 
Yes. I've had a friend who was (and probably still is) dealing with a married man. She left drama (in her marriage), to only run to more. I love(d) her as a person, but her tendency to want to engulf herself with unnecessary stress--and then call me to cry about it--was not cool.
 
ChasingBliss said:
I've heard the following.

  • They dont have to worry about commitment because they claim they dont want it.
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This reminds me of a woman I knew when I was in college. She stayed sleeping with someone else's man or husband and claimed it was because she "wasn't pressed for commitment."

But as soon as she went on a second date with a single guy, she was talking marriage, trying on his last name, and trying to image what their kids would look like. :lachen: Foolishness!
 
All I can say is this... my closest friend and I have been friends for 15 years and, in the entire time I've known her, she's been 100% OPPOSED to being the "other woman". If she came to me today and said she was someone's mistress, I'd :perplexed and :nono: at the full 180 she'd done in terms of values and conduct and I'd tell her so (that and the fact that I would have absolutely NO part in concealing or enabling her relationship). I would not, however, end our friendship.
 
As for the "extreme" characters, my friend (that I mentioned previously) is a really nice person. Smart, creative, etc. She's not an obvious freak but she is freaky (lol) I wouldn't paint her all good or all bad.

However, I don't believe in these poor victims who fell in love with a married man ... knowingly. You can't Dr. Phil everyone back to their common sense and emotional well-being.
 
SUPER SWEET said:
COULDN"T BE MY FRIEND. Heck call me judgemental. I feel once people do UNMORAL things as such, there are no more limits in my eyes. Because they are labeled as SUPER SELFISH and COLDBLOODED.
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I agree to a degree. I wouldn't write my friend off. But I wouldn't trust her/him because it is a selfish act.

I know someone who's cheating on their DH and the DH is a GOOD MAN>>>>I MEAN A REAL LIVE GOOD MAN.

She's selfish....
 
GulfCoastChica said:
@the bolded - my sentiments exactly.

I don't necessarily judge people but I know that if you lay down with dogs long enough you will come up with fleas. Unfortunately, things aren't as simple as "it's her life. It isn't my business." because the kind of people you surround yourself with directly and indirectly affect your life.
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Exactly.:yep: As I mature I'm learning who you surround yourself with does matter.
 
tru4reele said:
Im sorry but I couldn't be friends with none of yall jugemental women. If you were a real friend you would talk to her and find out more about the situation. Why she is with him? What she likes about him? What he is telling her? If she is in love with this man then she may need ur emotional help. Give her your opinion. That sounds crazy for y'all to say hell naw i won't be her friend no more. Maybe if she is an associate. But my true homie...no way...we ride together forever and always. Ain't no d*ck coming between me and my girl. ESPECIALLY NONE THAT AINT EVEN MINE.
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knt1229 said:
Live and let live and to each her own. I can't sit on my high horse trying to tell another grown person how to live their life. Or act like someone's judge and jury because they make different decisions than me. As long as it's not my hubby she can do what she wants. That's her lesson to learn not mine.
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barbiesocialite said:
naw. not really. :look:

If she's happy, then I'm good. Do you. None of my business. At the same time, don't call me to worry me about foolishness if/when ish starts to hit the fan.... I'm gonna tell you, I toldja so......
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These three posts are good. I just don't care. I really don't care. She's grown, she gonna do what she wanna do. I don't agree with everything my friend(s) do and I'm sure it's vice versa with me. None of my business is all I say.
 
OT sorta but...When I was a teenager my grandmother told me:

Show me your company and I will tell you who YOU are. Yeah yeah, I know everyone knows this saying.

She would say this to me in an attempt to deter me from continuing a friendship with a young lady who didnt seem to care about school or keeping her legs closed. Then one day she turned to drugs. I would tell my grandmother that she was wrong for judging her and that she and mom and dad brought me up right and that just because we were friends does not mean I would do the things she did. Then one day my friend's habit got so bad that she went into a drug rehab place. When she came out, I was so happy to see her. She came to my house, we walked to nearby restaurant to get some food and catch up. WELL, She ran into some friends...well counselors who knew her well. They were happy to see her and they talked for a bit, then one of them turned to me and just came straight out and asked, " SO, what drugs were you using miss?" I could have crawled into a crack in the ground. I dont think I was ever so embarrassed than I was that night. I mean, how dare they assume that I was using drugs? I didnt even look like a user of drugs. I felt so degraded and disgusted... Then my grandmother's words screamed at me. "Show me your company.....

Did I learn? NO

I wish I could share the pathetic details of the 2nd story that sent me into a tail spin...but I shared it briefly in the earlier post. Alls I know is had I learned my lesson the first time...the second atrocity(sp?) would NEVER have happened. I just thank God I got away from the individual before I got swallowed into black hole SHE created.

However, I do understand that different things have a different affect on folks...maybe the next person would have just said, "I never did drugs" and kept it moving....But it impacted me.
 
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She would know I thought it was grimy and that I thought she was better than "slumming." It's slumming when you are o.k. with jump-off/mistress/concubine status. No woman is worth that. I wouldn't lie to my friend by letting her think it's o.k., but I don't think I would stop being her friend.
 
I draw the line when it come s to marriage. IF my so called friend is okay knowingly sleeping with another woman's husband than clearly I need to evaluate why we are friends because our core values aren't aligned. As I get older, I realize that I'm not friends with people just because. We can be different in terms of personality and hobbies out our core values need to be similar. Also if she doesn’t respect another woman's husband then what will stop her for trying to sleep with mine?
 
For the record I'm not trying to come off as some super holy roller. I'm actually empathetic towards people who are suffering. Fidelity is painful and I wouldn't want to experience that myself.
 
Totally! I'm dealing with this right now and sadly my homewrecking friend isn't coming around much anymore. I honestly didn't mean to judge her but she is soooooo wrong on sooooo many levels I wouldn't be me if I didn't call it like I was seein' it!

I love her and I know she'll be back either when she's done with him or he's done with her. A change will come & i'll be there to pick up the pieces.
 
Depends on the person. I'm not married or even close so maybe I'm disqualified. But for every homewrecker there's a cheating husband. I don't think it's wise to date a married man nor I do I think it's moral. But I do think many women tend to let men slide in such situations and blame the lady. Also, there's a lot of gray area. Is he married happy? Married miserable? Married Seperated? Did she always know? If a friend of mine did this, I would tell her I think it's wrong but I wouldn't start looking down on her and treating like she's the worst person on the world. Honestly. She makes her bed and she'll lay in it.
 
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