I've been with my h for 11 years (since I was 18) and of those 11 years, been married almost 3 now. 2 kids, a home and cars.. but I'm not really not feeling it anymore. Long story, no time to give details... but when yours ended why/when and what was the straw that broke the camels back?
I'm going to come from a different perspective - my parents split after 23 years of marriage, and I WAS CRUSHED. At 19, they sat me down one day and told me "we're getting divorced" and I was like "WHAT???" - left and didn't talk to either one for about 4 days. I'm an only child, so we were a threesome and I think that had a lot to do with it. I felt all alone, even at 19.
There's two sides to divorce - it was a crushing blow knowing that my parents threw in the towel rather than taking the steps necessary to try and make things work. Being older, and having started dating, I also had a better understanding of why relationships don't work - and that was also a cold pill to swallow. Knowing that each parent had done (or not done) certain things that are pretty basic to sustaining a relationship.
My parents used to argue over dumb **** until the wee hours of the morning. I'd hear them and just shut my door knowing that by the time I woke up in the morning, everything would be "normal" and we'd go do some family stuff and they'd be over it until the next argument.
But I also had to realize that sometimes things just don't work out. That no amount of counseling could have fixed the problems (actually, looking back BOTH my parents admit that counseling earlier could have fixed a LOT of the issues and probably would have saved their marriage). But my parents are also still good friends - and they made a committment to me, and have kept their commitment that I come first. So at my college graduation, both folks were right there with me (and there together - they were coordinating graduation plans as a unit). Birthdays, they're there. And when I used to *** up in college, they were both on my tail to get things right, together.
The point: I'm not going to lie and say that divorce doesn't suck for kids, because it does. And it's going to be a healing process for the kids. If you're kids are over the age of 10, I'd recommend getting THEM some counseling if you do decide to call it quits - it helps for them to have someone to talk to that isn't MOM or DAD and won't judge them for how they feel. But there's also the realization that parents, as individuals, deserve happiness as much as the children do. And if that is what it takes, so be it.
You gotta do what you have to do. Just make sure that:
- Your kids are constantly reassured that what happens between mommy and daddy has NOTHING to do with them. Cuz kids do blame themselves for their parents' divorce.
- That your kids know that they WILL ALWAYS come first. I don't know the situation between you and your husband, but hopefully you two can come to a place where you can still CO PARENT
- You do what's best for you! But make sure you exhaust all other alternatives.
Hope that helps give an alternative perspective.