Asking For The Father's Or Parents' Blessing?

[LivingDol1]

Hi all,

Was wondering what everyone's opinion was on prior to engagement.... Do you expect your boyfriend to ask your parent/s for his blessing? Is it an important factor for you? Or not a big deal?

Also, is it supposed to be a secret? I would imagine traditionally it's a secret... But maybe I've seen too many movies/Bachelor episodes/etc.

Happy Holidays!

 

[okange76]

Would be nice if they had a man to man chat and he assured my Daddy that he would take good care of me. I'm an only girl amongst a boatload of bros. I would encourage him to seek audience. I want FH I ever find one to have a good rapport with my Dad. That's the only SIL he'll be getting. My mother has plenty of DILs and grandkids to keep her busy.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

It was expected that he would ask my dad. It wasn't a secret and it required an out of town trip.
He also asked my mom, separately.

 

[melisandre]

My whole family knew that FH was going to propose, they did a good job at keeping it secret though. It wasn't a requirement that he seek their approval beforehand, but it was so sweet to hear how much careful planning and forethought went into the proposal.

 

[Mai Tai]

It was the expectation for me and my husband had a chat with my Dad before hand.

 

[bajandoc86]

I would want my SO to have a chat with my Daddy. I am a Daddy's girl, so it's important that he give his blessing.

 

[ladysaraii]

I expect it. If we're talking proposal, everyone should know each other and know how they feel about each other. There shouldn't be any surprises there.

 

[aviddiva77]

My dad maybe. My mom and my brother? Absolutely. But they can be bought so maybe it won't matter...

 

[MzLady78]

Naturally, I'd want my family (mom and siblings) to like my SO, and if they didn't, I'd have to think long and hard about why. They're accepting of everyone until/unless they have reason not to be.

But as far as asking permission, nah, he don't need to do all that. Not my thing.

 

[okange76]

@MzLady78

Don't accidentally fall for an African from a traditional family. He will be buying your brother beer often to butter him up and will show up at your Mum's door with his older brothers, cousin and an uncle or two. They will speak on his behalf asking your Mum for permission.

 

[MzLady78]

@MzLady78

Don't accidentally fall for an African from a traditional family. He will be buying your brother beer often to butter him up and will show up at your Mum's door with his older brothers, cousin and an uncle or two. They will speak on his behalf asking your Mum for permission.

I wouldn't be mad if he did, but I wouldn't be mad if he didn't. I'm completely indifferent.

 

[Fine 4s]

The only person that would have been important to me was my mom and my grandmother. I couldn't care less of what my father thinks. Heck, he doesn't even KNOW me well enough. My grandmother is on her last leg so SO got it really easy.

 

[NowIAmNappy]

I'm not close with my father; however, my fiance felt it was important for him to ask my hand in marriage. We flew back home to Texas because he wanted to meet him and ask him in person, he's very traditional like that. Me personally, I would have married him without my father's "blessing"/

 

[lux10023]

yeah super traditional..im the baby and only girl in the family...aint no way they letting me go without that approval...

also a man needs to know that another older man wants the best for you...man understand man speak....so that conversation is a very critical one..most men dont forget that convo as a father will be very clear and concise on letting another man take over in the protector and provider role....

a your future dh must know the type of gift/prize he is receiving with you..only a father can express that man to man...

 

[ladysaraii]

yeah super traditional..im the baby and only girl in the family...aint no way they letting me go without that approval...

also a man needs to know that another older man wants the best for you...man understand man speak....so that conversation is a very critical one..most men dont forget that convo as a father will be very clear and concise on letting another man take over in the protector and provider role....

a your future dh must know the type of gift/prize he is receiving with you..only a father can express that man to man...

Agreed. To me its not about asking permission. I think it's good a guy to know that his woman has people who love her and will look out for her and have expectations from them. And I think it needs to come from a man. Father, grandfather, trusted uncle, etc. But I don't think men really listen to women the same that they do to men.

 

[Fine 4s]

@ladysaraii and @lux10023

You ladies might have nailed the real reason.
A male friend of mine always said to let any man I'm dating know that I have people who look out for me and that I'm not alone. He said it because I don't have parents around who most likely would guard me. Your explanation lines up with what he said.

 

[MamaBear2012]

I'm not really close to my dad, but DH did ask him for his blessing. It was done secretly.

 

[biznesswmn]

@ladysaraii and @lux10023

You ladies might have nailed the real reason.
A male friend of mine always said to let any man I'm dating know that I have people who look out for me and that I'm not alone. He said it because I don't have parents around who most likely would guard me. Your explanation lines up with what he said.

My dad told me the same thing. He said if a man knows that u dont hav other men around who will cover you then he will try to take advantage of that. Its a way of keeping him in check

DH askd my dad and talkd to my family before he proposed. Im all excited to call them and show them my ring and theyre like 'we know!' LOL

 

[PeaceLover]

Yes, it's an requirement & he knows that.

 

[PatTodd]

My husband did (secretly) ask my mom. I thought it was a lovely gesture.

 

[FemmeFatale]

Yes I'd want him to speak to my dad, but then again my dad is the type to speak with any man first to vet him.

 

[Phoenix14]

Oh he needs to ask my parents and my sister lol. But he knows this

 

[Loving]

It was expected and DH did.

 

[LiftedUp]

No. I don't need it neither do I want it but knowing him he may do it without my knowledge.

My bf has been on family vacations with us so yea he knows them well enough.

 

[MizAvalon]

DH is traditional like that so I knew that he was going to ask for permission.

My Dad is deceased so the day we got engaged he secretly called my Mom that morning to ask for her blessing. We got engaged later that night.

 

[ScorpioBeauty09]

I'm nowhere near this but I expect my SO to at least ask for my parents' blessing before proposing.

 

[Seraphina]

yeah super traditional..im the baby and only girl in the family...aint no way they letting me go without that approval...

also a man needs to know that another older man wants the best for you...man understand man speak....so that conversation is a very critical one..most men dont forget that convo as a father will be very clear and concise on letting another man take over in the protector and provider role....

a your future dh must know the type of gift/prize he is receiving with you..only a father can express that man to man...

I'm really feeling the bolded. I wouldn't want him to ask my dad (who has been absent until just last year). I started talking to him again this year after years and years of being out of contact. And he's been crossing some boundaries with me and my brother trying to exert some sort of authority of us, so I resent indulging that by having FH ask for permission from him.

He would definitely have to talk to my mother and step-father. They're very laid back people and probably wouldn't get upset if he didn't, but I would like him to. And my brother would insist on it.

 

[smwrigh3]

I want my future husband to ask out of respect. But my parent hold no weight in my relationships, so I would marry someone even if my parents didn't give their blessing.

 

[FearlessNik]

Nope. Nope. And Nope. To me that just reinforces Patriarchy. Women are no longer property, so no "blessing/ permission" is required.