Are your guy friends having a hard time finding a serious relationship?

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yes, I have. But normally the woman they like are not good for them. And the ones that are good for them, they don't like.

:werd:



I have found this to be generally true too. erplexed I find that a lot of these men who are still single in their 30s+ and have NEVER been married are either players, got issues, or are WAY too picky. USUALLY it's the latter....

I hate to make a broad generalization because there are ALWAYS exceptions to every rule, but a lot of times if a MAN is still single, there's a reason for that. Men can choose easily, and it's not hard to find women who just want anything in pants. So a lot of times I see men who are still bachelors in their 40's and when you talk with them, they're looking for perfection.

I notice some men just go for the "hot chick" but not necessarily the woman who might be best for them. Not only that, but they'll stay with a drama-filled woman instead of getting with the "nice girl" who is drama-free, has a good head on her shoulders, and has a lot going on in her life.

It's crazy, but hey....I guess it's the same with women and the "bad boy" syndrome. Some men are "too boring", or "too corny", "too nice", or too WHATEVER, and those men get overlooked as well.

So....the grass really isn't greener anywhere....you might as well stay on your own lawn lol

 

[Browndilocks]

I agree with above poster. They don't really want to settle down so that's they're excuse.

I remember this one guy from a different culture said that black men in the US want to live in an eternal music video. Don't know why but that always stuck with me....

 

[brownb83]

Lmao, yes! They really do. I think I made a thread awhile back about dream girl expectations.

But anyway, I agree with the poster who said their talk and their action don't match. A lot of men won't to turn a heaux to a housewife. And I don't mean a girl who is literally a heaux, but in the sex-party-tequila phase of life. They want fun to turn into a lifetime. But don't give effort into making lifetime fun.

GIRL!!! I wanna print this out and make flyers, its soo true.

 

[Ogoma]

I agree with fasika. A lot of them are 5s (on the man scale) looking 10s (on the woman scale) and complaining they cannot get 10s. They need to spend more time finding their level. They eventually get there.

 

[dannie]

^^^ I don't recall any guys like that. Most of them really do have it going on in one way or the other. As mentioned, they just have to come back down to earth. They get over it eventually.

Sidenote: have you seen Heather Lindsey's youtube? She's cute - I like her, but her husband made a video that basically said the same thing. Something to the effect of not getting exactly what you say you want. Thought it was kinda funny. Especially when he was implying that she didn't cook the things he liked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FAd6dQYmHM&feature=c4-overview&list=UUttZ5MEJtUXkKyVYMNwHQdQ

I just watched her videos, love it! They are so cute together, good advice too.

 

[Layluh]

Theres a black guy in my office who told me he wants a family and is looking but all the girls he's running into want boyfriends. He runs into women who are confused, bisexual, lesbian and it just isn't what he's looking for. He also said he wants to marry someone he's never had sex with, she ain't gotta be all virginal. But he truly wants a friend/companion.

He said in the past he looked for all the wrong things in a woman...but has grown to know how ridiculous he was being. He doesn't want anything special, but he wants what his parents had.

There's another guy in my office, quiet- asian- humble-not seeing anyone. He isn't racist but can't find anyone either.

Both are in their 30s, so they're out there lol.

However, both are uneducated which is a problem for a lot of women but they make good money.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

GIRL!!! I wanna print this out and make flyers, its soo true.

Flyers, though

 

[Holla]

Now I've DEFINITELY heard a few guy friends mention this to me. They SWEAR to me that to women it just LOOKS like men have more "options" since there are so many women compared to men, but they swear that finding a GOOD quality woman is VERY rare.

They have told me that finding a woman that you're attracted to, interested in, who is also a GOOD person, has a good head on her shoulders, is responsible, and also a woman who is wife material and who they would ALSO want to be the mother of THEIR children is extremely HARD. erplexed

I can see how that could be the case.


Sometimes we women think that the grass is always greener on the other side, but in reality....sometimes it's not.

I've been saying this for YEARS!!!! Black women tend to sell themselves short when it comes to dating simply because of the constant garbage out there about women outnumbering men. So a lot of women would rather put up with BS from the "good" ones because "those" are hard to find among the "few" out there. Nonsense. This is why Black men 35+, well educated, high income earners, never been married, no kids....are STILL single and dating around.

I *know* that what my guy friends have to choose from is slim pickings so they need not act like they are irreplaceable in their relationships. I know because I meet women all the time who are quick to share their mental instability, lack of skills, lack of self-esteem, inability to hold a conversation, daddy issues, waiting for Prince Charming, bad attitudes, etc. With all the Black networking events where women make up 90% of the people in attendance, it is not hard to pick up on the fact that some (really many) of these women have real issues.....many of which prevent them from being in a good relationship. One guy readily admitted that out of every 10 women, maybe 2 would make good choices as better halves.
The rest...well...

 

[kweenameena]

I think it's also due to the fact that lots of men wait until they are 35+ to even begin considering marriage. Most men focus on their careers and then realize how lonely it is at the top. My brother used to tell me to get a man who is 35 or older because they are ready for something serious because they're established. But before they feel established....they might get into a LTR but they aren't really motivated to get married.

 

[NijaG]

I've been saying this for YEARS!!!! Black women tend to sell themselves short when it comes to dating simply because of the constant garbage out there about women outnumbering men. So a lot of women would rather put up with BS from the "good" ones because "those" are hard to find among the "few" out there. Nonsense. This is why Black men 35+, well educated, high income earners, never been married, no kids....are STILL single and dating around.


I *know* that what my guy friends have to choose from is slim pickings so they need not act like they are irreplaceable in their relationships. I know because I meet women all the time who are quick to share their mental instability, lack of skills, lack of self-esteem, inability to hold a conversation, daddy issues, waiting for Prince Charming, bad attitudes, etc. With all the Black networking events where women make up 90% of the people in attendance, it is not hard to pick up on the fact that some (really many) of these women have real issues.....many of which prevent them from being in a good relationship. One guy readily admitted that out of every 10 women, maybe 2 would make good choices as better halves.
The rest...well...

That's part of the issue though with some of these Black men, especially the ones that have been told they are a good catch. Many feel they can wait as long as possible mid-30's plus before they start looking for someone serious to settle down with. Since they can usually date younger, they think have all the time and it would easy to find someone once THEY are the one who is ready.

Of course the stats about there being more BW to BM and the option to date/marry out compounds the issue.

Also like others have said, some of these guys are not as ready as they think they are for they type of woman they feel they want.

Sometimes these men who can be wonderful brothers, cousins, uncles, friends can be something else in their romantic relationships. That's why I never vouch 100% for any man (relative or friend) that I'm close with to female friends who inquire or show interest.

My standard phrase is...... I can tell you how this person is as a (relation and/or friend), but I can't tell you how they are as a potential SO.

 

[SincerelyJane]

Lol at Black women open to dating black men. I do the working just tickled me.
Uhm I know many black men engaged married or seriously bood up

LOL nadaa16 I used that wording because I've heard a few black men say the date white women because "black girls don't like me."

So I added that qualifier

I have my own opinions on that situation but that's a different thread.

 

[DayStar]

I know guys like this.

 

[RUBY]

Sometimes these men who can be wonderful brothers, cousins, uncles, friends can be something else in their romantic relationships. That's why I never vouch 100% for any man (relative or friend) that I'm close with to female friends who inquire or show interest. My standard phrase is...... I can tell you how this person is as a (relation and/or friend), but I can't tell you how they are as a potential SO.[/QUOTE]

I totally agree with the above. Some women have no real sense of how their male relatives really treat or behave in their relationships basing their opinions on their own relationship with them which is like comparing apples and oranges. A good brother/son/cousin to you doesn't necessarily equate to a good SO to someone else.

 

[MsKinkycurl]

I think most of the men that do this are either saying they want an "x" woman but are entering in relationships with "y" women or they are just being too lazy to actually find the right person. Women read dating books and worry about placing themselves in the right situations to find a suitable guy. Some men will go all the way to the club to find a jump off but expect to spot their future wife during their daily activities.

Sent from my SCH-I535 using LHCF

 

[lux10023]

YES i do know alotta single men who are great on paper...and ditto to the sentiments you don't know how a friend/associate would be in a rlp

i will not introduce another women to any successful..well off man i know because of this--i dont know what di hell dude is like behind those closed doors---and I've had friends/associate be like lux...dude did xyz!! I'm like oh no...smdhhh so those days are over..at most--at most I will confirm if a man is single or not and if by choice said lady wishes to proceed okay!!!

I've played match maker and it has worked and I've played match maker and it has not--causing the social circle dynamics to change due to the ratchet-ness of said man or woman---ijs

 

[jeanghrey]

I know a guy like this, late 40's, doctor, very attractive physically; always speaks of how much he wants a family, but after a few conversations I lost total interest in him....came across as narcissistic and expected his partner to do everything in the relationship, oh and still wanted the option to go on trips with his lady friends (insert side eye here)...

 

[DarkJoy]

I know a guy like this, late 40's, doctor, very attractive physically; always speaks of how much he wants a family, but after a few conversations I lost total interest in him....came across as narcissistic and expected his partner to do everything in the relationship, oh and still wanted the option to go on trips with his lady friends (insert side eye here)...

This is what im saying. These guys are 4s in some way. They are usually crazy or emotional infants even if they are at least 7s everywhere else

 

[jeanghrey]

This is what im saying. These guys are 4s in some way. They are usually crazy or emotional infants even if they are at least 7s everywhere else

Overall he seems like a decent person but there an element of emotional development that seems arrested in adolescence, like peter Pan syndrome....

 

[Kindheart]

i have a couple of friends in their 30's 40's not able to find a woman .I suspect they re all emotionally unavailable and emotionally immature .
One in particular never seem to claim anyone ,he thinks dating is just hanging out and being in a relationship is just "kicking it " so he says he s never been in a relationship in 38 years of life,women try to claim him but he doesnt want anyone. He loves latinas but apparently he cant find one of those either .He s attractive ,owns 2 properties and 4 cars ,a bit childish but overall a nice dude.

 

[pink_flower]

I was this person. I have dated these guys too. I will say in a nutshell these guys are emotionally unavailable. A lot of times the very thing you SAY you want you avoid(unconsciously).

You crave intimacy yet fear it at the same time. There is a lot of risk involved. Wanting all the good but none of the bad. It's a cycle.

 

[sweetvi]

^^^ I don't recall any guys like that. Most of them really do have it going on in one way or the other. As mentioned, they just have to come back down to earth. They get over it eventually.

Sidenote: have you seen Heather Lindsey's youtube? She's cute - I like her, but her husband made a video that basically said the same thing. Something to the effect of not getting exactly what you say you want. Thought it was kinda funny. Especially when he was implying that she didn't cook the things he liked.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8FAd6dQYmHM&feature=c4-overview&list=UUttZ5MEJtUXkKyVYMNwHQdQ

Browndilocks

for some reason, his video kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I can't exactly explain it, seemed superficial especially coming from a pastor. Hmmm I guess it is all comes down to looks, even if you have all the qualities needed to make a wife. If you don;t have that physical attraction, get to the back of the bus

 

[Harina]

Browndilocks

for some reason, his video kinda rubbed me the wrong way. I can't exactly explain it, seemed superficial especially coming from a pastor. Hmmm I guess it is all comes down to looks, even if you have all the qualities needed to make a wife. If you don;t have that physical attraction, get to the back of the bus

That really is all it's about. I really don't think women truly realize the extent of just how much they would be disregarded or completely ignored if they looked differently even if they had a great personality. Like people letting doors slam in your face, that type of thing.

I've said this before but I've come across men who have treated me very rudely when I looked one way than maybe a week later will completely change their tunes because I look another way. It's comical.

 

[julzinha]

That really is all it's about. I really don't think women truly realize the extent of just how much they would be disregarded or completely ignored if they looked differently even if they had a great personality. Like people letting doors slam in your face, that type of thing.

I've said this before but I've come across men who have treated me very rudely when I looked one way than maybe a week later will completely change their tunes because I look another way. It's comical.

That another one of their problems! Looks fade if you don't learn to love the person for who they are then that relationship won't last. The Lindsey's seem like a cute couple but if he overlooked certain things because she looks good then they'll eventually have problems.