Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of action?

[BGT]

OK, please don't get me wrong. I hope I don't come out sounding conceited or b!tchy, (because that is not at ALL my intentions) but I need to know if I'm not alone here.

I would consider myself to be the most attractive out of all my friends. I have been openly complimented by other females while out in public, but never by guys! I feel that I have a lot to offer. I'm attractive, smart, getting my college degree, articulate, focused, goal-oriented, kinda entertaining, can cook pretty well. So why am I the only one single?

Not only that, I've NEVER had a BF! erplexed I've got one friend married, one engaged, another in a serious relationship, and I can't even get a holla. Granted, we are all 19-20 years old but sometimes I feel as if I am destined to be single.

I have had 3 really close male friends who might have been something if the time was right.

One was a white guy I've known for a long time. We've always had a crush on each other (he used to tell his granny that I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen ) But I think he was afraid of a relationship. He was taking me to a graduation party of a mutual friend and we stopped at Walgreen's to pick up a greetings card. It was the first time we had been alone (without a group of friends) in public and he seemed kind of ashamed... he would walk fast in front of me, as if he didn't want people to think we were together (which we weren't!) And once we got to the party, he hid in the bathroom almost the entire time.

Another was a really sweet black guy who I just loved. But mutual friends had the feeling that he was just too intimidated by me (my speech, the way I put myself together, my aspirations...). He just couldn't handle it.

The last one was another nice black guy. My senior prom date. He seemed to like me a lot and I thought I did too, but I just wasn't physically attracted to him enough and I thought he was just toooooooo nice (I hate chivalry ). He responded by telling our co-workers that I was a b!tch.

So I guess what I'm wondering is why I'm not getting any love or attention. erplexed My sister says that the way I carry myself, and the way I look and dress, and the way I speak -- it makes me seem like I have everything together. Like, "Why approach this girl? I'm gonna get shot down anyway." But I'm thinking, "Approach! Approach!"

Anyone else feel the same way?

 

[ThickHair]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Um, maybe you are not the most attractive out of your friends or your personality is very ugly.

Not trying to be mean spirited just putting it out there. Something is up.

 

[Filmatic]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

I kind of agree with ThickHair. I know you said that you're not trying to brag, but maybe in real life this is how people perceive you. Maybe they think you are too into yourself.

Also are you really a nice person? You mistreated the last dude be you don't like chilvary( I just don't get that) but when white dude walked along with him you say you didn't like it but you still keep him as an interest. Are you passing up the nice ones because they hold a door open while waiting on the one that doesn't want to be seen in public with you?

And other may see your friends as beautiful even if you don't.

 

[SpiritJunkie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Beauty is subjective. I think Jay z is pretty charismatic and handsome dude..some think he is ugly and looks like a camel.

Also beauty is skin deep, if you don't exude beauty kindness from the inside you just ugly from the out.

your young so i guess the "good look" crew is what's up now.

 

[adi687]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

I don't know about being the most attractive but I agree with what your sister said. I feel like the way I carry myself scare people away or make me look uninteresting. I'm working on that though.
Maybe you can take some time to look at yourself, more on the inside and see what you can improve to better yourself.

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Um, maybe you are not the most attractive out of your friends or your personality is very ugly.

Not trying to be mean spirited just putting it out there. Something is up.

I kind of agree with ThickHair. I know you said that you're not trying to brag, but maybe in real life this is how people perceive you. Maybe they think you are too into yourself.

Also are you really a nice person? You mistreated the last dude be you don't like chilvary( I just don't get that) but when white dude walked along with him you say you didn't like it but you still keep him as an interest. Are you passing up the nice ones because they hold a door open while waiting on the one that doesn't want to be seen in public with you?

And other may see your friends as beautiful even if you don't.

I see what you guys are saying. I don't think I'm mean-spirited. I think I am genuinely nice, but it's hard for me to show my personality as soon as you meet me. Like, you have to get to know me before I can feel comfortable to show you my real side. People always say that I'm really quite. It's not that I'm quite; it's that I don't know you well enough to go full out because my full-out is REALLY out there.

But I feel when I am out in public, I am pretty friendly and outgoing. Always willing to strike up a convo and making eye contact and smiling.... trying to joke and make small talk. I mean, I'm always trying to improve how I treat other people. I'm human, not perfect. I'm still young... trying to grow into my own. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't have a clue what to do.

I've been told that sometimes I seem cold and unapproachable but I am not like that 100% of the time. Yeah, I have my moments when I don't want to be bothered, but most of the time I think I am open.

I think also, I go to a university that is 70% white and maybe 7% black. I am usually the only black person in class, which is a shame right there. So, when classes first started in January, I guess the other students kinda have this misconception that some black kids are not the best students so they are all pairing off to form study groups. And I'm kinda left in the shuffle. erplexed

Oh and about those guys. I don't speak to any of them anymore. Especially the white guy. After he did that, i stopped talking to him. That was just rude.

I know you said that you're not trying to brag, but maybe in real life this is how people perceive you. Maybe they think you are too into yourself

I think this is interesting. It's strange for me to think that people think that about me.... but I actually have like zero self confidence. I know guys like confidence, but it's hard to portray that when you don't feel good about yourself. but then, how can you build your self-confidence when you are overlooked?

 

[Cincysweetie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Looks are not everything and like someone else said looks are subjective. As an example, you may consider yourself to be more beautiful than all of your friends (nothing wrong with a little confidence) but a man may look at you and say "too much makeup". Also, I wonder what your personality and the way you carry yourself truly says to men? Could it be that what you call confidence may in fact come off at being conceited? I think a lot of times women may think of themselves as intimidating when in fact a man sees an unapproachable, stuck up/bougie (sp?) *****.

Anyway, you are young. You have probably not yet even met a QUARTER of the men you will encounter throughout the span of your life. Be patient and focus your energies not on the outside (because according to you, all that is together and trust me there are many women with good looks) but instead on what's inside, that's what makes you a true showstopper. It's great that you're articulate, but does he feel like he can actually engage in a conversation with you or are you a know-it-all? Awesome that you can cook, but are you likeable enough to where he wants to be in your company long enough to share a meal? And kudos for being smart and getting your college degree, but honey you are not alone! That by itself is not gonna make you stand out. Please don't take my post as being harsh, just trying to share my thoughts on your situation.

 

[ThickHair]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

From reading your last post it seems like you are trying TOO hard and that is a turn off. You are also making the decisions for folks you don't even know. ie more yt folks then black folks and automatically assuming they are paring off because there is some preconceived (sp) adversion. You might be giving off "the vibe", the "stank" vibe.

Being easy going comes naturally but it seems like you turn it on and off at will, according to "whatever" situation you are in. Again, not attractive.

 

[Cincysweetie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

I see what you guys are saying. I don't think I'm mean-spirited. I think I am genuinely nice, but it's hard for me to show my personality as soon as you meet me. Like, you have to get to know me before I can feel comfortable to show you my real side. People always say that I'm really quite. It's not that I'm quite; it's that I don't know you well enough to go full out because my full-out is REALLY out there.

But I feel when I am out in public, I am pretty friendly and outgoing. Always willing to strike up a convo and making eye contact and smiling.... trying to joke and make small talk. I mean, I'm always trying to improve how I treat other people. I'm human, not perfect. I'm still young... trying to grow into my own. I'm just at a point in my life where I don't have a clue what to do.

I've been told that sometimes I seem cold and unapproachable but I am not like that 100% of the time. Yeah, I have my moments when I don't want to be bothered, but most of the time I think I am open.

I think also, I go to a university that is 70% white and maybe 7% black. I am usually the only black person in class, which is a shame right there. So, when classes first started in January, I guess the other students kinda have this misconception that some black kids are not the best students so they are all pairing off to form study groups. And I'm kinda left in the shuffle. erplexed

Oh and about those guys. I don't speak to any of them anymore. Especially the white guy. After he did that, i stopped talking to him. That was just rude.



I think this is interesting. It's strange for me to think that people think that about me.... but I actually have like zero self confidence. I know guys like confidence, but it's hard to portray that when you don't feel good about yourself. but then, how can you build your self-confidence when you are overlooked?

You are young and sometimes at that age, one's self-confidence is not at it's peak. As you grow and mature, hopefully your self-confidence will do the same. I also attended a college that was pre-dominantly white and I was often the only black person in my classes. At first, I thought I had to work extra hard to prove that I was worthy of being there. But I let go of that and instead focused on learning and making the most of being the "odd man" out. Trust me, it will help you once you get into "the real world" because you will likely be outnumbered then also.

Anywho, I wish I could tell you that I came away from college with a man, but I didn't and neither did the majority of my friends. But I'm okay with that because I have actually met more men post-college and had deeper more fulfilling relationships since then! College is not the end-all be-all of relationships although some people want to make it seem like that.

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

You guys are really being helpful. It may sound like harsh criticism, but I think this is the kind of stuff I needed to hear that my family and friends would never tell me. I am really trying to go through a metamorphosis... I really want to be in a different station of life by the time I turn 20 this summer. I don't want to enter my twenties with all this baggage. Hopefully, my 7 weeks in Paris this summer will give me a chance to reflect and learn.

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

You are young and sometimes at that age, one's self-confidence is not at it's peak. As you grow and mature, hopefully your self-confidence will do the same. I also attended a college that was pre-dominantly white and I was often the only black person in my classes. At first, I thought I had to work extra hard to prove that I was worthy of being there. But I let go of that and instead focused on learning and making the most of being the "odd man" out. Trust me, it will help you once you get into "the real world" because you will likely be outnumbered then also.

Anywho, I wish I could tell you that I came away from college with a man, but I didn't and neither did the majority of my friends. But I'm okay with that because I have actually met more men post-college and had deeper more fulfilling relationships since then! College is not the end-all be-all of relationships although some people want to make it seem like that.

That's how I feel sometimes. I have a lot of self-imposed pressure based on what I think others are thinking of me all the time. I really need to not let what others think shape or influence how I think and feel about myself. :sigh: i hope that will come in time.

 

[phynestone]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

No, all of my friends (and I) are cute.

 

[Cincysweetie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

That's how I feel sometimes. I have a lot of self-imposed pressure based on what I think others are thinking of me all the time. I really need to not let what others think shape or influence how I think and feel about myself. :sigh: i hope that will come in time.

Yes, you do and it will come in time. But it may take time because sometimes those negative thoughts are hard to let go of. Honey, I remember sitting in a class where (white) students said they felt Affirmative Action needed to be done away with because unqualified Black folks were getting into college over more qualified white folks. And yes, I was THE only black girl in the class and I sure felt them looking at me sideways out of the corner of their eyes. So I know how it feels to have pressure. But ummm...I've got my degree, double majored, had over a 3.0 and I'm doing just fine! Where are they now? Don't know, don't care! So you hang in there, you will be just fine.

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Yes, you do and it will come in time. But it may take time because sometimes those negative thoughts are hard to let go of. Honey, I remember sitting in a class where (white) students said they felt Affirmative Action needed to be done away with because unqualified Black folks were getting into college over more qualified white folks. And yes, I was THE only black girl in the class and I sure felt them looking at me sideways out of the corner of their eyes. So I know how it feels to have pressure. But ummm...I've got my degree, double majored, had over a 3.0 and I'm doing just fine! Where are they now? Don't know, don't care! So you hang in there, you will be just fine.

What did you say to that? I would have just loved to be there and tell them something.

 

[Mai Tai]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

One day I was out with some friends, and this man came up to me and said, "I think you are the most beautiful woman in here!" Now I know he'd probably used that line on many women that night, but I smiled anyway and told him thanks for compliment. He was completely thrown off by my response, and this started a pretty good conversation. Why, you ask? Because he told me that there is nothing worse then a very attractive woman who knows she is attractive, but has a nasty attitude to where she cannot graciously accept a compliment. My point is that there are a lot of beautiful, college educated, articulate women in this world. TONS! However, when you walk around like "Yeah I know I'm the sh-t!" yet you appear stand-off-ish to men, this is a huge turn off.

Most men that I know told me that it's not the most physically attractive woman that caught their eye. It's the one that looks like she's happy (with life and herself), look's like she's having a good time (while remaining classy), takes pride in her outward/and inward appearance, and can hold a conversation about anything without taking herself too seriously. Men love women who enjoy being women, and if you walking around looking all "cold-hearted" then this is an instant deterrent.

I hope you know that before any man can love you, you have to love yourself because no man can give you something that you don't already have inside.

 

[Cincysweetie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

What did you say to that? I would have just loved to be there and tell them something.

I did not say a single word because I didn't need to say anything. My college entrance qualifications spoke volumes. It was my GPA from high school, my ACT test scores, and my community service work that got me into school, not Affirmative Action. I knew I was worthy of being there and did not care if they agreed or not. Plus I also knew that more white women benefited from Affirmative Action than any other group, so whateva!

 

[LongCurlz]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

If you are fine you are going to get tons of attention from men no matter how your attitiude is. Maybe there is something about u men dont find attractive

 

[inthepink]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Not having anything to do with being more beautiful than friends but other than that, I am pretty much in the same situation as you. I get compliments all the time from women or men out of my dating range in one way or another. But never any guy of any potential. I've never had a real relationship with a guy either. I'm 36. I am guessing you are much younger so I hope you begin to work on figuring out what it is so you aren't still wondering at 36

 

[iCandyc]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Perhaps they have better bodies? I know some men will pass up looks for a "donk" ne day

 

[Dposh167]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Perhaps they have better bodies? I know some men will pass up looks for a "donk" ne day

me too....lol

 

[Cincysweetie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

If you are fine you are going to get tons of attention from men no matter how your attitiude is. Maybe there is something about u men dont find attractive

Yeah you can def. attract a man because of your looks but your looks alone won't keep him. So if she's hoping to get and keep a man's attention, she better have more than looks working in her favor. JMHO.

 

[TheseStankyLegs]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Perhaps they have better bodies? I know some men will pass up looks for a "donk" ne day

This is my answer as well.

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Maybe I need to watch the new movie He's Just Not That Into You..... may give me some tips.

 

[Filmatic]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Maybe I need to watch the new movie He's Just Not That Into You..... may give me some tips.

You know there won't be any people that look like us in that movie. I have always been the only black student in my classes until I got to college then I left my first school and ended back in that same situation. I know in high school that people wondered how I got to be there, but I never let that bother me. I knew why I was there, I knew why I got awards. I worked for it. Never live your life on what other think and you'll draw them to you anyway.


OT:Are you going to the Southern Meetup?

 

[topnotch1010]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

One day I was out with some friends, and this man came up to me and said, "I think you are the most beautiful woman in here!" Now I know he'd probably used that line on many women that night, but I smiled anyway and told him thanks for compliment. He was completely thrown off by my response, and this started a pretty good conversation. Why, you ask? Because he told me that there is nothing worse then a very attractive woman who knows she is attractive, but has a nasty attitude to where she cannot graciously accept a compliment. My point is that there are a lot of beautiful, college educated, articulate women in this world. TONS! However, when you walk around like "Yeah I know I'm the sh-t!" yet you appear stand-off-ish to men, this is a huge turn off.

Most men that I know told me that it's not the most physically attractive woman that caught their eye. It's the one that looks like she's happy (with life and herself), look's like she's having a good time (while remaining classy), takes pride in her outward/and inward appearance, and can hold a conversation about anything without taking herself too seriously. Men love women who enjoy being women, and if you walking around looking all "cold-hearted" then this is an instant deterrent.

I hope you know that before any man can love you, you have to love yourself because no man can give you something that you don't already have inside.

I'm beautiful (IMO) but that ain't what got me 5 proposals from 4 different men. It's my love of life. I love being the life of the party! And I love making everyone around me feel good too! If you think you are the most beautiful of all your friends and wonder why they got all the play and you didn't, believe me, it probably shows in your attitude. A pretty face can only get you so far...

 

[BGT]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

You know there won't be any people that look like us in that movie. I have always been the only black student in my classes until I got to college then I left my first school and ended back in that same situation. I know in high school that people wondered how I got to be there, but I never let that bother me. I knew why I was there, I knew why I got awards. I worked for it. Never live your life on what other think and you'll draw them to you anyway.


OT:Are you going to the Southern Meetup?

Well, I was gonna see that movie anyway. Looked funny. I'd LOVE to go to Memphis for that meet-up, but I am saving up to go to Paris this summer so no.

 

[vpoetic]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

One day I was out with some friends, and this man came up to me and said, "I think you are the most beautiful woman in here!" Now I know he'd probably used that line on many women that night, but I smiled anyway and told him thanks for compliment. He was completely thrown off by my response, and this started a pretty good conversation. Why, you ask? Because he told me that there is nothing worse then a very attractive woman who knows she is attractive, but has a nasty attitude to where she cannot graciously accept a compliment. My point is that there are a lot of beautiful, college educated, articulate women in this world. TONS! However, when you walk around like "Yeah I know I'm the sh-t!" yet you appear stand-off-ish to men, this is a huge turn off.

Most men that I know told me that it's not the most physically attractive woman that caught their eye. It's the one that looks like she's happy (with life and herself), look's like she's having a good time (while remaining classy), takes pride in her outward/and inward appearance, and can hold a conversation about anything without taking herself too seriously. Men love women who enjoy being women, and if you walking around looking all "cold-hearted" then this is an instant deterrent.

I hope you know that before any man can love you, you have to love yourself because no man can give you something that you don't already have inside.

For some reason this doesn't work for me. When I walk around happy and smiling men do not try to talk to me, but let me be in a bad mood-- I get "hey hey what wrong? I can make you feel better". For some reason everything for me is backwards.

 

[Ladyhenri]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Hun, confidence makes a woman attractive.

If you have zero self confidence(as you said), you wont be attractive to most men, and you are def not more attractive than your friends.

 

[Makenzie]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

The last one was another nice black guy. My senior prom date. He seemed to like me a lot and I thought I did too, but I just wasn't physically attracted to him enough and I thought he was just toooooooo nice (I hate chivalry ).

Why do you hate chivalry?

 

[ThickHair]

Re: Are you the MOST attractive out of your friends but get the LEAST amount of actio

Why do you hate chivalry?

Being young and not knowing any better is all I can think of. I was taken back by that also.