ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
This is my first...
I want to do this right...
Any ideas on how to make this temporary separation work?
I want to do this right...
Any ideas on how to make this temporary separation work?
Are you in a long distance relationship?
- Thread starter ChasingBliss
- Start date
Bunny77
New Member
I'm in one... but we see each other weekly. We live four hours away (by car).
So far, it has not been an issue, as we both have jobs that allow us to get together at least once a week. But once the snow hits and we get busy with school (we both work with universities), that could be an issue.
Some things we're considering is maybe driving to a halfway point between our two cities when it's hard for either person to make the full drive. Also, communication during the week is very important... even if we can't see each other, it's important for us to realize that we are making an effort.
And like you said, the key is that the separation should be temporary. There's no point in being in a long distance relationship if the folks don't eventually make plans to end up in the same area. As long as you know that this is just for the time being and try to make the best of it, you should be fine.
So far, it has not been an issue, as we both have jobs that allow us to get together at least once a week. But once the snow hits and we get busy with school (we both work with universities), that could be an issue.
Some things we're considering is maybe driving to a halfway point between our two cities when it's hard for either person to make the full drive. Also, communication during the week is very important... even if we can't see each other, it's important for us to realize that we are making an effort.
And like you said, the key is that the separation should be temporary. There's no point in being in a long distance relationship if the folks don't eventually make plans to end up in the same area. As long as you know that this is just for the time being and try to make the best of it, you should be fine.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Thanks....We definitely communicate daily (several times a day on most days) and plan to see each other at least twice per month. This may last a year or so. I've never done this before. So I'm nervous. I dont want to sabotage this with mistrust, worry and doom. I am very happy in this relationship, I want it to stay that way.
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
It's all about keeping the connection and finding a rhythm that works for the relationship; one that works for both of you.
What works for us is that we fall asleep on the phone every night. We don't usually talk during the day unless it's just to touch base with something. And I notice that the less we talk during the day, the more we miss each other
and even if we don't really have anything to say, I put the phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow...it's like his essence really is there.
Also, it's important to find out how to argue/resolve conflict over the distance. We made an agreement to always answer the phone even if we're upset at the other.
And lastly, we keep the big picture in mind that it's only temporary.
What works for us is that we fall asleep on the phone every night. We don't usually talk during the day unless it's just to touch base with something. And I notice that the less we talk during the day, the more we miss each other
and even if we don't really have anything to say, I put the phone on speaker and lay it on the pillow...it's like his essence really is there.Also, it's important to find out how to argue/resolve conflict over the distance. We made an agreement to always answer the phone even if we're upset at the other.
And lastly, we keep the big picture in mind that it's only temporary.
IMFOCSD
Well-Known Member
OMG...This thread is right on time. My SO just moved to Texas this past Friday and we agreed to stay together. He is down there getting himself together and I am here lol getting myself together. We are eventually going to move together but not quite yet. I miss him alot but it will be ok. 
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
He's currently in North Carolina and I'm in NY. He's actually from here as we grew up together and dated as teens. We recently reunited on FB...lol
OMG...This thread is right on time. My SO just moved to Texas this past Friday and we agreed to stay together. He is down there getting himself together and I am here lol getting myself together. We are eventually going to move together but not quite yet. I miss him alot but it will be ok.
Yes I know the feeling. I keep telling myself the same thing. We will be ok.
tigereyes83
Well-Known Member
But what if it's not tempoary? I'm considering a long distance rlationship with someone but he only lives a half hour a way. He travels a lot for work, up to 5 or 6 times a week constantly. Sometimes he can be on site for a month at a time. He commuicate daily but he loves his job and I know he's not giving it up no time soon. Not that I would want him to ethier. He truly loves what he does. Its just hard sometimes and were not even BF/GF yet. I have been seeing him since June but I feel this could really be something.
*~*Afrolicious*~*
Well-Known Member
SO is in TX and I'm in Boston. We met online fell in love online and solidified our feelings in person 3 months after we first met. We've been together for a year and a half and well be apart for a year and a half more before he moves up here.
How it works:
1) Communication. We talk several times a day, every day
2) Love Packages/letters
3) Skype
4) Talking/planning of our future together
5) Frequent visits in person
6) Maturity (there has to be maturity individually and collectively as a couple for a LDR to work)
How it works:
1) Communication. We talk several times a day, every day
2) Love Packages/letters
3) Skype
4) Talking/planning of our future together
5) Frequent visits in person
6) Maturity (there has to be maturity individually and collectively as a couple for a LDR to work)
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song_of_serenity
Well-Known Member
I'm about to enter into another one...
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Then you guys have to have a serious talk and you should tell him exactly how you feel if you'd like it to lead to more.
Best of luck with everything.
It's not easy, but I pray it's worth it all.
tarheelgurl
Well-Known Member
Yes, I am in a long distance relationship. SO is overseas in the army.....I hate it. This time around it has been hard. I don't know how much more I can take because I enjoy spending time with him but we have been in an unending LD relationship. Good luck OP. I think you can do fine because you both are at least on the same continent.
sheedahp
Member
I have been in a long distance relationship for 5 years, on and off, he's my son's father and when we got back together 5yrs after my son's birth (who is now 10) I thought this must be meant for us. Well 5 yrs later, he's going on deployment for 4 months and I told him I wanted to focus on me and my kids, my heart is too much into it for the pace it's going and it hurts too bad, maybe with him being gone it would make it a little easier for us to try and move on past the pain of not being together, atleast for me anyways, he may be fine with it, that's the attitude he has because when I told him he just said ok, I understand. No how can we make it work or what can I do to make it better. I dont know if I should be sad or glad. Maybe he is not the one God has intended for me to be with but why would he allow him to come back into my life, what lesson am I suppose to be learning from this. I guess time will tell. My friend says he's gonna turn around and realize what he is losing but after 5 yrs of keeping me at a distance I think he will just take it as a loss and let it burn. I still hurts though and all I want is the pain to be over and be able to move on. I pray God will give me the strength, he gave me the strength to leave him because Lord knows it was hard. I think my passion to not give up so easily can be my downfall sometimes . Just Pray for me.
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ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
I have been in a long distance relationship for 5 years, on and off, he's my son's father and when we got back together 5yrs after my son's birth I thought this must be meant for us. Well 5 yrs later, he's going on deployment for 4 months and I told him I wanted to focus on me and my kids, my heart is too much into it for the pace it's going and it hurts too bad, maybe with him being gone it would make it a little easier for us to try and move on past the pain of not being together, atleast for me anyways, he may be fine with it, that's the attitude he has because when I told him he just said ok, I understand. No how can we make it work or what can I do to make it better. I dont know if I should be sad or glad. Mayve he is not the one God has intended for me to be with but why would he allow him to come back into my life, what lesson am I suppose to be learning from this. I guess time will tell. My friend says he's gonna turn around and realize what he is losing but after 5 yrs of keeping me at a distance I think he will just take it as a loss and let it burn. I still hurts though and all I want is the pain to be over and be able to move on. I pray God will give me the strength, he gave me the strength to leave him because Lord knows it was hard. I think my passion to not give up so easily can be my downfall sometimes . Just Pray for me.
I will pray for you and I am sorry you are going through this. I know it must hurt right now but moving on is probably the best thing you can do.
Yes although we are 2 hours away (by car). I travel every week for my job. Two things make it work: Communication and Trust. Both of us make the effort to communicate (text during the day, at least one phone call each night).
When we are in the same city (about 2x a month), we often see each other for a couple of dates at a time (i.e. 2-3 days in a row).
As others have said, you have to know that this is only a temporary situation and that you're both willing to sacrifice to be together [eventually]. I wish you success!
When we are in the same city (about 2x a month), we often see each other for a couple of dates at a time (i.e. 2-3 days in a row).
As others have said, you have to know that this is only a temporary situation and that you're both willing to sacrifice to be together [eventually]. I wish you success!
NOEChic
I may not always be right, but I'm never wrong.
right now mine is in IRAQ, been there for about 7 months and have about 5-6 more months to go. When he comes back he will be in Washington for a coupla months, and then he will be moving to another state...we dont know where...and i live in North Dakota...we are in two different branches of the military so i know we will always be separated to a certain extent for awhile. neither one of us wants to get out of the military. we met 4 yrs ago and he left and we just started our relationship a month into his deployment.
we communicate all the time....when i am upset, i let him know b/c i dont want to harbor resentment....
you have to make time for each other...when we set up a time to talk we both are there, unless he cant make it b/c of where he is at
plan on making trips and one person can not always do the traveling and spending the money.
we communicate all the time....when i am upset, i let him know b/c i dont want to harbor resentment....
you have to make time for each other...when we set up a time to talk we both are there, unless he cant make it b/c of where he is at
plan on making trips and one person can not always do the traveling and spending the money.
~~HoneyComb~~
Well-Known Member
I was in a long distance relationship about 20 years ago and it would be 3-6 months stretch before we could see each other. What kept us going was lots of letters, cards, pictures, and a few times a week we would talk on the phone even if it was for a few minutes (back then long distance phone calls could make you poor).
We didn't have all the modern technologies today--in a way, I'm kinda glad we didn't, it made us put forth effort to keep things interesting and keep our communication tight. I found it quite romantic.
We didn't have all the modern technologies today--in a way, I'm kinda glad we didn't, it made us put forth effort to keep things interesting and keep our communication tight. I found it quite romantic.
Natasha009
New Member
I'm in a long distance relationship (my bf is a european citizen and lives there) and I live in philly. Trust and communication are key. Having your own full, busy, fun life is important too - no one will be happy if your sitting at home pining away. Also, a cute sweet thing I do is go on Etsy and buy one of a kind cute postcards or cards and send them without telling him. He loves recieving them. Good luck with your relationship!
itismehmmkay
Well-Known Member
Another thing I would add is to keep these relationships even more protected. Not everyone understands how and why LD relationships work and opening it up for too much discussion/interpretation can cause issues.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Good point...I've already experienced this to some degree. Opinions mostly coming from friends who have had failed ld relationships. I'm referring to friends in real life.
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
So true. I've learned this lesson the hard way. My friends and family HATE (-ED?) the fact that I am in a long distance relationship with a man living on the African continent.
Our relationship is unique - to say the least. We've known each other 13 years and we have never ever met. I just actually learned what he looked like. But we have been soul mates since we first met as teenagers. NO ONE understands our relationship, but you know what, I don't expect them to. They don't realize how close I am to him and how I feel about him, and him about me.
Luckily, we can finally shut them up. We meet in person for the first time in less than a week. God has truly put this relationship together, and has orchestrated our meeting at time he felt it was best.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Wow, what an amazing and beautiful story. I pray your relationship gets even better and better after meeting. Please post your experience after you see him.
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
I plan to do just that once the excitement wears off a little.
We call each other 10x a day reminding one another how many days are left. lol...I think we'll be extra giddy once we meet.
jerseygurl
Not a new member
I am in one and we are getting married in December. He is in Nigeria and we are getting married there. Like everyone says communication, openness and maturity will make it work. We had our issues but we made it though by talking about them.
I never believed that I would end up in a long distance relationship but I believe God has a hand in it and He is guiding us.
Good luck, it won't be easy but if you really care about him, both of you will make it.
SweetNic I love your story, very romantic.
I never believed that I would end up in a long distance relationship but I believe God has a hand in it and He is guiding us.
Good luck, it won't be easy but if you really care about him, both of you will make it.
SweetNic I love your story, very romantic.
Nefertiti0906
Well-Known Member
Good thread, it's good to hear the positive side about long distance relationships
MissMeWithThatIsh
New Member
I married my long distance man. We celebrate 4 years next month and 1 year marriage in November.
ChasingBliss
Well-Known Member
Aww this reminds me of me and my so when we set dates to see each other. He'll call me and be like "4 more days" or "24 more hours", lol...Then well be on the phone the whole time he's at the airport until he boards the plane. Silly as all get out, I know lol.
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
Great news for you! Mine lives in Zambia and we're talking about marriage in his country as well.
I agree communication and openness is very important to making it work. I learned the hardway never to plant a bad seed of mistrust, because jokingly or not, it can grow into a big tree that can be a hell-of-a-lot of work to chop down.
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