Are You Happy for Your Friends When They are In Good Relationships?

TinyBlu

TinyBlu

Well-Known Member
OK... I may have stolen this topic from a radio show (Everything is everything...or was--HATE he's not on anymore), but I recently experienced this first hand.

A friend of mine who has been dating a wonderful guy for a while walked into a BBQ on Memorial Day with a big smile on her face and an engagement ring on her finger.

You would think that those closest to her would have been ecstatic, but quite the contrary. She was met with a mixture of heartfelt congrats and neck rolling and lip smacking "Girl, be careful"... "You know what he does for a living..."

I was disheartened. This woman has been blessed to find an extremely handsome, wealthy man over the age of 40 with no kids that ADORES her. She has not stopped smiling since she met this man, yet some ladies started passing out cups of haterade immediately.

Ladies, have we become that cynical? Have we allowed ourselves to be mistreated so badly by the WRONG men that we can't celebrate when one of our sisters finds their Mr. Right? Have we really stooped so low to think that every successful, handsome black man is a dog, or does misery love company?

Just random thoughts...
 
I was so happy when my bff found a new man because she is so freaking needy. She whines so much w/o a man that all I want to do is pray that her needy arse find a man! Lol!!!
 
Hayell yeah! Life experiences do not always match up within social circles at the same time. I may have my degree and tons of money in the bank and have no man. While you may be unemployed with a man that treats you better than the most precious gems in the entire world. I will be happy for you as my girl or sister-friend. I trust my friend's judgment but if I have some concerns I will observe and make a mental note on when and how to bring it up.

It is sad but some people cannot be happy for others regardless of how good their own lives are going. They are not "friends" anyway.

Congrats to your friend! :D
 
TinyBlu said:
This woman has been blessed to find an extremely handsome, wealthy man over the age of 40 with no kids that ADORES her. She has not stopped smiling since she met this man, yet some ladies started passing out cups of haterade immediately.
Click to expand...

I love to see a woman beaming! :grin: Her happiness makes me happy.
 
Absolutely.

Even when I'm feeling disheartened about my own love life, I don't let that stop me from genuinely being happy for others.
 
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Yes. I try to be.
Question op are you and your friend close close? I ask because I know a lot of the time my close friends tell me trife things about their man so it color my impression of them. So although the friend shows the world the good I also know all the bad. So its harder to just let my friend stay in a trife situation.
 
I love to see a fellow sistah in a happy healthy relationship, that kind of positivity is such a beautiful thing to watch , experience and witness!

sad@ the bolded how do you just automatically fix ya mouth to say something negative about a happy situation or happy annoucement, what makes a person say something negative when someone is clearly sharing their happy relationship moment or basking in their happiness-it screams misery to me



TinyBlu said:
I was disheartened. This woman has been blessed to find an extremely handsome, wealthy man over the age of 40 with no kids that ADORES her. She has not stopped smiling since she met this man, yet some ladies started passing out cups of haterade immediately.

Ladies, have we become that cynical? Have we allowed ourselves to be mistreated so badly by the WRONG men that we can't celebrate when one of our sisters finds their Mr. Right? Have we really stooped so low to think that every successful, handsome black man is a dog, or does misery love company?

Just random thoughts...
Click to expand...
 
Yeah of course. There's a few friends of mine in particular that I'd love to meet (and choose -_-) nice men. Also my Mum. I wish she would find someone great. Makes me upset when I think of it.
 
Definitely. It just seems that we are all in (good) relationships at different times! If one is the good part of her relationship, one is the bad (ending) stage.
 
I'm always happy to see friends in good relationships. If seeing your friend happy makes you unhappy, you're a screwed up person and in no way are you a friend.
 
I wasn't even there, don't know you or her, and I'm happy for her just reading your description of the situation. I'm not surprised at all that those women behaved that way though.
 
I'm super happy for my friends when they are happy! It's funny because one of my friends got married and had a baby in less than two years. Another friend had some negative things to say as our friend's husband isn't her type on some levels. But, our friend is glowing and her husband adores her and I love that!
 
Absolutely! Some of my friends have been through a lot and when they have finally found someone to share their lives with and treats them well it makes me happy :yep:
 
I am happy if the guy is good for her and he treats her right.

I will say that internally I get sad that our friendship will change (when she gets married) and she won't have time for me or only wants to have married friends. But I would never express that to her. I want all my friends to be great!
 
I am always happy when I see couples who are a great fit for one another. There are so many unhealthy relationships to look at, that it's just beautiful to see a happy one.

On another note, I don't know why some friends feel like your boo has to meet all of their relationship standards. I mean if that was the case he should be dating you not me. I have a tendency to like men that my friends don't really care for their personality and I'm just like :/.
 
Yes. I encourage them to stay with men who treat them well. However, I will say that there was this one chick who was always trying to one up me and I got a sense that she didn't like me out doing her. You know those type of frenemies that secretly think they are better than you? I was salty that she easily had boyfriends and I didn't have much male attention at that time. She wasn't prettier than either.
 
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Yes.

I'm not single now, but when I was, seeing my friends in good relationships would always give me hope for my own situation :yep:.
 
I wish all the relationship bliss in the world for my friends and loved ones. I think that says a lot about a woman's mentality if she can't be happy for a friend who is in a genuinely happy relationship.
 
Absolutely! Especially if I know the guy and he's a good one :yep:

The only thing that bothers me is when a friend gets a man and loses herself. She makes him her entire world and won't make time for anything else. However, this is never a problem for long because these types of clingy relationships usually don't last.

ETA: I have one friend in particular who does this habitually. When she's not in a relationship, she's very clingy with me and our group of friends. However, when she's in a relationship, we don't hear from her. So I'm either annoyed by her clinginess or missing her. It's a vicious circle. :lol:
 
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Sure, if it's actually a good relationship. What I've noticed is that women will bad-mouth their boyfriends to their friends/family and then once they're not mad anymore, expect you to act the same. Am I supposed to forget about all the trifling stuff this ninja did because you decided to? In that case, it is hard to genuinely be happy for her. That's when the "hating" card gets pulled out which isn't the case at all. It's hard to be genuinely happy when you know all the backstory.
 
I sure am. Marriage(which hopefully these good relationships eventually evolve into) is the cornerstone to society.

The more happily paired up people there are, they better things are for all of us. Sounds crazy but it's true. I am always happy to hear that anyone is in a good relationship.
 
JustifiablyMe said:
Sure, if it's actually a good relationship. What I've noticed is that women will bad-mouth their boyfriends to their friends/family and then once they're not mad anymore, expect you to act the same. Am I supposed to forget about all the trifling stuff this ninja did because you decided to? In that case, it is hard to genuinely be happy for her. That's when the "hating" card gets pulled out which isn't the case at all. It's hard to be genuinely happy when you know all the backstory.
Click to expand...

It's harder, I think, when your friends have CONSISTENT on-off relationships with people, becoming sobbing crying messes every month and then get back together and wonder why you either dont' want to discuss their relationship or have nothing positive to say about it. I get being frustrated with friends if you vented about something months or years ago and they refuse to get over it when you've definitely moved past it. It's another thing when you are constantly bombarded with terrible news or updates and they get annoyed with your reaction.
 
yes i am. i want my friends happy and in relationships so they can leave me alone. lol, joking.

but yeah i have one friend her man is just a cool dude and they fit perfectly together.
 
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