Are You A Demisexual???

That why I took out the naughty bit. It maybe be an extreme, but it highlights what demisexuality is to an extent. You are around things that should sexually excite you, an attractive stranger, even sitting in a den of sex, a crush, but you are not turned on in the least. I think the person was trying to feel something, anything going to that extreme. There were several "everyday" examples but I did not want it to take away from the discussion so I took it out.

I guess they lack infatuation... Or that "love/lust" at first sight mechanism. It kinda scary to them. I know it was really scary to me. To the point of trembling. I have to get to know you. And in a society that is increasing heading towards leisure sex someone can feel antiquated And weird. Today it is rare for someone Who wants to get to know you. They want to get sex out the way, then get to know you. My partners start off as friends, always. The guy i married, we did not even date we were friends until our wedding date. It was very confusing. Lol We were never boyfriend/ girlfriend. I somehow skip a step everytime And that feeling sexually attracted to someone. I can consider you attractive, but not to the point I would want to act on it. I would have to get to know you.

There is a quiz that explains it better than i do. I was 80% a Demisexual.

http://lonerwolf.com/demisexual-test/

I think it is a little more than Just getting to know someone. It takes me forever to get over someone I am sexually involved with. I had a One night stand once, and it took me months to get over that. I mean writing poems, making plans and stuff lol. It was ugly, it gets ugly. I was thinking about what could have been and drawing various scenarios around that brief conversation. It been over 10 years and I have archived his name and the whole conversation.

When I used to go out with certain group of friends, I was about them while they were out to entice men and see Who got the most numbers. I would be like how about we go out without doing this, because it makes me uncomfortable to pretend i sharing these feelings for a "hot guy. " That did not excite me. I had jealous friends Who wanted guys Who approach me, and were mad I turned them down. I am like excuse me, it's my body. Saying they could have had them, like i am Just a waste for not responding back to advances??? No, you couldn't lol. I have taken on for the team. He was so fine, but I was not sexually attracted to him. I meant i could have been, but not first meeting him. These friends were coaxing me to pair up with him. Saying there is absolutely something wrong with me. So I did it, I did him... Probably made his night, but I disassociated the whole night. I would be designated driver all the time so that I did not have to participate in this competition. Towards the end of those friendship i got accused of liking them on a romantic level. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years during this and because I went out purely to hang with my friends and babysit them when they are acting slutty drunkards, there is something wrong with me. They are hardly my type lol.

In college I hung around a group of girls. They were Seniors and I was like a Freshmen And they were purposely cliquey And a freshmen being inducted in this group was unheard of. Their whole reasoning for being my friend was to have me dance on gentlemen in the club and then introduce said guy in the group. I kid you not. They would be like he is cute or he has on an expensive brand of jeans, go dance with him and bring him over. I did not care. I was dancing provocatively, but my mind never made the connection to be sexually attracted to the man or the act. Sexual things do not faze me unless i am emotionally attached to the individual.

It not about having a dysfunction, it's about trying to relate, sometimes it's easier to give a name to how you feel to see if anyone else can identify.
 
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I had to read about it a bit more but it makes sense to me.

It seems like a demisexual would feel asexual UNTIL they form that bond with someone. As in they are just not able at all to have any type of sexual attraction otherwise. You might not know you had a libido at all until you got deeply involved with said person.

All these things get mixed up because sexuality is so fluid in general.
 
TayMac said:
I had to read about it a bit more but it makes sense to me.

It seems like a demisexual would feel asexual UNTIL they form that bond with someone. As in they are just not able at all to have any type of sexual attraction otherwise. You might not know you had a libido at all until you got deeply involved with said person.

All these things get mixed up because sexuality is so fluid in general.
Click to expand...
Yes, if you subscribe to the Kinsey scale it is on there lol. I did not know that and it makes me feel comfortable knowing i am not "strange," lol.
 
LeftRightRepeat said:
"It seems like a demisexual would feel asexual UNTIL they form that bond with someone.
Click to expand...

No i don't think i'm one then. I'm capable of feeling attraction before (but probably wouldn't act on it)[/QUOTE]
Yes you can be attracted to someone but not sexually

"Isn’t it normal to only want sex after getting to know someone?

There’s a difference between feeling sexually attracted to someone and wanting to have sex with them. Sexual attraction isn’t something you can control—either you have sexual feelings for someone or not. You can’t force it to happen and you can’t force it to go away, so you don’t have a choice in the matter. Sexual behavior, on the other hand, is something you can choose to participate in, or not.

Most people on the non-asexual side of the spectrum feel sexual attraction regardless of whether or not they have a close emotional bond with someone. They may have sexual feelings for attractive people on the street, classmates or coworkers they’ve barely spoken to, or celebrities. However, they may choose to wait to have sex for a variety of reasons: it might not be feasible or appropriate, they want to make sure the person is respectful and kind, it’s against their religious beliefs, they only want to have sex in a romantic relationship, etc. The difference is that demisexuals don’t start out with these sexual feelings at all."

www.demisexuality.org
 
More from demisexuality.org

How does demisexuality relate to asexuality and the asexual spectrum?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation in which one feels little to no sexual attraction or interest in sex (the former definition is more widely used, but some asexuals use the latter definition. Both are valid and accepted.) Demisexuals are considered to be on the asexual spectrum, meaning they are closely aligned with asexuality, but not quite asexual. The asexual spectrum has asexuality on one end and non-asexuality on the other end.

Demisexuals are considered part of the asexual community because for the most part, they don’t feel sexual attraction. Many demisexuals are only attracted to a handful of people in their lifetimes, or even just one person. Many demisexuals are also uninterested in sex, so they have a lot in common with asexuals.

The thing that makes them different from asexuals is that they are capable of feeling sexual attraction—it’s just that it only happens after they form a deep emotional bond with someone.

How do demisexuals feel about sex?

According to the 2014 AVEN Census, two thirds of demisexuals are uninterested in and/or repulsed by sex. However, there is a significant portion that enjoys it. Demisexuals have a variety of feelings about sex and other sexual activities, like masturbating and watching porn, so it’s hard to make statements about the group as a whole. All feelings about sex are valid in a demisexual identity: the only thing that defines demisexuals is that they only feel sexual attraction after forming an emotional bond.

Whether or not they feel sexually attracted to someone or not, they can choose to have sex too. They might want to have sex in order to get pregnant, to see what it’s like, or some other reason.

Why do demisexuals need a label?

The label helps demisexuals form a sense of community and a stronger sense of self. Through this label, they learn that there are others like them out there, and that there’s a community to support them. In this community, demisexuals can talk to others who share the same experiences, share advice on navigating a very sexual world, and find emotional support. The community unites around this label, which helps its members feel more secure in their identities.

Many demisexuals grow up feeling different from those around them. Most people have their first instance of sexual attraction in their preteen years. From that point on, sex becomes a topic of curiosity and interest for them, and they eventually look forward to pursuing it. For children and teens in school, there is a lot of talk about sex—what it’s like, what it’ll be like, etc. This becomes more prevalent as they approach college and early adulthood.

Demisexuals often feel alienated by these conversations because they aren’t interested in sex, they don’t find people sexually attractive, or both. When the conversation turns to hot celebrities, for example, demisexuals may feel confused, and wonder what it is their friends see and feel. They wonder if they will eventually feel it too, and some even end up feeling “broken.” Knowing that there are others like them helps demisexuals feel less alone.
 
HappyMadison said:
That why I took out the naughty bit. It maybe be an extreme, but it highlights what demisexuality is to an extent. You are around things that should sexually excite you, an attractive stranger, even sitting in a den of sex, a crush, but you are not turned on in the least. I think the person was trying to feel something, anything going to that extreme. There were several "everyday" examples but I did not want it to take away from the discussion so I took it out.

I guess they lack infatuation... Or that "love/lust" at first sight mechanism. It kinda scary to them. I know it was really scary to me. To the point of trembling. I have to get to know you. And in a society that is increasing heading towards leisure sex someone can feel antiquated And weird. Today it is rare for someone Who wants to get to know you. They want to get sex out the way, then get to know you. My partners start off as friends, always. The guy i married, we did not even date we were friends until our wedding date. It was very confusing. Lol We were never boyfriend/ girlfriend. I somehow skip a step everytime And that feeling sexually attracted to someone. I can consider you attractive, but not to the point I would want to act on it. I would have to get to know you.

There is a quiz that explains it better than i do. I was 80% a Demisexual.

http://lonerwolf.com/demisexual-test/

I think it is a little more than Just getting to know someone. It takes me forever to get over someone I am sexually involved with. I had a One night stand once, and it took me months to get over that. I mean writing poems, making plans and stuff lol. It was ugly, it gets ugly. I was thinking about what could have been and drawing various scenarios around that brief conversation. It been over 10 years and I have archived his name and the whole conversation.

When I used to go out with certain group of friends, I was about them while they were out to entice men and see Who got the most numbers. I would be like how about we go out without doing this, because it makes me uncomfortable to pretend i sharing these feelings for a "hot guy. " That did not excite me. I had jealous friends Who wanted guys Who approach me, and were mad I turned them down. I am like excuse me, it's my body. Saying they could have had them, like i am Just a waste for not responding back to advances??? No, you couldn't lol. I have taken on for the team. He was so fine, but I was not sexually attracted to him. I meant i could have been, but not first meeting him. These friends were coaxing me to pair up with him. Saying there is absolutely something wrong with me. So I did it, I did him... Probably made his night, but I disassociated the whole night. I would be designated driver all the time so that I did not have to participate in this competition. Towards the end of those friendship i got accused of liking them on a romantic level. I was in a relationship with a man for 2 years during this and because I went out purely to hang with my friends and babysit them when they are acting slutty drunkards, there is something wrong with me. They are hardly my type lol.

In college I hung around a group of girls. They were Seniors and I was like a Freshmen And they were purposely cliquey And a freshmen being inducted in this group was unheard of. Their whole reasoning for being my friend was to have me dance on gentlemen in the club and then introduce said guy in the group. I kid you not. They would be like he is cute or he has on an expensive brand of jeans, go dance with him and bring him over. I did not care. I was dancing provocatively, but my mind never made the connection to be sexually attracted to the man or the act. Sexual things do not faze me unless i am emotionally attached to the individual.

It not about having a dysfunction, it's about trying to relate, sometimes it's easier to give a name to how you feel to see if anyone else can identify.
Click to expand...

I'm totally demisexual. I also received the same score as you.

My feelings towards sex can range from disgust to this is sorta nice to a few sparks here and there, depending on how I feel about the person or how drunk I am.

Porn grosses me out. Unless I am really invested in the characters, I am bored during sex scenes. And even when I am invested in two characters being together, the connection between them excites and satisfies me not the sex.

I've faked with every single partner I've had. It sucks because I do feel like I am missing out on something. This has in part led me to swearing off sex until marriage.

One night stands are a no go. Hooking up with someone after a long sweaty night is actually somewhat repulsive to me.

I can meet lots of attractive, ellegible men and still not care to talk to them because I feel nothing around them.

I'm definitely not asexual though. But my sexual attraction to someone is entirely dependent on how emotionally invested/conmected I am with that person.

I used to want to be more normal but now I feel like my "demisexuality" makes life easier for me. Less messy.
 
beingofserenity said:
I'm totally demisexual. I also received the same score as you.

My feelings towards sex can range from disgust to this is sorta nice to a few sparks here and there, depending on how I feel about the person or how drunk I am.

Porn grosses me out. Unless I am really invested in the characters, I am bored during sex scenes. And even when I am invested in two characters being together, the connection between them excites and satisfies me not the sex.

I've faked with every single partner I've had. It sucks because I do feel like I am missing out on something. This has in part led me to swearing off sex until marriage.

One night stands are a no go. Hooking up with someone after a long sweaty night is actually somewhat repulsive to me.

I can meet lots of attractive, ellegible men and still not care to talk to them because I feel nothing around them.

I'm definitely not asexual though. But my sexual attraction to someone is entirely dependent on how emotionally invested/conmected I am with that person.

I used to want to be more normal but now I feel like my "demisexuality" makes life easier for me. Less messy.
Click to expand...

It totally is less complicated. I feel I can compartmentalize my dealings with men and focus on other aspects of my life because sex is not clouding me, but make no mistake, when it is sexy time, that is our space. Nothing else exist. I used to cook a big spread stock up on wine and dessert and stay in the whole weekend, with the exception of grabbing a breakfast burrito and taking a stroll near the river. Even now I complacent from daily conversations and memories.

What is complicating things for me is someone I shared a prior connection with has reintroduced himself and I am trying to reconcile the sexual feelings I have him, since we did have an emotional connection, have been sexually intimate, but the timing was not right. But I have been dancing around the same Two men for awhile And that is perfectly fine with me. My emotional bonds don't break. They can fade, but the are always there.
 
Before I read this, I was a self proclaimed asexual heteromantic but I think demisexual fits me much better. I can find guys to be very attractive but that's pretty much where the attraction stops... Like I can't go as far as to fantasize about they in a sexual way or anything. I feel the need to have a deep connection with a person before I can get ' turned on ' by the thought of them. I wonder if this is a hormonal issue...
 
I took the test and failed it, of course. A lot of the questions didn't apply to me since I've never been sexually active but still, no. I'm just a regular sexual with lack of dating options. :lol:
 
luckiestdestiny said:
I'm trying to wrap my head around this. When is it a problem to feel only attracted to someone you're emotionally engaged (or invested ) in? I'm sure you're not attracted to your mom or friends (in other words we are emotionally connected to a lot of people from friends to family) so it has to be something more than "emotional" that is attracting you. This is like the "final" thing that gets your interest...am I right?

If so, why is this unusual? Are we living in such a disconnected world that now wanting to connect with someone before engaging sexually needs coining of new terms? Or am I missing something that makes this experience distinct and a dysfunction or illness or whatever- proper- word -goes- here of sorts? There is no purple font here. Trying to understand
Click to expand...

did I miss where anybody in this thread said there was something wrong with this

edit see this was addressed
 
Yup. I can't even...umm..."lubricate". I do the exact opposite. Sahara desert. Partners have complained that I never seem to want sex and that I dont seem to enjoy the act. If i don't initiate sex, it's because I'm not interested. I faked interest 95% of the time.

I scored a 77% on the test. The biggest thing I think is that I enjoy porn, it's easier. But I rarely enjoy the actual act. I rarely want to have sex. But I love eye candy. There's no connection to me, going from visually pleasing to sexually interesting.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Click to expand...
I just do not have the energy to wade through new men's intentions. So I know these guys have been tested and approved and a true testiment to our connective experience is how effortlessly we can pick up where we left off. It not easy, like now with Dean, it is the insecurity of if Saeed comes back, and I am too, but I am willing to try. It is not fair to Dean, I acknowledge that. Saeed contacts me almost everyday and he is in Iran. I encourage him to go out, we don't know the future, but that only draws him in more. And to be honest, I pout. This makes my standards high for Dean, because if you are right down the street, you need to work for it, if I am worth it.

But entertaining new people is exhausting to me. But I am not equip to handle if I lose them both. I go into that, "oh, no I will never be intimate again" meet someone New eventually, then the cycle continues until I am married again. It is a perfectly imperfect system
 
HappyMadison said:
I just do not have the energy to wade through new men's intentions. So I know these guys have been tested and approved and a true testiment to our connective experience is how effortlessly we can pick up where we left off. It not easy, like now with Dean, it is the insecurity of if Saeed comes back, and I am too, but I am willing to try. It is not fair to Dean, I acknowledge that. Saeed contacts me almost everyday and he is in Iran. I encourage him to go out, we don't know the future, but that only draws him in more. And to be honest, I pout. This makes my standards high for Dean, because if you are right down the street, you need to work for it, if I am worth it.

But entertaining new people is exhausting to me. But I am not equip to handle if I lose them both. I go into that, "oh, no I will never be intimate again" meet someone New eventually, then the cycle continues until I am married again. It is a perfectly imperfect system
Click to expand...

Oddly enough...I completely get it. I mean not the multiples but the not wanting to start over with someone new. But I think in your case since you have some variation...you're probably in essence getting what you miss from one in the others. Maybe?

But I do get it....I tell folks all the time be wary of having sex...you might wind up finding yourself attached. I've yet to be able to be with anyone other than my current ex-current off again on again...situation. And it's all because I just can't see myself going to an unknown. We have a severe emotional connection that I cannot seem to sever....:lachen::lachen::lachen:I go through periods of blocking his number just to see how many times he's called. Crazy...I know...but every time I get close to someone else they literally confirm to me why I may as well stay where I'm at...sexually. Only that though.

It's like when someone knows you that intimately and you've accepted each other, you know each other's body so well...starting over with someone you gotta train...can be daunting.
 
ElizaBlue said:
Oddly enough...I completely get it. I mean not the multiples but the not wanting to start over with someone new. But I think in your case since you have some variation...you're probably in essence getting what you miss from one in the others. Maybe?

But I do get it....I tell folks all the time be wary of having sex...you might wind up finding yourself attached. I've yet to be able to be with anyone other than my current ex-current off again on again...situation. And it's all because I just can't see myself going to an unknown. We have a severe emotional connection that I cannot seem to sever....:lachen::lachen::lachen:I go through periods of blocking his number just to see how many times he's called. Crazy...I know...but every time I get close to someone else they literally confirm to me why I may as well stay where I'm at...sexually. Only that though.

It's like when someone knows you that intimately and you've accepted each other, you know each other's body so well...starting over with someone you gotta train...can be daunting.
Click to expand...

Yasss. That is exactly it. Right now it is emotional and physical availability although, at this point, should Saeed comes back, he would wreck shop, and he actually likes that. I been with him for awhile now. Well trained and knows me intuitively And he knows my idiosyncracies.
 
HappyMadison said:
Yasss. That is exactly it. Right now it is emotional and physical availability although, at this point, should Saeed comes back, he would wreck shop, and he actually likes that. I been with him for awhile now. Well trained and knows me intuitively And he knows my idiosyncracies.
Click to expand...

I feel you...just the name Saeed...it almost begs to be said. :drunk: does he know he has um...stand ins?
 
ElizaBlue said:
I feel you...just the name Saeed...it almost begs to be said. :drunk: does he know he has um...stand ins?
Click to expand...
It means 'Happy' and his last name means 'protector.'

He is very much aware of Dean, but he is a cocky Persian, lol, in his mind nothing compares to his 'prowess.' That is a fair assumption. Saeed (Sagittarius) is a romantic tragic hero Who saved my brother's wedding, who my granny Favors. She calls it my "Middle Eastern long game. "

Dean is a safe Rhode Island Catholic Italian (Pisces) who went to an all boys school the majority of his life and was insecure about his weight. He went to college for music And started getting female attention and, frankly, he does not know how to deal with women.

They are opposites. Both never been married, no children.

I actually talked about both of them years ago on this forum.
 
HappyMadison said:
It means 'Happy' and his last name means 'protector.'

He is very much aware of Dean, but he is a cocky Persian, lol, in his mind nothing compares to his 'prowess.' That is a fair assumption. Saeed (Sagittarius) is a romantic tragic hero Who saved my brother's wedding, who my granny Favors. She calls it my "Middle Eastern long game. "

Dean is a safe Rhode Island Catholic Italian (Pisces) who went to an all boys school the majority of his life and was insecure about his weight. He went to college for music And started getting female attention and, frankly, he does not know how to deal with women.

They are opposites. Both never been married, no children.

I actually talked about both of them years ago on this forum.
Click to expand...

Dean is sounding so yawn worthy....

Granny knows some things about some things...lol. I don't remember your post...but why Dean...because he's safe and at arms reach? Saeed sounds dangerous...to the heart.

So to the Lion or the Lamb...I'd take my chances at getting ripped apart. I can't be with someone who I'm not a tad bit afraid of...you know?
 
ElizaBlue said:
Dean is sounding so yawn worthy....

Granny knows some things about some things...lol. I don't remember your post...but why Dean...because he's safe and at arms reach? Saeed sounds dangerous...to the heart.

So to the Lion or the Lamb...I'd take my chances at getting ripped apart. I can't be with someone who I'm not a tad bit afraid of...you know?
Click to expand...

This was Dean...

Screenshot_2015-09-15-22-01-58.png
It's so weird looking back... Dean is a really sweet guy. He is a beast on stage. I think since I love music, it is sexy to me. But once we are off stage, I fall into a mothering role. He has an illness and that endures me to him. And Pisces And Taurus are a good match lol.

Screenshot_2015-09-15-21-39-02.png
This was Saeed... Sagittarius And Taurus are iffy. Plus the whole marriage situation. We have gone through alot. It will never be simple for us, until all are children are grown and we retire on a beach somewhere lol.

Screenshot_2015-09-15-21-44-31.png

Look at all those demisexual themes in these texts lol... I am emotionally invested in both of them.
 
Interesting...you my dear have a conundrum of sorts...there is something in each one. Kinda reminds me of the K Michele song Build Me A Man where she says "....a little piece of each".

So I take it Dean is no longer heavy?
 
ElizaBlue said:
Interesting...you my dear have a conundrum of sorts...there is something in each one. Kinda reminds me of the K Michele song Build Me A Man where she says "....a little piece of each".

So I take it Dean is no longer heavy?
Click to expand...
No lol... Dean straight lol... It funny we are still in the same three person. tango. It like a telenovela. The international business major set to take over his father's business and has obligations to the family versus the artistic, deeply afflicted musician Who think the road would be too harsh to have meaningful relationships. Then the Demi in the middle who shares a deep connection with both *cue pipe organ*
 
HappyMadison said:
No lol... Dean straight lol... It funny we are still in the same three person. tango. It like a telenovela. The international business major set to take over his father's business and has obligations to the family versus the artistic, deeply afflicted musician Who think the road would be too harsh to have meaningful relationships. Then the Demi in the middle who shares a deep connection with both *cue pipe organ*
Click to expand...

Are you in love with them both? Could you live without one or the other...ya'll ain't like Savages are ya'll....:lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
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