Are You A Demisexual???

[HappyMadison]

I was mentioning it to a member and felt it was something interesting to discuss.

According to demisexuality. Org:
Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which someone feels sexual attraction only to people with whom they have an emotional bond. Most demisexuals feel sexual attraction rarely compared to the general population, and some have little to no interest in sexual activity. Keep reading to understand more about this orientation.

What is the emotional bond demisexuals need for sexual attraction?

It varies based on the demisexual’s personal experiences and is slightly different for everyone. Emotional intimacy is a main component, usually, so some demisexuals find themselves attracted to close friends or romantic partners. Other components may include familiarity with the person and knowledge about them (ex: learning about aspects of their personality).

However, forming an emotional bond doesn’t guarantee that sexual attraction will happen. It is just a prerequisite for it to occur at all. The length of time required to develop an emotional bond may vary. For some demisexuals, it’s after several years of being close friends with someone, and for others, it might be a short but intense experience, such as traveling abroad for a week with them.

[took this part out]

That is how I got my writing job. I am a demisexual. I have unwavering control over my sexuality, except for one flaw. I am not asexual, but I am on that spectrum.

The thing that turns me on is an emotional connection. This is funny, because you have to have an emotional attachment to have sex right? That is the way it should be? But it not an absolute truth. You can have sex with someone you do not particularly care for, except if you are a demisexual.

I was introduced to the notion sitting next to a gentleman at the bar. He was attractive, I was lit. It should have happened. The kissing was mechanical. It was Two lips touching. It could have been perceived as hot. But I had a mental block. I apologized and he laughed. I asked what was so funny and he said it is funny that your nickname is "Demi," (that is my real nickname y'all) "like a demisexual. "

He gave me his number, and probably got what he was searching for elsewhere, but I went home alone again. It was painful. I discounted it as a hangup but the truth is i cannot Just have sex with someone like that. I feel antiquated lol. I cannot do internet dating or texting upon initial contact.

Does anyone else here feel this way?

 

[barbiesocialite]

I was like wtf is a demisexual?!

I guess. Some people consider me to be asexual but I like people sometimes it's just very rare. Like every couple of years rare. That includes genuinely finding someone hot or sexy.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Um, no.

 

[HappyMadison]

I was like wtf is a demisexual?!

I guess. Some people consider me to be asexual but I like people sometimes it's just very rare. Like every couple of years rare. That includes genuinely finding someone hot or sexy.

You sound like a Demi, lol... I stay in relationships for a long time. My emotional attraction determines my sexual attraction.

 

[HappyMadison]

Um, no.

Lol... C'mon do not leave me hanging... Your objections?

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I mean ... of course emotional attraction can make the sexual attraction stronger but not to have it at all until there is an emotional attachment? I don't need to know you to be sexually attracted.

 

[summertimewine]

Nope. In fact I'm a strong opposite. I find myself strongly sexually attracted to potential mates, but the more I learn about them, the less attractive they become.
I am also the type to stay in relationships for a very long time if I decide to engage in them.
Sex isn't for an emotional bond for me. I can engage in sexual activity without my emotions playing into the picture.

 

[HappyMadison]

Nope. In fact I'm a strong opposite. I find myself strongly sexually attracted to potential mates, but the more I learn about them, the less attractive they become.
I am also the type to stay in relationships for a very long time if I decide to engage in them.
Sex isn't for an emotional bond for me. I can engage in sexually activity without my emotions playing into the picture.

For the past 3 years i have been revolving the same Two people. Dean 5 months, Saeed for 2 And a half years before returning home, now Dean again.
In addition to my husband- 8 years
Boyfriend-2 years
Highschool Sweetheart- 5 years

I cannot deal with meeting new people.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I was sitting in the middle of a popular sex club trying to feel something. All these sexual acts around me and solicited to me. It sexy, it is hot... It is exciting and so taboo. I just sat there, unwilling to participate.

I think this just means this person isn't an exhibitionist.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

To answer the question, nope, I'm not this new made up term.

 

[summertimewine]

For the past 3 years i have been revolving the same Two people. Dean 5 months, Saeed for 2 And a half years before returning home, now Dean again.
In addition to my husband- 8 years
Boyfriend-2 years
Highschool Sweetheart- 5 years

I cannot deal with meeting new people.

High school sweetheart-2 years
College Ex- 3 years
I'm also the opposite from you, in that I enjoy meeting tons of new people. I love being out at bars, clubs etc. it's incredibly hard for one person to entertain me for an extended period of time.

 

[HappyMadison]

To answer the question, nope, I'm not this new made up term.

It looks like Demisexuality is a form of asexuality And it has been studied as early as 1979, well, at least according to wiki lol

 

[HappyMadison]

High school sweetheart-2 years
College Ex- 3 years
I'm also the opposite from you, in that I enjoy meeting tons of new people. I love being out at bars, clubs etc. it's incredibly hard for one person to entertain me for an extended period of time.

I wish. Even in my platonic relationships And friendships people consider me frigid when they first meet me. I think all my best friends wanted to fight me over some misunderstanding at first lol. I have to get to know someone. So I am very much, "no New friends. "
If I have to be charming, it is forced lol

 

[TayMac]

That is interesting. It does sound like s form of asexuality.

I don't relate though. I've been sexually attracted to lots (not acting on it) with no emotional connection. Just pure desire.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

It looks like Demisexuality is a form of asexuality And it has been studied as early as 1979, well, at least according to wiki lol

I'm six years older than this word so I reserve the right to side eye it.

 

[Theresamonet]

I was sitting in the middle of a popular sex club trying to feel something. All these sexual acts around me and solicited to me. It sexy, it is hot... It is exciting and so taboo. I just sat there, unwilling to participate. It seemed the more i was unwilling to participate, the more people tried to find my kink. I had no kink. This one extremely attractive AA gent advertised a crayon for the master class, but I felt nothing. Not a drip, drop or drizzle. I was not moved. I even went the sadist and ridiculed him. I had couples resign from enticing me to join to the point I sat there for an hour giving them couples therapy.

That is how I got my writing job. I am a demisexual. I have unwavering control over my sexuality, except for one flaw. I am not asexual, but I am on that spectrum.

The thing that turns me on is an emotional connection. This is funny, because you have to have an emotional attachment to have sex right? That is the way it should be? But it not an absolute truth. You can have sex with someone you do not particularly care for, except if you are a demisexual.

I was introduced to the notion sitting next to a gentleman at the bar. He was attractive, I was lit. It should have happened. The kissing was mechanical. It was Two lips touching. It could have been perceived as hot. But I had a mental block. I apologized and he laughed. I asked what was so funny and he said it is funny that your nickname is "Demi," (that is my real nickname y'all) "like a demisexual. "

He gave me his number, and probably got what he was searching for elsewhere, but I went home alone again. It was painful. I discounted it as a hangup but the truth is i cannot Just have sex with someone like that. I feel antiquated lol. I cannot do internet dating or texting upon initial contact.

Does anyone else here feel this way?

Op... Is this your personal account or an excerpt from elsewhere? If this is you, my question is: why are you trying to force yourself to have sexual experiences with strangers? That is not the norm, demisexual or not.

 

[HappyMadison]

I'm six years older than this word so I reserve the right to side eye it.

Lol, yes... That is a well deserved side eye.

For me it always been this ride or die affliction for my partners. It caused me to stay in expired relationships. And the dreadful feeling that I would never have sex again after them. I would resign myself to a life of no sex. Then I meet someone and the cycle continues. Due to sexual abuse, I disassociate if the sex is not meaningful. It could be symptomatic. You can bump and grind on me, look into my eyes, but nothing excites me unless i am emotionally there.

 

[HappyMadison]

Op... Is this your personal account or an excerpt from elsewhere? If this is you, my question is: why are you trying to force yourself to have sexual experiences with strangers? That is not the norm, demisexual or not.

Nope... Excerpt from a messageboard...sorry, I don't know how to quote other articles to here. *Actually i just went ahead and took it out* And my experience is the last half.

 

[BlackRinse]

This actually sounds a lot like me.

 

[danniegirl]

To answer the question, nope, I'm not this new made up term.

..me either im regular sexual

 

[ChasingBliss]

I dont know about this term but to describe me....yes I do have to be emotionally connected to you to lay down with you. Or else I have no interest in the act. Never been good at one night stands, friends with benefits and the like. My skin is thick for many things...but matters of the heart....is Not one of them. A blessing and a curse...as are most things.

 

[CaraWalker]

Um, no.

ikr

at this point i do prefer relationships just because i am bored of men in general and dont feel like putting up with their **** anymore, but i dont have to have an emotional connection to be attracted to someone. like, at all

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

I dont know about this term but to describe me....yes I do have to be emotionally connected to you to lay down with you. Or else I have no interest in the act.

Wait, so are we talking about the act or just the feeling? Obviously, I haven't acted on the attraction yet but not being emotionally connected didn't stop the feeling.

 

[ChasingBliss]

Wait, so are we talking about the act or just the feeling? Obviously, I haven't acted on the attraction yet but not being emotionally connected didn't stop the feeling.

Lawwd leave it to me once t'again to not read something properly *sigh* @BEAUTYU2U ...you are more than likely correct. Disregard my post.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

LOL, it's okay. We have all done it.

 

[Britt]

I dont know about this term but to describe me....yes I do have to be emotionally connected to you to lay down with you. Or else I have no interest in the act. Never been good at one night stands, friends with benefits and the like. My skin is thick for many things...but matters of the heart....is Not one of them. A blessing and a curse...as are most things.

Same here.

I can somewhat relate to this term. I can look at someone and be around them and be very sexually attracted to them. I may even want to have sex with them and might lol.. however, for me to continue to keep sleeping with them for a while I have to like them as a person, feel some type of emotional connection. I will lose the desire to keep sleeping with them if they turn out to be a douce or something else unfavorable character wise that turns me off emotionally. This is why fwb doesn't appeal to me at all, it would be too unnatural for me. For ex, I couldn't have a dude I can't stand be tearing down my walls.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I'm trying to wrap my head around this. When is it a problem to feel only attracted to someone you're emotionally engaged (or invested ) in? I'm sure you're not attracted to your mom or friends (in other words we are emotionally connected to a lot of people from friends to family) so it has to be something more than "emotional" that is attracting you. This is like the "final" thing that gets your interest...am I right?

If so, why is this unusual? Are we living in such a disconnected world that now wanting to connect with someone before engaging sexually needs coining of new terms? Or am I missing something that makes this experience distinct and a dysfunction or illness or whatever- proper- word -goes- here of sorts? There is no purple font here. Trying to understand

 

[summertimewine]

I'm trying to wrap my head around this. When is it a problem to feel only attracted to someone you're emotionally engaged (or invested ) in? I'm sure you're not attracted to your mom or friends (in other words we are emotionally connected to a lot of people from friends to family) so it has to be something more than "emotional" that is attracting you. This is like the "final" thing that gets your interest...am I right?

If so, why is this unusual? Are we living in such a disconnected world that now wanting to connect with someone before engaging sexually needs coining of new terms? Or am I missing something that makes this experience distinct and a dysfunction or illness or whatever- proper- word -goes- here of sorts? There is no purple font here. Trying to understand

There is no problem or anything unusual with the term demisexual.
Demisexual is just a way for a certain facet of the community to identify with.
It just like hair typing. You either are or you aren't 3B, some people are a mix of two or three textures etc
This is a term to identify a specific type of sexuality.
I don't think members here are trying to make it seem like a problem, just identifying whether or not they personally identify with the term.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

There is no problem or anything unusual with the term demisexual.
Demisexual is just a way for a certain facet of the community to identify with.
It just like hair typing. You either are or you aren't 3B, some people are a mix of two or three textures etc
This is a term to identify a specific type of sexuality.
I don't think members here are trying to make it seem like a problem, just identifying whether or not they personally identify with the term.

Oh Ok. Gotcha. It's late and I'm tired.... probably should only be in entertainment for now and go to threads with definitions when I've had some sleep.

 

[summertimewine]

Oh Ok. Gotcha. It's late and I'm tired.... probably should only be in entertainment for now and go to threads with definitions when I've had some sleep.

No problems at all sis
I've been known to read the title of a thread and go in and post without reading anything always gets me in trouble