O.k my husband has been very supportive with my hair obsession,he even took my pictures for all of you to see. However, last weekend he made a comment and it kind of bothered me. Well I woke up and did my usual getting on the computer talking to you guys and he said are u on that hair site again? You are becoming shallow, I never thought you would care so much about a physical aspect of yourself. So what do u ladies think? I feel so guilty now for caring about my hair to the point of obsession.
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Are we shallow?
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LuvableLady
New Member
My personal opinion is if you feel that this is an obsession then yes, to me it’s shallow. I do this for fun, it is not my life, I can take it or leave it so no, I’m not shallow. If I were, I’d admit it. 95 posts since December is very small, I think you’re okay.
kreeme
New Member
You know what? My husband is acting the same way now that I am trying to do something positive with myself. I have to admit, I am totally addicted to this site, but it has given me so much inspiration. Now check this out, he ALWAYS calls me on the cell phone, but last night when I called him to see why he hadn't gotten off of work yet, he was like, "if you weren't on that chatroom for women trying to look like all of those mixed girls, you would have gotten my message...your hair is not going to get that long...ever!" I was like
WTH?! So I woke him up for work this morning and he was like, "I see you're online trying to get that magical hair growth thing going again!" I'm to the point now that I don't really care what he has to say about it. I am not being shallow and neither are you. There is nothing wrong with self improvement and learning more about it! It's all good though...he's just giving me more motivation to stick to my guns.
LuvableLady
New Member
Kking777, reading is fundamental and could never be seen as shallow. IMO, you can never read to much and if you like reading about hair this board is the perfect place for all of your reading pleasures. I read the board a lot to but I'm still not obsessed or shallow. I would fill guilty/shallow if I were buying products everyday based on rave reviews but I don't feel guilty coming on the board everyday, all day if I want because there is nothing wrong with it. It's fun.
I dont mean to be funny or technical. by posting the meaning here but my hubby said that to me already and i threw a dictionary at him cause i felt insulted. but the point is i was spending way to much time on the board, i mean i could be breast feeding and reading posts at the same time. He was mad big time!
I also realized i had become too 'obsessed' and began to curb it. now im only on twice or thrice
a day as oppose to logged on 24/7 and i absolutely dont come on on tha weekends. (After he spoke to me nicely)
It sounds to me like hubby is getting 'tired' of your 'obsession'. But only you can evaluate and make adjustments as you see fit. and dont feel too guilty, i guess all of us go tru this
Shallow
1. not deep: with little space between the bottom and the surface or top
2. not thinking or feeling deeply: having or displaying little intellectual or emotional complexity or value
3. taking in little air: characterized by the inhaling and exhaling of an abnormally small amount of air
I also realized i had become too 'obsessed' and began to curb it. now im only on twice or thrice
It sounds to me like hubby is getting 'tired' of your 'obsession'. But only you can evaluate and make adjustments as you see fit. and dont feel too guilty, i guess all of us go tru this
Shallow
1. not deep: with little space between the bottom and the surface or top
2. not thinking or feeling deeply: having or displaying little intellectual or emotional complexity or value
3. taking in little air: characterized by the inhaling and exhaling of an abnormally small amount of air
lala
Well-Known Member
My husband hasn't called me any names (he knows better), but he thinks its comical that I'm a member of a hair care forum. He has made comments about the tons of products that I have in my stash. He's not saying anything that I don't know. But, he does give me some strange looks.
Country gal
Well-Known Member
I am health consious overall. I want to have a healthier mind and body. I think people should take more pride in keeping their hair healthy. I don't think it is shallow but very important part of our overall health.
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
, he was like, "if you weren't on that chatroom for women trying to look like all of those mixed girls, you would have gotten my message...your hair is not going to get that long...ever!" I was like WTH?! So I woke him up for work this morning and he was like, "I see you're online trying to get that magical hair growth thing going again!"
[/ QUOTE ]
That is extremely hostile and foul!
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm to the point now that I don't really care what he has to say about it. I am not being shallow and neither are you.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm elated you feel this way and are acting accordingly.
~Jade~
, he was like, "if you weren't on that chatroom for women trying to look like all of those mixed girls, you would have gotten my message...your hair is not going to get that long...ever!" I was like WTH?! So I woke him up for work this morning and he was like, "I see you're online trying to get that magical hair growth thing going again!"
[/ QUOTE ]
That is extremely hostile and foul!
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
I'm to the point now that I don't really care what he has to say about it. I am not being shallow and neither are you.
[/ QUOTE ]
I'm elated you feel this way and are acting accordingly.
~Jade~
SweetNic_JA
Well-Known Member
King, ur husband was wrong for making those comments. If he feels u have a "problem" he should approach it another way instead of making snooty comments. I don't think that you should completely disregard what he said though. Sometimes it takes someone other than yourself to see your flaws and he is that someone. You may not necessarily have a problem (I admit that I do
) but he may feel that maybe u don't give him as much attention as he may like. It's probably a distress call from him to you. Pay attention to him.
If it's not a distress call then let it be and continue caring for your hair the way you normally do. I'm sure that if it was the other way around and didn't care for your hair and had dry and bald patches of hair he'd be talking a lot of smack about how you need to get ur hair done.
If it's not a distress call then let it be and continue caring for your hair the way you normally do. I'm sure that if it was the other way around and didn't care for your hair and had dry and bald patches of hair he'd be talking a lot of smack about how you need to get ur hair done.
kreeme
New Member
He is just being this way because we are in the process of a divorce. I've spent the last two years being a mother and a wife and haven't had time for myself to do things I like. So now, I'm focused on my hair and my body...he doesn't want me to look good if I'm not going to be with him. But it's not about him, it's about me wanting to do this for myself. Since I took the weave out of my hair, it has grown so much and I just want to make sure I keep it strong and healty this time around.
I am sorry that this has happened to you.
I think the LHC Forum goes beyond hair care. To me, its a community where women of color come together to share yes, hair care information, but to also talk about some DEEP issues that we face in our lives. I mean look at all the off the topic discussions that occur--from confessionals, death, love lost, love found, sexuality, etc...You get my picture.
So, sure we came together in search of healthier, longer hair but that is NOT what is holding this community together. If you really stopped and thought about it, you have enough hair care information to simply walk away from this board and never return/log-on again....but you don't because of the RELATIONSHIPS and BONDS that have formed between the members. Take me for example, I don't even know Leshia but that is my LHC GURRL. Sure we talk about hair stuff, but I have shared information with her that not even my own family knows.
Moreover, look at all the beautiful heads of hair on the board who have reached their goals but yet they continue to "hang out" and posts with us gals who are no where near to reaching our goals, or who have not even set hair goals. (That would be me). So yeah, kking7777, I am your HAIR SISTER (a term coined by my real sister earlier today) and I am here to listen to stories about hair trials & tribulations; but more importantly, I am here to support you as a woman of color.
So, to answer your question, no you are not shallow. You just found a good online community whose focus just so happens to be hair-related.
(Leshia, can you grab my hand and help me get down from the pedestal.)
I think the LHC Forum goes beyond hair care. To me, its a community where women of color come together to share yes, hair care information, but to also talk about some DEEP issues that we face in our lives. I mean look at all the off the topic discussions that occur--from confessionals, death, love lost, love found, sexuality, etc...You get my picture.
So, sure we came together in search of healthier, longer hair but that is NOT what is holding this community together. If you really stopped and thought about it, you have enough hair care information to simply walk away from this board and never return/log-on again....but you don't because of the RELATIONSHIPS and BONDS that have formed between the members. Take me for example, I don't even know Leshia but that is my LHC GURRL. Sure we talk about hair stuff, but I have shared information with her that not even my own family knows.
Moreover, look at all the beautiful heads of hair on the board who have reached their goals but yet they continue to "hang out" and posts with us gals who are no where near to reaching our goals, or who have not even set hair goals. (That would be me). So yeah, kking7777, I am your HAIR SISTER (a term coined by my real sister earlier today) and I am here to listen to stories about hair trials & tribulations; but more importantly, I am here to support you as a woman of color.
(Leshia, can you grab my hand and help me get down from the pedestal.)
DatJerseyDyme
New Member
Okay..NOW...I am going to go grab a tissue...that was so BEAUTIFUL, elliot!
C
Cami
Guest
I don't think that this is shallow at all only if you neglect him. If you're going broke and ALL of your focus is on hair, then IMO I believe it is a problem. I don't post too much on this board, but I lurk from time to time. Have you ever heard the term "hating on your lover?" I know this sounds bad, but this is true sometimes and it sounds like that's what he's doin a little bit-but it's okay because us women do it sometimes too!!
Hating on your lover means that you (the lover)simply get jealous because something else is getting more attention than them. I do it sometimes, I'm pretty sure all of us may get that way if our significant other found something else more interesting. We do it, we just don't think about it. A good example is Sunday night football-they're ready to watch the game and ignore everything else but we want attention. Or, hanging out with the fellas, etc. The bad thing about us is that we're here 24/7, not just Sunday nights! Luckily, I'm not that obsessed with this board and I focus on all aspects of my life-good wife, work, school and THEN hair.
Lucia
Well-Known Member
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
Kaela said:
Well, here are two things to think about...
1. Wouldn't he be a little disappointed if you DIDN"T care about your appearance?
2. How is this any more shallow than men's obsession w/ sports, cars, etc...???
[/ QUOTE ]
3. Men's obsession with big boobs, big Bootay, and female nudity in general. (ooh she's HHOTT-I know we've all heard that and not always directed at us sometimes towards the TV)
Kaela said:
Well, here are two things to think about...
1. Wouldn't he be a little disappointed if you DIDN"T care about your appearance?
2. How is this any more shallow than men's obsession w/ sports, cars, etc...???
[/ QUOTE ]
3. Men's obsession with big boobs, big Bootay, and female nudity in general. (ooh she's HHOTT-I know we've all heard that and not always directed at us sometimes towards the TV)
H
HoneyRockette
Guest
That is why I have to keep you ladies a secret. My friends and family just wouldn't understand. They would write if off as vanity and mock me every step of the way. The last thing I need right now is to be (even more) discouraged. Like I said on a previous post, I would rather just keep the process a secret and let them ogle over the finished product. What I do to get what I want is my business. I don't ever want to justify my actions to anyone. If they have to ask why then they don't need to know.
</font><blockquote><font class="small">In reply to:</font><hr />
HoneyRockette said:
That is why I have to keep you ladies a secret. My friends and family just wouldn't understand. They would write if off as vanity and mock me every step of the way. The last thing I need right now is to be (even more) discouraged. Like I said on a previous post, I would rather just keep the process a secret and let them ogle over the finished product. What I do to get what I want is my business. I don't ever want to justify my actions to anyone. If they have to ask why then they don't need to know.
[/ QUOTE ]
My Mom knows about me being a member of the LHCF, but not my friends.
They wouldn't understand (although some of them could benefit from this lovely place).
HoneyRockette said:
That is why I have to keep you ladies a secret. My friends and family just wouldn't understand. They would write if off as vanity and mock me every step of the way. The last thing I need right now is to be (even more) discouraged. Like I said on a previous post, I would rather just keep the process a secret and let them ogle over the finished product. What I do to get what I want is my business. I don't ever want to justify my actions to anyone. If they have to ask why then they don't need to know.
[/ QUOTE ]
My Mom knows about me being a member of the LHCF, but not my friends.
NAY007
New Member
friends of mine had the nerve to call me a superficial person before but i had to clear that up
. just because i like to take care of myself, and i mean i'm not just into tryint to look good, but even more into working out and living healthy. so this does not mean that a person is superficial, especially in the end they would always come to me and ask me about how to do feet, eyebrows, hair, how does my workout look like, etc.
so, i really think everybody knows deep down inside if this is a hobby, a life style or an obsession. and it should not be an obsession at all, but rather a way of trying to make the best out of what you got. all we do is exchange advice and opinions. i'm sure your hubby has a hobby too, that he's really into, right?
nay
so, i really think everybody knows deep down inside if this is a hobby, a life style or an obsession. and it should not be an obsession at all, but rather a way of trying to make the best out of what you got. all we do is exchange advice and opinions. i'm sure your hubby has a hobby too, that he's really into, right?
nay
"if you weren't on that chatroom for women trying to look like all of those mixed girls, you would have gotten my message...your hair is not going to get that long...ever!"
Why doesn't he just get a bottle and a blanky before he says that to you. That was not only childish but disrespectful among other things such as hurtful and unintelligent. I hope you stood up for yourself when he said that.
Don't ignore him the next time. So people who go to the gym are being shallow because they want to look better? When you go to the dentist, are you being shallow because you want your teeth to look better?
As long as your hair is important to you, you're going to make sure that it's looking its best. It has nothing to do with being shallow.
Also the fact that he says that you're trying to get your hair to look like a "mixed girl's" may indicate that he has some hair issues (possibly race issues) of his own and that it's not you that has a hair problem, it's him!
Why doesn't he just get a bottle and a blanky before he says that to you. That was not only childish but disrespectful among other things such as hurtful and unintelligent. I hope you stood up for yourself when he said that.
Don't ignore him the next time. So people who go to the gym are being shallow because they want to look better? When you go to the dentist, are you being shallow because you want your teeth to look better?
As long as your hair is important to you, you're going to make sure that it's looking its best. It has nothing to do with being shallow.
Also the fact that he says that you're trying to get your hair to look like a "mixed girl's" may indicate that he has some hair issues (possibly race issues) of his own and that it's not you that has a hair problem, it's him!
kreeme
New Member
"Also the fact that he says that you're trying to get your hair to look like a "mixed girl's" may indicate that he has some hair issues (possibly race issues) of his own and that it's not you that has a hair problem, it's him! "
You are absolutely correct! He is all up in my vitamins and shampoo..but steady hating on me.
You are absolutely correct! He is all up in my vitamins and shampoo..but steady hating on me.
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