Are signs always present?

[phynestone]

Not too long ago, I attended the wedding of an associate of mine. She had known the man for years and they dated a while before getting married. I don't know exactly how long they dated, but the marriage didn't last 3 months. As soon as the vows were recited, he started to stay out late, act a fool and the whole nine. She soon moved out and they are in the process of getting a divorce. Sometimes I wonder if she was in a hurry b/c she was around 50-something, but I don't know so I can only speculate.

So I started thinking about what I've learned on here and wanted to know if any of you believe there are always signs present before marriage that telll you 'this person isn't the one.' Share your thoughts and be real b/c I know you will.

 

[Renovating]

I think they are, but we often choose not to see certain things in the name of "love".

 

[ladylibra_30]

Yep, signs are always present - sometimes the man even tells us he's no-good. Our own intuition, inner voice, and instincts gives us a sign that he's not the one. I bet if any woman who had a spoiled relationship looked back to the beginning she'd be able to pinpoint all the signs.

 

[Bunny77]

Not too long ago, I attended the wedding of an associate of mine. She had known the man for years and they dated a while before getting married. I don't know exactly how long they dated, but the marriage didn't last 3 months. As soon as the vows were recited, he started to stay out late, act a fool and the whole nine. She soon moved out and they are in the process of getting a divorce. Sometimes I wonder if she was in a hurry b/c she was around 50-something, but I don't know so I can only speculate.

So I started thinking about what I've learned on here and wanted to know if any of you believe there are always signs present before marriage that telll you 'this person isn't the one.' Share your thoughts and be real b/c I know you will.

In this case, I guess I would wonder if the LONG time they took to get married was a sign of something... did he drag his feet on proposing? I'm thinking if they're in their 50s, if he was serious, they would have married a long time ago.

So, it sounds like he never really wanted to get married and then when it happened, he started acting a fool. That's my take, but I could be reading too much into things.

 

[JustKiya]

There are always signs.

Whether you are able and/or willing to read them is an entirely different thing.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Yep, signs are always present - sometimes the man even tells us he's no-good. Our own intuition, inner voice, and instincts gives us a sign that he's not the one. I bet if any woman who had a spoiled relationship looked back to the beginning she'd be able to pinpoint all the signs.

I completely agree.

I believe that signs are ALWAYS there to some degree. They may not be as prominent or as easily seen, but you usually have a hint or sign somewhere down the line....especially if you've been dating this man for at least 6 months.

A lot of times women won't pick up on the signs, or will worse...IGNORE the signs simply because they are "in love". But we as women ALL have that "women's intuition", and if you get a nagging feeling or hint of doubt in your mind...LISTEN to it! It may end up being nothing, but it's best to allow yourself to listen to that voice regardless instead of ignoring it.

And if a guy tells you that "you're too good for him", or he's "not good enough for you"... BELIEVE HIM! Usually he's probably telling you the truth. Now granted, a man should feel like you are the prize, but just watch his behavior, his actions, etc. If he's acting and behaving in a way that SHOW you that you can do better, then by all means honey...get someone else.

 

[krikit96]

As for ME, my husband did change after we got married. He lived with an older sister beforehand, and he would clean up after himself, we wouldn't be able to leave the house for our "dates" until certain things were done, from HIS lips, not hers... after he ate or we ate, he'd clean the kitchen. We got married, and he did it for about 3 or 4 months... but then he just dropped the ball completely... I finally asked him wth and why and he said, well... I've got you now, no need to keep it up since you already married me. I was LIVID!!!

But, I'm sharing this just to show that sometimes, signs AREN't always present, and the men DO make a complete 180 without warning. Just one example of my experiences with men/ my husband...

 

[JustKiya]

As for ME, my husband did change after we got married. He lived with an older sister beforehand, and he would clean up after himself, we wouldn't be able to leave the house for our "dates" until certain things were done, from HIS lips, not hers... after he ate or we ate, he'd clean the kitchen. We got married, and he did it for about 3 or 4 months... but then he just dropped the ball completely... I finally asked him wth and why and he said, well... I've got you now, no need to keep it up since you already married me. I was LIVID!!!

But, I'm sharing this just to show that sometimes, signs AREN't always present, and the men DO make a complete 180 without warning. Just one example of my experiences with men/ my husband...

there would be boxing that day and for many days afterwards.

 

[Renovating]

As for ME, my husband did change after we got married. He lived with an older sister beforehand, and he would clean up after himself, we wouldn't be able to leave the house for our "dates" until certain things were done, from HIS lips, not hers... after he ate or we ate, he'd clean the kitchen. We got married, and he did it for about 3 or 4 months... but then he just dropped the ball completely... I finally asked him wth and why and he said, well... I've got you now, no need to keep it up since you already married me. I was LIVID!!!

But, I'm sharing this just to show that sometimes, signs AREN't always present, and the men DO make a complete 180 without warning. Just one example of my experiences with men/ my husband...

Maybe he already felt that way, but he knew his sister wouldn't accept it in her house. To me, it doesn't me he as a person changed. He adapted to the requirements of his environment, like we all do. We change certain parts of who are based on the environment we're in.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

I think that in the overwhelming majority of cases there absolutely are signs, but a woman might not be able or willing to perceive them. And don't let this fool be laying pipe really well. You'll be excusing stuff that you would have SWORN was inexcusable (because it is).

ETA: remember the thread the other day that had a college student pimpslapping her own mom? There were red flags all over the place, but he was putting it on her so good she was

 

[BeautifulFlower]

There are always signs (like JustKiya said).

More than likely, she figured marriage will 'ground' him but once they married, he didnt change. What's a girl to do after this happens? Either you stay and deal with his mess or leave and realize that marriage is only a sheet of paper to some men. If he dont want to be tied down, he wont be no matter what you do.

 

[TayMac]

In most cases, there are signs but if a women feels it's the right time to snap a man up..she will make him the right guy and ignore the signs.

 

[chrstndiva]

In time, people will always show you who they are and reveal their true nature. You just have to be willing to see it.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

He was acting a fool and staying out late before they got married. This is nothing new to her. She knew this before she walked him down the aisle with that ball n chain around his neck.

She probably thought that marriage would change him. But to him, why should he stay home. They aren't having any children (she ain't pregnant is she? ), so why not. And to him, he was doing it before they got married, why stop now, which is why he's doing it in the first place.

Does he care whether they get divorced? Hell nawww.....chile puleez...

 

[locabouthair]

Most times there are signs.

I remember Zane talking about her ex husband and she said that she thought she knew him pretty well but she didn't. I was wondering if she ignored the signs or they weren't there at all.

 

[ElizaBlue]

Indeed. There are always signs present. But sometimes we as women are speeding down the highway of love so fast, we fly right past them.

In any relationship you will see early on the good and the bad of a person. Both male and female. Being ready to get married means being committed to stay in the game when the bad gets worse (because it will) and the good becomes less frequent.

If you go into it thinking this is the way it will always be and will only get better you will be disappointed. Everyone is on their best behavior early on, that is why women say he changed after we got married. No he didn't, the fact is, he changed to get you. Once he had checkmate, he went back to his original self.

Then we sit dumbfounded wondering what happened to the clean/neat/attentive/caring/would help me wash the dishes man I fell in love with. He's still there. You just married his representative and now you got the real deal.

My advice...and I think I'm qualified to give it is...look at the worse in him and ask yourself if this gets 10 times worse can I still deal. If the things he does to make me smile and make my heart go boom go from every day/week to once a month or only on my birthday/mother's day am I willing to stay in this game.

If that's the case...go on girl and step up to that altar, cause you might just be ready for the long haul.

 

[ambergirl]

I know two women who married men who were purposefully deceiving them. I mean elaborate ploys to keep them from knowing what they were up to until they were married. Were there signs? Maybe, but when someone is purposefully trying to fool you that is REAL hard to see.

 

[Helpmeblongagain]

I needed this thread 2 yrs ago....

Anyway....yes, the signs are always there. As women, we either choose to overlook them or make-up excuses for them, i.e. "when he slept with that girl because we weren't together, even if we were only broken up for two days, we were still broken up"

We (myself included) often view people for who we want them to be not who they are...