Are there always red flags?

[yardyspice]

I'm going to disagree, I think the signs are always there. Whether we recognize them for what they are is a different issue. I don't think they always pop up in your face either, sometimes they lurk around the peripheral of your vision.

The signs are always there but new love makes us blind to them. I would suggest that women get a second opinion from a trusted friend or relative.

 

[Jewell]

The true person always comes to light, whether it be sooner or later. Personally, i have ignored instincts and ended up regretting it. As for dating and marriage, sometimes one can be so happy and in love, or even preoccupied that one misses so-called "red flags." I just pray and ask God for discernment and insight. As humans, we cannot know or see all, or perfectly make the right decision each time. But as women, our intuition is usually strongest. It's tough.

I agree that it takes experience to teach us certain things. At 21 I didnt think my SO at the time was controlling, but after a 4 year relationship with that person, I know exactly what to look for.

 

[naija24]

depends what's your definition of a "red flag"

 

[cutenss]

As with the story above, with the baby, I think the man just snapped. She just didn't hear the crackling There is always signs, red flags. I had red flags with my husband. But I was (so I thought) blindly in love, that I mistook the red flags for pink ones.

Trust your gut. My mama always told me: When people will show you who they are, BELIEVE THEM.

 

[bklynbornNbred]

You give people with whom you are in relationships the benefit of the doubt...it's called trust. And most of the time those doubts/issues turn out to be unfoundedor unintentional/misunderstandings. It's easier to spot red flags when they are a pattern of suspicious behavior...in those cases we have chosen to ignore them or were too naive to understand. But there are also "signs" that only become labeled as such after the fact because at the time they were perfectly explainable.

In the example of the husband working late...yes if the money is not adding up to the hours then that i.s an obvious cause for concern. But if he's salaried then more money in the account would not be a viable gauge on if he's actually working late or not.

Trust has to be earned. That takes time. Some people are so caught up in skipping steps to find true love they ignore what doesn't fit the fantasy of the storyline they have in thier head (men and women). I'm not blaming victims but more times than not crazy showed itself before the big blow up.

If you are having a number of unfounded/unintentional misunderstanding then you are projecting past fears on a current situation without taking into account the actual facts. Those aren't red flags thats past baggage.