Anyone ever date a minister?

[nathansgirl1908]

If so, what was the experience like?

While I know most people would argue that they are no different from other men, I have always said that I would never date any man who falls into the following four categories: cops, military personnel, professional athletes, and ministers.

Unfortunately, I am starting to have a small attraction to a minister that I have become friends with. He does not have a church though. He is in professional school right now. But my friends think I should "go for it" and "forget about the fact that he is a minister."

 

[smooth*fro]

what's your reasoning for never wanting to date a minister?

my mom used to date one... he did not have his own church at the time. but he wanted her to be very active in the church and she didn't really want to make those kind of changes. he wanted her to go to all functions, start teaching sunday school class. she was more of a church-goer and not so much of a leader-type. they ended up breaking up because she didn't want to do more beyond her regular church attendance.

 

[lea86111]

remember if you guys ever marry, you'd be the minister's wife. And while THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT you would be expected to act a certain way and do certain things in his church (when and if he gets one) if you already are very active in the church or if you plan on becoming more active the GO FOR IT otherwise i dunno how that's gonna work.

 

[caltron]

I dated one once. I quickly got over the fact that he was a minister and it was just like any other relationship--except there was never any expectation of sex before marriage. I believe it depends on the person though because I'm sure not all of them are as strict about it. We went our own ways for reasons totally unrelated to his profession, but if we had gotten serious I'm sure it would have become an issue because I am not super religious.

 

[kmn1980]

remember if you guys ever marry, you'd be the minister's wife. And while THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT you would be expected to act a certain way and do certain things in his church (when and if he gets one) if you already are very active in the church or if you plan on becoming more active the GO FOR IT otherwise i dunno how that's gonna work.

Not to mention all the single women that want to make him pies and cakes.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

what's your reasoning for never wanting to date a minister?

my mom used to date one... he did not have his own church at the time. but he wanted her to be very active in the church and she didn't really want to make those kind of changes. he wanted her to go to all functions, start teaching sunday school class. she was more of a church-goer and not so much of a leader-type. they ended up breaking up because she didn't want to do more beyond her regular church attendance.

I never wanted to date a minister for several reasons: low salaries, too much time away from family and spent with church members (if he had a church), potential for him to try and mold me into HIS idea of a Christian. What you described with your mom is exactly what I would be concerned about.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

remember if you guys ever marry, you'd be the minister's wife. And while THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT you would be expected to act a certain way and do certain things in his church (when and if he gets one) if you already are very active in the church or if you plan on becoming more active the GO FOR IT otherwise i dunno how that's gonna work.

Yeah and I would be a terrible First Lady/minister's wife because I'm not good at always acting the way others think I'm supposed to act.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Not to mention all the single women that want to make him pies and cakes.

And that is ANOTHER issue. Oddly enough it seems that ministers are women magnets. At least around here.

 

[Firstborn2]

Not to mention all the single women that want to make him pies and cakes.

Exactly! I have a very good friend who dated a minister while he was still married, his wife was an active member of the church. Lets just say she called him out infront of the whole congregation. To be honest I think everybody already knew.

 

[nathansgirl1908]

Exactly! I have a very good friend who dated a minister while he was still married, his wife was an active member of the church. Lets just say she called him out infront of the whole congregation. To be honest I think everybody already knew.

Yeah that's not good. My cousin used to date the minister of my home church and he is married as well. EVERYONE knew. That really affected how I viewed ministers. I don't think they are supposed to be saints, but I expect more from them.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

No, I never dated one but a friend is a minister. He has women running him down on a regular.
Be prepared to be molded into the "First Lady" of the church...by the minister as well as all the church members. If you are not already a very religious woman, and frequent church goer, dating a minister is probably not for you.

I know a woman who is married to a Bishop and she is able to handle the intense scrutiny of the congregation. She has a wild side but nothing too scandalous.

 

[NaturallyGraceful]

I dated a pastor & also one being groomed for ministry. Actually preachers in general just love me & I can't stand them!! I don't know if I look like a 1st lady or what.

I grew up with uncles who were ministers so I've always known that they are just men possibly with more monkey on their backs than non-ministers just because of what they are constantly being bombarded with.

Anyway, the pastor I dated was SMOOTH!!!! I was completely enamored. He is the most interesting man I've ever met and he was SEXY to me!
Unfortunately he had a "church" mode & a "non-church" mode which would make you temporarily forget he was a pastor. If you only knew him outside of church, you'd never guess he was a pastor. Great guy, but his one fault, was lust. He was known to get around.

We didn't work out because of course something wasn't quite right about him & I was very aware of that even though he was so enjoyable. He was looking for his 3rd wife & I prayed about it & knew it wasn't me & thank God I listened, because I think I would be absolutely miserable with him today.
(fyi, we never had sex, but might as well have for all the sex talk we had-he had me going mentally)

The one being groomed, was on the straight & narrow. He was a great example of how a man of God should walk although dating him was beyond boring. There was zero physical contact, no secular music & definitely none of "that" kind of talk. Still a good friend to this day though.

I've never wanted to be a preachers wife because of the responsibility & expectation it carries. He's a servant, therefore you are too & the stuff church people will have you putting up with is just too much. Sometimes I just don't act right or want to be bothered & I know some mean & hateful 1st ladies & I'd hate to be known as one.

My stepsister's husband became a preacher a few years after they married & she was not happy about it & let him and everyone know. Well, he wound up divorcing her, marrying a woman who wanted the role, had kids & is still married today after almost 20yrs.

I say date him. In some way the experience will enrich your life.