Anyone choosing to stay single for a while?

[BroadstreetBully]

For a while I was going through a rough single period. You know that rough patch when you start getting REALLY lonely and desperate? Or when you're really feeling this guy and he isn't giving you the time of day, so now you're all bent out of shape and very upset? Yea, that was me. earlier this year, especially around Valentine's Day.

But I'm really enjoying single life. Of course I still go through rough patches occasionally...I mean, I AM a woman...basically a walking hormone. But once I get over those road blocks, I'm right back happy being single.

I don't want to think about getting serious with anyone until next year. Granted, I won't pass up "Mr. Right" if he comes my way sooner, but quite honestly, I don't want to be bothered until 2009.

Have you ladies ever felt this way? You get the urge to get right back into a serious commitment, but then you think to yourself..."I really don't want to be bothered"?

I just don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. I told myself I'd have a different outlook at the beginning of this year. I thought I'd be "That Girl" and go about dating and getting serious the right way. But I had a wakeup call earlier this year with some guy I was crushing on. I pursued him , and got all bent out of shape when he didn't return the sentiment. That woke me up and made me realize I still have work to do.

So I'm going to use the rest of this year to work on myself. Granted I'll casually date and flirt, etc. But I'm not in it to win it just yet. I'm going to continue to work on my body, health, skin, hair, finances, self-esteem, future, etc for the rest of this year, with no man getting in the way of that. I have about 9 months of singledom, and I'm looking foward to it!

So who else here is single by choice? Why have you decided to stay single? When do you plan on opening yourself up to falling in love?

 

[Glitter]

Ohh, me! I got out of a long term relationship and I realized I was looking for The One way while I was way too young. I'm still dating people, but like you I'm trying to focus on myself. I'm also spending a lot of time reading and really throwing myself into work right now. Also, since I moved to a new area, I'm trying hard to make news friends. Finally, I'm volunteering. I'm volunteering about 4-8 hours a week.

I want to take the time to spend more attention on myself. I have never gotten any type of spa treatment - mani/pedi/massage/facial - none! I'd like to do that sometime. I also want to update my look (which I am slowly doing).

Good thread, hoping to hear back from some other ladies.

For a while I was going through a rough single period. You know that rough patch when you start getting REALLY lonely and desperate? Or when you're really feeling this guy and he isn't giving you the time of day, so now you're all bent out of shape and very upset? Yea, that was me. earlier this year, especially around Valentine's Day.

But I'm really enjoying single life. Of course I still go through rough patches occasionally...I mean, I AM a woman...basically a walking hormone. But once I get over those road blocks, I'm right back happy being single.

I don't want to think about getting serious with anyone until next year. Granted, I won't pass up "Mr. Right" if he comes my way sooner, but quite honestly, I don't want to be bothered until 2009.

Have you ladies ever felt this way? You get the urge to get right back into a serious commitment, but then you think to yourself..."I really don't want to be bothered"?

I just don't think I'm ready for a serious relationship right now. I told myself I'd have a different outlook at the beginning of this year. I thought I'd be "That Girl" and go about dating and getting serious the right way. But I had a wakeup call earlier this year with some guy I was crushing on. I pursued him , and got all bent out of shape when he didn't return the sentiment. That woke me up and made me realize I still have work to do.

So I'm going to use the rest of this year to work on myself. Granted I'll casually date and flirt, etc. But I'm not in it to win it just yet. I'm going to continue to work on my body, health, skin, hair, finances, self-esteem, future, etc for the rest of this year, with no man getting in the way of that. I have about 9 months of singledom, and I'm looking foward to it!

So who else here is single by choice? Why have you decided to stay single? When do you plan on opening yourself up to falling in love?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

YES!!!!

I'm not "closed" to love, but I am definitely waist deep in ME, God, and my life. My life is seriously overflowing with wonderful things to see and develop so I don't miss not being in a relationship right now. I imagine that once I've achieved more of my goals for 2008, I'll mentally be more interested in considering a serious relationship, but like you, I'm excited about doing some things financially, professionally, and personally. I've got a list of about 20 goals to achieve this year, and none of them involve a man. On top of that, I'm already lining the ducks up for 2009. I don't have a timeline on when I'll be ready for love...I'm just taking life one day at a time.

So, I think this is a WONDERFUL place to be. Men LOVE a woman who has a life and has positive things going for herself. Since I have engrossed myself in my goals, men have been coming out of the woodworks wanting my time and attention. Because I'm busy, I'm extremely selective about who I'll even talk to on the phone much less go out with, but that's also a great place to be.

I think I'll just know when the time and man are right for me to settle down again. In the mean time, I'm gonna work like it all depends on me and pray like it all depends on God. I know that everything will fall into place as it should as long as I take care of myself and spend time doing things that are positive.

EXCELLENT thread!

 

[AtlantaJJ]

I am a single mom of a 10 year old and I am remaining single for a while by choice. I am working on my relationship with God and myself during this time off. I am certain my relationship choices will be successful in the future because I am learning to place God first in all areas of my life! I am also very very very very selective about who I allow my son to meet.

 

[AtlantaJJ]

YES!!!!

I'm not "closed" to love, but I am definitely waist deep in ME, God, and my life. My life is seriously overflowing with wonderful things to see and develop so I don't miss not being in a relationship right now. I imagine that once I've achieved more of my goals for 2008, I'll mentally be more interested in considering a serious relationship, but like you, I'm excited about doing some things financially, professionally, and personally. I've got a list of about 20 goals to achieve this year, and none of them involve a man. On top of that, I'm already lining the ducks up for 2009. I don't have a timeline on when I'll be ready for love...I'm just taking life one day at a time.

So, I think this is a WONDERFUL place to be. Men LOVE a woman who has a life and has positive things going for herself. Since I have engrossed myself in my goals, men have been coming out of the woodworks wanting my time and attention. Because I'm busy, I'm extremely selective about who I'll even talk to on the phone much less go out with, but that's also a great place to be.

I think I'll just know when the time and man are right for me to settle down again. In the mean time, I'm gonna work like it all depends on me and pray like it all depends on God. I know that everything will fall into place as it should as long as I take care of myself and spend time doing things that are positive.

EXCELLENT thread!

This is so very well stated! Since I'm extreemly busy and uninterested, guys are coming out the wood work. That helps me feel confident, content and secure in my decision because they are out there willing and waiting and appearantly not going anywhere anytime soon!! LOL

 

[BroadstreetBully]

YAY!!

Thank you ladies for your responses!! I agree with everything said here, I've also noticed myself being more selective now that my focus is on other things.

Granted we all get lonely sometimes, but then I think about the time and work that I'd have to put into a relationship, and I'm not ready for that right now.

Now is my time to be selfish. I've spent too much time focused on making someone else happy. Now, my happiness comes first. Once I get me out of the way, I'll be ready to bring someone else into the picture. Being single has never sounded sweeter.

 

[MzLady78]

YAY!!

Thank you ladies for your responses!! I agree with everything said here, I've also noticed myself being more selective now that my focus is on other things.

Granted we all get lonely sometimes, but then I think about the time and work that I'd have to put into a relationship, and I'm not ready for that right now.

Now is my time to be selfish. I've spent too much time focused on making someone else happy. Now, my happiness comes first. Once I get me out of the way, I'll be ready to bring someone else into the picture. Being single has never sounded sweeter.

I can relate to this 1000%!!!!

I've never been good at still doing what I need to do for me when I'm in a relationship, so I'm taking some time to focus on myself. I've been interested in a few people but they all turned out to be major disappointments, so I'm just gonna fall back for awhile. I don't wanna become bitter and resentful towards men, and clearly there's a reason why I keep attracting these losers. Maybe because I'm not yet where I need to be, IDK.

 

[envybeauty]

interesting thread....sometimes a break is good as long as it is useful and you realize a change.

i have friends who take breaks only to attract the same type of guys years later.

 

[locabouthair]

I can relate to this 1000%!!!!

I've never been good at still doing what I need to do for me when I'm in a relationship, so I'm taking some time to focus on myself. I've been interested in a few people but they all turned out to be major disappointments, so I'm just gonna fall back for awhile. I don't wanna become bitter and resentful towards men, and clearly there's a reason why I keep attracting these losers. Maybe because I'm not yet where I need to be, IDK.

Same here.....

My friend keeps asking me, "what am i waiting for? why don't I meet someone and try to see if it can turn into something?" And it's just not not that easy. I'm gonna be myself for now. Cuz I have some things I have put on the backburner for a while now that I need to work on. I need to focus on establishing my career, paying for school, and I plan to spend more time with family and friends.

I notice when I spend time with my friends and family, I dont feel bad about being single, I'm content

And redriot, I totally feel you about wanting someone and they aren't reciprocating the interest. I went through that so much last year and I beat myself up over it until I said, oh well, it's his loss. I just stopped caring.

 

[fmnnity]

I am!!!! I decided after my last serious relationship that I wouldn't try another until my daughter was grown and out of the house. She is 16 so I figure I can chill for a couple of years, go to school, lose some weight and grow out my hair etc. I just don't have the patience to put up with anyone on a romantic level right now perhaps this will improve with age.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I can relate to this 1000%!!!!

I've never been good at still doing what I need to do for me when I'm in a relationship, so I'm taking some time to focus on myself. I've been interested in a few people but they all turned out to be major disappointments, so I'm just gonna fall back for awhile. I don't wanna become bitter and resentful towards men, and clearly there's a reason why I keep attracting these losers. Maybe because I'm not yet where I need to be, IDK.

Same here, and I don't know why... But this is why I'm still doing the casual dating thing, but nothing serious. I'm using this time to interact with men on a casual basis, and kinda sit back and really figure out what I want/need. Like this weekend, I plan on seeing a show with this guy I recently met. Don't expect anything serious out of it, as I am not ready for that in my life right now. Just having some fun, and coming home afterwards and spending time ALONE!

 

[nisha2004]

Me too! I just got out of a difficult relationship...and although getting over it is hard. Its my time now. I need to focus on finishing school...getting healthy (eating right, working out), building my confidence/esteem. I unfortunately had an awaking when a few close friends pointed out to me that i seem to want to find my value through a man!! It hurt...but i need to be complete by myself first...and a partner should complement me. So now's my time to do me...hopefully i'll stay true to this, and not let my need for affection come in the way. erplexed

 

[Mena]

Me too! I just got out of a difficult relationship...and although getting over it is hard. Its my time now. I need to focus on finishing school...getting healthy (eating right, working out), building my confidence/esteem. I unfortunately had an awaking when a few close friends pointed out to me that i seem to want to find my value through a man!! It hurt...but i need to be complete by myself first...and a partner should complement me. So now's my time to do me...hopefully i'll stay true to this, and not let my need for affection come in the way. erplexed

same here! How old is everyone? I'm 23.

 

[MzLady78]

same here! How old is everyone? I'm 23.

30....

But I spent the majority of my 20s in and out of situations, whether they were committed relationships, friends with benefits- whatever. So this is my time to chill, date (when I can find someone who actually understands what that consist of ) without getting too caught up emotionally and putting my needs on the backburner- again.

 

[locabouthair]

im 23..........

 

[cocoaluv]

Yup!

I need to get my butt back in school so I dont have to work at my current job anymore. That is the only thing I am really gonna focus on this year. The ex's call and all that but I think from now on all they will get is my voicemail because they are nothing but friggen drama. If a new guy with GREAT potential comes along then we'll talk but otherwise nope.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

This is so very well stated! Since I'm extreemly busy and uninterested, guys are coming out the wood work. That helps me feel confident, content and secure in my decision because they are out there willing and waiting and appearantly not going anywhere anytime soon!! LOL

Absolutely! The bold is true. When we are truly connected to our purpose and we are honoring our spirits, men go wild. And you're right, they are very much willing to wait. They may even flirt with this girl or that, but if you were to call and even act like you were considering being interested, it would be all about you.

Building that confidence is really helpful when you are ready to explore a relationship because you are selective enough to make smart choices and you're not in a place where you feel you have to settle. You're also able to maintain your power because there's no neediness...you've accomplished some things recently, you're happy with where your life is headed, and the guy is just a complement.

 

[PapillionRouge]

Great thread! I agree with u, I'm also taking a break and learning to Love it!

 

[tocktick]

YES!!!!

I'm not "closed" to love, but I am definitely waist deep in ME, God, and my life.

this is me. i allowed a lot of negativity to come into my life due to choosing the wrong guys or focusing on ones who were unattainable. so now i'm trying to bring more positive things into my life by changing my mindset, becoming more spiritual and focusing on me.

 

[cocoberry10]

I am choosing to stay single for a while!

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Eh I got off track for a bit, hormonal overload had me feeling lonely. But I'm back on track. I'm slowly understanding why I need a break! How do you ladies get through though rough patches, when your hormonal cycle is giving you hell and you're feeling sad, lonely, and desperate?

 

[new-life]

Eh I got off track for a bit, hormonal overload had me feeling lonely. But I'm back on track. I'm slowly understanding why I need a break! How do you ladies get through though rough patches, when your hormonal cycle is giving you hell and you're feeling sad, lonely, and desperate?

I know how you feel, and unfortunately I don't have an answer, but thank you for this thread. This came right on time.

 

[caligirl]

I do feel a little envious when I see a happied married couple. And then I start to think I must have missed the boat. But I just try to stay positive and enjoy the single life e.g. coming and going as I please, spending my money on myself, etc. And I count my blessings.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Great thread!

Yes, I went through the whole unrequited love thing too.

I have told myself that I'm taking at least a 5 month break from even looking at another guy as a potential suitor/boyfriend/husband. I'm focusing on myself for a change.

So far it's been working great! I think it's a good idea to just become happy with being single and enjoy life to the fullest with OR without a man. I think guys are attracted to girls who can just have fun and be themselves regardless of what comes in their lives. Plus, if you are already happy without a man, then you can look forward to being happy WITH a man also. But if you can't even be happy with yourself while you're single.... *sigh*

It can be hard sometimes, and I too get down/discouraged at times, but so far focusing on myself (instead of some guy) has been the best thing I've done for myself this year.

 

[Lanea87]

I really want a dude that I can call my own, but life wont let me do it right now. I am a 20yo college student at 2 different schools, so therfore I am busy from 8am until 930pm M-F and my weekends vary. I am glad to be single cause there are no dudes that are on my level at the moment. I want a man that has just as much going for himself than I do. And if I don find him, I will keep pushing, cause I wont be settling.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Eh I got off track for a bit, hormonal overload had me feeling lonely. But I'm back on track. I'm slowly understanding why I need a break! How do you ladies get through though rough patches, when your hormonal cycle is giving you hell and you're feeling sad, lonely, and desperate?

Well, I don't know if I can speak for all the ladies here, but what really helps me is staying and keeping in touch with my close CLOSE girlfriends. Not the fake ones, or the sometimey ones, but my TRUE girlfriends that I've known since forever, and I can trust them with my deepest darkest secrets.

This helps a lot. I just hang out with them, and since a lot of them are going through what I'm going through, it just helps to know that I'm not alone in all of this. It happens to the best of us.

Those hormonal fluctuations every month are going to occur no matter what unfortunately. But I've noticed that when I really throw myself into my girl friends, family, spirituality, hobbies, or just having FUN in general, I don't feel as lonely or as depressed.

ETA: Also, exercising and eating right helps. I noticed a few months ago that when I cut sugar out of my diet, I was feeling SOOO much better emotionally. I was REALLY happy. Too bad I slipped off the bandwagon...

 

[Theo]

I really like this thread! I feel...almost... inspired! I too think that I will remain single for the rest of 2008!