anybody watch Oprah Today?? John Edwards..

[Ladybelle]

I'm watching it now and although he is a politician - this is a relationship issue.

One thing Mrs. Edwards has said that stuck out to me is:

When she said,of course I blame John but I also blame the "other" woman and she believes that women need to have more respect for other women. You can't go into someone else's marriage and think you can have it. What she worked so hard to build with her husband and kids some other woman looks at it and decides she wants it for herself. Don't try to take another woman's life, go build your own. She knew he was married, she knew he had kids.

Im ITA with that sentiment.

 

[aribell]

I'm watching it now and although he is a politician - this is a relationship issue.

One thing Mrs. Edwards has said that stuck out to me is:

When she said,of course I blame John but I also blame the "other" woman and she believes that women need to have more respect for other women. You can't go into someone else's marriage and think you can have it. What she worked so hard to build with her husband and kids some other woman looks at it and decides she wants it for herself. Don't try to take another woman's life, go build your own. She knew he was married, she knew he had kids.

Im ITA with that sentiment.

ITA as well. But do we even know the circumstances of their love affair? Who said this other woman was trying to take Edwards away from his wife? How do we know he didn't go after her? And why would the other woman respect Mrs. Edwards' marriage when Mr. Edwards obviously didn't care enough about it to respect it himself? Do we really believe that all these men would be faithful if it weren't for all these sneaky women tempting them?

I'm not saying women don't go after other women's men, but shouldn't the message be primarily directed toward the cheating husbands?

 

[tiara76]

there is way more to the whole subject of infidelity than surface level actions, circumstances, behaviors, parties involved and the image of what is that is presented vs the reality on deeper levels of what is....no one is to blame , everyone involved is being alerted from within that something is not right in their life...another person entering a relationship that seems "good" is just an indication that something is being denied, repressed, deliberately ignored not seen or looked at in the relationship...and another person entering the equation is usually one or the other of the couple on a deeper level trying to bring something to light and creating situations that will force them to look outwards what they aren't trying to see within....each situation is different sometimes the couple needs to split up sometimes it makes the couple stronger, overall its a circumstance that happens in order to push people to grow themselves and with or without the other person

 

[SvelteVelvet]

The 'other' woman can never enter another woman's relationship without the husband cracking open the door, and in MOST extramarital affairs, the other woman doesn't even have to knock.

 

[Ladybelle]

ITA as well. But do we even know the circumstances of their love affair? Who said this other woman was trying to take Edwards away from his wife? How do we know he didn't go after her? And why would the other woman respect Mrs. Edwards' marriage when Mr. Edwards obviously didn't care enough about it to respect it himself? Do we really believe that all these men would be faithful if it weren't for all these sneaky women tempting them?

I'm not saying women don't go after other women's men, but shouldn't the message be primarily directed toward the cheating husbands?

of course, but in the interview after condemning her husband, she hinted that the other woman did go after her husband and it started with her commenting "how handsome he was"

it wasn't just him luring her in. He himself said what he did was wrong and we should look at the men who cheat, but there are in some instance (like this one) where the other woman wants to be the other woman and sometimes they even hope to become THE woman.

 

[Ladybelle]

there is way more to the whole subject of infidelity than surface level actions, circumstances, behaviors, parties involved and the image of what is that is presented vs the reality on deeper levels of what is....no one is to blame , everyone involved is being alerted from within that something is not right in their life...another person entering a relationship that seems "good" is just an indication that something is being denied, repressed, deliberately ignored not seen or looked at in the relationship...and another person entering the equation is usually one or the other of the couple on a deeper level trying to bring something to light and creating situations that will force them to look outwards what they aren't trying to see within....each situation is different sometimes the couple needs to split up sometimes it makes the couple stronger, overall its a circumstance that happens in order to push people to grow themselves and with or without the other person

ITA. infidelity is usually always more than just sex. Sometimes it is just sex, but in either scenario- it's always indicative of a deeper problem that was not addressed.

I was just pointing out this portion of the interview b/c although men have cheated, and sometimes initiate cheating- how much harder would it be if some women respected themselves and other women enough not to be apart of the cheating?

 

[Ladybelle]

The 'other' woman can never enter another woman's relationship without the husband cracking open the door, and in MOST extramarital affairs, the other woman doesn't even have to knock.

I don't know if I agree with that wholeheartedly. I've seen seemingly innocent men get hit on by women. If said man was weak enough to take the bait "she" tried to catch him,hook line & sinker.

Some women do lust after other's women's men & some women do get pleasure in supposedly taking other women's men. It's said but it's so.

I'm not one to pretend it doesn't happen. Not always the case with extra marital affairs and I'm not saying one party is to blame more than the other but I think any person who participates in such activity should bear their portion of the responsibility and be held accountable for their actions no matter who initated what, where or when.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I'm watching it now and although he is a politician - this is a relationship issue.

One thing Mrs. Edwards has said that stuck out to me is:

When she said,of course I blame John but I also blame the "other" woman and she believes that women need to have more respect for other women. You can't go into someone else's marriage and think you can have it. What she worked so hard to build with her husband and kids some other woman looks at it and decides she wants it for herself. Don't try to take another woman's life, go build your own. She knew he was married, she knew he had kids.

Im ITA with that sentiment.

I didn't catch it but from what you wrote I agree and would add that people need to have respect for other people in all aspects of life. Marriage should be highly respected. But I still see signs that the same old blame goes to the other woman...when it was the man who let down his pants.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I don't know if I agree with that wholeheartedly. I've seen seemingly innocent men get hit on by women. If said man was weak enough to take the bait "she" tried to catch him,hook line & sinker.

Some women do lust after other's women's men & some women do get pleasure in supposedly taking other women's men. It's said but it's so.

I'm not one to pretend it doesn't happen. Not always the case with extra marital affairs and I'm not saying one party is to blame more than the other but I think any person who participates in such activity should bear their portion of the responsibility and be held accountable for their actions no matter who initated what, where or when.

Whether the woman knocks or not, the man in the relationship will always have the GREATER responsibility of loyalty to his wife than any other woman will have to her, no matter what initiated getting her foot in it.

There is way too much grey matter of what goes on with a man who has not only allowed another woman to step in, but has willingly stepped his foot out to accurately place MAJORITY blame on the 'other woman' WHO WOULD HAVE NO PARTICIPATION WITH THE WIFES HUSBAND WITHOUT THE HELP OF HER HUSBAND.

And I'm sorry, I can't picture that innocent man being hounded by a vulture without chuckling. YES, there are trifling women who will purposely chase a taken man, but IMO it is ALWAYS up to the people INSIDE the relationship to keep the bolt on the door. Because reality..keyword REALITY, is trifling women aren't going to go away...

 

[Ladybelle]

Whether the woman knocks or not, the man in the relationship will always have the GREATER responsibility of loyalty to his wife than any other woman will have to her, no matter what initiated getting her foot in it.

There is way too much grey matter of what goes on with a man who has not only allowed another woman to step in, but has willingly stepped his foot out to accurately place MAJORITY blame on the 'other woman' WHO WOULD HAVE NO PARTICIPATION WITH THE WIFES HUSBAND WITHOUT THE HELP OF HER HUSBAND.

And I'm sorry, I can't picture that innocent man being hounded by a vulture without chuckling. YES, there are trifling women who will purposely chase a taken man, but IMO opinion it is ALWAYS up to the people INSIDE the relationship to keep the bolt on the door. Because reality..keyword REALITY, is trifling women aren't going to go away...

I certainly agree with that reality. I know some innocent men though who have successfully kept from being lured in by the temptation.

I also agree that the people outside the marriage have a lesser obligation to respect it than the people within it, but it would be nice if some women wouldn't be so dang trifling. I hate it. Same goes for the trifling men out there.

 

[Ladybelle]

I didn't catch it but from what you wrote I agree and would add that people need to have respect for other people in all aspects of life. Marriage should be highly respected. But I still see signs that the same old blame goes to the other woman...when it was the man who let down his pants.

I think the blame goes both ways. She pulled her panties down, he pulled his pants down. They enjoyed the low life together. I wouldn't say anything to a chick who slept with DH ( i pray that never happens) But, if it did - my beef would be with him. But, I wouldn't have any respect for her if she KNEW he was married. Something is not right about knowingly sleeping with a married man or woman.

shoot, when I got married - I had men tell me "if you ever need a side man, I'll be that." To me, that's so low down. Why would you want to be a side anything??

Not placing ALL the blame on the mistress and I guess you get the point I was trying to make:

As a whole, women need to be more respectful of each other. There's an article about this very issue in this month's issue of Essence.

The cheating men is an entirely different story, I didn't even go there because it's the same ol' *sh just a different day when it comes to men who cheat on their wives.

 

[JinaRicci]

Thank you Svelte! I am so sick & tired of hearing about the whole women unite- respect the other woman's relationship in cases like this. These women are not the ones committed to each other--They didn't take vows. He needed to respect his own relationship & what he worked so hard to build with his family. This is a man- grown man we're talking about- not a child who can easily be led astray. Like you said there will always be trifling women. What we women need to unite on is to hold the men in our lives responsible for their relationship with us.

Her statement should have been "I blame the other woman, but I obviously blame John more."

 

[Ladybelle]

Thank you Svelte! I am so sick & tired of hearing about the whole women unite- respect the other woman's relationship in cases like this. These women are not the ones committed to each other--They didn't take vows. He needed to respect his own relationship & what he worked so hard to build with his family. This is a man- grown man we're talking about- not a child who can easily be led astray. Like you said there will always be trifling women. What we women need to unite on is to hold the men in our lives responsible for their relationship with us.

Her statement should have been "I blame the other woman, but I obviously blame John more."

wow! so are you married?? When I was single, married men were not an option. Because what goes around, comes around. It's cliche' ish - but it's true.

And, she did say she blamed John. That was her first sentence and then she went on to say how she felt about the other woman. I agree with her. The other woman gets no love, in my opinion. If anything, I'd send her a "homewrecker" card. Better yet, I'd curse out DH and make him send it to her.

 

[JinaRicci]

wow! so are you married?? When I was single, married men were not an option. Because what goes around, comes around. It's cliche' ish - but it's true.

And, she did say she blamed John. That was her first sentence and then she went on to say how she felt about the other woman. I agree with her. The other woman gets no love, in my opinion. If anything, I'd send her a "homewrecker" card. Better yet, I'd curse out DH and make him send it to her.

I hope you don't think from my post that I condone this- married men are not an option- absolutely not- even if the woman is single OR married. They were both wrong- obviously.

My point is I don't think she should have gone on national TV and spoken about 'the other woman.' It sends the same old (wrong) message to men & especially younger women. How many times do we see this? The husband cheats and the dejected wife holds his hand and they talk as if he was the one taken advantage of. 'I was confused. I had no idea what I was doing with that high-priced escort.' It seems that the man is given a mere slap on the wrist while the indignation is reserved for the 'other woman.' The woman gets the greater part of the blame while the man is treated like he didn't know better or he unsuspectingly fell prey to a woman on the hunt.

There will always be women in this world- other women that men aren't married to and they don't have to be trifling for married men to cheat with them. Yes-a woman who goes after someone else's husband is to be blamed and will get hers- that's how life goes- totally agree with you. But after how many times, how many women does he need to sleep with before we start focusing on him- the husband who messed up?

 

[Ladybelle]

I hope you don't think from my post that I condone this- married men are not an option- absolutely not- even if the woman is single OR married. They were both wrong- obviously.

My point is I don't think she should have gone on national TV and spoken about 'the other woman.' It sends the same old (wrong) message to men & especially younger women. How many times do we see this? The husband cheats and the dejected wife holds his hand and they talk as if he was the one taken advantage of. 'I was confused. I had no idea what I was doing with that high-priced escort.' It seems that the man is given a mere slap on the wrist while the indignation is reserved for the 'other woman.' The woman gets the greater part of the blame while the man is treated like he didn't know better or he unsuspectingly fell prey to a woman on the hunt.

There will always be women in this world- other women that men aren't married to and they don't have to be trifling for married men to cheat with them. Yes-a woman who goes after someone else's husband is to be blamed and will get hers- that's how life goes- totally agree with you. But after how many times, how many women does he need to sleep with before we start focusing on him- the husband who messed up?

ooooh. yeah, i get what you're saying now and I totally agree. The Men must be held equally if not MORE accountable for their infidelity in marriage. And, now that you point it out, her blame on John was brief. She went on a loong spill about the other woman's wrongdoing. They never even really talked about what caused him to cheat or why he did it. Not the part I saw anyway, I got tired of watching after about 30 minutes. It seems as if Mrs.Edwards is still in some kind of denial about it. When O asked her if the mistress's baby was Johns and Mrs.Edwards responded with - it wouldn't affect her life and "it" being the baby, would not be her problem but Johns.

 

[tiara76]

ITA. infidelity is usually always more than just sex. Sometimes it is just sex, but in either scenario- it's always indicative of a deeper problem that was not addressed.

I was just pointing out this portion of the interview b/c although men have cheated, and sometimes initiate cheating- how much harder would it be if some women respected themselves and other women enough not to be apart of the cheating?

we can always ask the question of the wife...does she love and respect herself..does she take care of her own needs and address her issues and accept herself or does she beat herself up, put on a front, do everything under the sun for her man in hopes he will give her what she doesn't have for herself....??? when she doesn't other women will appear in her reality who reflect and give her back disrespect and play a part in mirroring back to us things about herself.....the more women love and respect themselves the more people will do the same.....the more of those women who display it out to the world the more women who don't feel it will want to rise to those levels and those women wont' be attracted to situations where respect and love levels are high...they only attract to situations where respect and love levels are low...we will always be playing reflecting roles in the lives of others no matter how the circumstance of engagement is.....

 

[Ladybelle]

we can always ask the question of the wife...does she love and respect herself..does she take care of her own needs and address her issues and accept herself or does she beat herself up, put on a front, do everything under the sun for her man in hopes he will give her what she doesn't have for herself....??? when she doesn't other women will appear in her reality who reflect and give her back disrespect and play a part in mirroring back to us things about herself.....the more women love and respect themselves the more people will do the same.....the more of those women who display it out to the world the more women who don't feel it will want to rise to those levels and those women wont' be attracted to situations where respect and love levels are high...they only attract to situations where respect and love levels are low...we will always be playing reflecting roles in the lives of others no matter how the circumstance of engagement is.....

now, that's real talk. I never thought about it like that before, but what you're saying is so true. I'm sure it can be hard to have to finally see that reflection in some instances, especially when the mirroring is of where you were inadequate.

 

[MD_Lady]

And the bolded/red is my problem with Elizabeth Edwards:

ooooh. yeah, i get what you're saying now and I totally agree. The Men must be held equally if not MORE accountable for their infidelity in marriage. And, now that you point it out, her blame on John was brief. She went on a loong spill about the other woman's wrongdoing. They never even really talked about what caused him to cheat or why he did it. Not the part I saw anyway, I got tired of watching after about 30 minutes. It seems as if Mrs.Edwards is still in some kind of denial about it. When O asked her if the mistress's baby was Johns and Mrs.Edwards responded with - it wouldn't affect her life and "it" being the baby, would not be her problem but Johns.

It's always seems like the blame she places on John is an afterthought. John Edwards stood before family, friends, and God and made a promise to her. Of course it was wrong for his mistress to with someone else's husband, but this woman doesn't have an obligation to Elizabeth Edwards; the man who took the vows does. IMO, she's giving him a pass to disrespect her and is knee-deep in denial. But hey, if "forgiveness" helps her sleep at night...

 

[Ladybelle]

And the bolded/red is my problem with Elizabeth Edwards:
It's always seems like the blame she places on John is an afterthought. John Edwards stood before family, friends, and God and made a promise to her. Of course it was wrong for his mistress to with someone else's husband, but this woman doesn't have an obligation to Elizabeth Edwards; the man who took the vows does. IMO, she's giving him a pass to disrespect her and is knee-deep in denial. But hey, if "forgiveness" helps her sleep at night...

yeah she is in denial. i totally noticed that when she said IF the other's woman's baby was John's it would not change her life and "it" would be John's problem, not hers. I was like,hunh? how can a child by your husband not affect your life?

 

[thatscuteright]

Watching her interview was painful.

 

[Lovelylife]

But as women we can empower each other just by not allowing the man to cheat with anyone of us.

 

[Ladybelle]

But as women we can empower each other just by not allowing the man to cheat with anyone of us.

one sentence is all it took for you to say what I was trying to say all along. thank you!!

 

[Ladybelle]

Watching her interview was painful.

yeah it was painful, i was initially watching just to find out the word of the day-but then it got somewhat interesting until i turned it off.

 

[jada1111]

The 'other' woman can never enter another woman's relationship without the husband cracking open the door, and in MOST extramarital affairs, the other woman doesn't even have to knock.

I'd bet everything that I had that JOHN made the first move several times before the "other woman" said yes.

Mrs. Edwards needs to STOP being "Mrs. Edwards" and move on to find a man that will value and love her before her cancer acts up again.

Being "in love" is a beautiful thing.

This "stand by your man" crap by these politico wives is almost as bad the black community's need to "defend a black man at all costs even if he's guilty" madness.

 

[ebonylocs]

But as women we can empower each other just by not allowing the man to cheat with anyone of us.

But does that solve the problem? Do you want a husband who isn't cheating *just* because other women are saying no to him or not giving him any shine?

It's like wanting the candy stores to lock your kid out so that he doesn't make himself sick and can't eat your dinner. Wouldn't it be better to have a child that knows that stuffing himself with candy is a bad idea?

And this is an inaccurate analogy because men aren't children. And that's exactly the point. We sometimes act like they are these naive, rudderless, simpletons, who can be led this way and that by any temptress. Yet, I never hear anyone blaming "other men" who take men's wives. Somehow, then, it's completely the wayward wife's fault. She was a disloyal slut. Because you know, women have complete responsibility for their own actions, but somehow, men don't.

 

[Ladybelle]

But does that solve the problem? Do you want a husband who isn't cheating *just* because other women are saying no to him or not giving him any shine?

It's like wanting the candy stores to lock your kid out so that he doesn't make himself sick and can't eat your dinner. Wouldn't it be better to have a child that knows that stuffing himself with candy is a bad idea?

And this is an inaccurate analogy because men aren't children. And that's exactly the point. We sometimes act like they are these naive, rudderless, simpletons, who can be led this way and that by any temptress. Yet, I never hear anyone blaming "other men" who take men's wives. Somehow, then, it's completely the wayward wife's fault. She was a disloyal slut. Because you know, women have complete responsibility for their own actions, but somehow, men don't.

I understand what you're saying - esp with the child analogy & sometimes it is better not to have temptation available until you are truly able to handle it.

Not placing the blame game on women- but it would help if we were more loyal to each other, IMHO.

It's gotten to the point where
-if a man has a job- he can get some
-if he doesn't have a job- he can get some
-if he ugly- he can get some
-if he fine- if he can get some
-if he a man- he can get some]
there is always some random woman waiting to give it to him.

it's as if (some)women no longer have any standards, it doesn't matter whether he's attached or not. I find that kind of disheartening.

As women, (IMHO) we have waaay more power in the state of relationships than we recognize. How men treat us is a direct reflection (in a lot of cases) of how we treat ourselves & each other.

 

[jada1111]

But does that solve the problem? Do you want a husband who isn't cheating *just* because other women are saying no to him or not giving him any shine?

It's like wanting the candy stores to lock your kid out so that he doesn't make himself sick and can't eat your dinner. Wouldn't it be better to have a child that knows that stuffing himself with candy is a bad idea?

And this is an inaccurate analogy because men aren't children. And that's exactly the point. We sometimes act like they are these naive, rudderless, simpletons, who can be led this way and that by any temptress. Yet, I never hear anyone blaming "other men" who take men's wives. Somehow, then, it's completely the wayward wife's fault. She was a disloyal slut. Because you know, women have complete responsibility for their own actions, but somehow, men don't.

Men who are happy in their relationships cannot be lead astray. If there are problems, he (or she) will fall for the person who can plug up the missing holes in the marriage.

I'm all about COMMUNICATION in a relationship. Couples need to constantly discuss whatever's bothering them before it gets to the point of having to cheat.

 

[jada1111]

I understand what you're saying - esp with the child analogy & sometimes it is better not to have temptation available until you are truly able to handle it.

Not placing the blame game on women- but it would help if we were more loyal to each other, IMHO.

It's gotten to the point where
-if a man has a job- he can get some
-if he doesn't have a job- he can get some
-if he ugly- he can get some
-if he fine- if he can get some
-if he a man- he can get some]
there is always some random woman waiting to give it to him.

it's as if (some)women no longer have any standards, it doesn't matter whether he's attached or not. I find that kind of disheartening.

As women, (IMHO) we have waaay more power in the state of relationships than we recognize. How men treat us is a direct reflection (in a lot of cases) of how we treat ourselves & each other.

Um, there's someone out there for everyone. It's never been about "standards".

If a man or woman is unhappy in their current relationship and they've done all they could to make it work, then SOMEONE is going to step out.

 

[Ladybelle]

Men who are happy in their relationships cannot be lead astray. If there are problems, he (or she) will fall for the person who can plug up the missing holes in the marriage.

I'm all about COMMUNICATION in a relationship. Couples need to constantly discuss whatever's bothering them before it gets to the point of having to cheat.

It shouldn't matter whether he's happy or not. Happy, unhappy, mad, sad, glad - one should have made the conscious decision to be faithful no matter what the other person has or has not done to or for you.

Being faithful, just like being married is a choice.

 

[JFemme]

It's gotten to the point where
-if a man has a job- he can get some
-if he doesn't have a job- he can get some
-if he ugly- he can get some
-if he fine- if he can get some
-if he a man- he can get some]
there is always some random woman waiting to give it to him.

THIS made me holla....

(few days ago, I overheard a gal gushing over a guy that brought a book with him to the gym. "Exclaiming....he reads, he reads !!!!!" I remember thinking, Yup, he's getting it....(later I felt a little sad for Chica, she must be meeting a load of duds..)