Anybody COMPLETELY cut off the Ex?

[Sasha Fierce]

I have only been in one relationship which lasted 3 years and was pretty bad the whole time.

For a very short time after the break up, we had sporadic contact as if trying to "be friends" or whatever...

The last time I saw him (Christmas 2005) we had an argument which confirmed that anything between us was completely gone.

I called him the next day. I should have never seen him or talked to him but once you let that person back in and get agitated, the cycle begins again. He said he did not have time for "this" and would call me back.

He never called. I called back three times over the next two days and told myself if he did not respond at the third call, I would completely wash my hands of the situation. (Some may argue that at this time he wiped his hands of me).

Mid January I received a facebook notification to update our "how do you know this person" status. (He had joined facebook after the breakup and added me as a friend. He wanted to update our status to "Past relationship/Was practically married"). I removed him from my friends list. I got an e-mail from him at three different email accounts saying he couldnt believe I did that.

Later towards the summer, I received phone calls from his mom saying she wanted to know how I was and that he was worried about me or wanted to know how I was. I ignored those comments and continued to ask her what she had been up to...

I got a few more facebook messages through the year. I ignored them all.

Over the two years, I have still had bad dreams, boughts of crying, and wondering thoughts...but thank God I am much better. In all of his communications, he never aplogized for the dirt he did to me. His words sounded as if he was checking with some distant associate.

I guess what I am wondering is, has anybody ever completely cut off the ex? to never speak to them again?

I could not accept letting him into any part of my life knowing how poorly he treated me and seeing he did not have the decency to apologize.

I guess I am curious to know if anybody else handled it like me. When I first began typing this post, I wanted to hear whether you all thought I did the right thing. After writing it down and seeing it plainly, I know I did the right thing.

 

[Kiadodie]

I have only been in one relationship which lasted 3 years and was pretty bad the whole time.

For a very short time after the break up, we had sporadic contact as if trying to "be friends" or whatever...

The last time I saw him (Christmas 2005) we had an argument which confirmed that anything between us was completely gone.

I called him the next day. I should have never seen him or talked to him but once you let that person back in and get agitated, the cycle begins again. He said he did not have time for "this" and would call me back.

He never called. I called back three times over the next two days and told myself if he did not respond at the third call, I would completely wash my hands of the situation. (Some may argue that at this time he wiped his hands of me).

Mid January I received a facebook notification to update our "how do you know this person" status. (He had joined facebook after the breakup and added me as a friend. He wanted to update our status to "Past relationship/Was practically married". I removed him from my friends list. I got an e-mail from him at three different email accounts saying he couldnt believe I did that.

Later towards the summer, I received phone calls from his mom saying she wanted to know how I was and that he was worried about me or wanted to know how I was. I ignored those comments and continued to ask her what she had been up to...

I got a few more facebook messages through the year. I ignored them all.

Over the two years, I have still had bad dreams, boughts of crying, and wondering thoughts...but thank God I am much better. In all of his communications, he never aplogized for the dirt he did to me. His words sounded as if he was checking with some distant associate.

I guess what I am wondering is, has anybody ever completely cut off the ex? to never speak to them again?

I could not accept letting him into any part of my life knowing how poorly he treated me and seeing he did not have the decency to apologize.

I guess I am curious to know if anybody else handled it like me.

Girl, good for you!! Let me tell you, I was "dating" very casually this guy for a year. When we first started seeing each other, within a month I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn't want a commitment. So, I let it go. I saw him out 4 months after that and regretfully "gave in". Poor choice. Then I let him go again and then saw him 6 months later and gave in again.
He was just using me when he wanted always putting me at a distance. I did the same but there were times I would give in and go back hoping there would a change. The 3rd time I went back was 2 weeks ago and I AM DONE.
I proud of you that you didn't even go back. Listen, if he didn't treat you well, then he doesn't deserve you. I learned the hard way, but I'm learning. The issue is with loving and valuing myself enough not to let people like him in my life. I cut all ties w/ him but he doesn't know it yet. He thinks it cool to be "friends" and keep one foot in the door. So selfish it amazes me.

 

[Sasha Fierce]

Girl, good for you!! Let me tell you, I was "dating" very casually this guy for a year. When we first started seeing each other, within a month I asked him what he wanted and he said he didn't want a commitment. So, I let it go. I saw him out 4 months after that and regretfully "gave in". Poor choice. Then I let him go again and then saw him 6 months later and gave in again.
He was just using me when he wanted always putting me at a distance. I did the same but there were times I would give in and go back hoping there would a change. The 3rd time I went back was 2 weeks ago and I AM DONE.
I proud of you that you didn't even go back. Listen, if he didn't treat you well, then he doesn't deserve you. I learned the hard way, but I'm learning. The issue is with loving and valuing myself enough not to let people like him in my life. I cut all ties w/ him but he doesn't know it yet. He thinks it cool to be "friends" and keep one foot in the door. So selfish it amazes me.

That's what's up! Don't let ole dude have it his way. And you are right. I, too, have learned to not even let folks like that into my life to begin with (prayerfully, I will always recognize the signs from now on).

 

[indigodiva]

Have I completely cut off an ex...YES Ma'am. Total and completely. We dated for about year and a half, and it ended bad. he tried that whole let's be friends thing..when I told him even while we were dating that I dont do the "Let's be friends" thing. When its over, its over.

And i've remained true to that..No communication whatsoever. Well, I broke my own rule by sending him an email that said "Happy Birthday", but I shouldn't have done that, and I won't again. We live in different states so I never have to see him, and if I ever do again it'll be too soon

But there's no random text, no stalking of his facebook page to see what's going on with him. Nothing. I literally wiped away any trace of him ever existing...every picture, note, jewelry, other gifts, articles of clothing, etc, got scrapped.

I was hurt when it ended, but cutting him off completely made it easier to get over him...and then I realized what a waste he was anyway...not keeping in contact worked wonders

 

[meaganita]

Clean cut-offs are the only way to go.

Unless....things ended on civil, non-trifling terms,
in which case dude can stay on as a non-sexual friend.

 

[gymfreak336]

Clean cut-offs are the only way to go.

Unless....things ended on civil, non-trifling terms,
in which case dude can stay on as a non-sexual friend.

I agree.....

 

[locabouthair]

I had to. It got to a point where I just couldnt take him anymore. You know some people that you REALLY shouldn't have in your life? well that's how he was. Man the stuff he put me through I am soooooooo happy I don't speak to him anymore. All he would do is drain me.

Please cut him off. That is really the only way you get over someone is to cut off all contact. That lets be friends stuff doesn't work IMO, especially right after the breakup. if he's just gonna add strees and pain to your life , let him go. Life is too short to be unhappy.

 

[caribeandiva]

Cutting off the ex is the only way to truly break up with them. i don't stay friends with any of my exes. Once it's over, it's over! no phone calls, no emails, nada.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Ugh! ah#LL yeah I cuut them off. I'm on facebook and my first tried to add me as afriend sending a message saying hey sexy.I was like wtf? I dismissed him. I don't see the point especially if he did me wrong. They screwed up a good thing so they aren't about to get anything else from me.fcuk friendship. None of my ex's or any guy period has my number except my DH, daddy, brother, and a few guy cousins.

 

[FlowerHair]

Clean cut-offs are the only way to go.

Unless....things ended on civil, non-trifling terms,
in which case dude can stay on as a non-sexual friend.

I agree 100%...which is why I don't stay in touch with any of my exes except for one!

When someone has treated you badly, there is no room for that person in your life.

 

[Kawaii1]

Cutting off the ex is the only way to truly break up with them. i don't stay friends with any of my exes. Once it's over, it's over! no phone calls, no emails, nada.

ITA. When I first married my hubby he was still talking to his ex. Thank God they were states away because he talked to her all the time. Admittedly we got married after 2 months and they had been in a longer relationship but it still hurt. We went through drama about that but he is the type to keep contact. Well he doesn't talk with her anymore and it will be 3 years in april 08.

I think most ex's are just trying to get back or cause trouble. Most don't have nice intentions or just want to be friends, I know her ass wasn't(trying to get back with my man, I could have beat her up?) Just make a clean break. That's the only way to go. That's what I do!

 

[SvelteVelvet]

I've NEVER played that "let's be friends" game with any of my exes. ALL of them got the snip snip. I don't believe in any communication after breaking up our dealing morphing into something it didn't start out as. Nope.

 

[Kiadodie]

I agree 100%...which is why I don't stay in touch with any of my exes except for one!

When someone has treated you badly, there is no room for that person in your life.

So true..

 

[InNeedofHairapy]

All of my exes are exes for a reason. I HAD to do a complete cut off fromr them b/c they either did something to me that was unforgiveable or they were just bad for me in general.

WIth my current S/O, who I've been with for four years, I can't see completely cutting myself off from him if, God Forbid, we were to go our seperate ways..not just b/c he's been good to me and is my best friend, but we are about to become parents, and would have to remain civil/friendly/respectful to each other in order to parent out children properly and together.

 

[cocoaluv]

I agree 100%...which is why I don't stay in touch with any of my exes except for one!

When someone has treated you badly, there is no room for that person in your life.

Ditto to all you just said. I only have one ex who I'm cool with and just say hey to and check up on ever so often....never anything more than that. But all the rest, whenever they come back....and believe me they ALWAYS do, I gotta tell them there is nothing left to discuss. I know alot of people need closure and all that good stuff but in the back of my mind when I think of them I ONLY think of the hurtful things they have done to me and there is no way in hell I would want anything to do with them.

 

[prettypuff1]

I cut off all of my ex's.. I dont speak to not a one and don't understand those who do........ The only exception is my son's father and he is spoken to on a need to know basis.... I do not believe that they can offer me anything, if they could we would still be together.... I have no time for it. THe last guy that i dated, he was NUTS, so he had to be cut off even though i see him all the time and we have the same friends..... No need for baggage when i meet the new one.....

 

[reallynow]

Clean cut-offs are the only way to go.

Unless....things ended on civil, non-trifling terms,
in which case dude can stay on as a non-sexual friend.

Yep...........I delete all numbers, block e-mail, etc. because I am that one to send a b-day e-mail, etc. and I can't have the temptation so I basically got rid of all traces of said person.

 

[MissJ]

I did, and it was the worst pain he ever felt. I'm glad!

 

[Halana Malie]

When I break up with someone my goal is for a clean break. Unfortunately all of my exes have tried to come back at one point or another. I try to cut all contact with them but they always use excuses like my Birthday or Holidays to call, text or email me. I usually ignore them when they contact me.

My SO is so annoyed with this, he wants me to change my cell phone number and get rid of the email addresses I've had for years. That's not going to happen. I've done that in the past and trust me if someone wants to find you they will.

Umm, why try to make things work or be "friends" when you were silly enough to ruin it your first chance? Men

Most of the times exes who request to stay in our lives have bad intentions. In my case it's always to make my life a living hell
​

 

[bluediamond0829]

yes i have done it..its the only way for you to be able to move on...

 

[donna894]

ITA. When I first married my hubby he was still talking to his ex. Thank God they were states away because he talked to her all the time. Admittedly we got married after 2 months and they had been in a longer relationship but it still hurt. We went through drama about that but he is the type to keep contact. Well he doesn't talk with her anymore and it will be 3 years in april 08.

I think most ex's are just trying to get back or cause trouble. Most don't have nice intentions or just want to be friends, I know her ass wasn't(trying to get back with my man, I could have beat her up?) Just make a clean break. That's the only way to go. That's what I do!

Wow!! The ex must have been like WTH!!! Maybe the phone conversations were therapy for her.

 

[Syrah]

I have only been in one relationship which lasted 3 years and was pretty bad the whole time.

For a very short time after the break up, we had sporadic contact as if trying to "be friends" or whatever...

The last time I saw him (Christmas 2005) we had an argument which confirmed that anything between us was completely gone.

I called him the next day. I should have never seen him or talked to him but once you let that person back in and get agitated, the cycle begins again. He said he did not have time for "this" and would call me back.

He never called. I called back three times over the next two days and told myself if he did not respond at the third call, I would completely wash my hands of the situation. (Some may argue that at this time he wiped his hands of me).

Mid January I received a facebook notification to update our "how do you know this person" status. (He had joined facebook after the breakup and added me as a friend. He wanted to update our status to "Past relationship/Was practically married"). I removed him from my friends list. I got an e-mail from him at three different email accounts saying he couldnt believe I did that.

Later towards the summer, I received phone calls from his mom saying she wanted to know how I was and that he was worried about me or wanted to know how I was. I ignored those comments and continued to ask her what she had been up to...

I got a few more facebook messages through the year. I ignored them all.

Over the two years, I have still had bad dreams, boughts of crying, and wondering thoughts...but thank God I am much better. In all of his communications, he never aplogized for the dirt he did to me. His words sounded as if he was checking with some distant associate.

I guess what I am wondering is, has anybody ever completely cut off the ex? to never speak to them again?

I could not accept letting him into any part of my life knowing how poorly he treated me and seeing he did not have the decency to apologize.

I guess I am curious to know if anybody else handled it like me. When I first began typing this post, I wanted to hear whether you all thought I did the right thing. After writing it down and seeing it plainly, I know I did the right thing.

Me and my "ex" (I hate the term "ex") have been apart for about 6 months, after a 5+ year (on again off again relationship). But we still talk once in a while and see each other rarely.

But I'm about to cut his ass off completely - it isn't good for me and it probably isn't good for him - this back and forth stuff.

I just haven't figured out how to do it quite yet....:::and I'm afraid of being bored:::

 

[Sly]

Have I completely cut off an ex...YES Ma'am. Total and completely. We dated for about year and a half, and it ended bad. he tried that whole let's be friends thing..when I told him even while we were dating that I dont do the "Let's be friends" thing. When its over, its over.

And i've remained true to that..No communication whatsoever. Well, I broke my own rule by sending him an email that said "Happy Birthday", but I shouldn't have done that, and I won't again. We live in different states so I never have to see him, and if I ever do again it'll be too soon

But there's no random text, no stalking of his facebook page to see what's going on with him. Nothing. I literally wiped away any trace of him ever existing...every picture, note, jewelry, other gifts, articles of clothing, etc, got scrapped.

I was hurt when it ended, but cutting him off completely made it easier to get over him...and then I realized what a waste he was anyway...not keeping in contact worked wonders

That is the best way .

 

[ladylibra_30]

Me and my "ex" (I hate the term "ex") have been apart for about 6 months, after a 5+ year (on again off again relationship). But we still talk once in a while and see each other rarely.

But I'm about to cut his ass off completely - it isn't good for me and it probably isn't good for him - this back and forth stuff.

I just haven't figured out how to do it quite yet....:::and I'm afraid of being bored:::

we are in the same boat.

 

[laCriolla]

Ugh! ah#LL yeah I cuut them off. I'm on facebook and my first tried to add me as afriend sending a message saying hey sexy.I was like wtf? I dismissed him. I don't see the point especially if he did me wrong. They screwed up a good thing so they aren't about to get anything else from me.fcuk friendship. None of my ex's or any guy period has my number except my DH, daddy, brother, and a few guy cousins.

AMEN! they always try to slink back and act like they don't remember they were wrong. I say, NEXT! It's easier after some time. it hurts at first and it feels counter-intuitive (at least it did for me) because it feels like you're burning bridges, but in the long run it's better to not have trifling people in your life. that includes men. you wouldn't hesitate to cut of a woman who disrespected you, right?

I actually learned that from Donald Trump. He said he's an excellent judge of friends and doesn't keep any around who aren't loyal. He said it's bad for business. If a person doesn't help you in any way reach your goals, then they won't in the future. even if it's just being supportive. negative energy and causing drama stunts your growth. to the left to the left....

 

[candiel]

I had to. It got to a point where I just couldnt take him anymore. You know some people that you REALLY shouldn't have in your life? well that's how he was. Man the stuff he put me through I am soooooooo happy I don't speak to him anymore. All he would do is drain me.

Please cut him off. That is really the only way you get over someone is to cut off all contact. That lets be friends stuff doesn't work IMO, especially right after the breakup. if he's just gonna add strees and pain to your life , let him go. Life is too short to be unhappy.

Girl, this was me! I felt like all the life was being sucked out of me. Once I cut him off completely I felt so much better after a few weeks.

I don't keep in contact with any of my exes. For me, it makes it harder to move on.

 

[Kiadodie]

AMEN! they always try to slink back and act like they don't remember they were wrong. I say, NEXT! It's easier after some time. it hurts at first and it feels counter-intuitive (at least it did for me) because it feels like you're burning bridges, but in the long run it's better to not have trifling people in your life. that includes men. you wouldn't hesitate to cut of a woman who disrespected you, right?

I actually learned that from Donald Trump. He said he's an excellent judge of friends and doesn't keep any around who aren't loyal. He said it's bad for business. If a person doesn't help you in any way reach your goals, then they won't in the future. even if it's just being supportive. negative energy and causing drama stunts your growth. to the left to the left....

Yes, it did for me too but like you said, I would cut off a woman that disrespected me so why can't the same thing be applied to a man. I negative person is a negative person, man OR woman.
My MOM was the one who actually told me to call him and say hi cause she said I was exaggerating and making it more than what it was. I did call and one thing led to another and I'm burned again . I told her not to EVER tell me to call someone like him again. EVER!! Furthermore, a friend of mine made me realize that my feelings are NOT an exaggeration and if I feel that way, I do. I don't EVER want to do anything to ever please him. He NEVER cared how I felt so why should I have him in my life???????? OH Lawd I"m getting mad all over again

 

[laCriolla]

Yes, it did for me too but like you said, I would cut off a woman that disrespected me so why can't the same thing be applied to a man. I negative person is a negative person, man OR woman.
My MOM was the one who actually told me to call him and say hi cause she said I was exaggerating and making it more than what it was. I did call and one thing led to another and I'm burned again . I told her not to EVER tell me to call someone like him again. EVER!! Furthermore, a friend of mine made me realize that my feelings are NOT an exaggeration and if I feel that way, I do. I don't EVER want to do anything to ever please him. He NEVER cared how I felt so why should I have him in my life???????? OH Lawd I"m getting mad all over again

simma down now.. lol. breathe...
moms want the best for us. I think the man-situation in this generation is different from our parents generation. my mom did something similar. you just have to either ask your mom to trust you, or say "okay mom" and then not call him. she may just have wanted it to work. plus it's a breakup in a way for her, too. depending on how tight your relationship was, she may have been dreaming about weddings, babies, etc.

 

[Kiadodie]

simma down now.. lol. breathe...
moms want the best for us. I think the man-situation in this generation is different from our parents generation. my mom did something similar. you just have to either ask your mom to trust you, or say "okay mom" and then not call him. she may just have wanted it to work. plus it's a breakup in a way for her, too. depending on how tight your relationship was, she may have been dreaming about weddings, babies, etc.

Yeah, makes me mad just thinking about him.

Girl, me and this dude didn't even get to that level..he kept it as distant as possible BUT she did know how much I liked him. It wasn't her fault. I don't think she understands what the type of men in my generation entail. They are TOTALLY different than the men in my parents generation. erplexed


SO basically, I agree totally with cutting them off completely. Disrespect is disrespect.

 

[Syrah]

we are in the same boat.

It's hard. Cuz we used to do a lot of fun things together - especially with the winter coming (he was my snowboarding partner). And he was always up for something, but the more I stick (staying on the radar) around, the more he thinks there's a chance and the more he think there's a chance, the more frustrated I get.

And I realize one of my good friends - thats the reason why sh*t never works out with her. Is because she can't cut anyone off. EVER. Not ex'es, not boys she's dated. Not anyone. It's always "lets keep that door open".