I also dislike the approach some people use. I've been called (not here, but elsewhere) an idolatrous statue-worshipping pagan and told that I was damned to Hell. So I'm right there with you on the point that such vehemence and antagonism does nothing to draw people or build positive relationships with them.
With that said, I think it's important to distinguish between certain people's attitudes or style of communication...and truth & doctrine.
I believe that the Bible is the inerrant Word of God, that Jesus Christ is God and that He established a Church 2,000 years ago so that it may be His instrument of salvation on earth (i.e., preaching the Gospel, baptizing, etc.).
Because God Himself established Christianity, it must necessarily have His divine protection and the fullness of Truth above any other religion in the world. While other religions can have good morals and several aspects of truth, the *fullness* of truth resides in what Jesus Christ and His Apostles handed down to us.
When you say you want to find a church community that is welcoming, where you can exercise mercy and compassion with one another, including those outside your faith community--I'm right there with you. Scripture tells us that we are to seek peace with all men and conduct ourselves in holiness.
However, we can never make peace with sin or the power of sin.
Sin destroys our relationship with God and distorts our relationships with other people. When a church teaches for example, that homosexual acts are sinful, it is not out of hate or intolerance, but rather because God has declared that these acts are sinful and that He created male and female for one another to express their love and union in marriage and pro-creation. While we can respect the dignity of the *person* and treat him or her with love and compassion, we cannot declare his or her sin to no longer be sin. In fact, it would be a disservice to tell someone in mortal sin that he is innocent--you're actually encouraging that person to destroy his relationship with God as well as his soul.
What many do not realize is that when we sin (lying, stealing, pride, adultery, etc.) not only do we damage our souls and separate ourselves from God, we also harden our hearts and darken our intellects, and diminish our faith. That's why we need an external source (God's law, Scripture, the teachings of the Apostles) to help guide us and set us on the right path. If I cheat on my husband and commit adultery, my heart will become hardened and my intellect darkened so that I start making excuses for my behavior, trying to justify it, and eventually start talking about how others shouldn't "judge" me to tell me what I'm doing is bad or wrong--all the way up to the point where I start glossing over the Bible's teachings that adultery is a sin from which I should repent.
If someone is correcting me in love, she is doing me a great service. In fact, it is a spiritual work of mercy to correct the sinner.
I would encourage you to never be complacent with a church community that does not preach the Gospel or preaches contrary to the Gospel. Our eternal souls are at stake. Mean people suck. There are mean people everywhere, including among the so-called "enlightened and tolerant liberals." When you put forth the question of "Is there a God?" "Who is He?" "What does He ask of me?" you should search for the Truth, and not what you would like the answer to be.
