Angry with Hairstylist/Mother vent, really long rant

[Kay.Dee]

This is just a vent and it's really long

Today while I was at work, my mom took my 16 y/o sister to get a relaxer with their regular stylist.
I got home from work @ 5, and my sister came in 10 minutes later. She was at the salon ALL DAY. Her appointment was at 9, she came home around 5:15.

Apparently the stylist was talking on the phone to someone in tongues, holding prayer circles, and doing other people's hair all day.


Anyways...she came in with her hair chopped off to the bottom of her ears.
Her hair was nearing shoulder length. Unfortunately I was helping her transition (she'd been wearing micros for 8 months) but it my parents ended it 2 months ago. I can't argue with them and she is not my child, just my sister.

Supposedly the stylist said that my since my sister didn't wash her hair or visit her for 1 month, that she had to cut it because it wouldn't hold a curl.
Even though I know it is bull****, I asked my sister:

"Did she say this before your relaxer or after?"
Sis "After, she said she couldn't curl it because it was thin from me not washing it"
Me "Did she put the relaxer all over your entire hair or just the nappy part?"
Her "She did my whole head"




So basically the stylist overprocessed my sister's hair and proceeded to blame it on her. And now my little sis in in trouble because her hair is short, and the hair dresser scolded her in front of my mom and basically told her it was her fault that it got cut.

I tried to tell my mom that although she needs to wash her hair more often (Which she knows, I tell her all the time), not washing your hair doesn't make it limp and fine. But slapping a relaxer on previously relaxed hair will!

She told me she didn't care about what I read on the internet and that I am not a trained stylist so she doesn't want to hear anything from me.

This lady has even up my mom's hair. This is the same stylist that encouraged my mom to get a relaxer on top of a texturizer. I told my mom it was a horrible idea and she did it anyways and her hair shedded forever and she eventually got it cut to about 2/3 inches. She even admitted that she should have listened to me on that one. For most people here that is common sense.

At this point I don't care if my mom messes up her own hair because it's her choice, but my sister is suffering at the hands of a horrible stylist. This woman is an outright liar! The only tihng I can tell my sister is that once she graduates high school she will be free to do whatever she wants with her hair, whether she stays relaxed or becomes natural. And to avoid going to this woman at all costs.

Why do some women take every word their stylist has said as gospel, even though they have YET to see any type of progress, only catastrophe after catastrophe?

I'm not mad at the length, it just the outright lying that pisses me off. Now my parents are pissed with my sister and she had nothing to do with it.


this is a pick of her hair while she was transitioning, before the hairdresser she was skimming full shoulder length. Now it's a the bottom of her ear.

 

[Almaz]

Oh lord sounds like THEY need a LHCF intervention. Do they see how nice YOUR hair is.

 

[Kay.Dee]

Well I'm natural so my hair doesn't really count to them. If I pressed it maybe they'd think so

 

[Glamorous_chic]

wow! sorry to hear that. i went through a similar situaiton with my hair stylist, whom i'd been going to faithfully since i moved to this area, but have only been seeing for my touch-ups recently, and since i've been able to stretch for 12 weeks, i only see her every 3 months. i noticed that even though my hair looked very nice everytime i left her shop, it stayed the same length those entire 2 years. same with my previous stylist. i though if i went consistantly, every 2 weeks, that my hair would grow. but 4 years of that, left me with nice looking styles, but stagnant length. since i've started reading threads on here, and becoming more knowledgeable about my hair, i've noticed growth (not as much as i'd like, but definently a difference) not to get sidetracked, lolol i was considering getting highlights, or some type of color for the summer, but inquired about the least damaging way to do this, or atleast tips to keep my hair healthy if i decided to go that route, rather it just be semi-permanent or even just a rinse. but wanted to know my options. anyways, she proceeded to tell me that if i don't come to her weekly that my hair will be damaged, and not coming to the salon more often is what leads to damage, and hair falling out and split ends. i felt very upset, that she'd feed me that load of bs. sorry i got off on a tangent and this got soo long. lolol

 

[MAMATO]

I am so sorry this happens to your sister. Those hairstylists are very scary. I've been to a stylist 5 times at the most in my entire life (I am in my mid-thirthy)... the first time to get my first relaxer and the last time a week before my wedding to get another relaxer and try different styles with my wedding stylist. That was about it... The smartest way to go when you really care for your hair is to become a DIYer.

 

[IDareT'sHair]

WOW ! That is a messed-up story. Hopefully, you will be able to help your Little Sis grow her hair back out. Hopefully, the damage/overprocessing isn't too severe and you will be able to help her keep it clean, conditioned and moisturized until it starts to grow back out. Shame, Shame, Shame

It seems the more they mess you up -- the more they lie.

 

[Kay.Dee]

luckily my sister isn't angry with the length, she's just mad that the stylist said it was her fault.

She's trying to get a job this summer and I told her that I will help her out w/ finding and paying for a stylist or braider, someone OTHER THAN THIS WOMAN to do her hair.

 

[SoAnxious12]

I'm very angry with that triflin' stylist! But I can't understand why your parents are mad with your sister?

 

[Kay.Dee]

The stylist said it was my sister's fault for not washing her hair for a month. And she also said she needs to see her every 2-3 weeks to maintain her hair to avoid "situations" like this.
My mom has made appointments for my sister but has canceled because my sis will complain about the time, or she has some school related activity or other plans and can't go (my sis doesn't drive and doesn't have a license so she depends on us to take her places). My mom said it's my sisters fault for being lazy about going to the hair dresser and not wanting to act like a lady.

 

[Lucky's Mom]

Why do people continue going to these folks????

 

[Kay.Dee]

more concerned with keeping up a style/look rather than the actual health of their hair.
My mom's hair ain't growing but she makes sure that she shells out some money to get it washed, and curled sometimes relaxed every few weeks

 

[november wind]

Thank goodness your sister has you in her corner. I feel bad that she's getting blamed for situations that were completely not her fault =(

 

[tiffers]

That's a low down dirty shame. Chastizing a child when you KNOW the fault lies with you
I'm so glad she has you as a sister I'll bet she can't wait till graduation!

 

[Kay.Dee]

well I wish I could do more. I know my parents wouldn't let me relax her hair (and I'm scared to anyways). The only thing I can do is tell her to avoid this woman as much as possible, and help her out in between.
She can't choose her own hairdresser because she isn't paying. My sister is a young 16, she's not overly concerned about priming and primping. So when it's time for her to get her hair done she is almost dragged there.

I can't overstep my boundaries or step on my parent's toes because she's not my child.

 

[blue_flower]

I hope your sister finds the initiative to learn how to do her own her. In general, I don't like Black hair stylists.

 

[Almaz]

These are the stylists that will keep you BALD forever telling you YOU need to come more often because your hair is bad. My BF (STILL)old neighbour and her daughter NEVER had hair NEVER. I offered to do her daughter's for a year which she took me up on and within a year her daughters hair was longer than it ever was in her life. By the second year her daughter was well on her way to having some beautiful hair. No Perms. That child who was 12 at the time had thick beautiful Natural hair. When she finally got to prom almost 4 years later she had so much hair way past her bra stap growing ever so gloriously.

When it came time for prom she wanted to get it professionaly done. I offered her a press and curl and a nice updo which would have looked lovely for the day. Her mother took her BACK to the same shytlists that was keeping her mother bald and hairline eaten. Because it was her special day and figured she wanted some special day pampering and all her little friends were going there too. Told her he hair was too hard and rough and she needed a perm Slapped a perm left it in too long in her hair cut it into some asymetric bob and sent her on her way. Then told her don't go let that "AFRICAN" woman touch your hair anymore because have you ever seen an "AFRICAN" with long hair HAVE YOU. She was like yeah my neighbour had her children. And she has a niece with hair like mine and it is down her butt. She was like Well I don't believe you and I had to cut your hair because it was too hard to deal with. And females with hair like yours should NEVER be without a perm. She told me as the lady was cutting her hair everyone in the shop was AGHAST. The room was so quiet you could have heard a rat piss on a cotton ball, because all the women in the shop had this look of DON"T CUT THAT BABY'S HAIR AHHHHH.

When her mother and I went to pick her up from the salon after we went to get her shoes dyed to match her dress. she was visbly upset and the mother was trying to kill the stylists. The stylist was like WHY would you let some "African" do her hair all this time CHILE they dont' have hair I dont' know HOW she grew her hair out that long without a perm. But I gave her a perm and a "FANCY" Do for her prom when the girl chimed in and said all I wanted was a press and curl.

I was like Hey I AM THE "AFRICAN" you are referring too. And why would you do this to her she had hair growing to waist level. She cut her hair above her ears looking like something from Ghetto styles in the hood with the tips coloured to match her dress too. WAY TOO MUCH. All that beautiful hair was on the floor Just a pile of beautiful hair and many years of work GONE POOF just like that. Well she went to the prom and had a nice time but she never let anyone touch her hair again. The mother stopped going too and decided to do her own hair.

The stylist is STILL calling her asking her about her daughters hair. They go to the same church. The daughter after the prom cut her hair almost shaved in a India Aire style and started from scratch. Now she is sporting and big Afro. Growing it out again.

Everytime she goes to church the lady is like WHY is your hair like that and you need a perm for you type of hair. And your "AFRICAN" neighbour has "GOOD Hair" I STILL don't know how she was able to grow your nappy hair so long.

The girl is like I cannot wait to be a grown woman so I can curse her out and tell her about her skills and about herself.

Sometimes I think Some Black Stylists are hateful and they hate to see another woman with long hair that is not 1-2 types. I don't know I just get this feeling that this stylists was hateful cause NONE of her clients that I see have any hair NONE of them and the older ones have hair like cotton. They are only concerned with looks and not health and sometimes it is unhealthy and looks bad

Thank G-d your sister has you hopefully in the future she will learn how to take care of her own hair.

 

[Urban]

Well getting fine hair from re-relaxing hair is not "what you read on the internet," it's common sense! Relaxers are corrosive, if you apply it once, it corrodes the hair some, if you apply again in the same place, it'll corrode some more i.e. making hair thinner!! Why do people refuse to think about hair logically? Even on most relaxer BOXES, it says to just apply to the NEW GROWTH only unless you're getting a relaxer for the first time. Shouldn't a TRAINED stylist AT LEAST follow the manufacturers instructions? Esp... when it comes to a potentially harmful chemical?

 

[Jenibo]

Wow Almaz, that was quite a story and hope she can grow out her hair with no probs, same to you op.

 

[Christelyn]

These are the stylists that will keep you BALD forever telling you YOU need to come more often because your hair is bad. My BF (STILL)old neighbour and her daughter NEVER had hair NEVER. I offered to do her daughter's for a year which she took me up on and within a year her daughters hair was longer than it ever was in her life. By the second year her daughter was well on her way to having some beautiful hair. No Perms. That child who was 12 at the time had thick beautiful Natural hair. When she finally got to prom almost 4 years later she had so much hair way past her bra stap growing ever so gloriously.

When it came time for prom she wanted to get it professionaly done. I offered her a press and curl and a nice updo which would have looked lovely for the day. Her mother took her BACK to the same shytlists that was keeping her mother bald and hairline eaten. Because it was her special day and figured she wanted some special day pampering and all her little friends were going there too. Told her he hair was too hard and rough and she needed a perm Slapped a perm left it in too long in her hair cut it into some asymetric bob and sent her on her way. Then told her don't go let that "AFRICAN" woman touch your hair anymore because have you ever seen an "AFRICAN" with long hair HAVE YOU. She was like yeah my neighbour had her children. And she has a niece with hair like mine and it is down her butt. She was like Well I don't believe you and I had to cut your hair because it was too hard to deal with. And females with hair like yours should NEVER be without a perm. She told me as the lady was cutting her hair everyone in the shop was AGHAST. The room was so quiet you could have heard a rat piss on a cotton ball, because all the women in the shop had this look of DON"T CUT THAT BABY'S HAIR AHHHHH.

When her mother and I went to pick her up from the salon after we went to get her shoes dyed to match her dress. she was visbly upset and the mother was trying to kill the stylists. The stylist was like WHY would you let some "African" do her hair all this time CHILE they dont' have hair I dont' know HOW she grew her hair out that long without a perm. But I gave her a perm and a "FANCY" Do for her prom when the girl chimed in and said all I wanted was a press and curl.

I was like Hey I AM THE "AFRICAN" you are referring too. And why would you do this to her she had hair growing to waist level. She cut her hair above her ears looking like something from Ghetto styles in the hood with the tips coloured to match her dress too. WAY TOO MUCH. All that beautiful hair was on the floor Just a pile of beautiful hair and many years of work GONE POOF just like that. Well she went to the prom and had a nice time but she never let anyone touch her hair again. The mother stopped going too and decided to do her own hair.

The stylist is STILL calling her asking her about her daughters hair. They go to the same church. The daughter after the prom cut her hair almost shaved in a India Aire style and started from scratch. Now she is sporting and big Afro. Growing it out again.

Everytime she goes to church the lady is like WHY is your hair like that and you need a perm for you type of hair. And your "AFRICAN" neighbour has "GOOD Hair" I STILL don't know how she was able to grow your nappy hair so long.

The girl is like I cannot wait to be a grown woman so I can curse her out and tell her about her skills and about herself.

Sometimes I think Some Black Stylists are hateful and they hate to see another woman with long hair that is not 1-2 types. I don't know I just get this feeling that this stylists was hateful cause NONE of her clients that I see have any hair NONE of them and the older ones have hair like cotton. They are only concerned with looks and not health and sometimes it is unhealthy and looks bad

Thank G-d your sister has you hopefully in the future she will learn how to take care of her own hair.

I tend to agree with you on this. It's almost like women with long, 4+ hair is a threat to some stylist's worldview somehow. It's like crabs in a barrel; they like to keep everyone down at their level.

 

[ceebee3]

Wow, this is so sad for your sister. I hope she takes your advice and stays away from that stylist. I don't think the stylist was lying, I think she really believed the BS she was feeding your mom.

Almaz, that was a truly ignorant woman you came across. She shouldn't be allowed to touch anyone elses hair. She was really hating the fact that the young girl had better hair than she did.

 

[Almaz]

I hope the sister will listen to you and learn the techniques to take care of her hair. You are a good sister

 

[Nice Lady]

I completely understand how you feel and you are right that woman is an idoit. I have gone maybe 3 months in braids without washing and my hair was strong prior to my HJ. My former childhood stylist never cut my hair except for splits. These stylists say crazy things. My latest stylist whom I had to train to do what I want with my hair was cutting my hair incessantly and would chop it back up to ear length saying that I had terrible ends and braid broke my hair. When, I returned to my childhood stylist she was infuritated because she saw me earlier that month and said that she was a liar and didn't know what she was doing. She told me not to allow her to cut my hair. You have to stand up for yourself but when the parents are not backing, then the stylist in this instance does what she wants.

Thank God I took her advice because I am full SL, heading for APL.

 

[lilsparkle825]

thank goodness she has you. i'm so happy my mom realized that i actually picked up some useful stuff from here (not to mention it's wayyy cheaper than a salon) and lets me have free reign over my sister's head. i wish the two of you luck!

 

[Supergirl]

Oh my goodness, can you go and whoop the stylist (for me please)! Dang
She needs to have the state board called if she is going to misinform clients and apply relaxer to already relaxed hair.
I wish your parents would step into the light and realize that hairstylists are people too and sometimes they don't know what they're doing.

 

[msMicaela]

I didnt catch the age of your sister...but she looks like she may be old enough to take charge of her own hair care.. i would continue to sit her down and have a mature discussion about what she should and should not do when it comes to her hair...and when she gets her hair down by that lazy, lying stying she can speak up and tell her straight up "NAW u aint doing that!"

That is the only way that she will retain some hair is to educate and speak up for herself!

 

[lonelysky]

OP/Almaz: Both of the stories that you guys told were horrible. I can't believe that gall of the stylists in each case.

I just have a queston for the OP: What do you mean that the stylist was talking to on the phone in tongues to someone and having prayer circles? That doesn't make any sense.

 

[Iluvsmuhgrass]

Why do people continue going to these folks????

You beat me to it, I was wondering the same thing... I've been in a similar situation before... I think some of the mentality is stick with the evil you know. Sad, but true.

I can't believe she had the audacity to scold this child when SHE was the one on the phone instead of paying attention to paying clients. Ugh....

 

[keysha1983]

I totally feel your pain. My mom is the same way! She doesn't listen. She thinks the only way my hair will grow is if she cuts.She also believes that you detangle wet hair with a rat tail come. YIKES! I feel sorry for your sister.

 

[girlyprincess23]

Oh geez that is ridiculous. you don't think you could scout out a competent stylist and get your mom and sis to go to her/him but saying you're treating and then broach the subject so she can hear it from a so called "trained stylist"? That is what I would do your sister shouldn't have to suffer this when you know it is wrong. Also I think 16 is old enough to make a stand. Perhaps if you gifted her the money she could begin making her own decisions regarding her hair, I think 16 is well old enough to make decisions about your hair. But that's just my .02 which counts for nothing I know!

 

[SmartyPants]

well I wish I could do more. I know my parents wouldn't let me relax her hair (and I'm scared to anyways). The only thing I can do is tell her to avoid this woman as much as possible, and help her out in between.
She can't choose her own hairdresser because she isn't paying. My sister is a young 16, she's not overly concerned about priming and primping. So when it's time for her to get her hair done she is almost dragged there.

I can't overstep my boundaries or step on my parent's toes because she's not my child.

Can you at least do a weekly wash and rollerset for her? That doesn't involve chemicals and since you live with her, it can be done when your sister doesn't have a lot going on.