Agonizing decision- about to relax hair after 1 year transition

nomoweavesfome

nomoweavesfome

Well-Known Member
My hair is sectioned in 4 and ready to go. I'm so torn. I love the idea of natural hair. I hate the fight. I"m aggravated at all the time I have to spend on my hair. I hate that all I look good in is a twist and phony pony. I hate that I don't have a curl pattern. I love that I felt liberated and sexy and free with natural hair. I felt poweful but yet I feel like I lost control the bigger it got. I'm 1 month away from my 1 year transition and I feel like a complete failure. I'm at the point I don't even touch or look at it and I'm wigging it.

In about 15 minutes, I'm about to do it. I feel completely horrible but yet I it feels so neccessary. I never thought a hair decision could be so agonizing.
 
I mean, it's just hair, so you don't have to feel too bad, right!? But seriously, I hope the relaxer doesn't eat your hair away like it does mine (and many other 4b's out there). The caustic solution in relaxer is just too strong for some of us to grow hair w/the relaxer.
 
Oh and the liberated, free, and sexy part- is not with my own hair necessarily but w/ added help.- so I'm really not that free after all anyways. This is so hard.
 
awwww...i mean have you slept on this? We don't want you to regret anything.

If you are 100% sure, then do what makes you happy and just take care of that relaxed hair...mmmky! No one will think you are a failure here. Maybe try another time to be natural.
 
^ virtue you r right it's just hair. I learned so much tho through this journey- even about myself. Actually one relaxer worked well for me and before I transitined my hair was doing just fine and was armpit length. I just was curious about the whole natural thing.
 
i think your curls look good- judging by the pictue in your siggy. How much relaxed ends are left? Is a little, do the big chop first and see if you feel different. if not then relax.
 
boing- I did literally- I actually bought the relaxer yesterday planing on doing it yesterday and I said well lemme think about it.
 
If your haircare is too time consuming or frustrating then that means that you need to research ways to shorten styling time and research other looks you can achieve with your hair that make you look good.

Whenever I was frustrated with my results or my hair during my transition I thought to myself, clearly I need to switch up my technique, I never thought of my hair as the problem...and that was key to my success and longevity.

Sometimes we just need a break from maintaining our hair....I know I definitely did...I took a month off from styling my hair in my protective style (crochet braids) I had wash and go beautiful hair and it was so awesome I'm reinstalling them. It will also help you appreciate your own hair much more because you'll miss it.

I wouldn't make any rash decisions....I'd maybe put my hair away in a longterm PS and see if I feel different.
 
Your twists are pretty, Blackmasterpiece made a good point. Have you thought of growing yoru hair out w/microbraids or something less drastic than a relaxer? Your real hair looks beautiful. Oh, and by the way, it gets eaisier. I have been where you are. I just took a break from my hair for a while until I could figure it out!
 
black master i'll know I'll miss it- that's what makes it so hard. I tried everything. I can't do anything that works for me that I like except phony hair and twists. I knew when I got to the point where I don't even deal with it, I knew it was time to reconsider the whole natural thing.
 
awww don't feel bad. i've been where u are. i just relaxed (texlax'd) my 4b hair after 24 yrs (entire life!) natural. i did it on a whim by myself & am actually glad i did. it's only been a couple of wks but im happy w my decision & wish i had the nerve 2 do it sooner. i feel like i am managing my hair much bettr now thats its mostly straight.

i do not have so much breakage & have even been wearing my own hair out after covering my napps 4 two years w/ wigs & braids. i just bun my hair everyday like in my avi & moisturize & seal everyday & KIM.

i havent even told anyone i relaxed my hair cuz im kinda embarrassed:blush::blush::blush:...embarrassed cuz im texlaxd & lovin it!:grin:

im also one of those ppl that used 2 secretly judge others who had relaxers so i kinda feel sum kinda way abt tellin my lil 'secret':ohwell: (thank God 4 lhcf):)

i said all that to say this: OP plz make whatever is the rite dec. 4 u! u may enjoy being relaxed better for now & later u may wanna transition again. u have endless options & dont be afraid or ashamed of whatever decision u make.

i am still coming 2 terms w/ my own decision & ur post really touched me cuz i can SOOO relate. good luck & plz keep us posted on what u decide!
 
Agreed with BMP, try something new before you give in! You can always go back relaxed in an instant, if you regret this, it'll take a long time to get back here...
 
Back away from the "kit" :stop: Just kidding.

Seriously, your hair is beautiful! However, I do feel you. I was in your position about a year and half ago when I decided to relax. I loved my TWA but as it grew out, it got too much for me to handle and I felt stylistically challenged with my C-Napp, coarse hair.

You are the only one that has to do your hair. You can always choose to transition again whenever you like.

Wish you the best of luck, whatever your decision. :yep:
 
NappiShawti said:
awww don't feel bad. i've been where u are. i just relaxed (texlax'd) my 4b hair after 24 yrs (entire life!) natural. i did it on a whim by myself & am actually glad i did. it's only been a couple of wks but im happy w my decision & wish i had the nerve 2 do it sooner. i feel like i am managing my hair much bettr now thats its mostly straight.

i do not have so much breakage & have even been wearing my own hair out after covering my napps 4 two years w/ wigs & braids. i just bun my hair everyday like in my avi & moisturize & seal everyday & KIM.

i havent even told anyone i relaxed my hair cuz im kinda embarrassed:blush::blush::blush:...embarrassed cuz im texlaxd & lovin it!:grin:

im also one of those ppl that used 2 secretly judge others who had relaxers so i kinda feel sum kinda way abt tellin my lil 'secret':ohwell: (thank God 4 lhcf):)

i said all that to say this: OP plz make whatever is the rite dec. 4 u! u may enjoy being relaxed better for now & later u may wanna transition again. u have endless options & dont be afraid or ashamed of whatever decision u make.

i am still coming 2 terms w/ my own decision & ur post really touched me cuz i can SOOO relate. good luck & plz keep us posted on what u decide!
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awww - ((huggs))) thank u
 
taz007 said:
Back away from the "kit" :stop: Just kidding.

Seriously, your hair is beautiful! However, I do feel you. I was in your position about a year and half ago when I decided to relax. I loved my TWA but as it grew out, it got too much for me to handle and I felt stylistically challenged with my C-Napp, coarse hair.

You are the only one that has to do your hair. You can always choose to transition again whenever you like.

Wish you the best of luck, whatever your decision. :yep:
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lol- I'm sayin - I was in the BSS for like an hour in the daggone relaxer aisle like I hate that I want to do this, but I so want to.
 
You have to do what is best for you. You are on a forum with great info on both natural and relaxed hair. hugs. :)
 
I hope I'm not too late! Alot of us has been where you are now! It is a decision that you alone have to make for yourself, but think long and hard!
Once you relax that's it! Do you really want down the line to say to yrself I should've waited?
I am telling you don't be so hasty! After I bc in Dec 08, Feb 09 I could not take the knots on my ends so I did a 5 min s-curl texlax and I have regretted it ever since!
I am transitioning now for the past 13 months in braids and I will never, ever relax again! My hair is growing in so much more healthier!

Your hair is not mine, but just don't rush into this. I hate to see you come back months from now and post a title" I should have been more patient"!

But ultimately you have to do what you feel is best for you and only you!
 
How about getting a Keratin Treatment.... Your hair will still be natural, but much easier to manage. I have the Global Keratin Formaldehyde free in my hair and I love it.
 
Have you tried to flat iron and just wear in straight styles for a while?

Just think about it before you relax because it's easy to relax not so easy to transition.

I'm sure you'll be fine.
 
ur not too late technically. I only have the stuff mixed up and have gloves on and the neutralizer and conditioner is at the sink. lol I probably will go through the woulda shoulda coulda- much like what I'm doing now. I wished I didn't mini chopped 3 times, now i would have at least had some length. I know deep down in my heart of hearts I'll miss it- I may not regret it tho.
 
I would never even consider the effort and time it would take to flat iron this thing. I mean I thought about it - trust me. But girl- it would take all day. I knew from the more it grew, I couldn't be a heat straightened natural -
 
If you got the gloves on and everything mixed then what I'm going to say is probably pointless, but i'll say it anyway.

If you've transitioned a year, then why not just go ahead and cut the relaxed ends off. It's like you've suffered through the transition and stopping before the payoff. Dealing with partially relaxed, partially natural hair is a completely different animal than dealing with fully relaxed or fully natural hair.

I transitioned for 14 months and I felt like relaxing every day for the first 7 months of my transition, so I totally know how you feel.
 
I'm all for relaxing if you don't want natural hair anymore.. but you do!
I say 1 night isn't long enough to think about it. You spent nearly a year trying to achieve the opposite.
You've hung in there for so long, I say wait another week or 2, in which you can try flatironing, braiding, or anything that might satisfy you for a little longer.

I hate to hear you say you dream of being natural but then end up relaxing after an entire year without fully thinking it through!

16 months post here, I know exactly how frustrating the whole long term transition can be. :bighug:
 
Crackers Phinn said:
If you got the gloves on and everything mixed then what I'm going to say is probably pointless, but i'll say it anyway.

If you've transitioned a year, then why not just go ahead and cut the relaxed ends off. It's like you've suffered through the transition and stopping before the payoff. Dealing with partially relaxed, partially natural hair is a completely different animal than dealing with fully relaxed or fully natural hair.

I transitioned for 14 months and I felt like relaxing every day for the first 7 months of my transition, so I totally know how you feel.
Click to expand...

i know baby- I actually only have about 10% relaxed hair on most of my head anyhow. There are parts that are completely natural. I did my last mini chop about 3 1/2 weeks ago really close to the natural to get an idea of what it would be like and I instantly felt like not only I made a mistake, but now I really was in for the FIGHT for real. I just look like Kizzy and the maintenance got 10 times worse.

You guys u got your pretty coils and curls and can use products like eco and kccc and do wash n gos- see all that stuff is out the window for me. It doesn't work.
 
Give it some more thought, OP!
Not because I'm ANTI RELAXER, DON'T YOU DARE!

Just as they have said, it's almost a YEAR. Are you SURE you want to truly undo everything? I say sleep on it a bit more. IF...IF you are still not happy and the pros do not outweigh the cons being natural, it's your hair...you can always transition again, but who is to say you won't go through this again?

You have to learn to appreciate your hair...no curl pattern, etc, as it is. It's gorgeous! And I'm sure without those relaxed ends, you'd have more than only a phony pony as an option. Good luck!

Good luck!
 
^^ grand prix- I did - I've been wearing wigs for the past 4 weeks just to not deal with the hair and make decisions out of frustration and think about it.
 
song_of_serenity said:
Give it some more thought, OP!
Not because I'm ANTI RELAXER, DON'T YOU DARE!

Just as they have said, it's almost a YEAR. Are you SURE you want to truly undo everything? I say sleep on it a bit more. IF...IF you are still not happy and the pros do not outweigh the cons being natural, it's your hair...you can always transition again, but who is to say you won't go through this again?

You have to learn to appreciate your hair...no curl pattern, etc, as it is. It's gorgeous! And I'm sure without those relaxed ends, you'd have more than only a phony pony as an option. Good luck!

Good luck!
Click to expand...

aww-(( huggs))
 
I'm transitioning and when I get frustrated I look at youtube videos, fotkis, or change up my style but you need to be happy in whatever you choose. You can always transition again :)
 
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