afraid i may have overreacted **kind of long**

Glamorous_chic

Glamorous_chic

Well-Known Member
well i had a very eventfull night last night, but i'm afraid i may have overreacted about a situation, although i'm still very pissed. i've been dating someone for the past few months, and at first i wasnt really interested, but i enjoyed the attention, and he was always very respectful, attentive, and i did enjoy our conversations, and i always had fun with him. but i was never really "attracted" physically to him. he's not a bad looking guy, but i was just not attracted. but, recently, i've found that i'm really starting to like him. like, i get butterflies when i'm around him, get anxious when i dont hear from him, which honestly i dont like. only b/c i feel like the tables are turning, and i'm trying my best keep from "chasing" him b/c i feel like thats what i'm starting to do.

ive found that he's initating contact less , and it's been me calling him more often than not. hes not keeping his promises as much, and isnt really following up on dates. a few weeks ago he kept talking about wanting a gf, and scenarious of me and him in a relationship. i didnt really question where the conversation was going. i figured if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he would've flat out asked, and i wouldnt have to read into anything. he hasnt brought up the topic since. ive tried just brushing off his behavior with him being busy at work, but i know deep down thats no excuse. :wallbash: anways, last night we were supposed to meet up at a friends party. i called him to see when he was coming but he didnt answer. so i texted him, about a hour later, he responds saying he just got my text and is at a friends house. then he says he thinks hes just gonna stay in the house. (now this was very odd, b/c he always answers his phone, or texts back within seconds.) so i told him i'd stop by his place when i leave. but after a while i realized i was very tipsy, so i asked if he could pick me up since he didnt live far from where i was, and he lives waaayyy close than me. another hour later, he responds about not understanding my question and how he has to work on a project at noon, and aren't i affraid of tickets blah blah blah. :perplexed which really rubs me the wrong way, so now i'm moreso angry at the bs excuses. so then i'm like okay fine. i'll just come by in a few. so i call when i leave to let him know i'm on my way, but no answer.

30 minutes later, he calls back with the sleepy voice, saying he didnt think i was coming by after our conversation and that he went to sleep. (again very odd, b/c he usually stays up until 3-4am every since i've known him) :ohwell: so now i'm even more angry. and in my tipsy fog, i text him pretty much telling him off, and say it was nice knowing you. :nono: pretty childish i know. lol. and then i deleted his number. hahaha. well, dang after typing this out, i kind of already have my answer.. funny how that works. lol. but im kind of torn, b/c apart of me really does like him and didnt want it to end like that, but then apart of me is kind of tired of his bs. b/c i'm really starting to see a trend. i'd say this is the 3rd time we were supposed to meet up, but he decided to "stay home" not to mention a previous date where we missed the first half of a movie. we went to the movies, but he was running late, so we missed the movie we were supposed to watch, and decided on a different movie, so we grabbed a drink while waiting, but ended up missing that movie too. i figured why not just finish our food, and catch a later time 30 minutes later, but he had a bbq to go to, so we ended up missing an hour of the movie. i was really pissed, but he said he'd make it up, blah blah blah. but my friends are saying i'm reading too much into it. guess i just needed to vent. thanks for reading. lol again, sorry this was soo long.
 
Glamorous_chic said:
ive found that he's initating contact less , and it's been me calling him more often than not. hes not keeping his promises as much, and isnt really following up on dates. a few weeks ago he kept talking about wanting a gf, and scenarious of me and him in a relationship. i didnt really question where the conversation was going. i figured if he wanted to be in a relationship with me, he would've flat out asked, and i wouldnt have to read into anything. he hasnt brought up the topic since. ive tried just brushing off his behavior with him being busy at work, but i know deep down thats no excuse. :wallbash: anways, last night we were supposed to meet up at a friends party. i called him to see when he was coming but he didnt answer. so i texted him, about a hour later, he responds saying he just got my text and is at a friends house. then he says he thinks hes just gonna stay in the house. (now this was very odd, b/c he always answers his phone, or texts back within seconds.) so i told him i'd stop by his place when i leave. but after a while i realized i was very tipsy, so i asked if he could pick me up since he didnt live far from where i was, and he lives waaayyy close than me. another hour later, he responds about not understanding my question and how he has to work on a project at noon, and aren't i affraid of tickets blah blah blah. :perplexed which really rubs me the wrong way, so now i'm moreso angry at the bs excuses. so then i'm like okay fine. i'll just come by in a few. so i call when i leave to let him know i'm on my way, but no answer.

The bold was me last night!! Man that feeling burns.

But to answer your question, I think that he is playing hard to get. He wants you to know that he has a life outside of pursuing you and that he might not be around forever.

He is playing a game that you do not need to play. Don't do the "nice life" thing! I know you already wish you could have cancelled that text! But what is done is done.

Easiest thing to do is immediate damage control. If you would like to fix the situation. Let him know what you have told us and see what his response is. He was feeling you out to see how you felt and you left him feeling cold...

If he is an good man who means what he says, then he will want to take things further. Otherwise, he loves the chase and wanted to see if he could get you. Now that he knows he can get you, he no longer wants you.

I do not know where he falls. But the only way for YOU to know is to ask him directly. (Do not text anymore!!!!!!!)
Click to expand...
 
I think you have already wasted enough time with this fool.

Do not call him. You don't need to apologize for being annoyed about his messing you about. If he likes you as much as you like him, he will eventually call.
If not, you are better off without him.
 
thanks. that seems like really good advice. yeah, i definently regret the texts. lol. i hate alcohol induced text msgs. i'm afraid he probably thinks i'm crazy or nuts now. lol. well, if he does ever call me again, then we shall see. if not, then i guess it was nice knowing him. hahaha.
 
Ladyhenri said:
I think you have already wasted enough time with this fool.

Do not call him. You don't need to apologize for being annoyed about his messing you about. If he likes you as much as you like him, he will eventually call.
If not, you are better off without him.
Click to expand...

thanks. :yep: thats what i was feeling.
 
Maybe he's found interest in another woman now since he got the vibe you didn't like him that way in the first place and he's moved on, emotionally?

Forgive me if I am misinterpreting (I'm lazy today and my skimming skills are off).
 
I wouldnt' waste my time with this fool. When a guy is nice the first minute and then starts playing games and lying the next, then you know it's time to go.
 
I think that he was gauging where your interest laid... and might've found someone else. He might be feeling the both of you out, and enjoying his options.

To be real, I think he "was asleep" because he got some, but that's his perogative, esp. if you're not in an official relationship.

I wouldn't chase him, like others said. I would chill out and calm down.

The number one rule for anyone to remember is:

He's just a man.

She's just a woman.

;-)
 
You already have the feeling he's moved on to someone else don't you? He was probably with her that night you texted him. Move on the drama in the end is not worth it.
 
Just leave him alone. Through his actions, he's telling you that you doesn't want to be bothered. You deserve a man who wants to be w/ you as much as you want to be w/ him.
 
You, intoxicated or not, did not overreact. I do believe that you took too long (in his eyes) to warm up to him so he moved on. All the games with the texts and the excuses mean that you were right. You should be congratulating yourself not beating yourself up. Your instincts kept your feelings at bay. Trust them. They served you well.

As for the feelings. Ask yourself would you care as much if you didn't think someone else was involved? Or if you were confident that he was still chasing you. What you are feeling is normal and based in human nature. We always want what is seen as a challenge. Now that he appears as a challenge to you, he has gotten your attention. Nothing wrong with it. Just recognize it and keep it moving. The games and dishonesty would have emerged eventually and it would have been when you were too far gone and would have caused you much more pain had it not been for your great instincts.

As DarlingD said you deserve better. The rest of you recognizes it now allow your heart to follow.
 
fmnnity said:
You, intoxicated or not, did not overreact. I do believe that you took too long (in his eyes) to warm up to him so he moved on. All the games with the texts and the excuses mean that you were right. You should be congratulating yourself not beating yourself up. Your instincts kept your feelings at bay. Trust them. They served you well.

As for the feelings. Ask yourself would you care as much if you didn't think someone else was involved? Or if you were confident that he was still chasing you. What you are feeling is normal and based in human nature. We always want what is seen as a challenge. Now that he appears as a challenge to you, he has gotten your attention. Nothing wrong with it. Just recognize it and keep it moving. The games and dishonesty would have emerged eventually and it would have been when you were too far gone and would have caused you much more pain had it not been for your great instincts.

As DarlingD said you deserve better. The rest of you recognizes it now allow your heart to follow.
Click to expand...

hmmm.... actually i think that you are completly right. its not that i really think that there is anyone else involved, which there may be, but moreso that he has probably moved on emotionally. not necesarilly to someone else though. but i think that what you and everyone else wrote is right on the money. thanks!!
 
sky_blu said:
Did something happen in between the time he was acting good and acting like this?
Click to expand...

nothing happened in between. i would say he starting acting like this after the gf talk. but i wasn't sure if he was just talking as in general conversation or what. i've learned my lesson from previous experience not to read too much into what men say. lol. i figured he'd just flat out ask, oh well. i never indicated that i wasn't interested in him though. b/c i did enjoy his company, so i'm hoping i wasn't unintentionally sending off that vibe. but either way, i still haven't heard anything since that night. and he usually calls me almost everyday. so :ohwell: anyways, i'm just chalking it up as a loss. it stings, and apart of me has entertained thoughts of calling him, but then i quickly realize wtf for? if he's interested he'll call, if not, he won't. either way life goes on.
 
my thoughts:

-I think the time u figured out you liked him......he lost interest.

-there's another girl who caught his attention

- he lost interest once the pursuit was over (meaning: u started to respond to him...and now the chase is over...so he lost interest)
 
in any case....the best thing you could do is leave it alone....or the next time u two speak, ask him about what he wants NOW. the way he feels NOW maybe different from THEN. despite how many times he used to call, text, show u attention. u want to focus on feelings NOW.

but be prepared for not getting a direct answer. guys can be passive with that kinda stuff to avoid talking about it, or hurting your feelings.
 
I think trying to depending on a man who for whatever reason now has a lack of interest and then recieveing and simultaneously ignoring those signals..while demanding
the same level of attention or more that is no longer there
added with alcohol

kind of set yourself up

I understand your frustration ..and I do not think you are overreacting ..I'd be hurt..sure I would....maybe the alcohol was to help mitigate that
done that ,too:ohwell:
believe me ...I HATE that ..
hard pursuit by a man and then once in the beginning of
the woman's reciprocation...it can sometimes
turn around..and we women want to know
WHY? why the detachment?
WHY if we were sooooo hot before what has cooled you NOW:blush:


but the fact is ..sadly..it does not matter really..why
because if he is not interested.....that's it!
and difficult as that can be you move on ..
even if he was interested before,...before is NOT a good enough reason to him to keep as involved..and so neither should it be to you
what matters is NOW

I have do to say he's being more polite than
I would if someone who was
not sober called me...

anyways...
3am calls ..
pick me up because I am too tipsy
you live close enough
okay I will just DROP by or inviting my self over


all that's pretty aggressive and are more in the realm ..imho opinion
of GIRLFRIEND privleges ...not someone's who is just dating

let him go and if he comes back..clearly you have spiritually made
the shift to being his woman and he needs to be on the same page
or if not and you accept that ..then you need to release those bf expectations and date him with less intensity
:)
 
It sounds to me like he's trying to persue someone else, BUT I think that stems from the conversation you two had about being in a relationship together. If you were too nonchalant about the convo, he may have misunderstood that as you not bein interested in being in a relationship with him. He may be doing this as a way to get you out of his system. Did this flakiness start right after that conversation? If so, maybe you should have a heart-to-heart with him. Depending on what's said within that convo, make your move from there. I'm one of the first people to say "drop that sucka" but it seems that something is behind this sudden change in the flow of things.
 
I don't know if this was mentioned already. But, did you sleep with him? It also sounds like he's messing with multiple women.
 
simone103 said:
I don't know if this was mentioned already. But, did you sleep with him?
Click to expand...
Good question! If he talked all that relationship stuff before you two slept together AND THEN he started acting funny afterward- DROP HIM because that meant it was all a game for him.
 
simone103 said:
I don't know if this was mentioned already. But, did you sleep with him? It also sounds like he's messing with multiple women.
Click to expand...

Thats what I was trying to subtlely ask when I asked if something happened it between the time he was good and the time he started to act up. :ohwell: If that's the case, just leave him alone now.
 
I'm sorry things didn't work out. I know it hurts for someone to be chasing and then all of the sudden without warning to back off, especially when you are just starting to get butterflies. I agree with the ladies, I would just let it go. If he was really interested he would have called and been wondering if you made it home safely that night, would have apologized for not being able to come get you, shoot or at least to argue with you over the text, but since he's doing nothing I would assume he has simply lost interest.
 
kayte said:
I think trying to depending on a man who for whatever reason now has a lack of interest and then recieveing and simultaneously ignoring those signals..while demanding
the same level of attention or more that is no longer there
added with alcohol

kind of set yourself up

I understand your frustration ..and I do not think you are overreacting ..I'd be hurt..sure I would....maybe the alcohol was to help mitigate that
done that ,too:ohwell:
believe me ...I HATE that ..
hard pursuit by a man and then once in the beginning of
the woman's reciprocation...it can sometimes
turn around..and we women want to know
WHY? why the detachment?
WHY if we were sooooo hot before what has cooled you NOW:blush:


but the fact is ..sadly..it does not matter really..why
because if he is not interested.....that's it!
and difficult as that can be you move on ..
even if he was interested before,...before is NOT a good enough reason to him to keep as involved..and so neither should it be to you
what matters is NOW

I have do to say he's being more polite than
I would if someone who was
not sober called me...

anyways...
3am calls ..
pick me up because I am too tipsy
you live close enough
okay I will just DROP by or inviting my self over


all that's pretty aggressive and are more in the realm ..imho opinion
of GIRLFRIEND privleges ...not someone's who is just dating

let him go and if he comes back..clearly you have spiritually made
the shift to being his woman and he needs to be on the same page
or if not and you accept that ..then you need to release those bf expectations and date him with less intensity
:)
Click to expand...

well, when i'm in the city, i usually do go by his house after wherever i'm at, or we usually meet up wherever either of us is at at the end of the night. so this wasnt an out of the blue situation. his actions were definently completly different though. so, when i said i'd just come by, thats b/c i usually go by his place when im in the city (through his invitation). i guess i shouldve added that disclaimer. and i've been on the receiving end of his drunken calls or texts plenty of times, and have definently come to his aid, or atleast talked to him until he got home safely. so i think that is apart of why i was upset.
 
hopeful said:
I'm sorry things didn't work out. I know it hurts for someone to be chasing and then all of the sudden without warning to back off, especially when you are just starting to get butterflies. I agree with the ladies, I would just let it go. If he was really interested he would have called and been wondering if you made it home safely that night, would have apologized for not being able to come get you, shoot or at least to argue with you over the text, but since he's doing nothing I would assume he has simply lost interest.
Click to expand...

exactly my point, and i agree wholeheartedly.
 
HAIRapy said:
It sounds to me like he's trying to persue someone else, BUT I think that stems from the conversation you two had about being in a relationship together. If you were too nonchalant about the convo, he may have misunderstood that as you not bein interested in being in a relationship with him. He may be doing this as a way to get you out of his system. Did this flakiness start right after that conversation? If so, maybe you should have a heart-to-heart with him. Depending on what's said within that convo, make your move from there. I'm one of the first people to say "drop that sucka" but it seems that something is behind this sudden change in the flow of things.
Click to expand...

pretty much he was just telling me how he was tired of dating around, and wanted to settle down in a relationship. and how if we were together we'd always have something to do on the weekends, ect ect. and i agreed that that is how relationships work. then he introduced me to all his friends, and he wanted to start taking pics together. :lachen:(which kind of reminded me of high school). i was pretty nonchalant, but from his statements, there wasn't much i could say except :yep:thats how a relationship should be, but after that,conversation he never said anything about it again. i was wondering if its b/c things haven't progressed as quickly as he'd like. for example, i've spent the night at his place plenty of time, but we've never had sex. only recently have we even kissed. :blush: which i didn't have a problem with, b/c i didnt want sex to make things complicated, and i wanted my feelings for him not to be clouded by a sexual relationship. things never really progressed b/c he never really initiated anything. and i dont make the first move. :look:

and actually while i'm sitting here thinking about it, that relationship talk only started b/c we were out, and another man sparked a conversation with me, and then asked for my number. i told him that i was actually there with someone, but of course he gave the if he's not your bf or husband, i dont care line. after seeing the guy talking to me, he came up and put his hands around me, and was glued to my hip the entire time. lol. and everytime the other guy came around, he'd stand so that he was blocking me. which i thought was hillarious, b/c he was acting soo jealous without ever saying a word. and afterwards thats when he started the, i want a gf, and you and me talk.
 
well, when i'm in the city, i usually do go by his house after wherever i'm at, or we usually meet up wherever either of us is at at the end of the night. so this wasnt an out of the blue situation. his actions were definently completly different though. so, when i said i'd just come by, thats b/c i usually go by his place when im in the city (through his invitation). i guess i shouldve added that disclaimer. and i've been on the receiving end of his drunken calls or texts plenty of times, and have definently come to his aid, or atleast talked to him until he got home safely. so i think that is apart of why i was upset.
Click to expand...

I'm sorry if I misunderstood ..

it does'nt sound healthy,though...if the deal
if he's been calling/texting you drunkenly in the past
it's disrespectful and putting himself in danger
and involving you....
and if it's inspiring similiar from you...
then you really...don't need ....that
he's doing you a favor..pulling back
so let him go

a nice guy won''t do any of that
 
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