Affection in your relationships

[meesch]

this was meant to be a spinny of the unaffectionate man thread, but i forgot and now a couple days have passed and so now its its own thread.

how much affection do you need in your relationships? how affectionate are you with your so over time - more or less? how much affection is in your day to day interactions?

ive never thought of myself as a super affectionate person since i have trouble verbalizing those feelings, but i am extremely touchy feely. when i am drinking i get downright clingy. my bf says he can tell when i start getting tipsy because all the random touching starts sometimes i dont even like for him to leave the room i find myself wandering around after him but i think he finds the attention cute instead of annoying.

its been some months now, but bf and i still touch and kiss on a regular basis. i feel like the physical affection between us is more or less constant. we still hold hands, in public, in the car, in the bed, etc. and theres tons of no-reason physical contact - like rubbing the back or kissing a different body part like arm or shoulder. we also still spoon while sleeping.

i never thought i wanted a guy who would be all up under me all the time but apparently i was wrong

 

[UrbainChic]

This post deserves a longer response but I'll have to come back later with that.

I am very physically affectionate and its something that helps keep me happy.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[sylver2]

I love and crave affection. I love when my man can't keep his hands off me. Im constantly touching him runnin my fingers thru his curls, caressing his arms hands back legs I love it and he loves it lol. He's constantly massaging my next or running his hands thru my hair etc I soooo love it. So glad to have it because in many of my relationships I had to hold myself back. They werent affectionate like that and I was always questioning if they were still feelin me. Hated that. So yes I need it lol

 

[Fine 4s]

Wow, I was thinking of posting something like this! I'm like you, I don't express emotions well but I am touchy-feely...at least with this bf.

I never wanted to hold my ex's hands which is why i knew early on he wasn't for me. Po' thang wanted to be all over me even after years!

With my current SO, I'm all over him and I do wonder if I'm being annoying at times because I simply can't get enough! We hold hands whenever even when we sleep. I don't know if it's the newness but I wish I could calm down a little and not want him as much as I do as I'm afraid I may seem 'too available.' Like if I'm not in his arms its most likely because I'm making a conscience effort to give him space. It's a real concern of mine. He doesn't push me away but he's def. not as physical as I am. When his daughter is around AND I'm around lololol it's an estrogen fest!

Is this something to talk about with SO and be honest with the level of attention I want from him? Does this make me look needy though? I read somewhere that being matched on the physical affection level is important because One party may feel neglected.

 

[meesch]

Like if I'm not in his arms its most likely because I'm making a conscience effort to give him space.

i swear i was going to include this SAME THING in my original post i have to very CONSCIOUSLY "give him space" otherwise i might be hanging onto him all the tiiiiiiiiime.

in my case, i feel that my bf reciprocates my affections and is at times more affectionate than i am (though i think thats normal, people's emotions ebb and flow from day to day, mood swings, blah blah blah) but as long as the worry is in your head ("am i being annoying") rather than out his mouth ("you are clingy") i would assume that he doesnt mind.

 

[MizAvalon]

SO and I are very affectionate. A very huggy, kissy, touchy kind of couple we are.

 

[Fine 4s]

When you talk about your feelings in your relationship, I swear you're my twin!

My concern exists because I don't think most SOs would tell their woman if she is being clingy, am I wrong? Or maybe mine knows that this would hurt my feelings

 

[IMFOCSD]

Wow, I was thinking of posting something like this! I'm like you, I don't express emotions well but I am touchy-feely...at least with this bf.

I never wanted to hold my ex's hands which is why i knew early on he wasn't for me. Po' thang wanted to be all over me even after years!

With my current SO, I'm all over him and I do wonder if I'm being annoying at times because I simply can't get enough! We hold hands whenever even when we sleep. I don't know if it's the newness but I wish I could calm down a little and not want him as much as I do as I'm afraid I may seem 'too available.' Like if I'm not in his arms its most likely because I'm making a conscience effort to give him space. It's a real concern of mine. He doesn't push me away but he's def. not as physical as I am. When his daughter is around AND I'm around lololol it's an estrogen fest!

Is this something to talk about with SO and be honest with the level of attention I want from him? Does this make me look needy though? I read somewhere that being matched on the physical affection level is important because One party may feel neglected.

Wow..this is so me lol...I don't feel so bad now

 

[menina]

I like affection. I didn't think i would until i dated a guy who was very affectionate with me. Now i want to be loved on, maybe not all the time, but like half of the time.

 

[meesch]

When you talk about your feelings in your relationship, I swear you're my twin!

My concern exists because I don't think most SOs would tell their woman if she is being clingy, am I wrong? Or maybe mine knows that this would hurt my feelings

i think thats so funny, because i always felt like such an outlier when it came to feelings and relationships. one of the things bf has mentioned more than once is that im "logical" so he can relate to me on what is basically a masculine level because i dont articulate myself, my thought process, and my feelings from a stereotypical female (aka "emotional") point of view. i get the impression that thats not generally the norm when it comes to women. not that i want to paint myself as "so different" from other women because its incredibly ****** annoying when people do that, but you know what i mean.

as far as him telling you you're clingy, idk. i think everyone has a threshold where theyre just not going to let things slide if they bother them. if your affections were bothering him i think it'd come out one way or the other.

 

[itismehmmkay]

I'm pretty touchy-feely. I love that ish.

 

[Fine 4s]

@meesch
I suspect it's not the norm either. Based on how you express yourself here, I'm SURE you are more logical than emotional in your relationship. I wish I could be more like this. Plus TBH, it's a tough time for me A) That time B) Mom's bd coming up in July and C) My ex bff's birthday just passed and I miss her. That coupled with my feeling guilty about feeling needy ...

 

[itismehmmkay]

^^^Fine 4s Put it in quotations if you don't want it quoted.

 

[Fine 4s]

Like this? "blah blah blah"
That's the new thing? Had no idea and I've been here for a minute!

 

[itismehmmkay]

lol no...like this

try quoting this post and you'll see this disappear

Fine 4s

 

[meesch]

Like this? "blah blah blah"
That's the new thing? Had no idea and I've been here for a minute!

no like this

i am posting something that i dont want to be in anyone else's post even if they quote my original reply

and it wont be there

anyhoo i missed your original post

 

[Fine 4s]

lol no...like this



@Fine 4s

Oh shoot!!!!!!!! DOPE....yay!

 

[Fine 4s]

@meesch,

'You didn't miss anything, I previously included more personal feelings that I removed instead of saying 'don't quote.' But wow, I think this quote thing is so cool.
And I'm testing the quotation....teehee'
DOH! LOLOL Fail....

 

[ClassicBeauty]

I'll be the first to go against the grain and say that I'm not all that affectionate. I need my own space, and I'm not very touchy-feely. I mean, we can cuddle for a while, but then I like to have my own space after a little while. DH & I have been together for over 6 years and married for over 4. I'm not into PDA either.

 

[kandake]

FYI, the quoting trick only works in terms of the functionality of this board. Someone can still manually highlight, copy and paste the text like I did below.

try quoting this post and you'll see this disappear

 

[kandake]

But as for the question. I'm not currently dating anyone but I love affection. I can tell when I'm not into some because I hate for them to touch me.

ETA: I'm talking about random touchy feely stuff that I welcome with glee with men I'm really feeling.

 

[CarLiTa]

But as for the question. I'm not currently dating anyone but I love affection. I can tell when I'm not into some because I hate for them to touch me.

ETA: I'm talking about random touchy feely stuff that I welcome with glee with men I'm really feeling.

I am exactly like that. And I am starting to wonder if it shows. I've dated many guys over the past 2 years, and only the ones I like have touched me. I'm starting to think it has to do with the vibe I am giving off. I've not even touched hands with so many of them (the ones I'm unsure about/not feeling), and I can't possibly think it's all them I'm the common denominator. And by "it's me," I don't mean that they don't like me. In fact, many have wanted/want a formal relationship.

I am very NOT touchy-feely if I'm unsure. However, I love affection and seek it in my relationships. I couldn't imagine being with someone who is not affectionate. The boyfriend before last was like that, and at the time I didn't know that I myself was affectionate, but something was always missing. With the last SO, I learned to open up and be affectionate. According to a few friends, our PDA was excessive (not gross though). I liked that it attracted positive attention to us as a couple. Old couples seemed especially fond of us and would randomly offer advice On a couple of occasions, we even got free expensive things for being so dang cute together I loved that.

Now, as a single person, I like watching couples interact with each other. I think it's adorable.

 

[Lucie]

I need affection the same way I need air. I love touching my man, his hair, holding hands, rubbing his back, et cetera. Hell, I'll even lick his nose, LOL. He has really nice skin for a man so that is a plus. And gotdang he look good. I'm about to ask him if I can DC his hair this weekend, LOL!

 

[UrbainChic]

I need affection the same way I need air. I love touching my man, his hair, holding hands, rubbing his back, et cetera. Hell, I'll even lick his nose, LOL. He has really nice skin for a man so that is a plus. And gotdang he look good. I'm about to ask him if I can DC his hair this weekend, LOL!

I know how you feel.

I think there is something so basic and wired into our core about physical affection.

It makes me think of Harlow's monkeys and his experiments on touch in mammals and primates. For those who don't know the infant monkeys when presented with two fake dummy moms and forced to choose would stay with the soft cuddly one over the one with FOOD, which indicated a hard wiring linking affection touch and love to survival.

I def need a lot of touch, and grew up in a touchy family. I cannot imagine loving someone in any sense if the word ( sexual or non) and not showering them with affection.

Sent from my iPhone

 

[Arcadian]

We're not into PDOA (sex in his car doesn't count we were in the driveway)

No heavy petting in public or anything. We may hold hands at the theater, but I nor he likes to hold hands in public much.

When we're alone yes, we're all kissy face holding hands and everything else He has to have kisses every morning and every evening. thats a must. Hugs in the kitchen while I'm making dinner? Sure, depending on my mood.

I don't like it when he interrupts my work day though, I'm bad about that but so be it I make up for it in other ways. So I would say we're affectionate, but not publicly so.

-A

 

[Theo]

i think i'm moreso on the less affectionate side of the spectrum. i just like my space. sometimes i would get annoyed when guys would try to hug me. i don't like it when ppl try to sneak a touch or a grab when i'm cooking or studying or something. i'm the type of person when a guy leans in for a kiss i'll turn my head if i'm not really in the mood. i also am not that much of a fan of cuddling. i'll do it, but after i fall asleep i almost always push the other person off. i don't realize that i do it though... i just know b/c guys have mentioned it.

i need to work on it, b/c i've had a few guys say that they have problems believing i'm attracted to them.

sometimes i'm in a mood to be affectionate, most of the time i'm not. i consciously turn it on and off. its going to sound bad, but i usually turn on the affection when i want something . my ex used to call me out on it all the time, but even so... it still worked.

 

[sylver2]

I need affection the same way I need air. I love touching my man, his hair, holding hands, rubbing his back, et cetera. Hell, I'll even lick his nose, LOL. He has really nice skin for a man so that is a plus. And gotdang he look good. I'm about to ask him if I can DC his hair this weekend, LOL!

this is me. I had him grow his curls out just so i can run my fingers thru them. we can't keep our hands off each other and i love that and damn he so fine to me i constantly touch and kiss him etc and he melts just like me

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I'm not naturally affectionate but I am learning to really like it. I remember with my first serious boyfriend I would actually blurt out "don't touch me!" when we were getting to know each other and he would touch my arm or something while we were driving. He was patient with me and I got less blunt about it but I was never affectionate with him, when I think about it. I just learned to not reject him as much.

With current SO, it's still something I have to work on showing that I like, but I really enjoy that he's patient and affectionate and it makes me moreso. When we fall asleep I'll wake up and he's rubbing my back or while we're watching tv if I go to move away he'll say "where are you going?" and he likes his hand on the small of my back when we're out. I love all that stuff and I'm actually reciprocating. Today at lunch when we were waiting to be seated I put my hands on his back and rubbed a little bit. Yay!

I'm not sure if showing affection is coming easier to me now because I feel closer to him or if I feel closer to him because we're affectionate. It's a chicken and egg thing.

 

[gabulldawg]

I'll be the first to go against the grain and say that I'm not all that affectionate. I need my own space, and I'm not very touchy-feely. I mean, we can cuddle for a while, but then I like to have my own space after a little while. DH & I have been together for over 6 years and married for over 4. I'm not into PDA either.

This is DH and I. I'm glad I found someone who is on my level regarding affection. I hate PDA. We are pretty touchy feely at home, but it doesn't have to be a constant thing.

It's definitely important to be with someone who has the same "affection level" as you do. I could see how that could cause problems.

 

[Country gal]

I need it. I don't like dealing with a non affectionate person. I like someone who is open about his feelings and can't get his hands off me.