Advice from former naturals who have recently gone back 2 relaxers

[nakialovesshoes]

Hi my name is Nakia & I hate my natural hair.

Lord only knows I've tried to love it. But I just don't.

It's such a hassle to deal with - & yes I know that some will say relaxed hair is also a hassle. But it wasn't a hassle 4 me. I feel like give me the rollersets & wraps over this any day.

I feel like I'm coming out of the closet. I have a group of naturals that I meet w/once a month. I keep thinking what are they going to say. Guess they'll kick me out of the group. One, in particular, was a friend from my relaxed days. Lately she's been really preaching to me about loving the hair that God gave me.

I know for some this is a sensitive topic. But I simply didn't go natural b/c of a movement or wanting to get in touch w/the "real" me. I went natural b/c I thought I couldn't have relaxed hair longer than BSL. Right after my BC I found you guys & just decided to stick it out b/c I saw so many gorgeous naturals on here & Fotki.

Well, now I'm over the whole natural business. Natural hair is nice & looks nice on a lot of people. It just isn't for me anymore.

So...having said all of that, I really need some advice on transitioning back to the other side. I don't know exactly when I'll relax but I know it'll be in a year or less. Heck, it may be in the next few weeks.

Thanks in advance, ladies.

 

[Qualitee]

First thanks for being brave and posting this. Alot of ladies on here went back to relaxing. I know that when your relaxed you need alot more prptein in your regime. imo

 

[firecracker]

Girl don't worry about folks. If you wanna go back to a relaxer do it. I'm sure you've learned enough here to change some of your old bad habits and learned some new ideas. I was natural then texturized and big chopped again three years later. I relaxed mid Septemer w/1 inch of hair on top and faded sides. I loved my hair in all the phases. I also tried fake hair for the first time in my life. Its fun too.

 

[TrustMeLove]

How about becoming a pressed sistah? Lol..I know I mention this in every thread where naturals are looking for straight hair more often. But, if you want to avoid the chemicals, and the relaxed hair breaking from the nappy hair etc..drama. Than pressing could be your best friend.

Good luck with your journey.

 

[Amelia456]

Did you consider pressing your hair before you relaxed it?
I just wanted to know because relaxing is so serious and the chemicals are so harsh.

 

[LongHairDreams]

Girl, do what you think is best. I agree with what Firecracker said. You've been on this site long enough to know how to take care of your hair in both worlds (relaxed and natural). Don't think your selling out or anything. You've got my support. You could also have the best of both worlds (IMO) and texlax. Maybe you should try that first before you go bone-straight.

 

[FluffyRed]

Life is too short. Do you!

I was napptural also. Probably will be again.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Hello and welcome back!

Anywho, I relaxed after 3 years natural. The first thing you have to decide is whether you're going to be a do it yourselfer or need a stylist. I 'interviewed' a bunch of stylists before I found the person I trusted to do my hair the way I wanted and researched relaxers and 'relaxer prep' on the board a month or so before I went ahead with it.

 

[gorgeous86]

I felt the same way as you do last year when I was natural. You have to do what makes you comfortable. Just weigh the pros and cons and make sure this is what you want to do. My advice to you....... consider a lye relaxer. I still kick myself for doing my virgin relaxer (and the one after that) with a no lye relaxer. : Also, remember to moisturize often. HTH

 

[dicapr]

I am there with you. I challanged myself to stay natural this year. However, I have a feeling that I will be texlaxing sometime next year. Do what is best for you and your hair!

 

[JessCNU]

I know just how you feel. Last year this time I was transitioning and then cut the relaxer out. If my hair was flat ironed I was fine, but the minute I stepped outside .....llawwdd! just forget about it. I tried to like my hair but I just didn't either. maybe if I try again I will have better luck with it but for right now I like having a Lye relaxer in my head and really don't care what anyone who doesn't like it has to say. Not to be stank or rude but we are all grown women here who can make our own decisions and you should never feel like you are "coming out of the closet" if you decide to change your mind about YOUR hair!

 

[DeepBluSea]

Hey Nakkia, you have the annamae hair right? Your hair is gorgeous. I think you are being too hard on yourself. First, don't assume your friends are going to write you off. Just be honest with them. They may have some advice for you. If they stop being your friend because you relaxed your hair, then they weren't good friends to begin with, were they? There are quite a few people who went back to being relaxed and I still love to look at their hair (turnergirl for example). This is coming from a natural head who plans to stay natural. I hope you work it out.

 

[Mandy4610]

I completely hear you. My natural hair has been a struggle...I have never struggled with my hair like this before. It is only in the last two months that I have not looked at the Mizani butter blends relaxer system.
I am challenging my self to stay natural until the 1st anniversary of my BC, if I am not head over heel in love with my hair by then, I am relaxing.
Setting a time line has really helped me so far. I feel much better about my hair and I am more committed to caring for it.
If you have tried everything you can to love your hair..especially giving yourself time...then it does not matter what anyone says (it never did anyway) you have tried and it is time.
I am sure you have learned a lot about your hair from being natural. I know I have.

 

[SlantedEyezMiss2003]

Hi my name is Nakia & I hate my natural hair.

Lord only knows I've tried to love it. But I just don't.

It's such a hassle to deal with - & yes I know that some will say relaxed hair is also a hassle. But it wasn't a hassle 4 me. I feel like give me the rollersets & wraps over this any day.

I feel like I'm coming out of the closet. I have a group of naturals that I meet w/once a month. I keep thinking what are they going to say. Guess they'll kick me out of the group. One, in particular, was a friend from my relaxed days. Lately she's been really preaching to me about loving the hair that God gave me.

I know for some this is a sensitive topic. But I simply didn't go natural b/c of a movement or wanting to get in touch w/the "real" me. I went natural b/c I thought I couldn't have relaxed hair longer than BSL. Right after my BC I found you guys & just decided to stick it out b/c I saw so many gorgeous naturals on here & Fotki.

Well, now I'm over the whole natural business. Natural hair is nice & looks nice on a lot of people. It just isn't for me anymore.

So...having said all of that, I really need some advice on transitioning back to the other side. I don't know exactly when I'll relax but I know it'll be in a year or less. Heck, it may be in the next few weeks.

Thanks in advance, ladies.

Girl, you don't have nothing to worry about, don't worry about what other people say....your are a strong person for sharing this with us, and IT'S YOUR HAIR......be at peace with your decision, and do what's best for you!!!! IMO, I think you should decide what kind of relaxer you want and if lye or no lye would be better for you.........I use to press my hair a long time ago....if over ten years ago so I don't remember much.......with a relaxer I can take care of my hair better, natural hair just wasn't for me, I'm young, in college, single mom, I'm still in my young mind mood, so being natural wasn't for me.....but probably as I get older and settle down I will try to go natural unless I reach my hair goal, but make a relaxer decision and then find a regimen that's based on your relaxed hair....HTH!

 

[Junebug D]

I did that once... and was natural again a few months later. Whatever you decide to do, just make sure that you are prepared for it! Don't do anything in a snap decision. I was thinking about relaxing again for a month or so before I actually did it-- and to me, that still turned out to be a snap decision that I regretted.

Just make sure you've thought it through completely, that you actually have a regimen prepped for returning; that you know whether you will be a self-relaxer or go to a salon, etc. Just have it planned out in full before you do it. Because a relaxer is permanent and if it turns out to not be the happy easy thing you remember it being... then your only option will be to chop your hair off again or go through a long (painful!) transition.

 

[Teja]

This is really a great thread...I have been natural now for over three years and I will be relaxing in january, I am really excited and although I liked being natural this board has given me enough courage to relax.Looking at all you women have healthy relaxed hair just makes me want to thrive for the same!

 

[nakialovesshoes]

1st of all ladies - I've been sleep all day - was up late on LHCF.
I couldn't wait to find out the feedback. Thanks so much for your support. I've said it b4, u guys r the best!

Girl, do what you think is best. I agree with what Firecracker said. You've been on this site long enough to know how to take care of your hair in both worlds (relaxed and natural). Don't think your selling out or anything. You've got my support. You could also have the best of both worlds (IMO) and texlax. Maybe you should try that first before you go bone-straight.

I'm definitely going 4 texlaxed. I was doing that b4 I even knew the term.

Hello and welcome back!

Anywho, I relaxed after 3 years natural. The first thing you have to decide is whether you're going to be a do it yourselfer or need a stylist. I 'interviewed' a bunch of stylists before I found the person I trusted to do my hair the way I wanted and researched relaxers and 'relaxer prep' on the board a month or so before I went ahead with it.

I've decided 2 return 2 my roots, so-2-speak. When I moved 2 Atlanta 6+ years ago, I had BSL, relaxed hair. 50% of the credit was due 2 my stylist back home n SC & him not believing n a bone straight perm & the other 50% was due 2 me following Wanakee's system. So I'll be driving 2 SC every 4 months 4 a relaxer.

I felt the same way as you do last year when I was natural. You have to do what makes you comfortable. Just weigh the pros and cons and make sure this is what you want to do. My advice to you....... consider a lye relaxer. I still kick myself for doing my virgin relaxer (and the one after that) with a no lye relaxer. : Also, remember to moisturize often. HTH

I never knew if I had lye or not. My stylist used Keracare/Affirm with the Fiberguard, I think it was. I know that perm never ever damaged my hair. I didn't get damaged hair until I came down here & changed stylists & relaxers.

Hey Nakkia, you have the annamae hair right? Your hair is gorgeous. I think you are being too hard on yourself. First, don't assume your friends are going to write you off. Just be honest with them. They may have some advice for you. If they stop being your friend because you relaxed your hair, then they weren't good friends to begin with, were they? There are quite a few people who went back to being relaxed and I still love to look at their hair (turnergirl for example). This is coming from a natural head who plans to stay natural. I hope you work it out.

Now this made me LOL. The guys at my old job called me this while I was transitioning & even once I BCed. You're right on about Turnergirl. I still love her hair.

This is really a great thread...I have been natural now for over three years and I will be relaxing in january, I am really excited and although I liked being natural this board has given me enough courage to relax.Looking at all you women have healthy relaxed hair just makes me want to thrive for the same!

AMEN!!!

 

[SparklingFlame]

I think you should just do the dayum thang.

Forget what anyone else thinks. Its the hair on your head and no one else has to deal with it but you.

If you want to swang, swang.

If you want the fro, fro.

Its up to you.

I would go to a professional and have them relax you.

I wish I would have done that

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Nakia we are >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>right here<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<

EVERY DAY anymore I'm thinking about relaxing. But I worry that I can't have classic length hair if I damage my hair when relaxing...

The thing is... I'm breaking off SO MUCH effin hair just detangling, that a relaxer couldn't be worse!

I'm trying to stay natural, but it is hard.

 

[Desarae]

When I first found the boards, I was relaxed and damaged so I decided to do the BC and start off with a head full of new hair, instead of babying the damaged hair back to life.

I BC'd in Sep. 2007 with no transition and remained natural until June 2008 when I made the decision to relax. A few factors went into my final decistion.

I asked myself "Why did I go natural in the first place?"

In my case, I went natural to rid myself of damaged hair and start with a new head of hair. I did not hate the look of my natural hair, but I did hate styling it myself. It took entirely too long.

I've never had long hair, relaxed, natural, or as a child. When I say I've NEVER had long hair, I mean my hair has never been full SL. My main goal when I found the forums was to have long, healthy hair, ASAP. I could care less whether it was relaxed or natural, I just wanted it to be long.

While my hair was natural, I always had a yearning for long relaxed hair because I've never had it before and seeing all the ladies have success with thiers, I wanted to try for healthy relaxed hair too, and I wanted to do it before my hair got too long, in case I didn't like it.

I believe that I am retaining more length relaxed than natural (or ever before) because my ends always looked jacked as a natural, and it did not hold moisture well at all. I got to the point that I just wanted to wrap my hair and go. I can say that now that I'm relaxed I spend less time styling than I did as a natural. I don't necessarily like the LOOK of my my hair better now, but it is less of a hassle to style.

When I first relaxed, I felt like I was no longer a member of a secret society, and like I just blended into the crowd, whereas with my natural hair, I always stood out. And that is the part of having natural hair I do miss th most, but...

All I know is when I do go natural again (After I meet my relaxed goals), I'll have locs, or I will keep it in a TWA because I do not have to patience to handle MY LONG, NATURAL LOOSE CNAPP hair the way it needed to be handled in order to keep it healthy and retain length.

 

[baddison]

I've been natural for over three years now. Last relaxer was October 2005.

However.......as soon as my hardcore C&G challenge is over in a few weeks, I'll be slapping on some Mizani ButterBlends Fine/Mild quick, fast, & in a hurry!!

It all boils down to what YOU are comfortable with. In the end, you have to live with your decision. None of us go home with you, sleep with you, or pay your bills. We are here to support whatever decision you make, by giving you, and each other any and all information to help keep your tresses - relaxed or natural - as healthy as they can be.

I been stalking fotkis like StillALady, SistaSlick, LondonDiva....the list goes on and on.....their heads are BEAUTIFUL..!!

Come to think of it, the more I stalk them, the more I hate 'em....LOL!!!! (jealousy is such a green-eyed monster!!!....)

Do YOU sista...you ain't comin' outta no closet!!! And if you are....then so am I....LOL!!

 

[mahogany_horizons]

If they stop being your friend because you relaxed your hair, then they weren't good friends to begin with, were they? There are quite a few people who went back to being relaxed and I still love to look at their hair (turnergirl for example). This is coming from a natural head who plans to stay natural. I hope you work it out.

Beautiful words of comfort for her!! I couldn't have said it better myself. Just do you. You aren't compromising or selling out. Natural hair is beautiful, but natural hair care is not for everyone. Not everyone feels that they are beautiful natural (I disagree, I think natural hair is beautiful)...nor does everyone enjoy the amount of maintenance that being natural entails..(some say that the maintenance is about the same, but I beg to differ, at least in talking to my natural friends)

Being natural is a valid choice just like being relaxed! Don't allow anyone to pressure you or make you feel like you sold out because you relaxed. Does getting a curly perm make you a sellout? Or bleaching your hair? No...it's just a style choice.

At least, unlike myself, you have explored the natural world to find that if it worked for you or not, and have tried to embrace your hair in its natural glory. If nothing else, you should be proud of yourself for that.

NOw you have a healthy head of virgin hair that you can relax and take care of, which is probably healtheir than the hair you had when you were last relaxed.

You'll be fine. And like she said, if they don't like you, because you are relaxed, they were not good friends to begin with!

 

[nakialovesshoes]

U all have been so encouraging & for that I'm grateful.

I just took down a weave that I wore for 2 months exactly. I'm supposed 2 be getting tree braids next week. See, I was doing a personal braids/weave challenge trying 2 make it 2 BSL by my b-day next year.

Now I'm just trying 2 decide whether I should go ahead w/the personal challenge & wait until next year to relax or should I just relax now & get it over with.

Decisions, decisions...

 

[Desarae]

Beautiful words of comfort for her!! I couldn't have said it better myself. Just do you. You aren't compromising or selling out. Natural hair is beautiful, but natural hair care is not for everyone. Not everyone feels that they are beautiful natural (I disagree, I think natural hair is beautiful)...nor does everyone enjoy the amount of maintenance that being natural entails..(some say that the maintenance is about the same, but I beg to differ, at least in talking to my natural friends)

Being natural is a valid choice just like being relaxed! Don't allow anyone to pressure you or make you feel like you sold out because you relaxed. Does getting a curly perm make you a sellout? Or bleaching your hair? No...it's just a style choice.

At least, unlike myself, you have explored the natural world to find that if it worked for you or not, and have tried to embrace your hair in its natural glory. If nothing else, you should be proud of yourself for that.

NOw you have a healthy head of virgin hair that you can relax and take care of, which is probably healtheir than the hair you had when you were last relaxed.

You'll be fine. And like she said, if they don't like you, because you are relaxed, they were not good friends to begin with!

Co signing with the bolded. Some people will never go natural in thier lifetime.

 

[mistee11]

It was January of this year when I decided to go back to relaxing after three years of being natural. It was an all or nothing approach for me. I just got really tired of the sore scalp from weaving, detangling after washes, plaiting, and braiding. I was wearing wigs and weaves for the most part to help grow out my hair from damage I suffered from coloring and relaxing. When I joined lhcf in April it was the best thing I could have done! This site has taught me so much and most of all how to love myself for whatever way I wear my hair. My stylist said to me one day "Girl you was wearing that hair!" "I didn't think you were ever going to relax!" I said, "Yeah, I know but I just couldn't fight my hair anymore". Maybe that isn't the right way to feel about my hair but I know that it was a good thing for me. In the end you do what's best for you.

 

[SundaiMorn]

Good thread...I am totally there with you. I have been natural for years with no great big difference. It was not a major decision when I stop relaxing my hair. I was wearing braids and my hair was natural after over a year of wearing them. I went through the stage of really loving my natural hair but now I want it to grow and I am tired of detangling the natural hair. I am considering texlaxing in January. I have been researching posts on here and looking at other naturals that have transition back to relax. Do your research and do what's best for you. Have a Happy Hair Journey.

 

[NYAmicas]

I'd read up on what the relaxed heads you like are doing and what to expect, maintenance and all that jazz.

Do what works for your hair. Far be it for me to impose my hair preferences if Im not washing, detangling, and styling for you.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

Thanks for sharing...(((hugs)))i've been posting for the past week about the struggle of being natural. I'm only a year in. It's tough.I've become tender headed as a natural I'm getting closer to the creamy crack daily.
But your hair is pretty either way.

 

[pmichael52172]

Now see, I like you Nakia. In all of my 6 years being on this board, I can't remember coming across a great question like this.

I like the vibe of this thread... even from the naturals. I'm not referring to anyone on this board when I say this (and I do mean that) but, adding to what others have said, don't feel like you're "lye"ing to yourself by getting a relaxer. I told one natural person at my job I was considering transitioning and she darn near wanted to throw me a party! She kept saying, you're finally going to be free!

I had to let her know that: 1) I was never bound and 2) my freedom is not contingent upon the chemical status of my hair... that's just dumb (in my opinion). Get that excited because I better myself or make accomplishments in my life or something... not because I was thinking about changing my hair!

Whatever you decide it's like this: If you stay natural, I respect you (as I do everyone who transitions or chops) because you're putting in the time and doing what I just simply can not do! I wish I could transition but I just can't do it. If you relax, then you're still alright with me.

 

[DDTexlaxed]

I've been there back and forth between being relaxed and natural. I made a goal to be relaxer free for a year. If I can't hack it, I'm going to texlax. Do what's easier for you and do not follow others expectations for you. You will not be happy. I've learned a lot during this transition hair wise and mentally wise. I did not treat my hair the right way. If I ever do relax, I will be doing it, myself. If you need support, you know we got your back!