Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!

yeah, i bet he his confused..... confused cuz he tryna figa out...if we are dating long distance, how did she hack my information lolololol......

but to anotha side of this, he is also confused cuz he has to try n remedy this situation. you know men...they LOVE to keep their foot in da puzzi door....
 
ambergirl said:
But putting that aside, based on what you've shared, he just wants to make sure this situation is lined up before he dumps your friend.
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deltagyrl said:
Is he in love or in lust with the ex? He ain't trying to leave the current so whatever they got must be something...

Meh. :perplexed
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men can be punk @ss cowards... just because he hasn't left doesn't mean he isn't planning to or just scared to... or maybe he wants to make sure all goes well w/ex before he ends it w/current... see 1st quote
 
OP, your friend has to tear her whole entire a$$ before she gets the point that this man means her no good. She has so much foresight (not heresay, not bad vibes, but seeing what's going down behind her back with her own two eyes in black & white) and she STILL has her eyes wide shut. She has her head buried in the sand and that boy is going to give her a straight buzz cut and a new hairline when he finished with her. The sad part will be that she could've saved herself a bunch of headache and heartache.

Unbelievable!

PS - He isn't confused in the least bit but he is figuring out how to go deeper underground with hiding his stuff from her. That's why it's never good to go looking for junk unless you are prepared to DO SOMETHING with what you've discovered. Now he knows she's a snoopologist and for certain she'll tolerate the load of elephant dung he is unloading. He's covering his bases....alot of men don't get rid of who they have until they get who they want.
 
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Had to update.

He & my acquaintance are getting married. They have been "secretly" engaged the whole time. :perplexed

I can't.
 
WOW. I don't know what to say apart from that. She's walking into a complete mess with her eyes wide open. There's nothing you can do about it.
 
I'm stunned.

Cheating is bad enough but cheating on your fiancee? Whoa.

He was wining and dining the ex, sending her flowers, saying the "L" word, not wanting to end things... She broke it off btw.

Ugh.

My acquaintance is happy, happy, happy though...:look:
 
:nono: Women know we have to compromise a bit to get what we ultimately want. But we compromise on the WRONG things!
 
I'm actually surprised since all parties involved are intelligent, degreed folx.
What in the world was he thinking? What in the world is she thinking?
What in the world was the ex thinking?

Just a mess. The wedding is in a few months.
 
On the bright side, they seem to deserve each other...and ifyou stay in touch you probably will get some good LHCF posts out this marriage!
 
I'm hearing that he really, really wants children. Like yesterday. The ex is done procreating (they're both nearing 40) and the acquaintance is like, 10 years younger.
 
He's also what I would consider to be recently divorced (less than 2 years) so those "issues" are swirling around.

Maybe this was a "hiccup" and they'll go on and be the best married couple EVER.

The whole thing is a mess imo.
 
I'll be really surprised if that marriage lasts. I shudder to think that they might have kids. Those poor kids will grow up and see the wrong example of what love should be.
 
deltagyrl said:
I'm actually surprised since all parties involved are intelligent, degreed folx.
What in the world was he thinking? What in the world is she thinking?
What in the world was the ex thinking?

Just a mess. The wedding is in a few months.
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I wish them well...I don't know why everybody poo-poos folks working through their issues. Maybe they are actually good together and the ex was just a "one who got away" fantasy. IDK but it's possible.
 
jwhitley6 said:
I wish them well...I don't know why everybody poo-poos folks working through their issues. Maybe they are actually good together and the ex was just a "one who got away" fantasy. IDK but it's possible.
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I would be seriously hurt if this happened to me. Honestly, I wouldn't marry a man who cheated on me but, I'm guessing she doesn't know. Even worse. :perplexed

Either way, I think he's an arse for being selfish and disrespecting his fiancee like that. He carried on for MONTHS. That was willful. :nono:

Tsk, tsk, tsk...
 
deltagyrl said:
I would be seriously hurt if this happened to me. Honestly, I wouldn't marry a man who cheated on me but, I'm guessing she doesn't know. Even worse. :perplexed

Either way, I think he's an arse for being selfish and disrespecting his fiancee like that. He carried on for MONTHS. That was willful. :nono:

Tsk, tsk, tsk...
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I'm not saying he's not an arse, but sometimes people need time to work through their emotions. I'm not saying it's right but I understand. You said the ex was his FIRST LOVE. Can you imagine your first true love showing up after the heartache of a failed marriage? You might be curious, too...I know I would be. :look: I think this is something he needed to explore. I hope he's gotten it all out of his system and is sure that your friend is the one. I'm sorry she had to deal with the hurt, though. I hope he makes it up to her with a lifetime of happiness. :yep:
 
hey delta....i'm a lil confused. who did he marry again? the stalker or the college flame? this sounds like a lifetime episode....
 
deltagyrl said:
Love your siggy pic...so sweet.

Uh, yeah he slept with the ex after abstaining while with his current. All that waiting went right outta the window when he got with the other chick. I don't understand that.
You're right, I don't know why she'd still want him either. My guess is she believes this is a slip-up and doesn't mean anything. :look:
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This would have killed it with me... He just didn't want to be with the "current" gf intimately, if he gave it to the ex that easily :nono:. She should walk away from the situation.
 
jwhitley6 said:
I'm not saying he's not an arse, but sometimes people need time to work through their emotions. I'm not saying it's right but I understand. You said the ex was his FIRST LOVE. Can you imagine your first true love showing up after the heartache of a failed marriage? You might be curious, too...I know I would be. :look: I think this is something he needed to explore. I hope he's gotten it all out of his system and is sure that your friend is the one. I'm sorry she had to deal with the hurt, though. I hope he makes it up to her with a lifetime of happiness. :yep:
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I hope they will be o.k. and they go on to have a happy marriage, but...I just couldn't live knowing that I will always be second fiddle to another woman. The only reason the dude is not with her now is that she broke up with him. Pretty much the ex is in total control of this couple's destiny. At any time she could swoop back in and take everything away. If I were the acquaintance, I would need for him to do something definitive to let me know that he's choosing me over her.

It just doesn't seem like this guy really loves this girl. These aren't spring chickens and he should have gotten over people from 15 years ago by now. If he truly loved her, the ex wouldn't have had any power whatsoever over him. If I were her, I'd also be afraid that someone new my enter the picture and he falls head over heels in love with her. He seems like the type that will realize ten years later that he loves her but isn't "in love" with her.

The fact that he is desperate to have kids seems to be a major factor here too moreso than his feelings for his fiance.
 
jwhitley6 said:
I'm not saying he's not an arse, but sometimes people need time to work through their emotions. I'm not saying it's right but I understand. You said the ex was his FIRST LOVE. Can you imagine your first true love showing up after the heartache of a failed marriage? You might be curious, too...I know I would be. :look: I think this is something he needed to explore. I hope he's gotten it all out of his system and is sure that your friend is the one. I'm sorry she had to deal with the hurt, though. I hope he makes it up to her with a lifetime of happiness. :yep:
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Oh, I believe in Love & Basketball but IRL? :nono:

It would really, really, really, really bother me that he kept our "engagement" a secret from his first love and was sleeping with her (while we were supposed to be abstaining). I couldn't do it.

Ray Charles could see where his heart really is.

I mean, he risked everything to see her. I couldn't get past that.
 
caltron said:
I hope they will be o.k. and they go on to have a happy marriage, but...I just couldn't live knowing that I will always be second fiddle to another woman. The only reason the dude is not with her now is that she broke up with him. Pretty much the ex is in total control of this couple's destiny. At any time she could swoop back in and take everything away. If I were the acquaintance, I would need for him to do something definitive to let me know that he's choosing me over her.

It just doesn't seem like this guy really loves this girl. These aren't spring chickens and he should have gotten over people from 15 years ago by now. If he truly loved her, the ex wouldn't have had any power whatsoever over him. If I were her, I'd also be afraid that someone new my enter the picture and he falls head over heels in love with her. He seems like the type that will realize ten years later that he loves her but isn't "in love" with her.

The fact that he is desperate to have kids seems to be a major factor here too moreso than his feelings for his fiance.
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I keep trying to rationalize this away. You know, men are different than women and their love is different from our love but I can't cause I know men who love and cherish their wives.

He ran to that woman willingly. He shared himself with her in a way that only those in love do. He should be over the moon in love with his fiancee right about now. What's gonna happen a year from now?

I think he was being practical when he chose her. :perplexed
 
CHILE....SHUDDUP....are u serious...he's marrying da stalker?????

it won't last. he's only marryin her cuz he got rejected and men don't like to feel rejected. and guess what? no matter what, his heart will always be with his first....ALWAYS.
 
ThatJerseyGirl said:
CHILE....SHUDDUP....are u serious...he's marrying da stalker?????

it won't last. he's only marryin her cuz he got rejected and men don't like to feel rejected. and guess what? no matter what, his heart will always be with his first....ALWAYS.
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He never told the college sweetheart that they were engaged. He kept it from her the whole time.

How's THAT for raggedy?
 
This guy is just plain no good and wishy washy. The ex saved herself a world of heartache by bailing when she did.
 
"Secretly engaged" the whole time? Your friend is still going to marry him. What is going on in her head? You see how men dis tun some women stupid?
 
ambergirl said:
On the bright side, they seem to deserve each other...and ifyou stay in touch you probably will get some good LHCF posts out this marriage!
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I can't co-sign on this one. She was wrong for snooping but it seems justified since he was really doing wrong. Where she went wrong was continuing the surveillance when she found out what was going on. She should have called him out immediately. Her snooping doesn't put her on the same level as his cheating though.

deltagyrl said:
I would be seriously hurt if this happened to me. Honestly, I wouldn't marry a man who cheated on me but, I'm guessing she doesn't know. Even worse. :perplexed

Either way, I think he's an arse for being selfish and disrespecting his fiancee like that. He carried on for MONTHS. That was willful. :nono:

Tsk, tsk, tsk...
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I'm confused. How does she not know he cheated if she read the emails and saw that the experience was ethereal and supercalifragilisticexpialidocious and whatever other words he used to describe their time together?
 
HoneyA said:
"Secretly engaged" the whole time? Your friend is still going to marry him. What is going on in her head? You see how men dis tun some women stupid?
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I've heard of this before. I think its more common than we realize. The couple discusses it and decides to get their stuff together before announcing it publicly. This is the time where he saves for the ring, gets the bill collectors off his/her back, formalizes child custody or child support issues before the crazy baby momma knows that the door is closed forever, etc. I guess it could include marriage counseling as well but most will do this after the engagement is announced.

As long as its only a secret for a short period of time then I don't see anything wrong with it. I can see a man's ego not being able to handle her not having a ring or having a puny ring so I may give a pass on something like that for a short period of time. The same applies to one person having debt if there is a realistic plan to get it paid off. Most issues can be resolved without keeping the engagement under wraps though. To each his own. :look:
 
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