A race thread, but not that kind. Gimme a chance!

[MissJ]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

LOL! Well...how much is it an "identity crisis", and how much is it just a product of where he grew up, and the environment he's been in?

To me, as long as a guy is being "real" and true to himself (in other words, not fake, phony, or a wanna-be), I can date whoever! Doesn't matter to me what his accent is, or what color he may be.

I can date the "white" white dude, or the "black" white dude. As long as he's being genuine, and doesn't have any identity issues.

I'm figuring that there MAY be a difference in dating either, but that could just be a difference in things that you two may have in common, etc. But I don't think either would be worse than the other.

There are some black guys who are probably more "white" (whatever that means) than some white guys if you just look in terms of voice, accent, who they hang around, what music they listen to, etc. But if that's how he grew up, and the environment he's used to, I don't think anything is wrong with that.

 

[simplertimes]

Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

I personally wouldn't date a guy who was "trying" to be what he "thought" another race was about.... He'd basically be a walking stereotype YUCK!!!!

 

[Much2much41]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

Maybe he doesn't "think he's black". Perhaps he grew up around black people and is comfortable around us, but has his own identity. I kind of like white guys like Mark Wahlburg, who seems to be comfortable in his own skin, and can be around anybody. The guy you mentioned seems courteous and respectful, so I would probably date him. Somebody like Eminem, with the wave caps and baggy pants, probably not. Somebody that is "surfer dude","Star Trekkie", or straight out of Nebraska and has never seen anybody black before, ummmm........

 

[Bunny77]

Maybe he doesn't "think he's black". Perhaps he grew up around black people and is comfortable around us, but has his own identity. I kind of like white guys like Mark Wahlburg, who seems to be comfortable in his own skin, and can be around anybody. The guy you mentioned seems courteous and respectful, so I would probably date him. Somebody like Eminem, with the wave caps and baggy pants, probably not. Somebody that is "surfer dude","Star Trekkie", or straight out of Nebraska and has never seen anybody black before, ummmm........

Yeah, some white folks (women and men) have grown up around black people all of their lives and actually feel more comfortable in those environments. We had a few in my school... in my graduating class of 150, there were about 15 white people and oh, 130 black people. (The rest were Indians and one Chinese dude.)

The non-blacks weren't "trying to be black," they just were very comfortable with black people having grown up in all-black environments.

It's obvious who's real and who's fake... I notice that white guys that I meet that play basketball, for example, are usually pretty "down" cause they're around a lot of black people all the time!

 

[calliope]

Give him a break! I don't think it's an identity crisis, it's probably just who he's most comfortable with. And what is "trying to be black or white?" I grew up around whites and hispanics. Only. I was always the only black everywhere I went. So, if I'm in a large group and don't know anyone, I naturally gravitate towards who I feel comfortable with and who reaches out to me first. We can't help what we knew growing up. What I think is more disturbing than his "identity crisis" is being annoyed by manners and politeness in a man, white or black. Unless he's being clingy/ weird/
stalker-like when he does it, that sounds more like the problem here.

 

[MissJ]

I didn't actually mean literally trying to be black, but I don't know the politically correct way to get the idea across. I don't know who or what he grew up with, probably mostly black people. Like me for example, all of my friends in school were white, so I can understand. But what happens if the phase ends, if it's just a phase?

Anyway, I dunno. I thought he was younger than what he really is. I actually think all the guys in my class are younger than I am, but it turns out that he's older than I am and some others are, too. He requested that I be his friend on Myspace, but he hasn't said anything.

 

[firecracker]

Ms J why does he have to have an identity crisis? Like the others said he just might be comfy in his own skin and has universal appeal. My fillipino friends bet not be saying that about me

 

[MissJ]

I dunno. It just seems that way to me. I don't think he has or wants universal appeal. 98% of the class is white, yet he chooses to hang out with the few black people. I've never seen him hanging out with the white people, making it seem like he goes out of his way to avoid them. Maybe he feels like he doesn't fit in with them. I don't know. He seems like a nice guy, though, but everybody seems that way in the beginning.

 

[cocoberry10]

I personally wouldn't date a guy who was "trying" to be what he "thought" another race was about.... He'd basically be a walking stereotype YUCK!!!!

I'm in complete agreement with this. Defer to my "Down Brother" White Boy Thread
http://www.longhaircareforum.com/showthread.php?t=162969

 

[divya]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

How do you know the man has an identity crisis?
How do you know he thinks he's black?
How do know what is or isn't regular for him?
Was he supposed to be hanging out with a groups of white guys?

Maybe he just had manners...and/or finds you attractive and understands how to treat a woman.

 

[Kurlee]

As long as he's not saying " yo shawwwwwwtyyyyy" and weqaring a g-unit t-shirt, i think u should be fine. He might just be comfortable with balck people or maybe hes interacted with some of the white people and doesn;'t care for thei personalities. I t could be so many things. U won't really know unless u become friends with him.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I dunno. It just seems that way to me. I don't think he has or wants universal appeal. 98% of the class is white, yet he chooses to hang out with the few black people. I've never seen him hanging out with the white people, making it seem like he goes out of his way to avoid them. Maybe he feels like he doesn't fit in with them. I don't know. He seems like a nice guy, though, but everybody seems that way in the beginning.

Well to tell you the truth MissJ, whether this guy is really putting on an act or not isn't really going to matter.

The point is...do YOU think he's putting on an act?? It seems like you're leaning towards this belief. And if so, then no amount of convincing on his part is going to make you think otherwise. In the back of your mind you will probably ALWAYS be thinking that it's all an "act". So I think that sadly (no matter how nice he is) you're best off not accepting this guys advances, because once there's speculation in any kind of relationship, it very rarely ever diminishes.

I will also add too that if this guy really IS putting on an act, because that's how he feels he needs to act in order to attract you (or other black women), then he needs to find some other women to be attracted to.

He should get with a woman (white or black) who can accept him for who or what he really is.

 

[MissJ]

How do you know the man has an identity crisis?
How do you know he thinks he's black?
How do know what is or isn't regular for him?
Was he supposed to be hanging out with a groups of white guys?

Maybe he just had manners...and/or finds you attractive and understands how to treat a woman.

I don't know that. Those are just some impressions that I've gotten, and above all it's just a topic of discussion for a message board. I'm not interested in him, and I could only know the answers to those questions if I asked. I don't think those are proper questions to ask anyone, though.

 

[chicacanella]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

*cringes* Your comment really caught me off guard and got me thinking, "I wonder if anyone ever thinks I suffer from an identitiy crisis and am trying to be white?" I mean, what would make you think he is trying to be black. I guess, thinking like this validates sooo many black people who accuse others of trying to be black because they speak properly.

 

[MissJ]

99.9% of my threads are sarcastic. Read into it what you will.

I was using this guy as an example, but maybe I should have used Eminem or somebody like that.

My question was: Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

 

[cocoberry10]

99.9% of my threads are sarcastic. Read into it what you will.

I was using this guy as an example, but maybe I should have used Eminem or somebody like that.

My question was: Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

Absolutely (to answer your question). There are white people with what I call "swagger" or "that urban edge" that you just feel so comfortable around (almost like another Black person). Famous examples of this are Paul Wall and Eminem. I've never thought they tried to "act Black" (whatever that means--what it means to me is someone who behaves in a way that they believe is "stereotypically Black"). There is a huge difference, IMO. See there's nothing wrong with appreciating hip hop music, or feeling an affinity towards Black people. But what these white people have to understand is that appreciating hip hop or urban culture is not the same as appreciating Black people.

BLACK PEOPLE ARE THE MOST DIVERSE PEOPLE!​

No, really we are. Look at us. Look at all the hair textures, hair color, eye color, skin complexions and phenotypes we have. We are hip hop artists and CEO's of major fortune 500 corporations. We are in the military, and we go to college. We are reggae artists and rock stars. Some of us like to ski. Some of us like to travel. Some of us will never leave our neighborhoods. Some of us can speak multiple languages, and some of us struggle to have a master command of the English language.

So, when a white person approaches me and speaks in "Ebonics" (or whatever you want to call it), my eyebrow is always going to be raised. Especially when that person does not speak to other White people that way, and this has been my personal experience with many of these "down brother" white people. They approach you with the whole "what up?" "how you doin'" vernacular, but they approach other white people with a "hello" "how are you doing today?" You don't know me, don't you dare assume that "we cool" or that I speak that way. And what makes me even more angry is when I answer them in proper tone and they continue to speak to me like that or they say "yeah shorty," or something similar. On the other hand, if someone speaks that way to everybody, then at least I can say they are consistent. But in my personal experience, this is rarely the case.

 

[Syrah]

First day of orientation, I was wondering where I was going to sit, and this guy pulled out a chair for me to sit at his table. He was white. I noticed his voice was little different. I thought, "Well, maybe he's just country."

Anyway, he hung around me for most of orientation. Always spoke when he saw me. He'd do things like let me get on the bus before he did, otherwise I'd probably be standing up on the bus. Anyway, it got kind of annoying like, "Why is he being so nice?" Then later I thought, "That's what I want, right? A gentleman after having been with Wave Cap Guy who was anything but that."

Whenever I would see the guy outside of class, he'd be with a group of black people. Then I figured it out. He's the white guy who identifies with blacks. That explains the voice and his inviting me to sit beside him before we even met. Anyway, not that he's asked me out or that I'm interested, but given this type of scenario, would you date a guy with an identity crisis like this?

Do you think there's a difference between dating just a regular white guy and a white guy who thinks he's black?

Hanging out with the black folks doesn't mean he thinks he's black - somehow I doubt that he checks "black" on the admission application box.

If we don't want people to say things like "____ talk black" and "_____ act black" then we've got to let go of this notion that all black people talk or act a certain way.

Maybe he was just being polite. Maybe he thinks you're a QT. Maybe he's trying to make some new friends while away at college. ...either way, he's a white dude. It's going to be different...and it can be a lot of fun and a great relationship.

Whether or not he thinks he's black - go for it. What have you got to lose?! Just look at it this way - at least this one has no reason to wear a wavecap.

 

[MissJ]

Ok, I don't mean "act black," "talk black," whatever literally. I don't know how else to describe it so that people undersand what I'm talking about. He speaks like a hybrid between Standard American English and Black Vernacular English.

I don't know about y'all, but I would not seek the services of a lawyer who exclusively speaks Ebonics, black or white. None of the black people in our class speak that way, anyway. I do but not often and not around my classmates.

He may not wear a wave cap (which I think is ridiculous and could not get over), but he does wear a backward baseball cap. I wanted to ask him if that's the new law school style.

I doubt if this guy was raised in a black household or whatever to have picked up Ebonics. I just think he acquired it on purpose. I won't know unless I ask, and of course I won't ask. You can say that a black person speaking proper English is acting white, but I don't see it that way at all. If a black person only spoke Ebonics or whatever, where would he or she be in this day and age? It's called conforming to the mainstream, not acting white. Oh yeah, and if a black person did not try to learn proper English, he or she may have failed a few grades in school.

I just find it odd that someone deliberately tries to adapt speech patterns native to the African-American oral tradition. For example:

I remember I had a friend in high school who was white; all our friends were white. She started dating this black guy who was the baby daddy of my grandparents' next door neighbor, i.e. a black guy. Well, one day she came to school and changed just like that. She knew Ebonics as well as I did, even had the intonation and everything down pat! Nobody said anything about it, but we were all like This went on for at least a year. Then one day she and Andrew got into an argument, and he called her out. He said that the only reason she's dating this black guy is because no white guy wanted her. I saw that girl while I was in college, and she was back to being as white as ever, even had a baby who was white, too.

Remember when Christina Aguilera was going through her Dirrrty phase, calling herself Xtina, kept getting darker and darker with that fake 'n' bake tan? She had even mysteriously acquired a "blaccent." I guess this was around the time she was sleeping with Dallas Austin and his boys (according to him). Now that she's married to Jordan, she's back to being her normal self.

I am saying I am wary of people who put on this type of front. What if they start being who they really are, and you don't even know who the heck that is? Am I the only person who's seen people do stuff like this?

 

[MissJ]

So, when a white person approaches me and speaks in "Ebonics" (or whatever you want to call it), my eyebrow is always going to be raised. Especially when that person does not speak to other White people that way, and this has been my personal experience with many of these "down brother" white people. They approach you with the whole "what up?" "how you doin'" vernacular, but they approach other white people with a "hello" "how are you doing today?" You don't know me, don't you dare assume that "we cool" or that I speak that way. And what makes me even more angry is when I answer them in proper tone and they continue to speak to me like that or they say "yeah shorty," or something similar. On the other hand, if someone speaks that way to everybody, then at least I can say they are consistent. But in my personal experience, this is rarely the case.

Okay, so someone gets what I'm saying. I don't think that's natural for this guy to speak this way. If I can describe it, he speaks somewhere between Ebonics and standard English. He's in an academic setting, so I think he's trying to speak well enough to be acceptable in a professional or academic world but Ebonic enough to get his agenda across. I don't think that's his normal way of speech. That's just the feeling I get.

 

[cocoberry10]

I totally understand where you are coming from and I'm PM'ing you now!

Ok, I don't mean "act black," "talk black," whatever literally. I don't know how else to describe it so that people undersand what I'm talking about. He speaks like a hybrid between Standard American English and Black Vernacular English.

I don't know about y'all, but I would not seek the services of a lawyer who exclusively speaks Ebonics, black or white. None of the black people in our class speak that way, anyway. I do but not often and not around my classmates.

He may not wear a wave cap (which I think is ridiculous and could not get over), but he does wear a backward baseball cap. I wanted to ask him if that's the new law school style.

I doubt if this guy was raised in a black household or whatever to have picked up Ebonics. I just think he acquired it on purpose. I won't know unless I ask, and of course I won't ask. You can say that a black person speaking proper English is acting white, but I don't see it that way at all. If a black person only spoke Ebonics or whatever, where would he or she be in this day and age? It's called conforming to the mainstream, not acting white. Oh yeah, and if a black person did not try to learn proper English, he or she may have failed a few grades in school.

I just find it odd that someone deliberately tries to adapt speech patterns native to the African-American oral tradition. For example:

I remember I had a friend in high school who was white, all our friends were white. She started dating this black guy who was the baby daddy of my grandparents' next door neighbor, i.e. a black guy. Well, one day she came to school and changed just like that. She knew Ebonics as well as I did, even had the intonation and everything down pat! Nobody said anything about it, but we were all like This went on for at least a year. Then one day she and Andrew got into an argument, and he called her. He said that the only reason she's dating this black guy is because no white guy wanted her. I saw that girl while I was in college, and she was back to being as white as ever, even had a baby who was white, too.

Remember when Christina Aguilera was going through her Dirrrty phase, calling herself Xtina, kept getting darker and darker with that fake 'n' bake tan? She had even mysteriously acquired a "blaccent." I guess this was around the time she was sleeping with Dallas Austin and his boys (according to him). Now that she's married to Jordan, she's back to being her normal self.

I am saying I am wary of people who put on this type of front. What if start being who they really are, and you don't even know who the heck that is? Am I the only person who's seen people do stuff like this?

 

[Maynard]

I know exactly what you are talking about...

No, I would not date him.

 

[MissJ]

Since someone brought up the wave cap comment, I have to add that this guy wears his hair in a fade.