A "Lesser Existence"

[Laela]

If I have to "allow" him do anything for a change, what's that saying?
I could be misunderstanding this, but that sounds like a man needs to get a break every now then so he can remember/ be reminded he's a man.. correct me if I'm wrong..

I see what you're saying there about strenghth in weakness... I agree. But if there's balance in a marriage, IMHO, there'll be no need for either spouse to have to prove anything.

There are men who have traditionally "feminine" roles at home, i.e. cooking/cleaning/babysitting and that won't make them any less of a man.

Doing the budget can be handled by the spouse who is better with numbers, and it's not necessarily always the man. It doesn't mean she's doesn't "need" him. Cooking is for whoeverso can, and that's not necessarily the woman. It's even optimal if both cook and share in the household chores. A man secure in his manhood wouldn't see his contributions to family life as doing the "woman's job" and same for the woman .... that perception means puts either spouse in the position to take action to assuage any feelings of inadequacy.

We're in this together shouldn't translate to: You Tarzan, Me Jane OR I am Woman, I am Invincible, I am Pooped. Both are extreme opposites.

Women who 'allow' their men to lead are indeed the strongest of all women.

Yes...'we' are. We're not afraid to 'trust'. We're not afraid to be who we are as women, whiich 'physically' we are weaker in comparison to men.

Why does any woman have to work so hard at proving that she is just as strong as any man and that anything he can do, she can do, not just also, but better. Hmmmmm, no trust.

We're stronger when we 'allow' ourselves to trust 'him' to be our 'man' all the way. If I take out the trash, I'm saying I don't trust him to do it. If I pay a bill, that he normally pays, I'm saying, I don't trust him to be responsible; ;and that I'm the strong one, not him.

 

[Aviah]

I agree Laela especially about household duties... Lord knows I cannot be chained to a house, and SO knows that for sure!

 

[momi]

If I have to "allow" him do anything for a change, what's that saying?
I could be misunderstanding this, but that sounds like a man needs to get a break every now then so he can remember/ be reminded he's a man.. correct me if I'm wrong..

I see what you're saying there about strenghth in weakness... I agree. But if there's balance in a marriage, IMHO, there'll be no need for either spouse to have to prove anything.

There are men who have traditionally "feminine" roles at home, i.e. cooking/cleaning/babysitting and that won't make them any less of a man.

Doing the budget can be handled by the spouse who is better with numbers, and it's not necessarily always the man. It doesn't mean she's doesn't "need" him. Cooking is for whoeverso can, and that's not necessarily the woman. It's even optimal if both cook and share in the household chores. A man secure in his manhood wouldn't see his contributions to family life as doing the "woman's job" and same for the woman .... that perception means puts either spouse in the position to take action to assuage any feelings of inadequacy.

We're in this together shouldn't translate to: You Tarzan, Me Jane OR I am Woman, I am Invincible, I am Pooped. Both are extreme opposites.

I can appreciate your opinion - I just respectfully disagree.

Titus 2:3-5
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

Why are older women instructed to "teach the younger women how to love their husbands?" It is because it does not come naturally for us. Sometimes ideals that seem logical to us are just not God's way that is why we have to be "taught" by someone who has been married for more than 5 minutes how to "love a man".

I am really grateful for this dialogue... maybe it will help someone avoid potential pitfalls early in their marriage. There were older women that shared advice like this early in my marriage. I looked at them like they were crazy. Now I understand exactly what they were talking about.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

e "protector" role [/B]anymore with the lack of fathers in the home. They rely on sterotypes rather than seeing how they can truly be the protector of their wives or girlfriends. In his example, men can be intemeidated by a woman making more money than he does. However, the modern man does not see that he can still take the lead and be the head and protector in that situation. .

I don't know if I agree with this because women have been in the workplace in large numbers since WWII. Not all men are raised in a fatherless home. That is very recent compared to past decades leading back to WWII. As far as the protector role, I think it's that they don't have full control. That is a big difference than "protecting." They can no longer control women under the law so now, they have to develop a different type of relationship with them, that of equality.

 

[SND411]

True... Very true. However, a True woman of God doesn't have to wear his pants, just to feel she is equal to him or any other man. Women today are sending signals loud and clear, that men are not 'needed' in their lives. A man should open the car door, it says, Let me help you; I care, I'm here to protect you, you are a treasure to me.

Scenerio: Man and his wife (his 'Lady') are in the car. He parks, gets out and continues on his own. On the other side, 'you're' left in the car; attempting to get out on your own, he's already left you sitting there.

Not good, not a nice way of showing his wife (his Lady) that she's worth waiting for.

Better: He gets out of car; walks to my side, opens the door, extends his hand to help me out of the car. Makes sure I have my handbag; he helps me drape my jacket or Pashima over my shoulders; we walk together into the restuarant or where it is we are visiting. He cares about keeping me safe.

What about unmarried women who feel this way?

 

[SND411]

I think I understand what Shimmmie and momi are saying now. I guess I was confusing it with "ego-stroking."

 

[Shimmie]

I can appreciate your opinion - I just respectfully disagree.

Titus 2:3-5
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

Why are older women instructed to "teach the younger women how to love their husbands?" It is because it does not come naturally for us. Sometimes ideals that seem logical to us are just not God's way that is why we have to be "taught" by someone who has been married for more than 5 minutes how to "love a man".

I am really grateful for this dialogue... maybe it will help someone avoid potential pitfalls early in their marriage.

There were older women that shared advice like this early in my marriage. I looked at them like they were crazy. Now I understand exactly what they were talking about.

I'm grateful for this dialogue as well.

I also thank God for the 'Mothers' of my Church who 'know'. It may seem little or trite, but when a woman steps in to do something, she's teaching her husband that he doesn't need to do these things. No matter how big or how small the 'issue' or task may be, it all adds up to what 'message' the woman is sending to the man in her life.

One thing we have to realize is that a 'woman' is the very first and primary teacher that a man has in his life from birth. Unless he was raised/reared by men only, a woman is his primary teacher. Whatever his mother 'allowed' is what she taught him. If he was allowed to leave his room a mess, and mom always cleaned it, he learned that he really didn't have to clean his room.

If he was allowed to disrespect his mother or his sisters, and was never corrected, than he was taught to disrespect 'all' women. And when 'wife' or 'girlfriend' comes along, whatever they allow, they are teaching him how to treat them.

 

[Shimmie]

What about unmarried women who feel this way?

They'll carry these feelings into their Marriage.

I'll be honest; at the drop of a hat, I have the power to do most anything that a man can do, from being financially sound; to plumbing, painting, moving furniture, buying a home, and fully taking good care of me and my children.

I've had to 'strong' all my life. Even as a pre-teenager taking care of my younger sisters, while my mother (who was divorced) had to work two jobs. I learned early to do it 'all'. So... yeah, I'm as strong of a woman as they come. I won't allow anyone to get over on me, no matter who they are.

But there's something about being a woman, that allows me to 'chill' out and allow a man to do these hard things and 'enjoy' it. It's God's gift to have the 'difference' of a real man in my life. There's nothing like it. All though I am able, I don't have to do it all. And it works because 'he' loves being strong in my life. I love him being strong. He's a man and there are distinct differences between us that God designed which are beautiful.

I understand what you are sharing and I agree with you as far as not being 'helpless'; I don't mean for any woman to be nor even 'act' helpless. But in a relationship we 'yield' from being overly independent of one another.

 

[Shimmie]

If I have to "allow" him do anything for a change, what's that saying?
I could be misunderstanding this, but that sounds like a man needs to get a break every now then so he can remember/ be reminded he's a man.. correct me if I'm wrong..

I see what you're saying there about strenghth in weakness... I agree. But if there's balance in a marriage, IMHO, there'll be no need for either spouse to have to prove anything.

There are men who have traditionally "feminine" roles at home, i.e. cooking/cleaning/babysitting and that won't make them any less of a man.

Doing the budget can be handled by the spouse who is better with numbers, and it's not necessarily always the man.

It doesn't mean she's doesn't "need" him. Cooking is for whoeverso can, and that's not necessarily the woman. It's even optimal if both cook and share in the household chores. A man secure in his manhood wouldn't see his contributions to family life as doing the "woman's job" and same for the woman .... that perception means puts either spouse in the position to take action to assuage any feelings of inadequacy.

We're in this together shouldn't translate to: You Tarzan, Me Jane OR I am Woman, I am Invincible, I am Pooped. Both are extreme opposites.

Hey Darlin...

My step-dad (God rest his soul ) always gave my mom his entire pay check...always. She was 'better' at handling finances, but also because he worked two jobs and he wasn't able to focus on this as easily as she could. So I understand what you mean by this.

Perhaps I can help you to understand what I mean in this thread. There are some women who simply have a 'take over' dispostion. They have the "don't need a man for nuthin' mentality. And rather than 'allow' him to treat her as a lady, she instead treats him like a child or not a man at all.

In today's era, women 'trust' ourselves more than they trust their men...and without giving him a chance to even 'succeed'. There are women who want to do and own it all; teaching men that they are not 'needed', so why even try to step up and be 'the man.'

Does that make better sense?

As for a man cooking for me...? I have absolutely no problem with that at all. As a matter of fact most of the men in my family are cooks and we love it.

 

[Shimmie]

I think the idea of how women need and want to be cared for has changed. Men are not adapting to modern day needs and are not being taught how they are needed by a modern woman. We need them to step up emotionally, not physically. However we are not communicating this. Men get a false sense of accomplishment and women are doing them a disservice by not letting them know how much and how they are needed.

I do need a man to step up, but not to empty the trash or open a jar. I need someone who is willing to put his emotional needs on hold if necessary to care for mine-just as I would do for him.

I was impressed by a pastor who was doing a seminar on how a man should care for his wife and he understood this.

He encouraged hugs for no reason at all, making sure that house hold headaches such as telemarketers or bill worries were exclusively his domain.

He told them to listen and comfort her when she came home from a hard day of work. That means so much more and provides for a deeper than keeping up gender roles.

dicapr...

As an 'unmarried' Christian woman, taking out the trash and opening a jar for me is 'quite' a hug...

I agree totally and completely with the bolded... and that's exactly what I've been getting to in my posts. Teaching our men that we 'need' them.

When a woman comes off as too independent, especially with the 'little things' (jars, trash, etc.) men are being 'pushed away', hence he doesn't 'sense' that he's even needed to express sensitive affections towards her as well. If she doesn't allow him to hold doors open for her, she's saying, I can take care of myself, even down to protecting the house from all sorts of evils.

The 'trash and the jars were just tiny examples of big seeds that 'strong women' plant and then complain because a wall of trees have cut them off from the affections which lie in the hearts of their husbands (or sweetheart).

Whatever we ask of our men, waters the seeds for them to give us 'more' of all the love they have to give.

We're saying, "Honey, I need you. He says, here I am.

Is it any different from 'asking' God our Father, even for the 'little things' in life. We are communicating to God that we 'need' Him in our lives in every aspect of in, no matter how big or how small.

Although our husbands are not God, they are still God's gift to us and if they do not feel we need them, they'll look for someone else who does. Even as women, we want to feel needed by the men we love. It's special and it's how love is intended to be; to love and to need each other. Not push each other away with our over independence. :Rose:

 

[Shimmie]

This is a wonderful thread topic and an excellent exchange of communication. It really is a blessing.

Aviah... special thanks to your 'Sweetheart' and you too.

 

[SND411]

They'll carry these feelings into their Marriage.

I'll be honest; at the drop of a hat, I have the power to do most anything that a man can do, from being financially sound; to plumbing, painting, moving furniture, buying a home, and fully taking good care of me and my children.

I've had to 'strong' all my life. Even as a pre-teenager taking care of my younger sisters, while my mother (who was divorced) had to work two jobs. I learned early to do it 'all'. So... yeah, I'm as strong of a woman as they come. I won't allow anyone to get over on me, no matter who they are.

But there's something about being a woman, that allows me to 'chill' out and allow a man to do these hard things and 'enjoy' it. It's God's gift to have the 'difference' of a real man in my life. There's nothing like it. All though I am able, I don't have to do it all. And it works because 'he' loves being strong in my life. I love him being strong. He's a man and there are distinct differences between us that God designed which are beautiful.

I understand what you are sharing and I agree with you as far as not being 'helpless'; I don't mean for any woman to be nor even 'act' helpless. But in a relationship we 'yield' from being overly independent of one another.

I guess I'm biased because I don't want to get married and I always feel I need to be independent.

 

[GV-NA-GI-TLV-GE-I]

I don't think that women and men should "need" the other in the way that we appear incompetent without the other. We complete each other spiritually. That doesn't mean that I need to be coy and apparently "childish" in order to show a man that I need him. What I need him for is to give love to. He can't complete me psychologically nor spiritually. I wish to share love, giving love and that emanates from G-d first. Holding doors is nice...but listening to me is more valuable.

 

[Aviah]

Thanks to you ladies also, I find this all very interesting myself. ITA that the way each woman wants to be cared for is different, for example, I do not mind getting out of the car alone. But love being pampered in other ways. I too, do not need a man to need me to feel worthy, but like when he asks me to help him with certain things too, so I guess it would mean more to a man to let me do the same.
Keep it coming ladies...
Its helped me see things differently

 

[momi]

I guess I'm biased because I don't want to get married and I always feel I need to be independent.

Hi Afri!

Do you feel God has set you apart for singleness?

I believe these principles can apply regardless of your marital state. Unmarried women can

1. Encourage holy living in the younger women.
2. Encourage men to pursue and marry because of the way they present themselves.
3. Embrace the sanctity of marriage by resisting inappropriate behavior from married men.

When I worked outside of the home I had to be very careful around men - because of the way I tend to carry myself men seemed to be drawn to me. Not in a lustful way, but in a "i wish my wife was more like you" way. While the comments may seem benign I would put myself in their spouses shoes. I would not want my husband to make comments like that about some other woman - so I was able to direct their thoughts and attention back to their own homes. How can you become a better husband/father? What can you do to encourage this type of behavior in your own household?

 

[Shimmie]

Thanks to you ladies also, I find this all very interesting myself.

ITA that the way each woman wants to be cared for is different, for example, I do not mind getting out of the car alone. But love being pampered in other ways.

I too, do not need a man to need me to feel worthy, but like when he asks me to help him with certain things too, so I guess it would mean more to a man to let me do the same.
Keep it coming ladies...
Its helped me see things differently

This is a VERY good thread topic Aviah...

@ the bolded, I agree, each woman is different in her needs and expectations in the relationships she shares.

I don't think any of us 'need' (neither are we in dire straits), to have a man to make us feel 'worthy', God has already done that for us in such a way that nothing in this life can be compared to it. He died for us; of God's own choosing, He chose to die for us and that along places our worth far and above any man.

I love what you shared about being 'pampered'. That's me all the way.

And I love when he asks me to do things for him as well. Thanks for bringing this up. This is a beautiful point that you've shared that I failed to mention. It works both ways, asking of one another in a relationship.

 

[Shimmie]

Hi Afri!

Do you feel God has set you apart for singleness?


I believe these principles can apply regardless of your marital state. Unmarried women can

1. Encourage holy living in the younger women.
2. Encourage men to pursue and marry because of the way they present themselves.
3. Embrace the sanctity of marriage by resisting inappropriate behavior from married men.

When I worked outside of the home I had to be very careful around men - because of the way I tend to carry myself men seemed to be drawn to me. Not in a lustful way, but in a "i wish my wife was more like you" way.

While the comments may seem benign I would put myself in their spouses shoes. I would not want my husband to make comments like that about some other woman - so I was able to direct their thoughts and attention back to their own homes.

How can you become a better husband/father? What can you do to encourage this type of behavior in your own household?

They were drawn to your light. :Rose:

@ the bolded... Pure Ministry.

 

[Shimmie]

I don't think that women and men should "need" the other in the way that we appear incompetent without the other. We complete each other spiritually.

That doesn't mean that I need to be coy and apparently "childish" in order to show a man that I need him. What I need him for is to give love to. He can't complete me psychologically nor spiritually. I wish to share love, giving love and that emanates from G-d first. Holding doors is nice...but listening to me is more valuable.

I agree with your entire post; bear in mind, that it's not about opening doors as a 'robot', he does so because he loves her even with the 'little things'. It may not 'seem' like much, but it speaks volumes about what a man truly feels about the woman in his life. :Rose:

 

[Shimmie]

I guess I'm biased because I don't want to get married and I always feel I need to be independent.

Bless your heart ...

You can still be independent. Afterall, none of us are helpless.

Look at it this way. Its' wonderful not having (key words: not having) to do it all by yourself. You're able to 'share' life together completely. It's not all on you. I love men who don't use their women as crutches. Men who step up to what they're supposed to do and not take advantage of the 'strong' in a woman. We have enough 'dead beats' walking the earth, as it is.

Plus:

When he 'opens' a jar, it saves your fingernails.

I respect how you feel. So don't mind me, I'm just enjoying being a Royal Princess. God knows, I'm tired of doing err' thang. I'm just resting and enjoying being pampered.

 

[Laela]

WHY DID MY POST ANSWERING MOMI GET DELETED?????

 

[Laela]

I'm not sure what you disagree with... but I appreciate your posting the Titus woman, being older and of more understanding teaching the younger ones.

There's also the Proverbs 31 Woman, who is also doing all she can to keep the household going. She's industrious, resourceful, a good neighbor, kind and of good character. This woman also has understanding... I'm still meditating on her because I believe that she can still exist today. Would the Proverbs 31 woman throw out the trash...? Maybe. ITA that time and experience yields knowledge and understanding, even in marriage. But it has to come from a woman of wisdom...Being married a long time is something I see at face value. Older sometimes is not always wiser.

If I had to get advice from a woman married 50-odd years who held on to her man despite him cheating on her, having out of wedlock children and even suffering some abuse and a woman married 20 years who has been happily married, husband never cheated on her and she's never been abused or treated like a doormat, there's no question whom I'd listen to.

I appreciate the dialogue as well. I'm not saying anyone is wrong or right, just seeing things from a different perspective.

I can appreciate your opinion - I just respectfully disagree.

Titus 2:3-5
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

Why are older women instructed to "teach the younger women how to love their husbands?" It is because it does not come naturally for us. Sometimes ideals that seem logical to us are just not God's way that is why we have to be "taught" by someone who has been married for more than 5 minutes how to "love a man".

I am really grateful for this dialogue... maybe it will help someone avoid potential pitfalls early in their marriage. There were older women that shared advice like this early in my marriage. I looked at them like they were crazy. Now I understand exactly what they were talking about.

I see where you and Momi are coming from: You both come from a perspective of understanding and awareness. But no two marriages are alike because there are individuals from different walks of life, with different life experiences who are developing a union over time that works for both of them. We can use the Bible as a guide, along with sage advice from older women who "know" on how to conduct ourselves as Christian men/women..but in the end I may not always agree that what worked for Mother Lewis will work for me in my marriage. This is why I believe a couple getting into the knowledge of their union should rely on and God and what works for them.

Momi mentioned earlier that she's sharing what works for her and her man...rightfully so.

I agree... and understand what you're saying little better. I don't think I'm being understood at all.

Hey Darlin...

My step-dad (God rest his soul ) always gave my mom his entire pay check...always. She was 'better' at handling finances, but also because he worked two jobs and he wasn't able to focus on this as easily as she could. So I understand what you mean by this.

Perhaps I can help you to understand what I mean in this thread. There are some women who simply have a 'take over' dispostion. They have the "don't need a man for nuthin' mentality. And rather than 'allow' him to treat her as a lady, she instead treats him like a child or not a man at all.

In today's era, women 'trust' ourselves more than they trust their men...and without giving him a chance to even 'succeed'. There are women who want to do and own it all; teaching men that they are not 'needed', so why even try to step up and be 'the man.'

Does that make better sense?

As for a man cooking for me...? I have absolutely no problem with that at all. As a matter of fact most of the men in my family are cooks and we love it.

 

[SND411]

Hi Afri!

Do you feel God has set you apart for singleness?

I believe these principles can apply regardless of your marital state. Unmarried women can

1. Encourage holy living in the younger women.
2. Encourage men to pursue and marry because of the way they present themselves.
3. Embrace the sanctity of marriage by resisting inappropriate behavior from married men.

When I worked outside of the home I had to be very careful around men - because of the way I tend to carry myself men seemed to be drawn to me. Not in a lustful way, but in a "i wish my wife was more like you" way. While the comments may seem benign I would put myself in their spouses shoes. I would not want my husband to make comments like that about some other woman - so I was able to direct their thoughts and attention back to their own homes. How can you become a better husband/father? What can you do to encourage this type of behavior in your own household?

Yeah, I do. But I will never tell my family.

And your list is exactly what I want to do. I think your advice is very sound and wise.

 

[Laela]

Shim,

I have to respectfully disagree with you on the bolded. .... perhaps I'm not understanding you. Women are nurturers by nature, so I can understand the mother being the primary teacher from birth...but where does the father come in in the teaching of the children in a two-parent household? Are you saying raising/teaching the children is soley the mother's responsibility??
How can I as the mother teach my son to be a man? What's the father's role?

What if mom allows the child to leave the room dirty but Dad won't have none of that..? Are you saying a child knows only what his mother teaches? Teaching should be the responsibility of both parents

I'm grateful for this dialogue as well.

I also thank God for the 'Mothers' of my Church who 'know'. It may seem little or trite, but when a woman steps in to do something, she's teaching her husband that he doesn't need to do these things. No matter how big or how small the 'issue' or task may be, it all adds up to what 'message' the woman is sending to the man in her life.

One thing we have to realize is that a 'woman' is the very first and primary teacher that a man has in his life from birth. Unless he was raised/reared by men only, a woman is his primary teacher. Whatever his mother 'allowed' is what she taught him. If he was allowed to leave his room a mess, and mom always cleaned it, he learned that he really didn't have to clean his room.

If he was allowed to disrespect his mother or his sisters, and was never corrected, than he was taught to disrespect 'all' women. And when 'wife' or 'girlfriend' comes along, whatever they allow, they are teaching him how to treat them.

 

[SND411]

Shim,

I have to respectfully disagree with you on the bolded. .... perhaps I'm not understanding you. Women are nurturers by nature, so I can understand the mother being the primary teacher from birth...but where does the father come in in the teaching of the children in a two-parent household? Are you saying raising/teaching the children is soley the mother's responsibility??
How can I as the mother teach my son to be a man? What's the father's role?

What if mom allows the child to leave the room dirty but Dad won't have none of that..? Are you saying a child knows only what his mother teaches?

I always thought that the same-sex parent was the most influential?

 

[Laela]

Then .... how can the mother have more influence on her son, if there's a father is in the household?

I always thought that the same-sex parent was the most influential?

 

[Shimmie]

Shim,

I have to respectfully disagree with you on the bolded. .... perhaps I'm not understanding you. Women are nurturers by nature, so I can understand the mother being the primary teacher from birth...but where does the father come in in the teaching of the children in a two-parent household?

Are you saying raising/teaching the children is soley the mother's responsibility??

How can I as the mother teach my son to be a man? What's the father's role?

What if mom allows the child to leave the room dirty but Dad won't have none of that..? Are you saying a child knows only what his mother teaches? Teaching should be the responsibility of both parents

@ the bolded... Oh no, not at all. It's definitely the responsibility of both mother and father.

Yet in life, it's the women that children spend more time with, be it "Mommie", Teacher, Day Care, School, grandmothers; even in Sunday School, the woman is the primary gender that children are with and learn from. The men are low on the scale in these life postions which affect our children, the women abound in presence. Daddie goes to work and Mommie stays home to care for the children. From the 'pottie to the classroom, it's a woman leading and instructing the children.

BTW: You're not mis-understood. It's just hard to communicate in forum text, that's all.

 

[Crown]

Thanks to you ladies also, I find this all very interesting myself. ITA that the way each woman wants to be cared for is different, for example, I do not mind getting out of the car alone. But love being pampered in other ways. I too, do not need a man to need me to feel worthy, but like when he asks me to help him with certain things too, so I guess it would mean more to a man to let me do the same.
Keep it coming ladies...
Its helped me see things differently

Agree!
Painting in the house is his duty!
But one day, I painted a room because he was too busy and asked to me if I can do it for him. I think that I did it better than him, the meticulous way (I would not say this to him). He greatly appreciate my help. But, it is his duty, not mine.

 

[Crown]

...

Titus 2:3-5
the older women likewise, that they be reverent in behavior, not slanderers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things— 4 that they admonish the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be discreet, chaste, homemakers, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be blasphemed

Why are older women instructed to "teach the younger women how to love their husbands?" It is because it does not come naturally for us. Sometimes ideals that seem logical to us are just not God's way that is why we have to be "taught" by someone who has been married for more than 5 minutes how to "love a man".

I am really grateful for this dialogue... maybe it will help someone avoid potential pitfalls early in their marriage. There were older women that shared advice like this early in my marriage. I looked at them like they were crazy. Now I understand exactly what they were talking about.

Although our husbands are not God, they are still God's gift to us and if they do not feel we need them, they'll look for someone else who does. Even as women, we want to feel needed by the men we love. It's special and it's how love is intended to be; to love and to need each other. Not push each other away with our over independence. :Rose:

Yes, we are seeking the truth as Christian women.

1Pet. 3.4 But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price. 3.5 For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands: 3.6 Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement.

 

[Laela]

I understand the bolded, Shimmie, I hear you..

however... today we have Mr. Moms.

But more importantly, when God is the head of a household, I believe it's the primary responsibility of the father to teach the children in the way they should go according to the Word. The mother as help-meet, under the direction of the father. So, I disagree that a father's value in instruction carries little weight.

Ephesians 6 instructs Fathers on their role in child-rearing and teaching:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

This should go beyond just teaching Scripture...his life is the instruction. He leads/teaches by example. He doesn't have to sit a child down and say OK son..you must do this, do that. How he conducts himself at home, in church, outside the home, are all lessons that have a lot of influence and impact on his children's lives.

While I do believe the principle that it takes a village, society has strayed so far from what's good and Godly, that parents today have to be vigilant of who is spending time with their children and educate themselves on the daycare and the men and women who will be caring for their children while they are at work. Albeit, there are more women than men in daycares and schools, they are there as well.

@ the bolded... Oh no, not at all. It's definitely the responsibility of both mother and father.

Yet in life, it's the women that children spend more time with, be it "Mommie", Teacher, Day Care, School, grandmothers; even in Sunday School, the woman is the primary gender that children are with and learn from. The men are low on the scale in these life postions which affect our children, the women abound in presence. Daddie goes to work and Mommie stays home to care for the children. From the 'pottie to the classroom, it's a woman leading and instructing the children.

BTW:

 

[Shimmie]

I understand the bolded, Shimmie, I hear you..

however... today we have Mr. Moms.

But more importantly, when God is the head of a household, I believe it's the primary responsibility of the father to teach the children in the way they should go according to the Word.

The mother as help-meet, under the direction of the father. So, I disagree that a father's value in instruction carries little weight.

Ephesians 6 instructs Fathers on their role in child-rearing and teaching:
Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

This should go beyond just teaching Scripture...his life is the instruction. He leads/teaches by example. He doesn't have to sit a child down and say OK son..you must do this, do that. How he conducts himself at home, in church, outside the home, are all lessons that have a lot of influence and impact on his children's lives.

While I do believe the principle that it takes a village, society has strayed so far from what's good and Godly, that parents today have to be vigilant of who is spending time with their children and educate themselves on the daycare and the men and women who will be caring for their children while they are at work.

Albeit, there are more women than men in daycares and schools, they are there as well.

Excellent word! Totally agreed!

Laela, you are truly ministering here, .. We indeed have to have 'rule' over those who teach our children outside of our homes. We literally 'annoint' our children before going to school and in Day Care because we believe in binding those spirits 'that be', from having negative influences over our children.

Spirits compete. They compete against each other and most definitely against the Spirit of God. And you can believe that there are spirits out there trying to subdue what we, at home, are teaching our children in Godliness. We pray against the spirits of their peers as well, for we have no clue what their friends are coming to school and sharing with them and the undo influence that it has over our children.