A Horrible Revelation, Talk or Just Leave? (semi-long)

[Tee]

Whoops! You know, I'm just not fast enough with it. I did try one time relaxing one side, neutralizing and conditioning (while the other side was covered) and then doing the other side. This seemed to go better, but I still need to work on it. I also need to do a better job of basing my scalp.

Finally picked myself up off the floor after reading about those 4 inches.
I hope you are find a solution that works best for you.

(I will travel to a good beautician too!!)

 

[MyAngelEyez~C~U]

Tulsa? That's only 3 or so hours away from me (in Dallas) right? There was a time when I seriously considered driving to Austin (3 hours away) for every retouch to let my college hairstylist do it. She was the absolute greatest.

I think it would be worth it for a good hair experience! Make the trek to Austin...you could even make a weekend of it, with planning, kinda do a spa/self-care weekend!

 

[Ivy Santolina]

Congratulations on figuring out the cause of the problem. You've gotten some really good advice. I don't disagree with anyone. So here's my $0.02. You already told her how you wanted her to care for your hair and it sounds like she didn't take you seriously. It's probably because she thinks she knows better since she has the license and you don't. I personally would choose the health of my hair over her and sever professional ties with her. If she asks why then be honest and tell her. If she doesn't like (ETA: appreciate) your explanation then she shouldn't have asked. Let go and let God.

 

[ebonimama]

No more talking!!! One word or a thousand is not going to change her hair practices. Your hair is more important than the relationship you have with this person. Leave and let it be.

 

[Firefly]

I understand your relationship with your stylist is important and you seem to like the way she relaxes your hair (i think), so my suggestion is to do what I did. I let my stylist detangle my hair twice...the 1st time she was rough and I explained to her what to do....the 2nd time she was more gentle but it still wasn't to my standards. I then explained how very, very important my hair is to me, what I'm trying to accomplish and then I asked her if she would be affended if I detangled my own hair. She had no problem with this so that is what I do. Eventually, I'm sure she'll get the hang of what I'm talking about after she's watched me do it for a while and then I'll give her another chance to get it right. If she pays attention and does it correctly, all will be good, if not, I'll find another stylist who will and then she'll really understand how serious I am about my hair. This way I feel that I've given it my all to salvage the relationship but I won't feel guilty about walking away. If your stylist doesn't want to understand your relationship with your hair then she she find another line of work.

 

[MrsQueeny]

I agree with Q, if she's a friend, I'd have a real talk with her and let her know how I feel and my current stance on the whole situation. Point out the fact that you've asked her to do things the way you prefer previously and how u felt she ignored your requests. I wouldn't just leave without saying anything. Not everyone that does things we don't agree with is a hater (not saying u said that). Sometimes we give these stylists too much power. We sit there, let them do something we don't agree with then wait til we get to the board to vent. We're all adults with the ability and capacity to speak up for OUR hair and since u deal with it everyday, can't no stylist tell u what's best for you and yours. I wish I would sit there like a mute while someone is rippin thru hair I take care of meticulously. If she's really a friend-nah, bump that-if she's a real PROFESSIONAL, she'll respect your requests and make changes. If not then it's time to move on.

Hopefully I don't sound too harsh, I'm just really passionate about women being empowered to do what's right for them and their hair. Y'all let's quit trying to spare feelings and let our hair suffer! Check that ish straight away!

You and I are -><- here. I agree SG, you should def say something esp if you like the work she does for the most part. You may be able to have everything you want by simply speaking up. Q

 

[MissLawyerLady]

Supergirl,

Thanks for posting your experience because I've been wondering why my hair seems thinner at the ends the longer it gets. I know that the ends are oldest and can be thinner that the hair at the roots, but I do think my stylist, much like yours, is somewhat rough when she detangles. Wow, it's a shame that only going to my stylist once every 8 weeks can have a negative impact and it's not even the chemical that's the problem...my stylist gives a fabulous relaxer .... but the comb out...

I have her put my Lacio on and bring my huge comb for her to use.
The longer my hair gets (I'm only APL) the more carefully she detangles now, but she's still a little heavy handed.

If I were you I would detangle my own hair in front of your stylist and then let her continue on with the rest of the salon service after that. If she tripped over that, then I'd leave and find someone else.

 

[ElizaBlue]

I had a stylist like this once. I told him about being too rough and he had the audacity to tell me that healthy hair can be combed that way. Therefore what he proposed was to cut off about 7 inches then he could comb my then would be afro like he wanted to. erplexed

I haven't been back since.

 

[Patricia]

Me personally I would get a recommendation of another good stylist. I would tell her I'm going to let _________do my touch up. I would let her know my hair is thinning and you will switch up to see whats going on. but thats just me! Let us know what you decide to do.

 

[Supergirl]

Just a tip, if you do want to try and self-relax. Do it in sections...I part my head ear to ear, texlax the front, shampoo 3-4 times, slather it in conditioner, then texlax the back section, shampoo 3-4 times, cover it in conditioner, then rinse, and then deep condition under the dryer. It takes longer but the results are worth it.

I think I'm going to go for something like that.--doing one side first then neutralizing & then the other

 

[Supergirl]

I think it would be worth it for a good hair experience! Make the trek to Austin...you could even make a weekend of it, with planning, kinda do a spa/self-care weekend!

Oh I called a couple of years ago! She has relocated to another state.

 

[Solitude]

I had this issue recently. The stylist used a fine tooth comb & was a little rough. When I went back, I explained to the stylist that I was trying to grow my hair out & brought a wide tooth comb with me. I asked her to use it & watched her reaction carefully. She wasn't offended at all. She used the comb & we had a long conversation about healthy hair, stretching, etc. I wouldn't give up on a good stylist for only 1 thing.

 

[LovelyLionessa]

Supergirl, I recommend you keep her as a friend, lose her as a stylist. Believe me you can definitely get self relaxing down. Have a family member help you (my DH helps me do mine. ) As someone mentioned practice with conditioner, cholesterol mimics relaxer really well. Otherwise, perhaps you can get a great rec on a stylist from someone here.

I've been down that road with stylists and never again. I know it's a toughie since it's also a friend/church sister. But honey, your hair is your glory, don't let nobody mess that up!

 

[Supergirl]

Supergirl, I recommend you keep her as a friend, lose her as a stylist. Believe me you can definitely get self relaxing down. Have a family member help you (my DH helps me do mine. ) As someone mentioned practice with conditioner, cholesterol mimics relaxer really well. Otherwise, perhaps you can get a great rec on a stylist from someone here.

I've been down that road with stylists and never again. I know it's a toughie since it's also a friend/church sister. But honey, your hair is your glory, don't let nobody mess that up!

I was just about to PM you and ask for tips on self-relaxing. But then I come in here and see your tip! So what exactly do you get hubby to do?

 

[fivetimestwo]

Good Morning Hair Buddies,



This morning when this hit me, I thought about how my ends even at 18 weeks post-relaxer looked pretty good before I went into the salon. I wouldn't think that hair could be damaged in a matter of seconds but now I know that it can happen.

So the advice I need this morning: I have a 2 year relationship with this stylist. She goes to my church as well. Should I try communicating with her about this or just leave without talking?

I thought the same thing until recently when I lost almost an inch of hair.

I personally would talk to her and let her know that you do really like her as a person, but if she cannot respect how you want her to handle your hair then you will have to move on and not let her touch your hair anymore. As long as it's put tactfully, she should have no problems following the instructions you give her.

 

[Jetblackhair]

Maybe after she relaxes your hair, you can do the comb out/detangling yourself? I use to be so tender headed when I went to the salon that sometimes I just said I will do the comb out. My stylist didn't mind, in fact, it gave her more time to work on someone's hair while I did my comb out.

 

[LovelyLionessa]

I was just about to PM you and ask for tips on self-relaxing. But then I come in here and see your tip! So what exactly do you get hubby to do?

We work together simultaneously. He does the back and crown areas, I do the hairline, and sides. Practice with cholesterol to get the timing down. Also use these brushes from Sally's, they're great.

We apply the relaxer and then smooth. Be sure to apply conditioner to your previously relaxed ends to protect from overprocessing and relaxer run off. I apply oil to my scalp and Vaseline near my hairline as protectants. I rinse out the relaxer, apply a conditioner with protein for a few minutes, rinse, then neutralize like mad. I do several lathers, and leave one of the final lathers on for 5 minutes. Then I rinse and do another lather just for good measure.