4b's rejoice!! Now you TOO can get curl definition like the rest!! YAY!

[Lexib]

That must STINK to have to deal with those feelings on a daily basis! The fact that you will NEVER be able to attain what you want naturally . Sorry you feel that way!

Ughhh, really? No, it doesn't stink because it's not that serious. Just because I'd prefer my hair one way doesn't mean that the idea consumes my soul and I spend all day everyday hoping and praying that it'll happen. It also doesn't mean that I don't like and appreciate the hair that I have. Come on now.

There are plenty of 4bers that wash and airdry....

Of course there are. I only said that I can't do it and end up with a style that I happen to like enough to wear to work. Just preferences again...


Wow. Ok, going to get a glass of Merlot and call it a night. Way too much e-drama for one day.

 

[CocoGlow]

I see the trend here on LHCF as far as compliments go:

One w/ 4B hair usually has to have long hair to get the oohs & aahs when they post pics as opposed to someone w/ 1/2 inch type 3/4A hair getting oohs and aahs about the "pretty, awesome, lovely, gorgeous, fabulous, amazing, shiny curls/coils"

If one has 1/2 inch 4B hair they'd be fortunate to get 2 pages of congratulations for the BC whereas the 3BC/4A girl w/ 1/2 inch would get at least 5 pages of congratulations, compliments, threats of e-stalking!

Honestly I too am amazed and can't wait for the long haired 4B poster to state their regimen & the more pics the better b/c it is more RARE to see a long-haired 4B (without locs) than a long haired 3BC/4A (I saw this everyday in Spanish Harlem)

So from what I have gathered is that if you have type 3/4A hair that is 1/2 inch or 30inches, you will get countless admirers on LHCF ... and if you have 1/2 inch 4B hair don't expect a parade until your hair reaches at least APL ... just what I have observed

 

[AfroKink]

So, how do you feel about the 5-million posts with people complimenting people's puffs? Aren't those just ponytails/ pulled back hair? I'm confused. Why does it bother you for a type-3 to get a compliment?

It doesn't bother me that a type 3 gets complimented. If someone has a nice style, then their style is nice. If someone has nice curls or waves... then they have nice curls or waves. The issue is not that type 3s get complimented because nice hair should be appreciated. The issue is that 4bs do not get complimented as often or in the same way. When people compliment on puffs they compliment mostly on a) the size and b) the waves in the front. So while you may see 5 million "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv them waves in the front!" how often do you see "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv the stretched dullness in the front!"

(The thread took off since I've been MIA. I haven't actually read the last 4 pages, but I saw that I was quoted so I'm responding)

 

[song_of_serenity]

It doesn't bother me that a type 3 gets complimented. If someone has a nice style, then their style is nice. If someone has nice curls or waves... then they have nice curls or waves. The issue is not that type 3s get complimented because nice hair should be appreciated. The issue is that 4bs do not get complimented as often or in the same way. When people compliment on puffs they compliment mostly on a) the size and b) the waves in the front. So while you may see 5 million "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv them waves in the front!" how often do you see "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv the stretched dullness in the front!"

(The thread took off since I've been MIA. I haven't actually read the last 4 pages, but I saw that I was quoted so I'm responding)

Why would anyone say that? They're complimenting the lovely aspects of a puff: the waves, the size of the hair, the thickness...

Why WOULD A 4b get complimented the SAME as a 3 when their hair is DIFFERENT?! You compliment different aspects of different hair because it's DIFFERENT! You want me to say "Oooh, girl, love them curls and how your hair just HANGS over your shoulder" when it doesn't? So I'm going to say "Wow, your waves are gorgeous and look at the lushness of your puff, it's like a huge halo!"

I do agree, though in the oftenness of it. DEFINITELY!!

But we can't compliment a 3a, for example saying "Wow, I love the way your puff!" looks when it's a hanging pony tail of mostly waves and a few curls. So each has their own!

 

[AfroKink]

Why would anyone say that? They're complimenting the lovely aspects of a puff: the waves, the size of the hair, the thickness...

Why WOULD A 4b get complimented the SAME as a 3 when their hair is DIFFERENT?! You compliment different aspects of different hair because it's DIFFERENT! You want me to say "Oooh, girl, love them curls and how your hair just HANGS over your shoulder" when it doesn't? So I'm going to say "Wow, your waves are gorgeous and look at the lushness of your puff, it's like a huge halo!"

I do agree, though in the oftenness of it. DEFINITELY!!

But we can't compliment a 3a, for example saying "Wow, I love the way your puff!" looks when it's a hanging pony tail of mostly waves and a few curls. So each has their own!

It took my a long time to figure out what to type in there, couldnt come up with a good descriptor. And of course I would expect a 4b and a 3b to necessarily get complimented using the exact same words. But why not get complimented for the same qualities? A person has waves because she has curlier hair. Complimenting the waves in complimenting the texture. When you pull naps/kinks into a puff you get stretched dullness. Are 4b puffs not as pretty because they lack waves and shine? Is there still something there worth complimenting? What I was trying to get at (and apparently failed) was that 4bs are not complimented for the texture of their hair to the same degrees.

SOS, my questions are rhetorical and not directed at you

ETA: On further thought. The better descriptor would have been sheen. "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv the healthy sheen in the front!" I use to see sheen talked about on NP.com but not over here as much.

 

[Nonie]

It took my a long time to figure out what to type in there, couldnt come up with a good descriptor. And of course I would expect a 4b and a 3b to necessarily get complimented using the exact same words. But why not get complimented for the same qualities? A person has waves because she has curlier hair. Complimenting the waves in complimenting the texture. When you pull naps/kinks into a puff you get stretched dullness. Are 4b puffs not as pretty because they lack waves and shine? Is there still something there worth complimenting? What I was trying to get at (and apparently failed) was that 4bs are not complimented for the texture of their hair to the same degrees.

SOS, my questions are rhetorical and not directed at you

I will answer for myself. I love neat hair. I don't care for hair that doesn't look groomed. I don't think I've ever been obsessed with waves or pointed them out to someone while giving them a compliment about their hair, but I might've called a bun "ballerina neat" because tidiness just appeals to me.

I will point out shine, but I will not point out dullness because it's just silly, to me, to do so. My hair is dull and it doesn't bother me one bit. I have never even thought to apply anything to add sheen to it. In fact, I think if I did apply anything like that, it'd look as if I had snail slime on it and maybe stiff like a helmet. But as much as I don't mind my dullness, I have never heard "dullness" used a as a compliment in any context whatsoever so I'd not point it out on someone's head. Not when there's so much more I can say about a style I appreciate that is complimentary.

Now I see a lot of people wearing styles that make no sense to me, nor appeal to me at all. That some people actually thought the mess a stylist did on my head was cute, when I honestly think it looked as ugly as poop, kinda give you an idea of how different my taste of what's nice is from that of others. I know "making coils pop" is a big deal, but I tend to only appreciate seeing it on hair that is long enough for the look to be "orderly" and neat. Hair looking as if someone just woke up and didn't comb her hair is not cute to me, so I tend to keep my comments to myself. WNGs on a very TWA, regardless of type, tend to look scalpy and remind me of hair that has not been combed. The sort of hair you'd see on people who haven't comb their hair like these street children. However, I LOVED how Solange's hair looked. She's probably 4A or 3C/4A...but her hair is so pretty to me! I think the difference is she looks like she ran a brush through it, so while there's no mistaking the coils in it, there's also no question about whether she groomed it. Curly hair separates into coils if short and leaving it that way just isn't cute to me. Like I loathed JayZ's hair here. It's not like it's impossible to groom it coz he did it here. Otherwise, he could just keep it short like we do back home when we can't be bothered to comb our hair...and don't want to be mistaken for crazy. :crazy:

Also I am a huge fan of Bernie Mac afros. I even love attempts at them that don't really form a perfect circle. But when it looks like someone undid braids and just pulled at the hair or just didn't even bother doing a thing...erplexed Eg: I love the puff of the first girl on this page...but her other do, me-no-likey. Looks like she forgot her comb and after undoing her hair just pulled at her hair in different parts. I like all the other looks on that page, but not so much the dude's locs. I like neat locs. And I like uniform twist-outs or braid-outs that have some type of order and that have the same wave throughout. I think the best way to put it is I like a hairstyle not to betray how it was created eg, no big gaping spaces that tells me you just undid braids and didn't comb. I think that's kinda why I hate how a Curlformer set on my natural hair cannot be separated out of the "tube look" . It reminds me of taking out rollers and walking around with gaps in your head letting everyone know you wore rollers last night.

An example of a natural type 4 head whose hairstyles I have loved from the beginning is Mandy4610 Even her cornrow out Pic#8 in the January '09- March '09 album is so uniform and thus so pretty to me. I think in her albums there are only about 5 or so hairstyles I didn't really like but otherwise, she sho knows how to work type 4 hair in ways that make me smile.

Texture has never been a determiner for me of what hair looks good, so I give praise where I see it is deserved according to what I like and I do it sincerely without any bias. Plus some styles are I think an "acquired taste" coz very rarely do I find finger coils cute. Now if they look like a straw set and all uniform and orderly, I love love love. But that mess that stylist did on my hair, ermm... :no comment: If hair looks soft, I will compliment that because I do love soft hair. I keep singing praises of my mom's hair after S Curl coz it truly was as soft as it looks.

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

Whew, girl! it got deep up in here!!

DEAR GOD..... PLEASE REVOKE MY MEMBERSHIP

 

[tHENATuRALhAiRpRoJEcT]

I am only one opinion

but i feel the hair typing....complimenting.....oooogling

is the same as when we were young.....everybody CLAIMED TO HAVE INDIAN IN THEM. y? the hair! that "desirable" good hair!! THAT SAME TYPE 3 HAIR <<< that ladies are mentioning receive all the praise, ooohhhhhsss & aaaahhhhhsss

 

[prettybyrd]

DEAR GOD..... PLEASE REVOKE MY MEMBERSHIP

 

[coolsista-paris]

well, i couldn't watch till the end. just talking to much "my hair htis and that"... she should get a relaxer and stop complaining about her hair texture. ahhh

 

[RawsomeRed]

Hi All,

I started transitioning to my natural texture from years of pressing last summer. I've always known that I have nappy hair. As a child growing up I was often reminded by family members, and stylists that I had nappy hair - oh and did I mention IT WAS RED?!
Anyway, I digress. So after a decade of pressing and simultaneously wishing that I could end my enslavement to straight hair, salon visits, and flat irons I decided to embark on the journey of getting to know, accept, and hopefully one day love my natural hair.

I'm sure I don't have to tell any of you that it is definitely a journey. As much as I have learned to embrace and accept my natural texture, I have to admit that I still struggle with the love part. I'm sorry Ms. FuzzyFantabulous (that's what I've named my hair) but I have to be honest.
Anyway since I'm transitioning and thus dealing with two different textures I feel quite limited when it comes to styles - so I've just been wearing a bun for the past 9 months. Well yesterday the monotony (and the constant frizz) really got to me so I decided to experiment. I hopped in the shower, washed, DC'd and detangled my hair and then started to shingle on the Miss Jessie's Curly Pudding - let me tell you it was not long before I realized that the experiment would not end well. I applied goo gobs of the purple concoction and used my denman to brush and define for all of 5 minutes when I came to my senses and decided to wash that stuff out of my hair.

Maybe I could have gotten some defined coils out of it had I put in another hour or so but part of my reason for going natural in the first place was to STOP BEING A SLAVE TO MY HAIR and learn to love my hair's natural characteristics. This is easier said than done. I think most of us have absorbed the negative connotations that come along with having nappy hair. It starts at birth from those closest to us, those who take care of us, love us, those that we admire and look up to - how could we not absorb some of their self hatred. It's hard to fight against. But I AM FIGHTING AGAINST IT AND I WILL LOVE MY NATURAL HAIR - one day. I will deprogram myself from my ignorant views that were bestowed upon me as a child. I'm not justifying the words that the woman used in the video to describe her hair as being right but I do understand how she got there. I watched her video and felt very sad for her that she's still in that mind space but I also felt shame because it is true that given the choice I would choose not to have 4b hair.

All I can is that I will continue to work on myself and my growth and hope that one day I can stop fighting against what GOD has blessed me with and maybe she will too.

Thanks for reading. I usually just lurk on this site and drool at everyone's beautiful hair, but today I just needed to vent a little.

 

[Poohbear]

I don't worry about how many comments I get on my hair pictures compared to someone else with a looser hair texture or longer hair length than me. I love my hair the way it is and could care less about what anyone else thinks about it. If I start a thread about my hair progress, I would be content whether I have 1 page or 10 pages or more of comments. So-be-it. Life moves on. People will always have their own opinions, preferences, and levels of attractiveness and beauty to their own eyes.

 

[detroitdiva]

I've seen this vid before. As a 4b, I know how difficult it is to achieve the beautiful bouncy curls you see other girls with. I don't think she was hating herself, I think she was just sharing her own opinion about her hair type. If you're not a 4b, you will never know how it feels to have a twistout one hour and the next hour later, your hair is a total frizz n puff ball.

It can be very frustrating. Being a natural 4b, you must be in tune with yourself. You have to realize that your hair type has its good points and its difficult points and you must learn to embrace them all. I enjoyed her method for achieving curls, even though its not for me. But another 4b sister may come alone and watch this video as inspiration, not self hatred.

 

[Poohbear]

I just peeped some of her videos. I also saw her youtube profile and was surprised that she was 36 years old. But raking gel through your hair for 4-5 hours is not worth it.

It looks like she combs out her texture after washing and that's why she has a cottony poofy fro which isn't bad at all.

She could definitely work with her own hair texture. It's beautiful the way it is. She could do a modified version of this beautiful fro:

 

[Solitude]

I see the trend here on LHCF as far as compliments go:

One w/ 4B hair usually has to have long hair to get the oohs & aahs when they post pics as opposed to someone w/ 1/2 inch type 3/4A hair getting oohs and aahs about the "pretty, awesome, lovely, gorgeous, fabulous, amazing, shiny curls/coils"

If one has 1/2 inch 4B hair they'd be fortunate to get 2 pages of congratulations for the BC whereas the 3BC/4A girl w/ 1/2 inch would get at least 5 pages of congratulations, compliments, threats of e-stalking!

Honestly I too am amazed and can't wait for the long haired 4B poster to state their regimen & the more pics the better b/c it is more RARE to see a long-haired 4B (without locs) than a long haired 3BC/4A (I saw this everyday in Spanish Harlem)

So from what I have gathered is that if you have type 3/4A hair that is 1/2 inch or 30inches, you will get countless admirers on LHCF ... and if you have 1/2 inch 4B hair don't expect a parade until your hair reaches at least APL ... just what I have observed

I respectfully disagree & I never knew the compliments were being analyzed to this degree . I think TWAs are cute, and I always say something to encourage ladies who BC. Always.

But, yes, I am more impressed by PROGRESS threads. This is a long hair care board, so of course people get more excited by long hair than short hair, or about hair that has grown several inches longer as opposed to hair that has been cut off! I don't think it has anything to do with texture.

Since we're being real about it, I don't see why EVERYONE's hair is supposed to beautiful. By example, I don't have beautiful skin. Some women have flawless skin and they get compliments. I don't. Oh well . I have a 5-step nightly skin regimen and it's not because I hate myself . I just focus on keeping my skin healthy and as clear as possible, but I've accepted that I'm never going to be a spokesperson for Clean & Clear. Likewise, no matter the texture & curl pattern, not every single person's hair is going to be gorgeous in the eyes of others.

It doesn't bother me that a type 3 gets complimented. If someone has a nice style, then their style is nice. If someone has nice curls or waves... then they have nice curls or waves. The issue is not that type 3s get complimented because nice hair should be appreciated. The issue is that 4bs do not get complimented as often or in the same way. When people compliment on puffs they compliment mostly on a) the size and b) the waves in the front. So while you may see 5 million "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv them waves in the front!" how often do you see "OH EMM GEEE you're puff is so cute, luv the stretched dullness in the front!"

(The thread took off since I've been MIA. I haven't actually read the last 4 pages, but I saw that I was quoted so I'm responding)

Thanks for responding.

I don't worry about how many comments I get on my hair pictures compared to someone else with a looser hair texture or longer hair length than me. I love my hair the way it is and could care less about what anyone else thinks about it. If I start a thread about my hair progress, I would be content whether I have 1 page or 10 pages or more of comments. So-be-it. Life moves on. People will always have their own opinions, preferences, and levels of attractiveness and beauty to their own eyes.

Exactly. I started a thread once about my positive experience and progress with Dom blowouts. The thread had plenty of pics. Some people told me my hair looked nice. Others said I would have had more progress without the use of heat. I appreciated all the feedback and honestly didn't ever think it was THAT serious. I was happy with my hair, and was just sharing so it really didn't matter.

 

[CocoGlow]

I respectfully disagree & I never knew the compliments were being analyzed to this degree . I think TWAs are cute, and I always say something to encourage ladies who BC. Always.

But, yes, I am more impressed by PROGRESS threads. This is a long hair care board, so of course people get more excited by long hair than short hair, or about hair that has grown several inches longer as opposed to hair that has been cut off! I don't think it has anything to do with texture.

Since we're being real about it, I don't see why EVERYONE's hair is supposed to beautiful. By example, I don't have beautiful skin. Some women have flawless skin and they get compliments. I don't. Oh well . I have a 5-step nightly skin regimen and it's not because I hate myself . I just focus on keeping my skin healthy and as clear as possible, but I've accepted that I'm never going to be a spokesperson for Clean & Clear. Likewise, no matter the texture & curl pattern, not every single person's hair is going to be gorgeous in the eyes of others.

You're right, beauty is in the eye of the beholder and everyone will not think every single person on this forum has gorgeous hair!

Also this is the LONG hair Care Forum so I expect more raves for long hair pics of ALL textures .. that's the inspiration we love!

My only point was the pics of girls w/ 3BC/4A that are not even long will get more raves than a 4B.. that's all

We cannot assume that just b/c a lot of us have gone natural that we are all instantly going to embrace ALL textures, even the ones that have historically been considered the "worst" or "bad" texture ... this is reflected in the obsession w/ defined/clumped coils ...

Soooo may women do the BC and are either disappointed that they don't see defined coils/curls or are relieved that they do ... this is a result of the brainwashing that a lot of us have endured since childhood and since going natural is already a huge step out of the norm for so many black women, the fear of having the dreaded "bad" 4B hair proves to be too overwhelming for some...

I cannot count how many times I've read statements that sound like:

"I did the BC and didn't see any defined coils at first and I was scared and was about to go back to the relaxer, but now that my hair has grown I see curl definition, my hair has these pretty shiny coils all over and NOW I love my hair!"

OR

" I did the BC and was expecting to see shiny coils all over, but my hair won't clump no matter what I do so I relaxed those napps!" ..

Now granted a lot of this ^ has to do w/ assuming 4B hair is unmanageable and that the chemicals are the key to "fixing" that "problem" but the appearance of defined coils and a looser texture plays a big role in what a lot of people think is attractive...

No I don't sit on my computer all day and tally up the amount of compliments or thanks on big chop or progress pics threads but I noticed the trend a while back ... I don't think anyone should post pics w/ their ego attached in desperation for compliments, but we all love to have admirers and honestly if I were newly natural and posted pics of my progress & styles only to get minimal adoration and then saw another member's thread w/ the same hair length and similar styles w/ 3C texture get 10 pages of adoration, it would sting a bit (who wouldn't feel this way?) ... And then to see it happening over & over again on other threads, you cannot ignore the trend....It would be so obvious and I would take that as a reflection of what the larger society feels about the different textures as well ...

This wouldn't make ME run to slap on a relaxer, but I do think this is what prevents a lot of relaxed 4Bs (who want to go natural) from even going natural ... no one wants to feel rejected or un-pretty no matter how much self-esteem they have ... if they only see natural 3BC/4As getting compliments, they might feel inferior and like the lady in the YouTube video posted in the beginning of this thread, they might journey on this desperate un-ending quest to get clumped coils like those w/ 3BC/4A texture at ALL costs!

 

[kmn1980]

DEAR GOD..... PLEASE REVOKE MY MEMBERSHIP

Seriously! This thread has definitely taken a turn.

 

[Fine 4s]

I hate the feel of water dripping down my back (or the feeling of a wet scalp after hair washing) so I couldn't do this style on my whole head when wet. Just the thought of it makes me wanna go bonkers! Now, if someone ELSE with gentle hands wanted to do it, I'd listen to the offer