10 years Off & On Then He Hits On My Bestie...

vkb247

vkb247

Well-Known Member
at my 30th birthday party :cry2:

To tell you the truth I am not heartbroken about it because I was the one who ended things several months ago...because he went MIA for a couple of months. Over the last ten years he has done countless awful things to me and I have left him alone for years, fell in love with other people, but he is the one who I keep going back to. The one who won't leave me alone, acting like he can't live without me and I am the best he ever had. I have given him a million chances he didn't deserve.

Through it all we have always been great friends, we talk about everything, and what we had was special. Or I thought it was and that is what is killing me. He just threw it away and in the most disrespectful awful way possible.

I laughed when it happened. Because I was not surprised, because I was, because I was drunk, because he is an a** and I am tired of caring. I kicked him out because he upset my friend so badly. I let her put the f's into him that I wasn't willing to give him myself and she gave them too him royaly!

He tried some half hearted apology/excuse via text message (he knows I wouldn't anser his calls) and actually tried to blame my friend for ruining my night because she didn't wait until the next day.

My friends must think I am a fool because they think that I will go back to him. But they don't realize that thinks were almost non-existent between us before this happened plus it is one thing to make a fool of me and a total other to make a fool of me with and in front of my friend.

I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about it though I am mentioning it to my mother and other friends because he is likely to use them to try to get in contact with me. So I just really needed to vent and wouldn't mind some opinions about how to deal with him if he continues to try to contact me and how I can get him out of my spirit so I can leave him alone for good.
 
I feel you :-/

The straw that broke the camel's back. People always want to take things too far! Not cool.

Please resist the urge to duke it out with him.
Please resist the urge to talk about it any further with your girls.
 
:blink: Ten years? Wow.

I'd rename his number to ArseHole #1, and give it a 'silent' ringtone. :nono: I wouldn't change my number, because he can get the new one from your mama/sister (after ten years? :look: yeah, I think they'd give it to him) and that's giving him too much power.

As far as getting him out of your spirit - girl, I don't even know. Ten years on and off with the same dude? You need to look into self and see what made you think that you were worthy of such treatment for so long - esp. when you know he's trifling and has done countless (countless? really? Hun! :nono: ) awful things to you over the years.

:hug3:

I'd tell everyone - mama, sister, friends, etc, that they are free to rip you a new one if you even MENTION speaking to him, much less seeing him again. That'll give you a support system to resist him, and a little time to figure out what's really good.
 
Sometimes you have to take the blame. I don't get the rationale behind going back to someone that doesn't care about you and like you said keeps hurting you.

To get him out of your spirit you have to figure out why you like getting hurt and get some counseling.
 
And if he's on your Facebook, Myspace or whatever, UNFRIEND him right away!!!
He obviously has no respect for you and the people who care about you. Drop him for good.

I am not so much worried about him calling but him actually showing up at my doorstep.
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Call the police.
 
vkb247 said:
It would cause me so much trouble to call my number. I have friends and bills in different parts of the world. I am not so much worried about him calling but him actually showing up at my doorstep.
Click to expand...

In that case, I'd contact him one last time.

Tell him that he's done wrong to the level where you don't want to see his face, hear his voice, or read his words ever again.

And tell him that if he shows up on your doorstep, you WILL call the police. Or a burly brother, if you have any. :lol:
 
Thanks ladies. I appreciate your comments and I totally hear everything you are saying.

I know that I have abandonment and daddy issues. Plus my health counselor has encouraged me to contact my father because when he asked me if I felt worthy I couldn't answer. When he asked why I told him that I assume it has something to do with my father not being in my life.

I have been feeling like the pain I am feeling now is leading me to a new place in my life.
 
HairBarbie said:
Sometimes you have to take the blame. I don't get the rationale behind going back to someone that doesn't care about you and like you said keeps hurting you.

To get him out of your spirit you have to figure out why you like getting hurt and get some counseling.
Click to expand...

I don't feel like blaming anyone, especially myself. I just want a solution.

I do definitely need to find out why I like to get hurt but I think it goes back to the self worth thing.

I am afraid that I am not strong enough to call him without hearing him out and then giving him more energy than he deserves.
 
I'm sorry that you are going through this. It sucks when we don't know our self-worth and allow people to treat us like crap. I also know that nothing we say will change the way you feel about him so I pray that you'll find the strength to love yourself and make the right choices.
 
vkb247 said:
I don't feel like blaming anyone, especially myself. I just want a solution.

I do definitely need to find out why I like to get hurt but I think it goes back to the self worth thing.

I am afraid that I am not strong enough to call him without hearing him out and then giving him more energy than he deserves.
Click to expand...

Then email him. :yep: And set his email addy up to go directly to your trashcan so you won't be bothered by any replies.
 
Ladies,

Thanks again for keeping it real with me. I needed a good dose of reality to keep me sane.
 
He's a loser. Glad you have a good friend to support you. Change your number and KIM. Life is to precious to waste time on someone who doesn't respect you.
 
I would not change my number, but I would def ignore all his calls. KIM, like the other poster said. I can't understand men like that. He does not determine/decide how you are to be treated you do! Therefore, his arse needs to stay on your ignore list. I would trash/sell anything he ever gave me, delete/erase anything that would remind you of dude. Girl, there is life after arseholes and you determine when you start living that life.
 
vkb247 said:
I don't feel like blaming anyone, especially myself. I just want a solution.

I do definitely need to find out why I like to get hurt but I think it goes back to the self worth thing.

I am afraid that I am not strong enough to call him without hearing him out and then giving him more energy than he deserves.
Click to expand...

Good for you..a step in the right direction
and you know yourself...you might not be strong enough
girl... I HAVE BEEN there... for me....it was 8 years~
I know some one involved for 12....every woman has her own timeline


I can only tell you..if this was not enough to make you hit a bottom
with this draining relationship..it's only gets worse
With my whole heart I hate saying this but sometimes we have to experience the very worst...to be DONE
and the trick of that is....
the very worst.. keeps becoming a little more acceptable....you were drunk
what was that about... until the worse is finally unnacceptable


You do not have to be strong enough..
Get help~~~~
therapy and being in a support group
that you are accountable to and can depend
as you wisely point it is deeper than this man
it goes back to father issues and an opportunity to heal
to let yourself... HAVE...
xoxxo :)
 
Last edited:
JustKiya said:
In that case, I'd contact him one last time.

Tell him that he's done wrong to the level where you don't want to see his face, hear his voice, or read his words ever again.

And tell him that if he shows up on your doorstep, you WILL call the police. Or a burly brother, if you have any. :lol:
Click to expand...




Kiya you know with some dudes they dont care they will show up anyway
 
Kerryann said:
Kiya you know with some dudes they dont care they will show up anyway
Click to expand...

Yeah, but only once. After cops/burly brother escorts him off your doorstep, he'd have to be insane to come back. :lachen: Dude sounds a bit trifilin, but not carazy.
 
I agree with the other ladies. There's no way that you can honestly keep this man in your life at this point. Calling him a "friend" is unfair to you because you know that a true friend wouldn't treat you like that, especially for ten years. Don't waste anymore of your precious time and enjoy your 30's without him. I wish you the best!
 
Yeah, it's 2010. Let the next decade be free of this jerk. You didnt even include the countless other things but that one post is just distasteful. He got into your head, kick him out!
 
I dont think counseling and all that jazz is necessary.

I have seen it time and time before by many different women, including me, so its not so uncommon really. We forgive, forget, and befriend so easily. Thats one of our greatest qualities, to love hard.

People dont like to get hurt so I dont agree with that premise. However, no one likes to fail at anything and making a relationship work is is no different. And sometimes we equate pain to love because we've convinced ourselves we must work for love.

Soul searching is definitely in order. Once you discover what "VKB247's worth" is all about, you set your rules and requirements for what you will and will not put up with. Its here that you can start to let go because for every requirement you have that he does not meet you know that reconciliation is not in order.
 
He's a man so his behavior doesn't surprise me. However, at least now you know what you're working with. Most men would creep within the shadows to make a pass at your friend and he did it in the open. Do yourself a favor and dump this chump. His actions would have immediately banned him from my life because I hate being number two and worst...picked over. Case closed.
 
JustKiya said:
Yeah, but only once. After cops/burly brother escorts him off your doorstep, he'd have to be insane to come back. :lachen: Dude sounds a bit trifilin, but not carazy.
Click to expand...



they tend to not come back after that... they know you and the cops mean business.....

OP its hard honey.. we alll have issues but it is good that you have at least begun to 1. take responsibility and 2 look for resolution.. Ten years worth of feelings and emotions will be hard to get rid of, but you can do it girl....

Just make sure you don't waste another 10 years on him...
 
I don't change my numbers for :ninja:'s I just put them on automatic block see if your phone has that feature. Text him that you want him to stop contacting you and any further communication will be taken as harassment and reported to the authorities :badcop:
 
Wow that is enough

Just tell him to never EVA call you again

You are finished Kaput through done.
 
vkb247 said:
at my 30th birthday party :cry2:

To tell you the truth I am not heartbroken about it because I was the one who ended things several months ago...because he went MIA for a couple of months. Over the last ten years he has done countless awful things to me and I have left him alone for years, fell in love with other people, but he is the one who I keep going back to. The one who won't leave me alone, acting like he can't live without me and I am the best he ever had. I have given him a million chances he didn't deserve.

Through it all we have always been great friends, we talk about everything, and what we had was special. Or I thought it was and that is what is killing me. He just threw it away and in the most disrespectful awful way possible.

I laughed when it happened. Because I was not surprised, because I was, because I was drunk, because he is an a** and I am tired of caring. I kicked him out because he upset my friend so badly. I let her put the f's into him that I wasn't willing to give him myself and she gave them too him royaly!

He tried some half hearted apology/excuse via text message (he knows I wouldn't anser his calls) and actually tried to blame my friend for ruining my night because she didn't wait until the next day.

My friends must think I am a fool because they think that I will go back to him. But they don't realize that thinks were almost non-existent between us before this happened plus it is one thing to make a fool of me and a total other to make a fool of me with and in front of my friend.

I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone about it though I am mentioning it to my mother and other friends because he is likely to use them to try to get in contact with me. So I just really needed to vent and wouldn't mind some opinions about how to deal with him if he continues to try to contact me and how I can get him out of my spirit so I can leave him alone for good.
Click to expand...

When you love someone or have strong feelings for someone the hardest thing to do is walk away even if its the best option. We as women should always remember there's nothing wrong with loving someone but we have to love ourself more. How can we ask for love when we lack it towards ourselves. You should take baby steps since you have a history of going back to him. Love is the strongest addiction to man, if you erase him away completely so suddenly you will probably have the urge to reconnect with him. I agree wih women loving hard that's why its been easy looking past his imperfections and disrespectful behavior. Take one step at a time.
Regardless of how he has treated you, you obivously cared about him so why be ashame. The bravest thing someone could do is love someone else
You aslo shouldnt be worried about your friends. Friends shouldnt be judgemental of your actions. Remind your family and friends that they shouldnt try to take side bwtn the two and respect your decision by not giving out your info to him. The key word YOUR family and friends.

I would suggest you change his name to ignore in your phone and once you see it and dont get the urge to answer earse it. Be more active so you wont have so much spear time pondering what went wrong

Stop worrying about other's reactions and start asking yourself can you let go of what was for what could be?

Hopefully, everything works out welll for you :look:
 
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