Has there been a time that you couldnt help but give hair advice

[chebaby]

...............................

exits thread.

 

[BklynHeart]

There's this woman on my job that's been having a rough time with her hair. When she started complaining about it, that's when I would slip some things in. She's transitioning because relaxers messes up her scalp, so I did some research and found a nice braid shop for her to go to. She's been going there for a few months and her hair is growing out nicely.

 

[BlackGeisha]

There was this girl on youtube doing a hair tutorial, and her hair was relaxed, colored, and about 1 inch in length. She was on there flat ironing her hair, no heat protectant. So I sent her a message to come to lhcf because I just couldn't take it. She did another video shortly after that stating she was going to start growing her hair out.

 

[Diva_Esq]

There was this girl on youtube doing a hair tutorial, and her hair was relaxed, colored, and about 1 inch in length. She was on there flat ironing her hair, no heat protectant. So I sent her a message to come to lhcf because I just couldn't take it. She did another video shortly after that stating she was going to start growing her hair out.

 

[rosalindb]

There was a lady that used to work on the floor below me and I would try not to say anything but just could not help myself in the end. Her colleagues would say stuff behind her back but I would at least try to offer some help and recommendations but she just would not listen at all.

She would boast about her Cartier watch and her expensive shoes etc but she would go to the cheapest people to get her hair extensions done and they looked horrific. It is a shame as she did not take care of her daughter’s hair either and it looked even worse than hers. She told me that she would just buy the cheapest shampoo that she could find for their hair. She would just shampoo their hair and let it dry and then try to comb it. It took me 2 years to persuade her to use conditioner but she still would not take my advice about detangling with the conditioner in their hair.

She was natural for years and then relaxed it and got the strongest relaxer she could find and left it on the little bit of hair that she had left for 40 minutes and left it on her 7 year old daughters virgin hair for 30 minutes. I asked her why she left it on so long and she said that when she used to relax her hair, she always used to leave it long until her scalp burned and would start to peel. She said that she would just switch on the fan and lean forward so the breeze would cool her head.

A few weeks later it just started to break off and she put her hair in extensions. One day she took them out mid week and parts of her hair were eaten down to the scalp. I recommended Aubrey Organic conditioners, oils such as olive as I knew that she would not pay for jojoba oil but she just said that that was the texture of her hair and those items would not work for her.

As the saying goes – you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

 

[Sweet_Ambrosia]

I like having teeth in my mouth so I just smile and KIM.

Right. *lol*
I wouldn't give out any hair advice to a stranger unless asked.
Recommending this site to her would have been a better approach, but hey at least you tried OP.

 

[Maracujá]

Not unless the person asks me.

 

[MizzCoco]

Oh no! There have been so many times I wanted to say something...but I would just grit my teeth and say nothing at all. I see so many jacked up heads of hair, I woulda caught a beat-down by now!

 

[QBOE2001]

Oh no! There have been so many times I wanted to say something...but I would just grit my teeth and say nothing at all. I see so many jacked up heads of hair, I woulda caught a beat-down by now!

I know what you mean.....i've been biting my tongue so often lately that I probably need sutures. I have a woman that works for me right now and her hair is soooo fried from permanent dye and blow drying that it looks like its staging a mass revolt. The ends are split half way up the shaft and she refuses to cut or even deep condition. Luckily I brought my niece in to work (she's 7 and about MBL) and she asked me really loudly why the nice lady's hair was split so bad and asked if we could give her some shea butter so her hair wouldn't fall out. Needless to say she heard her and came in the next week with her hair cut into a bob. Its still damaged but at least I don't feel like screaming at her like someone with tourettes syndrome anymore lol Kids....gotta love it when they forget to use their "indoor" voice!!!!!!!!

 

[anon123]

She was natural for years and then relaxed it and got the strongest relaxer she could find and left it on the little bit of hair that she had left for 40 minutes and left it on her 7 year old daughters virgin hair for 30 minutes. I asked her why she left it on so long and she said that when she used to relax her hair, she always used to leave it long until her scalp burned and would start to peel. She said that she would just switch on the fan and lean forward so the breeze would cool her head.

say what now? :covereyes What? WHAT?! :burning:

 

[rosalindb]

say what now? :covereyes What? WHAT?! :burning:

She was natural for 17 years, the week before she relaxed it, she told me that she was bored with her hair, wanted a change and that it had started breaking and she wanted to relax it. I said if your hair is breaking the last thing you should do is relax. Just take care of it and start using a conditioner and give it some treatments.

Also her hair is very fine and feels quite soft so I have no idea why she was frying it like that

As I said before "As the saying goes – you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink."

 

[Firstborn2]

There has been plenty of times that I've wanted to give advice, but I didn't.

 

[beans4reezy]

No, not unless someone specifically asks. I live in Brooklyn and giving unsolicited hair advice can get you straight punched in the face. Oh yeah, they gets bucky in BK.

Your heart was in the right place OP, but I agree that directing her to LHC would have been a safer approach.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I already posted a thread from when I was buying a half weave and the Asian BSS guy said I didn't need all this (points to fake hair) and I could grow my own hair long.
I didn't mind although I'm a lhcf member.

I agree that you have to be careful because some people are funny but I guess most would be embarassed but curious.
I remember some woman I worked with who I'd never met said "(eww face) why does your hand look like thaterplexed". Then when I said eczema she started talking to me about a skin problem she had when she was younger and a product that helped with healing. Yes she was rude at first but I forgave her and just took the product reccomendation.

Another time some Jamaican guy on the bus came and sat next to me and asked if I'd been burnt, if so he had a 'erbal remedy to help me I severely doubted his sincerity for a number of reasons and cursed him out lol. He seemed to used it as an opening to chat me up

I did go up to a guy who was struggling to find a nice present for his wife who had eczema and sensitive skin because I over heard him talking to the sales lady and she was no help, that woman has a very thoughtful husband I had to helperplexed. I generally feel like sticking my nose in if someone asks for help in front of me lol

 

[MrsHdrLe]

I am proud of myself for not offering unsolicited advice to my co-worker, but it's really troubling me. She's a nice lady and we've worked together often over the years. I think we have a mutually porfessional respect for eachother, but I'm not comfortable with giving her advice on her hair.
We both wore weave and braids last year, while we worked together. We took out our extensions about 10 months ago (no it wasn't planned together, just a coincidence). Well, I've watched her ponytail get shorter and more see through over the months while mine (we were at about the same length then) has grown and flourished. Every time I see her, I will her to ask me just one question about my hair (anything even like where did I get that cute head band... anything), but she doesn't take the bait. I just hate to see her ruining all the progress she'd made while protective styling, only to let her hair dry up and snap off.
What do you all think I should do/say?

 

[Kerryann]

No, not unless someone specifically asks. I live in Brooklyn and giving unsolicited hair advice can get you straight punched in the face. Oh yeah, they gets bucky in BK.

Your heart was in the right place OP, but I agree that directing her to LHC would have been a safer approach.

Girl i live in Brooklyn that doesnt stop you from giving advice i mean this is the first time i gave it out like that i really couldnt help it i swear if you guys saw it you wouldve done it too

 

[anon123]

I passed up a great opportunity the other day. Someone commented on how long my hair had gotten. It's been growing little by little, but I was wearing those semi-straight banded ponytails so it looked suddenly longer. She has broken off ear length hair that's been relaxed to death. She's the second person who said they just realized that as they get older their hair is getting thinner. I should have told them that the relaxer is only contributing to thinner hair. Anyway, I did manage to get in that I decided to grow it out and how I've been conditioning and treating it very gently.

 

[beans4reezy]

Girl i live in Brooklyn that doesnt stop you from giving advice i mean this is the first time i gave it out like that i really couldnt help it i swear if you guys saw it you wouldve done it too

It doesn't stop you; but it makes you think twice. Typically, you have got some rougher than average personalities in Brooklyn; so you don't know what will or will not set off the next person. There are so many variables out there- you never know. My motto is, play it safe.

I have seen plently of hairline depraved sisters (funny, just like you, I saw a Hispanic receptionist at my doctors office with MBL hair and no edges) and I have never even been tempted to offer advice. If they really want help, they will make steps on their own towards finding it.

 

[lalaland88]

I wanted to many times, but I've always managed to keep my mouth. If it's family members I'd probably say something, but when it comes to strangers I don't say anything to avoid possible offense.

You're very courageous! hehe!

 

[PeaceFlow]

I am proud of myself for not offering unsolicited advice to my co-worker, but it's really troubling me. She's a nice lady and we've worked together often over the years. I think we have a mutually porfessional respect for eachother, but I'm not comfortable with giving her advice on her hair.
We both wore weave and braids last year, while we worked together. We took out our extensions about 10 months ago (no it wasn't planned together, just a coincidence). Well, I've watched her ponytail get shorter and more see through over the months while mine (we were at about the same length then) has grown and flourished. Every time I see her, I will her to ask me just one question about my hair (anything even like where did I get that cute head band... anything), but she doesn't take the bait. I just hate to see her ruining all the progress she'd made while protective styling, only to let her hair dry up and snap off.
What do you all think I should do/say?

Mention something about your hair or something you've bought, women randomly talk about hair anyway. If she wants to talk about her hair she probably will chime in.

If she doesn't see any problem with it then you can't do much.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

There was a lady that used to work on the floor below me and I would try not to say anything but just could not help myself in the end. Her colleagues would say stuff behind her back but I would at least try to offer some help and recommendations but she just would not listen at all.

She would boast about her Cartier watch and her expensive shoes etc but she would go to the cheapest people to get her hair extensions done and they looked horrific. It is a shame as she did not take care of her daughter’s hair either and it looked even worse than hers. She told me that she would just buy the cheapest shampoo that she could find for their hair. She would just shampoo their hair and let it dry and then try to comb it. It took me 2 years to persuade her to use conditioner but she still would not take my advice about detangling with the conditioner in their hair.

She was natural for years and then relaxed it and got the strongest relaxer she could find and left it on the little bit of hair that she had left for 40 minutes and left it on her 7 year old daughters virgin hair for 30 minutes. I asked her why she left it on so long and she said that when she used to relax her hair, she always used to leave it long until her scalp burned and would start to peel. She said that she would just switch on the fan and lean forward so the breeze would cool her head.

A few weeks later it just started to break off and she put her hair in extensions. One day she took them out mid week and parts of her hair were eaten down to the scalp. I recommended Aubrey Organic conditioners, oils such as olive as I knew that she would not pay for jojoba oil but she just said that that was the texture of her hair and those items would not work for her.

As the saying goes – you can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

Wow......omg just WOWWWW that would have been too much to take for me, I would have really tried to reason with her and knowing me, I might've even bought her some products or given her my own. That is sooooo serious damn that lady just WANTED to be bald

No, not unless someone specifically asks. I live in Brooklyn and giving unsolicited hair advice can get you straight punched in the face. Oh yeah, they gets bucky in BK.

Your heart was in the right place OP, but I agree that directing her to LHC would have been a safer approach.

Typically, you have got some rougher than average personalities in Brooklyn

I was born and raised in Brooklyn, its the biggest borough in NY it cant be characterized in one way. There are areas like Park Slope, Carol Gardens, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Heights and Williamsburg that are trendy, cultered, upwardly mobile and could give the west villiage a run for its money.

Areas like that in BK are natural hair mecca's and women are more then happy even elated to talk hair and are incredibly polite and intelligent. I see what you're saying but it really bothers me when people generalize all of Brooklyn by areas like East New York or Bed-Stuy.....theres much more to Brooklyn then that.

I already posted a thread from when I was buying a half weave and the Asian BSS guy said I didn't need all this (points to fake hair) and I could grow my own hair long.
I didn't mind although I'm a lhcf member.

Wow, I actually think thats really cool of him. I'm impressed an Asian BSS owner would say that to a Black woman.

I agree that you have to be careful because some people are funny but I guess most would be embarassed but curious.
I remember some woman I worked with who I'd never met said "(eww face) why does your hand look like thaterplexed". Then when I said eczema she started talking to me about a skin problem she had when she was younger and a product that helped with healing. Yes she was rude at first but I forgave her and just took the product reccomendation.

Yea, alot of times people dont know how to properly come at people with a suggestion, I deal with this when I have acne break-outs, my aunt is mad over the top with her reaction to it, really makes me feel uncomfortable and goes "have you been eating chocolate?!?! You should stop!" people really should learn the proper way to step to someone

I am proud of myself for not offering unsolicited advice to my co-worker, but it's really troubling me. She's a nice lady and we've worked together often over the years. I think we have a mutually porfessional respect for eachother, but I'm not comfortable with giving her advice on her hair.
We both wore weave and braids last year, while we worked together. We took out our extensions about 10 months ago (no it wasn't planned together, just a coincidence). Well, I've watched her ponytail get shorter and more see through over the months while mine (we were at about the same length then) has grown and flourished. Every time I see her, I will her to ask me just one question about my hair (anything even like where did I get that cute head band... anything), but she doesn't take the bait. I just hate to see her ruining all the progress she'd made while protective styling, only to let her hair dry up and snap off.
What do you all think I should do/say?

How close are you guys? If you're not very close I suppose you would have to wait for her to bring up the topic of hair. For me, its usually when people compliment me on my hair that I let them bring up their hair issues then I go ahead and give my tips, this happens to me pretty regularly.

I passed up a great opportunity the other day. Someone commented on how long my hair had gotten. It's been growing little by little, but I was wearing those semi-straight banded ponytails so it looked suddenly longer. She has broken off ear length hair that's been relaxed to death. She's the second person who said they just realized that as they get older their hair is getting thinner. I should have told them that the relaxer is only contributing to thinner hair. Anyway, I did manage to get in that I decided to grow it out and how I've been conditioning and treating it very gently.

Awe well maybe next time you see them you can say it when hair is brought up

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Yes, a few times when asked..."How do you get your hair to...?" I told, response was "OK", "Too expensive", "Too much work." "Will not work for my hair." "But my hairdresser told me to just keep coming to her" -2 years later still shedding like a molting bird. Anyone who took the advice soon tired of the routine, went back to what she knew. My mom constantly asks what I'm doing to my hair, I tell her, buy her the products..they sit on her shelf...she has at least embraced conditioner poos. One young woman at work loves her swing when newly trimmed and relaxed..few weeks later her ends ragged again. I told her to keep her hair off of her collar..told me she just has it trimmed when it rags out... I look now but keep my advice to myself.

 

[CurliDiva]

I just don't even try anymore

 

[BrooklynSouth]

It doesn't stop you; but it makes you think twice. Typically, you have got some rougher than average personalities in Brooklyn; so you don't know what will or will not set off the next person. There are so many variables out there- you never know. My motto is, play it safe.

I have seen plently of hairline depraved sisters (funny, just like you, I saw a Hispanic receptionist at my doctors office with MBL hair and no edges) and I have never even been tempted to offer advice. If they really want help, they will make steps on their own towards finding it.

Beans, cut it out..stereotypes!!!!!!!!!!! You know better than that! Minimum 2.5 million people, live in the most populated borough in NYC. Brooklyn has been my home since I was 6 years old and I love it with it's positives and negatives-never been punched in the mouth. Where do you think most of those genteel, polite people you meet in Manhattan live? BROOKLYN!!

 

[BrooklynSouth]

Wow......omg just WOWWWW that would have been too much to take for me, I would have really tried to reason with her and knowing me, I might've even bought her some products or given her my own. That is sooooo serious damn that lady just WANTED to be bald



I was born and raised in Brooklyn, its the biggest borough in NY it cant be characterized in one way. There are areas like Park Slope, Carol Gardens, Cobble Hill, Brooklyn Heights and Williamsburg that are trendy, cultered, upwardly mobile and could give the west villiage a run for its money.

Areas like that in BK are natural hair mecca's and women are more then happy even elated to talk hair and are incredibly polite and intelligent. I see what you're saying but it really bothers me when people generalize all of Brooklyn by areas like East New York or Bed-Stuy.....theres much more to Brooklyn then that.

Wow, I actually think thats really cool of him. I'm impressed an Asian BSS owner would say that to a Black woman.

Yea, alot of times people dont know how to properly come at people with a suggestion, I deal with this when I have acne break-outs, my aunt is mad over the top with her reaction to it, really makes me feel uncomfortable and goes "have you been eating chocolate?!?! You should stop!" people really should learn the proper way to step to someone

How close are you guys? If you're not very close I suppose you would have to wait for her to bring up the topic of hair. For me, its usually when people compliment me on my hair that I let them bring up their hair issues then I go ahead and give my tips, this happens to me pretty regularly.

Awe well maybe next time you see them you can say it when hair is brought up

BMP, these areas of Brooklyn also should not be put down. I have family there, educated, hardworking people on ENY Ave {typical rent now $1200 monthly}, Junius Street{multiple new, single family homes}, Wyona {3 family house is now nearly $700,000}.

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Great point BklynSouth, as a Real Estate Agent I'm well aware of the investment opportunities coming about in ENY. I just don't think its fair that areas like that are the only places people think about when they think of Bk. I'm not tryna put down any areas I'm saying don't just think of two or three pockets and assume they are emblematic of the entirety of Brooklyn. Bk is a huge dynamic area, if you choose to only frequent in "rough" areas where you're liable to get punched in the face then thats a reflection on you and the circles you happen to run in, not on Bk.

I think its wonderful that you have such great family there but imma keep it fully real, I dont feel even close to safe on the blue moon I found myself out in ENY late at night....not even close. Thats just me being honest. My father teaches at a high school in ENY and the stories he's told me have been horrifying, so I can't really blame people for wanting to stay away from there.

All I'm saying is don't take a handful of neighborhoods and say that they represent the entirety of the largest borough in the city. Thats all.

 

[Nayna]

BMP, these areas of Brooklyn also should not be put down. I have family there, educated, hardworking people on ENY Ave {typical rent now $1200 monthly}, Junius Street{multiple new, single family homes}, Wyona {3 family house is now nearly $700,000}.

Word, I worked in Bed Stuy, lived in East NY, hung with my family and friends in E. Flatbush, etc... and pretty much any place where there is an abundance of beauty supplies you will definitely not have such a hard time giving or receiving advice, lol. I generally don't offer unless asked, but that's not cause I'm scared it's just how I am. But if I'm asked I go in, lol.

These days people don't listen, they just try to hire me as their stylist, lol.

 

[beans4reezy]

I was born and raised in Brooklyn, its the biggest borough in NY it cant be characterized in one way.
I see what you're saying but it really bothers me when people generalize all of Brooklyn by areas like East New York or Bed-Stuy.....theres much more to Brooklyn then that.

Yes, I am very well acquainted with NY and am aware that Brooklyn is more than simply East New York and Bed Sty. However, a person can only act as his or her environment has taught him or her and when you see the ugly situations that arise from very simple, insignificant things- you take this as a lesson to protect yourself by not getting involved; especially if you aren't asked.

My stating that there are rougher than average personalities is not a generalization of the Borough itself. This statement is dicated by my own experiences growing up here. IMO, I find that NYC as a whole just tends to have your "tougher" than average personalities; that's all. This statement does not speak to the city's socio-economic status, the average intelligence of a person, the average rent/mortgage etc....

 

[beans4reezy]

All I'm saying is don't take a handful of neighborhoods and say that they represent the entirety of the largest borough in the city. Thats all.

I'm not really sure that I did this; but maybe I should rephrase. Growing up in the area where I did; in Brooklyn, NY, offering unsolicited advice could lead to some very ugly situations

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

I feel you my fellow Ayisyen, definitely not attacking you just had to defend my stomping grounds u kno its all love sweety