I got "Good Hair"ed today

[Freespirit02]

This white lady asked me if i had a weave the other day (which it was)..but still..i don't know where she got the balls to ask me a question like that! Must be that darn oprah affect!

 

[jennboo]

Why are we so hostile about this.?The fact that we are all women of color and need an internet sight to teach us about porper haircare should speak volumes. If we are confused why wouldn't a ww be?

THANK YOU!!!!

Exactly why are many black women upset about this??? The curiosity from white people. Heck, I'd be curious too.

 

[genesis132]

If a yt woman ask me if I'm wearing a weave, I'll ask her if her boobs or lips are real. Plain and simple.

 

[SelahOco]

When I was watching Chris on Oprah, I kept wondering how the white people were processing this. I can't imagine, because we HAVE to know so much about them to even function. When he jokes about white women and blonde hair, I know that a majority of them do color their hair - but I didn't go to work and ask every white woman is her carpet and drapes match.

So many of them seem to lack a sensitivity. But, on the flip side, I know many black people who make ignorant comments about African cultures - very broad ignorant comments.

I guess the further removed your are from a culture, the more dangerous you are with little tid-bits of knowledge.

 

[Anew]

WW: Well, I'm going to get my girlfriends together and we're going next week! You know, I work in a hospital, and we have lots of nurses. They wear hats, but their hair is always maintained under there, you know. Well, after I saw Chris Rock on Oprah, I told one of our nurses, "I didn't know your men couldn't run their fingers through your hair! LOL!

lol, too much

 

[Solitude]

There WAS NO OTHER SIDE! We're all weaved up wanna be white women who impose boundaries on our husbands and would trick off our mortgage/ rent money & not feed our kids to look more white and buy weave! Barely any mention of natural hair. Piss poor stereotypical movie and I'm mad about it!

This is exactly why I don't won't pay to see this movie in theatres. The commercial makes my stomach churn. This is not me or anyone in my family and never has been.

My hair is relaxed, but a real discussion about the benefits of natural hair and the real reasons why women relax their hair and/or wear weaves would have been nice. I don't want to hear any jokes about "good hair." Noone has ever "gotten hurt" from touching my hair.

Sadly, it seems like all this movie is going to do is reinforce negative stereotypes. Granted, I haven't seen it. I might check it out when it comes out on Redbox for $1.

 

[Southernbella.]

Why are we so hostile about this.?The fact that we are all women of color and need an internet sight to teach us about porper haircare should speak volumes. If we are confused why wouldn't a ww be?

I know that wasn't directed at me, but I wanted to answer.

During the course of the conversation, something kept me from asking her what she the deal was with her hair or whatever she wanted to be liberated from. I don't know if it was etiquette (don't ask strangers personal questions) or what, but I just didn't feel comfortable. Imagine that? She felt comfortable enough to approach me and start the convo, but I didn't feel right asking her about her issues.

I think a lot of bw feel like I did. It's just not in us to behave that way, at least not toward white people. We don't have the same familiarity with them that they have with us.

Maybe what you're seeing is our feeling of being treated in a way we wouldn't treat them. Maybe we should start reciprocating. I don't know...

 

[beans4reezy]

THANK YOU!!!!

Exactly why are many black women upset about this??? The curiosity from white people. Heck, I'd be curious too.

Curiosity is fine, but some subjects need to be approached with a bit of decorum. The same way I wouldn't dare ask a white woman who is well endowed whether her breasts are hers (Because ya know, ya'll really aren't well endowed naturally) is the same way that a ww woman should practice a bit of common sense and restraint in inquiring about a black woman's hair. These are just touchy subjects.

 

[MonPetite]

I know that wasn't directed at me, but I wanted to answer.

During the course of the conversation, something kept me from asking her what she the deal was with her hair or whatever she wanted to be liberated from. I don't know if it was etiquette (don't ask strangers personal questions) or what, but I just didn't feel comfortable. Imagine that? She felt comfortable enough to approach me and start the convo, but I didn't feel right asking her about her issues.

I think a lot of bw feel like I did. It's just not in us to behave that way, at least not toward white people. We don't have the same familiarity with them that they have with us.

Maybe what you're seeing is our feeling of being treated in a way we wouldn't treat them. Maybe we should start reciprocating. I don't know...

To the bolded, I have been mulling over similar thoughts in response to your thread.

There is a sort of...pass...for questions to be asked about the things that mark us (phenotype wise) as being of African descent in way that bucks all normal etiquette, within this society.

This movie has created instances that allow it to be pulled out of pockets and purses in a way it has not in quite some time.

That doesn't change how rude it is to go up to someone and ask her if a part of her, you clearly consider "white" (long flowing hair/straight, long hair) if it belongs to her, publicly and with no previous relationship...as though it is your right or such a thing is normal.

I would never ask a random woman of color or a white woman with undertones that clash with her hair color: Is that your real hair color? Or a woman who appears "white" with an "extremely" (abnormally large for her given frame and body weight) shapely bum: Is that your real butt?

Doing so reveals I have decided that either she personally or those of her race/group/etc. should not or do not have whatever I am asking about.

I am then forcing her to publicly explain herself or react in anger, putting her into a vexed emotional state for my amusement/curiosity.

I am putting her on trial, so to speak.

I HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS.

There is some unspoken norm in American society that putting black women on trial in these ways about various issues is not only acceptable, but we should not respond with the shock or clear distaste that ANY woman is well within her right to have if her appearance is questioned for ANY reason.

 

[jennboo]

Curiosity is fine, but some subjects need to be approached with a bit of decorum. The same way I wouldn't dare ask a white woman who is well endowed whether her breasts are hers (Because ya know, ya'll really aren't well endowed naturally) is the same way that a ww woman should practice a bit of common sense and restraint in inquiring about a black woman's hair. These are just touchy subjects.

Why?

















giggle

 

[nysister]

Littlegoldenlamb you hit in on the head. IMO I'm cool with questions...depending on how, when and in what spirit they're being asked. When you're asking as if I'm a spectacle or making jackanapes statements, than you've crossed a line. A line that you probably know you're crossing, but you think you have the right to cross.

Some ask questions for knowledge, others ask it to reinforce preconcieved notions. Each situation will be different, and so shall be dealt with accordingly.

 

[jennboo]

Littlegoldenlamb you hit in on the head. IMO I'm cool with questions...depending on how, when and in what spirit they're being asked. When you're asking as if I'm a spectacle or making jackanapes statements, than you've crossed a line. A line that you probably know you're crossing, but you think you have the right to cross.

Some ask questions for knowledge, others ask it to reinforce preconcieved notions. Each situation will be different, and so shall be dealt with accordingly.

Bolded: Yep.

I personally do not mind questions so long as i perceive them to be respectful, non-mocking, non-malicious.

Respectful: Wow, your hair looks good. What do you do to it to get it like that? How come i usually only see black women with straight hair?

Mocking/malicious: You must have a hard time dealing with your hair, it looks so difficult to manage, how on earth do you manage that? I think i would just go bald.

Obviously the delivery has a lot to do with how the question is received.

It just seems like any reference to black hair from non-black women, even if it is benign, pierces black women in a way that i find to be odd.

 

[MonPetite]

Why?

giggle

Please see my post #39 (I don't want to double post, I apologize in advance for redirecting you back through the thread).

I think it may not be so much hair (though that is a sore point for us) but the underlying assumption that questioning us in rude ways is socially acceptable that is causing such distress.

 

[jennboo]

Please see my post #39 (I don't want to double post, I apologize in advance for redirecting you back through the thread).

I think it may not be so much hair (though that is a sore point for us) but the underlying assumption that questioning us in rude ways is socially acceptable that is causing such distress.

You are right. People asking rude questions to others should never be socially acceptable. I've never heard of /experienced this, the assumption that questioning black women in rude ways was socially acceptable. That is new to me.

Of course, what is perceived as a rude question is subjective.

It seems like any question/comment/reference about hair is thought of as rude, which i find hilarious and baffling at the same time.

 

[MonPetite]

You are right. People asking rude questions to others should never be socially acceptable. I've never heard of /experienced this, the assumption that questioning black women in rude ways was socially acceptable. That is new to me.

Of course, what is perceived as a rude question is subjective.

It seems like any question/comment/reference about hair is thought of as rude, which i find hilarious and baffling at the same time.

We CAN be oversensitive about out hair, I agree.

However, there are many legitimately rude questions black women receive daily about their hair in particular to give credence to their feelings.

I find the issue quite unfortunate and saddening myself. I am not baffled given our hair's role as proof of our lack of humanity all to the way some (Dare I say many?) black men assign "value" to women within the black communityerplexed, to how other black women interact with you, to how many people buck their eyes at your scalp when you walk by and so forth.

From day one of the encounters of African peoples with other groups our skin, hair and body type were used as weapons against us socio-politically in that order.

We're not the only group with full-figured women.

We're not the only group with dark-skinned individuals.

We ARE the only group where your hair type and mine are the monopoly.

It marks us as different. Differences can be a curse and a blessing.

It's easy to say: Well, don't care about what ____ thinks! However, the social creatures we be, we do care about others around us.

How much we care, is the deciding variable, however.

That said...not caring may mean you don't make it through a job interview.

No other group deals with such an instance as much as we do.

Hair....Oy!

ETA: You are blessed to not have experienced this. Truly. I experience it almost daily and it...it's not the best for one's psyche and I'll leave it at that.

 

[Supergirl]

Bless her heart, sounds like she meant well...

 

[CurlyMoo]

Why are we so hostile about this.?The fact that we are all women of color and need an internet sight to teach us about porper haircare should speak volumes. If we are confused why wouldn't a ww be?

There is no hostility. It's not about what people think but how we are treated. Are we suppose to like having people come up to us and ask rude inappropriate questions? Are we suppose to just sit and take being weaved checked because someone saw a movie? Why are people of other races so confused about our hair anyway? It's not their concern to be confused.

 

[beans4reezy]

Why?

















giggle

I find this question to be ironic as your touchiness with the subject of hair was clearly evident in a recent thread.

The same passion that prompted such a long and verbose post from you in response to defending natural hair mirrors the touchiness I referred to.

 

[jennboo]

I find this question to be ironic as your touchiness with the subject of hair was clearly evident in a recent thread.

The same passion that prompted such a long and verbose post from you in response to defending natural hair mirrors the touchiness I referred to.

Lmao.

I'm guessing you didn't attend to the giggle at the bottom of the post?

I know black women have big, huge, tremendous, annoying issues with hair.

What I'm not understanding is why black women are upset at the fact that other races are curious about our hair.