I got "Good Hair"ed today

[Southernbella.]

I had to share this with yall. We were at my dd's Fall Festival at school this evening. I was in line for popcorn when a white woman came up to me. FTR, my hair was in a really old braidout that was becoming a fro.

WW: Hey! Have you seen Beautiful Hair?

Me: What?

WW: You know! The Chris Rock movie!

Me: Oh! No, I haven't seen it yet.

WW: Oh, I think you'd love it.

Me: Oh really? I've seen him on the talk shows and everything, so I feel like I've seen it already.

WW: Well, I'm going to get my girlfriends together and we're going next week! You know, I work in a hospital, and we have lots of nurses. They wear hats, but their hair is always maintained under there, you know. Well, after I saw Chris Rock on Oprah, I told one of our nurses, "I didn't know your men couldn't run their fingers through your hair! LOL!

Me: Well, it's not that they can't. It really depends on the person and how they're wearing their hair at the time. Some women get it done and want to keep the style for as long as possible. I was like that when I went to the salon.

Her: Well, I love your hair. I just wish I could be liberated!

Me: Thank you.

(I looked at her hair for the first time and noticed she was a redhead, but had lots of blond highlights. I assume that's what she was talking about)

Her: You just seem so free! Let me ask you...do you ever have bad hair... days?

Me: Not really, but that has more to do with me changing my mindset and what I consider a good hair day. Now, my hair is just me, and if someone doesn't like it, that's their problem, not mine.

Her: Oh gosh! I hope I get there one day! I really do!

Me: Well, I cut mine 2 years ago and I'm happy. You can do it!

Her: *giggles* We'll see! Well, hopefully I'll see you again and we can talk about the movie. Bye!

Me: Bye!

Of course, I immediately thought of yall.My mom was with us, and she asked me what we were talking about (she couldn't hear because the lady was all up on me like we were talking about national security or something). I told her and she was like . When I got to the part about not knowing your men couldn't touch your hair, my dh got the biggest frown on his face and shook his head.

That, my friends, is the Oprah affect. I didn't think it would happen to me, but it did.

You know you always think of stuff to say in hindsight. If I could go back, I probably would have said something about how we go through a lot of what we do because our men prefer our hair straight, and not the way my hair was tonight. That probably would have come off angry though, so I guess it's for the best.

 

[Dposh167]

yup....good ol' oprah affect.....indeed. can't stand it

 

[BlackMasterPiece]

Okay I def gave her the side eye with the not knowing our men couldnt touch our hair comment but then again, I really shouldn't because I once dated a dude who was so enamoured wth the fact that I allowed him to touch my hair that he played in my hair for like 30 mintutes straight in the middle of a party with his friends, he just carried on convo's while he massaged my scalp I was like okay.......free massage!! so as much as it comes off wierd and a makes us feel a little exposed when it comes from a WW its definitely very prevalent.

But at the end she was sooo sweet, its great you could inspire that lady!

 

[JayAnn0513]

Hilarious! Thank you Chris and Oprah for more awkward moments/comments involving white women.

 

[HairGurl]

I was afraid of this happening....

This movie doesn't speak for every black woman in the world.....where's the other side of the story in the movie? I haven't seen the movie, but the more I hear the more I don't want to see it.

 

[aegis]

why do white people feel.....sigh.....nm

 

[Filmatic]

I really don't want to see this. I am glad you didn't snap at her because of her ignorance. Maybe she will go away with a little more education and understand than she had before.

 

[laurend]

We knew this was going to happen. My client asked me the same thing about my hubby can't touch my hair.

 

[nitavcc]

I could totally see myself getting offended. Especially when folks see a movie, and now act as if they are experts on black women and hair.

I am an attorney by profession, and I could see myself turning into trial mode.

What do you mean "your men"?
Do you mean that you think that all black men can't run their fingers through a black woman's hair?
Now that you've seen the movie, do you think you can identify a black woman with relaxed or straightened hair?
Does the relaxed/ straightened hair look like it was difficult for another to put their hands through it?


Oh! I see..

 

[laurend]

Why should we blame these women for assuming this. If the shoe was on the other foot and the same was being said about white women and their hair I would think it were true. Those promos from the film(with the black men in the barbarshop) played over and over again on national TV.

 

[jamaraa]

Don't let this stuff get your morale down folks. That's all I have to say.

 

[song_of_serenity]

At least she didn't run right up to you and say "Is that all yours?" and massage her hands through your hair to get Chris Rock "magic growing fingers"

 

[anon123]

Interesting story. As stories go, that actually wasn't too bad. She learned a little something, you did a little inspiring. Not bad at all.

 

[Tarae]

"I didn't know your men couldn't run their fingers through your hair!

Thanks a lot, Chris. And that's the part of the movie that's always in the commercials, with Rev. Al talking about his wife touching his hair.

 

[song_of_serenity]

Oprah's audience is jam packed with white people (unless they have a black singer/actor and suddenly it is packed with brown faces) and I swear, the worship her like she's the second coming and her word is law. :/

It's sad but even still...I think they pondered about these questions for a LONG time (everyone I know who's seen the movie said seats were filled with white people) and much like the white woman who marries a black man and feels she can "come out her face" and say ignorant things because she feels down, they're in a place of comfort where they think it's ok to question us like some human anomaly.

 

[Mizz Diamonds]

Wow...just wow.

 

[Diva_Esq]

I was afraid of this happening....

This movie doesn't speak for every black woman in the world.....where's the other side of the story in the movie? I haven't seen the movie, but the more I hear the more I don't want to see it.

There WAS NO OTHER SIDE! We're all weaved up wanna be white women who impose boundaries on our husbands and would trick off our mortgage/ rent money & not feed our kids to look more white and buy weave! Barely any mention of natural hair. Piss poor stereotypical movie and I'm mad about it!

 

[Southernbella.]

What was funny was that I wasn't exactly sure what she was talking about when she referred to her own hair, but she somehow felt that she could commiserate with me. I guess that's a good thing. She could have been talking about the blond or straightening her own hair; she never specified. She just seemed really awed that we had something in common.

 

[Stepiphanie]

Lol..I don't think this was so bad at all. I think you're right Southernbella, that she somehow felt you had something in common. To many ww, even those with black friends, there's a whole lot of mystery surronding us, especially when it come to hair. This movie, and all the discussions on Oprah etc. is just opening the convo in a way. As long as they are not disrespeftful and don't start touching and asking questions about if it's your real hair, I don't mind too much.

 

[chosen07]

Lol..I don't think this was so bad at all. I think you're right Southernbella, that she somehow felt you had something in common. To many ww, even those with black friends, there's a whole lot of mystery surronding us, especially when it come to hair. This movie, and all the discussions on Oprah etc. is just opening the convo in a way. As long as they are not disrespeftful and don't start touching and asking questions about if it's your real hair, I don't mind too much.

agreed. I lived with a ww for 3 years and she and I are like sisters and there would be MANY conversations about hair simply because I always changed it. I remember when I moved back home and came to visit with braids (extensions) in- it was a first for me (and for her seeing me) so that was about half the convo at our dinner date! I usually enjoy it because she feels comfortable enough to ask...

on a more recent note, I just had a classmate (hispanic) ask about my newly done braids...being confused as to whether my hair grew in a week (we were on break from school) and it was cute explaining to her what was going on...and she hasn't seen anything about the movie (we are grad students-no time for t.v.)

I'm usually not offended when I get questions/comments simply because I know I still wonder about some hairstyles I see in passing and want to go up to black woman and ask "how to?"!

 

[Duchesse]

I'm just laughing that she called the movie "Beautiful Hair" lol!

 

[shocol]

And so it begins...

Her: Well, I love your hair. I just wish I could be liberated!

Liberated? Is black women's hair about to be co-opted in to the feminist movement?

Why in the world are white people so clueless?

 

[exoticmommie]

Crazy days ahead it seems....

 

[Mitey Cyrus]

LOL@ the thread title . I don't watch TV(usually end up watching my shows online) so I don't know what promo runs in my area. But considering the dearth of melinated individuals, I doubt the movie will make it to my town.

 

[nysister]

It wasn't the worse thing that could be said, but it shows a lot of ignorance because

A) She took as gospel, something that came from Chris Rock's mouth
B) She thought that a man teaching people anything about women would be correct
C) As long as hair is soft, fingers can run through it. Straight or not, in fact I would assume alot of the stick straight straw some people sport would be a heck of a lot harder to run hands through than my super soft 4 a/b/c/d

Some people like to parade their ignorance, but as ignorance goes, she could have been dumber.

 

[SweetSpirit86]

Okay I def gave her the side eye with the not knowing our men couldnt touch our hair comment but then again, I really shouldn't because I once dated a dude who was so enamoured wth the fact that I allowed him to touch my hair that he played in my hair for like 30 mintutes straight in the middle of a party with his friends, he just carried on convo's while he massaged my scalp I was like okay.......free massage!! so as much as it comes off wierd and a makes us feel a little exposed when it comes from a WW its definitely very prevalent.

But at the end she was sooo sweet, its great you could inspire that lady!

You and I are >HERE< on the bolded!!

 

[yaya24]

At work Thursday one of my wyt coworkers asked me if I was wearing "a" weave. She apparently watched the show.. Thanks Oprah and Chris

 

[newbiemom]

Why are we so hostile about this.?The fact that we are all women of color and need an internet sight to teach us about porper haircare should speak volumes. If we are confused why wouldn't a ww be?

 

[newbiemom]

And so it begins...

Her: Well, I love your hair. I just wish I could be liberated!

Liberated? Is black women's hair about to be co-opted in to the feminist movement?

Why in the world are white people so clueless?

I think she just means free to be who she naturally is instead of what society tells her is appealing.

 

[YankeeCandle]

I think she just means free to be who she naturally is instead of what society tells her is appealing.

I agree. And although I felt sorry she felt constrained, I also kind of admire that woman for at least speaking up about the social pressure on women to look and be beautiful. Look how much time and energy we all spend on something that, while related to health, is also mostly a beauty issue (and do not let me tell you how much time I've spent this year on skincare boards ).

I have found that within my own family/relatives, there is not the same openness to discussing these constraints on women. Whenever I challenge or question beauty norms, people just sort of chuckle and tell me "look at her trying to be revolutionary. Everyone has to maintain their look and work hard at being presentable to the world's standards...that's just the way it is."