Naturals who relasped!

[MsBoinglicious]

Naturals who relapsed !

So I have been on this natural hair journey for almost 2.5 years (in November 09) and I am just tired now! I am giving myself until Dec of this year to make the choice to stay natural or go back to a texturizer/relaxer. Its like okay I know what my real hair looks like, it’s cute, next! I don't care about hair texture or type, I just want long hair. And these single strand knots are getting higher and getting in the way of having long hair for me.

What made you go back to the chemical? Did you feel "defeated" at all or regret the choice? I love my hair texture but I am tired of the maintenance that comes with being natural. It was liberating at first but now it’s becoming a time consuming money eating burden. I don't know what to do.

Advice???

 

[Mercie]

When I was natural it was really exspensive and hard to maintain.
I had to go to my hair stylist at least once every 2 weeks to do the twists.
My parents couldn't afford that.

When my mom tried doing the twists on her own she broke my hair off. =[
I got a relaxer after getting braids doing a jericurl (kind of but not really)
and more braids. I think relaxed hair is just the easiest for me to take care of my own.
And it doesn't cost too much.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i relapsed. i regretted as soon as i washed out the relaxer. i hate my hair so much, and now i am transitioning back to natural.​

 

[loolalooh]

I've thought about relaxing a few times, but I haven't relapsed. What keeps from doing so are the following:

Relaxing (for me) =

* Wind messing up my hairstyle
* Rain messing up my hairstyle
* Humidity making it difficult to pull off straight looks while stretching
* Money spent on relaxer kits, porosity control, and protein treatments (none of which I need as a natural)
* Weekly rollersets + weekly protein treatments + tri-monthly touchups = time consuming
* Weaker strands = Harder time retaining length (this is true for me, but may not be for others)

I think of these things and remember that the natural side of the grass is greener for me. Being natural does not have to be more of a money-eating burden than being relaxed. My hair is good to go with shea butter and coconut oil that both last several months along with cheap V05, CON, and LustraSilk. Being natural, I spend an average of 2-3 hours a week (sometimes less, sometimes more) on my hair which is about the same amount of time I would be spending if I were relaxed.

Try to look at the reality of both sides, and see which option works better for you.

 

[Junebug D]

I relapsed about 3-4 years after I went natural. I was frustrated with it. I'd cut it off so many times (again, in frustration) so I wasn't at any kind of length where I felt happy with it. I was tired of BC'ing as a temporray solution, was tired of dealing with it altogether. I felt the same way you did.

I regretted it soon after because I didn't know what I was doing, the relaxer didn't go right and I ended up burned pretty badly, and with hair that was severely underprocessed. (What is called texlaxed around here). I found the new texture somewhat freeing for a while: I just wore a wash-n-go 'fro, never detangled or anything. Needless to say, I ended up shaving my head 2 months later and went back to natural... where I am now contemplating going relaxed bone-straight because I'm at the end of my tether again and have rediscovered LHCF and have more knowledge.

 

[baddison]

Ultimately, you have to do Y-O-U!!! I was natural for 3years before I came to LHCF. When I saw all these gorgeous heads of both natural and relaxed heads, I soon learned that my hair could be healthy no matter what I chose! I chose to go back to relaxed. I am happier with my regimen, and FOR ME!, my hair is easier to manage. I have not regretted it. My hair is growing, flourishing, but most important - it is HEALTHY and I am retaining all my length.


The best part about it is this: When I am ready to go back to natural - I WILL! If I want to stay relaxed - I WILL! NO matter what I choose to do with my hair, I now how to keep it in a healthy state.

Gotta love LHCF!!!

 

[MsBoinglicious]

i think i should, since i flatironed yesterday, go on a serch and distroy misson with these single strand knots. maybe afterwards i will feel better.

 

[mswoman]

When ever you get the urge just flat iron more... That's what I've decided to do this time. It's my second BC... so I'm just flat iron it and call it a day when I get tired. Also I don't like bone straight hair... I'm not sure about the price. Getting a relaxer costs a lot of money and I wounldn't dare do it myself.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

I relaxed after constantly losing length because of single strand knots.

I think you have a good plan in giving yourself time to see if you can deal with the situation before jumping into a relaxer. (I gave myself a year)

The only thing that I'd recommend is that if you are going to relax, do some research in advance so that you can make an informed decision on the how, what and where. I think that regrets happen when a rash decision is made in either direction.

I have no regrets about relaxing again until there is a cure for single strand knots or I am fine with not growing my hair past a twa.

Good luck!

 

[Hairsofab]

I'm at the same point with my hair. These single strand knots are killing me. I tried wearing my own hair out for a few months and I felt like I lost inches from the manipulation (not flat ironing, just from doing twists and washing twice a week). So now I'm back to wearing wigs. Sometimes I think if I got a relaxer it would be easier.

 

[Taina]

I did relapsed TWO TIMES!!
Yes, this is the third time i go natural. But i have to be ashamed of myself the first time i did it because i returned to Dominican Republic and nobody wanted to hired me because of my fro - pretty stupid - but the second time i relaxed because i was bored of my hair style!! .. i can just style my hair one way .. so one day i wope up and said to my mom ... "i'm going to hae a relaxer, i'll be bach in a couple of hours". I din't rethink anything, just did it. When i felt mu hair relaxed i wanted to cry, but i keept it for a whole ywar.

Now i made the bif chope nine days ago and i'm loving it. I necer had long natural hair, but i just LOVE how girls looks with their big fros and i want to be one of them sometime. But honey, if you think is better for you to have a relaxed hair IS OK too, you just have to keep you hair healthy, either relaxed or natural. I just want you to think that if you want to be natural again, you will have to pass AGAIN, thru the whole process and it can be hard.

Anyway, good look in any you decide to do.

 

[Prettyeyes]

LOL @ "RELASPED"

 

[bermudabeauty]

Glad you posted this thread because today I was saying to myself. Dang I got to get up and co-wash my hair before I go to work this morning. I hate that. I'm lazy I guess.....Bbefore today I never even thought of going back relaxed. I am curious to see more responses.

 

[vainღ♥♡jane]

i noticed that too. i was like 'wait, relasped?'. ​

 

[MsBoinglicious]

hehe i did spell that wrong. didn't i!! lol

 

[kinkylyfe]

Being natural takes A LOT of work. I'm tired of seeing the tiny hair o's all on the floor & wall when I flow dry my hair. My hair has not grown in 1yr! Right now its starting to become frustrating. It is difficult to find a hair dresser to style my hair : press n curl, or twists etc.

I've had relaxers, jheri curl and natural so this time around, I'm thinking: texturizer....

I'm seeing a lot of females on this sit with "natural" hair but sometimes it looks like a texturizer or tex/lax. Just like you I've given myself until March 2010 but I may change it to Dec 2009.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I think it is good you're giving yourself time to think about it. That way if you do it, you'll be satisfied with your choice no matter what. I gave myself 6 months, starting last Sept to decide, and ended up giving myself 6 more months lol! So I'm still natural, and I REALLY want to stay this way. I have issues with how time consuming it is now that it's longer and detangling sessions. But if I ever do something like relax I want to make darn sure that I am happy with my decision so that I don't run around and have to have another BC. Good for you for thinking things through and giving yourself ample time to decide and research options.

 

[Carrie A]

Well IDK if I should be giving advice 'cause you've been natural way longer than me. In fact I think I remember your BC over on NP. I will say that perhaps you need a technique overhaul- not just a product but technique. You might need to do some radically different styling to prevent knots at your length. My hair is approx APL (some more some less) now and I am in the process of reevaluating my whole regimen because of knot issues. There may not be a cure, but I know (for me anyway) there are ways to improve the situation.

 

[naturalpride]

I decided to relax/telax because as my natural hair grew I would have more knot and tangles that I would have to patiently comb or cut through. Also styling my hair would take an entire day 7-8 hours to do two-strand twist that I would keep in for a week or two because I liked my hair to look freshly done always So I decided to go back to relaxers, relaxers have never been my enemy; I never relaxed my hair very often anyway and it has always been in a healthy condition so I went back to what works for mylife and time that I have to dedicate to hair.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

I was natural then relaxed at 16 loved it for a while but started missing my hair so tranistioned and now im natural and its for keeps

 

[silvergirl]

i went back twice before my initial 2005 transition. but like an above poster said. after i washed out the relaxer i regretted it. heck i cant even flatiron my hair without washing it back out a day later, cause i like the "look" of natural hair on me more than straight.

so id say of you 100% sure youd rather have length over texture then go for it. but id do some practice runs first, like flatiron or press your hair for a while just too sure. but its def good your giving yourself some good time to think about it.

 

[Renewed1]

Girl, I feel you. But I have to remember that I couldn't retain length and thickness with a relaxer. The most I'll probably do is Texlax or do a BKT treatment when I want straight hair.

 

[MonPetite]

I did.

Regretted it.

I BCed again last month. It helped me see that I truly do want to be natural. It's not a total loss if you relax only to BC again, so long as you know deep down why you relaxed, know what to change in your mindset to not have that issue any longer and are pleased with the decision to return to being natural.

 

[Skiggle]

LOL @ "RELASPED"

i noticed that too. i was like 'wait, relasped?'. ​

Both of you..

 

[Mum2L]

Re: Naturals who relapsed !

So I have been on this natural hair journey for almost 2.5 years (in November 09) and I am just tired now! I am giving myself until Dec of this year to make the choice to stay natural or go back to a texturizer/relaxer. Its like okay I know what my real hair looks like, it’s cute, next! I don't care about hair texture or type, I just want long hair. And these single strand knots are getting higher and getting in the way of having long hair for me.

What made you go back to the chemical? Did you feel "defeated" at all or regret the choice? I love my hair texture but I am tired of the maintenance that comes with being natural. It was liberating at first but now it’s becoming a time consuming money eating burden. I don't know what to do.

Advice???

Funny you brought this topic up. I've been natural x2 (1st time for 3 years, 2nd time for 2 years) in the last 10 years. Each time, I got tired of the maintenance and when back natural. I recently I had my relaxer 11 weeks post relaxer retouch done and am having a little remorse and have moments of wanted to go back natural. (I think looking at all the YouTube video) I know I can't relax my hair forever but realistically know that looking after my hair in it's natural state took alot of work. My natural hair is very very thick and have a lot of shrinkage when I wash it. However, looking back, I realized I didn't moisturize my hair and look after it the way I should. So that could've been the problem why I gave up.

I've come to the conclusion that whether my hair is relaxed or natural, I have to work at it. I've been on both sides and when get sick of my hair, I always think 'the grass is greener on the other side'.

So for the meantime, 'I need to bloom where I'm planted', so to speak and do my best with what I've got, keep it healthy, to and remember it's only hair and not get so caught up in what state it's in (meaning; whether it's relaxed or natural) and to be content with my current choice.

HTH

 

[DarkAngell]

I did a BC @ 13 months post. I texlaxed 5 months later. I was trying everything in the book and i just couldn't get it to do anything decent. It was just TOO bulky. I don't regret it at all. Honestly it's getting very hard lately once again. I've just reached BSL and my hair is realllllly becoming a bit too much. It's knotting up more, it's taking way too long to wash, and I'm just flying through every/any product. The curls are BEAUTIFUL....but I have ALOT of hair!

I texlax VERY slightly. I use mild and only leave it on for 2 mins. ( 8 sections of hair). I think i might leave it on for a couple more minutes next time and see what happens. I don't want to lose my curl and will NEVER go back to bone straight, but it's become too much. I can't even fit normal hair ties around it!!!

Looking foward to cooler weather though because once i start straightening, that's when I can really see the fruits of my labor and it makes me rethink relaxing any more then what I already do .I had neither the thickness nor the length/growth rate when i was relaxed bone straight.

 

[2inspireU]

I relaxed after 4 years of being natural. I loved the manageability,but I hated my hair. It was weaker and didn't have the fullness I loved. I'm transitioning now. However, I don't regret doing it because now I KNOW natural hair is for me, therefore I could care less about what anyone else has to say about my hair.

 

[MsBoinglicious]

thanks ladies. I just did a nice trim. I was at the top of BSL now it looks like i am just a tad under APL now. I will give it to December and make a decision if i don't see any changes with the single strand knots.

 

[BrickbyBrick]

Hi lady,
Just wanted to say I agree with a previous poster about temporarily changing the texture of your hair. Whether that's a flat iron, BKT or even a weave, I think it will give you a break and help you decide if that's the look you want to keep.

I am a transitioner in a big a** curly fro weave, and the WEAVE is driving me bonkers!!! It gets crazy big and there's always hair on the floor when I try to mess with it. But when it's out in a free state, its nice to look at, sooo...I'm not giving up on it yet. and it seems as though you're getting wonderful growth in your natural state too. Was the growth like this when you were relaxed?

Good luck in your decision. Rooting for ya, whatever you decide.

 

[hopeful]

Well I bc'd twice. First time in 2005, I stayed natural for all of 6 months. The 2nd time I bc'd was in 2006, that time I stayed natural for 2 years and 4 months. My hair was the healthiest and longest it had ever been in my life. The first time I went back to relaxing because , I don't really know why, well I kinda do, I remember being very frustrated that I could not do a wash n go like it seemed everyone else could. But I have mutiple textures in my hair so it would never dry right so in a way I think I was unhappy with my hair and frustrated that I had to do a braid or twist out for it to look the way I wanted.

The second time I got over the different textures and trying to define curls that weren't there in the first place but I wanted to show my length more and I had become very very tired of the 5-hour twisting sessions. I actually became depressed at the thought of doing my hair. And it was so thick I could not get it under a wig. I really wanted to wear a wig so I could stop thinking about my hair.

Bottom line though my hair and scalp cannot tolerate a relaxer, period, lye or no-lye, professionally done or done by me, my hair simply does not thrive with a relaxer. But it just grew so thick, long, and beautifully when it was natural. So back to natural I go.

Sometimes I feel like screaming and . But it's a learning process, right? The second time I stayed natural for over 2 years, which showed progress, so this time I think I will make it, third time's the charm, right? So anyways, I plan to bc in January and kick the new year off as a natural. Or I may wear it straight for a while and just not get another relaxer again. IDK for sure but I know I cannot relax again, but I said that before and relapsed.

I do not want to keep making the same mistake again and again.

And I want to see how long my hair can actually grow. I think it's much longer than I ever dreamed.