Awww come on lets finish the discussion! It was civil!

[gabulldawg]

Didn't say that. That's why I said "we". We all have self-hate issues, and I wish people would stop denying it. It's ridiculous. We can not get rid of these issues if we keep pretending it is not there. It isn't our fault. White society has fed this to us for centuries. But for the future generations, can we please start admitting that these feelings are wrong, so they can grow up with some of these issues?

I am tired of just la-la-la-ing over everything. I don't want my children growing up in a world where they think there is something wrong with their natural hair, their dark skin, or truly believe that Black women are mean and nasty by nature.

We can not get to that point if we keep denying it's there. That is all I am saying.

IMO, people need to speak for themselves! I wasn't raised to hate myself. I was raised to love myself and my culture. I wasn't raised thinking that any color was "better" than another. I wasn't raised thinking natural hair was ugly. I didn't have a relaxer slapped on my head as a toddler. I was raised to make my own choices, without caring about what others think. Just because YOU (not just you, rosie) have issues with your race doesn't mean that EVERYONE does. And just because someone chemicall straightens their hair doesn't mean they have self-hate issues!

Some people REALLY don't have self-hate issues! Why is it hard to believe? Of course, that doesn't mean that people don't have issues, but it's not anyone's place to speak for everyone. Having a relaxer doesn't automatically mean you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

And other non-White races have self-hate problems too. It's not just Black folks. That's the "joy" of being colonized. But I am nothing but Black, so I can not speak for them. I am not saying anyone has to stop relaxing or that relaxing = self-hate, but I think the negative attitudes that certain people keep spouting about natural hair is a problem. I am tired of hearing us put ourselves down is all. I do it too, but I am not denying it, and I am working hard to weed that out because it's wrong to me.

And, I know there are relaxed heads that do have a positive outlook on natural hair.

That is all.

 

[taz007]

Didn't say that. That's why I said "we". We all have self-hate issues, and I wish people would stop denying it. It's ridiculous. We can not get rid of these issues if we keep pretending it is not there. It isn't our fault. White society has fed this to us for centuries. But for the future generations, can we please start admitting that these feelings are wrong, so they can grow up with some of these issues?

I am tired of just la-la-la-ing over everything. I don't want my children growing up in a world where they think there is something wrong with their natural hair, their dark skin, or truly believe that Black women are mean and nasty by nature.

We can not get to that point if we keep denying it's there. That is all I am saying.

IMHO, this is something that is learned in the home. We have a rainbow of colors in my immediate family. My DARK chocolate sister is the most beautiful and articulate of us all. Trust that she does NOT have self hate issues as it was not an ISSUE in our home.

I think that I will bow out of this as well...

 

[that_1_grrrl]

IMO, people need to speak for themselves! I wasn't raised to hate myself. I was raised to love myself and my culture. I wasn't raised thinking that any color was "better" than another. I wasn't raised thinking natural hair was ugly. I didn't have a relaxer slapped on my head as a toddler. I was raised to make my own choices, without caring about what others think. Just because YOU (not just you, rosie) have issues with your race doesn't mean that EVERYONE does. And just because someone chemicall straightens their hair doesn't mean they have self-hate issues!

Some people REALLY don't have self-hate issues! Why is it hard to believe? Of course, that doesn't mean that people don't have issues, but it's not anyone's place to speak for everyone. Having a relaxer doesn't automatically mean you have some underlying issues that need to be addressed.

Well, if you don't, good for you.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

IMHO, this is something that is learned in the home. We have a rainbow of colors in my immediate family. My DARK chocolate sister is the most beautiful and articulate of us all. Trust that she does NOT have self hate issues as it was not an ISSUE in our home.

I think that I will bow out of this as well...

I agree it's learned at home, but there is still a world of people who stir children wrong. I will teach my children to love themselves, but I can not be their teachers, their friends, and the random person down the street too.

 

[gabulldawg]

I agree it's learned at home, but there is still a world of people who stir children wrong. I will teach my children to love themselves, but I can not be their teachers, their friends, and the random person down the street too.

But you can teach them not to value the opinions of the "others." Of course the majority of blacks experience a time in their lives where they do question their heritage and their wealth and their beauty, etc., and may experience a degree of self-hate, but that's a part of life as a minority. Ultimately, if they are raised "correctly," a black person CAN grow to love themself and their culture! It's not impossible.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

But you can teach them not to value the opinions of the "others." Of course the majority of blacks experience a time in their lives where they do question their heritage and their wealth and their beauty, etc., and may experience a degree of self-hate, but that's a part of life as a minority. Ultimately, if they are raised "correctly," a black person CAN grow to love themself and their culture! It's not impossible.

I agree. I just don't believe they will be 100% free of the problem, you know? It will manifest itself somewhere. I am just so tired of hearing us put ourselves down. I hear it everyday, everywhere I go.

But I guess I can thank God it wasn't as bad as it used to be (ugh, listening to my grandmother drives me bonkers), and we are slowly but surely getting there. One day...

 

[Kurlee]

IMHO, this is something that is learned in the home. We have a rainbow of colors in my immediate family. My DARK chocolate sister is the most beautiful and articulate of us all. Trust that she does NOT have self hate issues as it was not an ISSUE in our home.

I think that I will bow out of this as well...

I agree and disagree. People are socialized by society, so yes while family and upbringing does play a role, when that child goes to school, watches movies, reads magazines, sees movies, watches videos, starts dating, etc, these experiences help to shape their identity. So as much as your family may be on point with raising your sister, there are are external factors that they simply have no control over.

 

[Evolving78]

But you can teach them not to value the opinions of the "others." Of course the majority of blacks experience a time in their lives where they do question their heritage and their wealth and their beauty, etc., and may experience a degree of self-hate, but that's a part of life as a minority. Ultimately, if they are raised "correctly," a black person CAN grow to love themself and their culture! It's not impossible.

it is hard though, when you have your own race of people telling you something God-given is ugly, or bad and that you need a perm to make it better. that is something that a lot of natural heads have to go through. not saying that it will make them give in and relax, but it makes the journey harder. it is really hard when you are a little girl and you have folks telling you those negative things left and right. your parents can only do so much.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

Okay these ladies articulated it better than I could.

I am coming from a place where I dealt with these issues in the worst way. When I was in high school, I hated everything about being Black because all around me, that is what I was being told to feel. I have been working so hard to overcome that, and it gets so discouraging when I have to hear others say such negative things about being Black. It's enough to make me cry. It is really painful.

And what's worse is some people have the attitude (not talking about anyone in here) that there is absolutely nothing wrong with thinking dark skin or nappy hair is ugly, unmanageable, etc. It's just . That's how that thinking got into my head in the first place. When people think it is okay to make fun of someone for being dark or for needing a perm, what do people expect? Or when you grow up and everyone tells you your hair is so unmanageable. I just wish I could at least come to a site about Black hair without hearing people talking negatively about natural hair.

I agree and disagree. People are socialized by society, so yes while family and upbringing does play a role, when that child goes to school, watches movies, reads magazines, sees movies, watches videos, starts dating, etc, these experiences help to shape their identity. So as much as your family may be on point with raising your sister, there are are external factors that they simply have no control over.

it is hard though, when you have your own race of people telling you something God-given is ugly, or bad and that you need a perm to make it better. that is something that a lot of natural heads have to go through. not saying that it will make them give in and relax, but it makes the journey harder. it is really hard when you are a little girl and you have folks telling you those negative things left and right. your parents can only do so much.

 

[Kurlee]

And other non-White races have self-hate problems too. It's not just Black folks. That's the "joy" of being colonized. But I am nothing but Black, so I can not speak for them. I am not saying anyone has to stop relaxing or that relaxing = self-hate, but I think the negative attitudes that certain people keep spouting about natural hair is a problem. I am tired of hearing us put ourselves down is all. I do it too, but I am not denying it, and I am working hard to weed that out because it's wrong to me.

And, I know there are relaxed heads that do have a positive outlook on natural hair.

That is all.

In every thread someone says this, but it's really irrelevant. If you have a problem with yourself, pointing out who else has the problem too does not help you in any way. Also, black folk, I think are ousted as "most" different" from white folk because of our hair texture and facial features....... With that said, the fact that the majority of black women DRASTICALLY alter their hair texture on a regular basis seems like a deeper issue. If it was say half of black women or less, I could see it as a style choice, but for most to feel that they HAVE to relax, most don't know what their real texture is like, most think it's too hard to deal with their real hair is a problem with the person and their identity, not simply a style choice.

I have natural 4a hair and I have to be honest. It took time for me to understand my hair and learn how to treat it. I'm still learning. Some days, I want to relax it or at least texlax it because the work it takes sometimes is overwhelming. I understand why some relax. It's easier (in the sense that it is faster), plain and simple. Whenever I get the urge to relax, I get my hair flat ironed (twice a year). After a few days of that, I am more than happy to wash my hair and go back to what it was.

The point I am trying to make is, in a society where our hair is not the norm, products are not made to cater to us in the mainstream (thank god for online shopping) and anything longer than neck length is considered a weave, it is hard to love and accept your hair in it's natural state. It's so much easier to gloss over the BS and just relax. I do however think that it is important for everyone at some point in their lives to really know what their real hair is like. I think that is important. I think it easier for blacks to assimilate with relaxed hair and I think on some subconscious level, many black people feel that they have no choice.

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I know it's irrelevant. That was the point I was trying to make about people constantly saying, "Other races don't blah blah blah." I am tired of the constant comparisons to people of other races, especially considering they are usually wrong.

And I agree 100% with what you're saying.

In every thread someone says this, but it's really irrelevant. If you have a problem with yourself, pointing out who else has the problem too does not help you in any way. Also, black folk, I think are ousted as "most" different" from white folk because of our hair texture and facial features....... With that said, the fact that the majority of black women DRASTICALLY alter their hair texture on a regular basis seems like a deeper issue. If it was say half of black women or less, I could see it as a style choice, but for most to feel that they HAVE to relax, most don't know what their real texture is like, most think it's too hard to deal with their real hair is a problem with the person and their identity, not simply a style choice.

I have natural 4a hair and I have to be honest. It took time for me to understand my hair and learn how to treat it. I'm still learning. Some days, I want to relax it or at least texlax it because the work it takes sometimes is overwhelming. I understand why some relax. It's easier (in the sense that it is faster), plain and simple. Whenever I get the urge to relax, I get my hair flat ironed (twice a year). After a few days of that, I am more than happy to wash my hair and go back to what it was.

The point I am trying to make is, in a society where our hair is not the norm, products are not made to cater to us in the mainstream (thank god for online shopping) and anything longer than neck length is considered a weave, it is hard to love and accept your hair in it's natural state. It's so much easier to gloss over the BS and just relax. I do however think that it is important for everyone at some point in their lives to really know what their real hair is like. I think that is important. I think it easier for blacks to assimilate with relaxed hair and I think on some subconscious level, many black people feel that they have no choice.

 

[lonelysky]

This could be a different issue because of having two completely different textures in your head. From my experience, it can be difficult to deal with the two textures, so the people that are posting might be talking about the two textures and not the new growth. For me, when I was in transition, it was much harder for me to deal with then having my hair 100 percent relaxed or 100 percent natural.

I was going to try to read the whole thread before I commented, but this post summs up my sentiment about my natural hair.

I love my natural hair. I'm not texlaxed, but I like it when new growth comes in, and my beutician doesn't get my hair bone straight anyway. I think that relaxed black hair is prettier than most stright white hair (there are some white girls out their with coarser types that is as pretty as ours straight).

For me the problem with my natural hair, and really the relaxed part of my hair for that matter, is that the two textures at the same time is difficult to manage. I would be happy to be 'nappy' lol.

The thing that is stopping me from going completely natural right now is that I want to have lenght first. I like to have long hair, and I do not want to do a BC until I get my hair to the length that I desire. I don't want to transition because working with four different textures of hair is extremely difficult for me.

When I get to my desired lenght relaxed, then I might considering the process of transitioning.

But I like my relaxed hair. I relax as a style choice. I definitely believe that there is a european standard of beauty in our society. However, I don't think that relaxing necessarily correlates to conforming to that style of beauty.

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but relaxed black hair is quite different than most white hair...

ffrant:

 

[that_1_grrrl]

I couldn't agree more. I love that it has some weight to it. I am not really into the flat, limp look that a lot of White girls have.

I was going to try to read the whole thread before I commented, but this post summs up my sentiment about my natural hair.

I love my natural hair. I'm not texlaxed, but I like it when new growth comes in, and my beutician doesn't get my hair bone straight anyway. I think that relaxed black hair is prettier than most stright white hair (there are some white girls out their with coarser types that is as pretty as ours straight).

For me the problem with my natural hair, and really the relaxed part of my hair for that matter, is that the two textures at the same time is difficult to manage. I would be happy to be 'nappy' lol.

The thing that is stopping me from going completely natural right now is that I want to have lenght first. I like to have long hair, and I do not want to do a BC until I get my hair to the length that I desire. I don't want to transition because working with four different textures of hair is extremely difficult for me.

When I get to my desired lenght relaxed, then I might considering the process of transitioning.

But I like my relaxed hair. I relax as a style choice. I definitely believe that there is a european standard of beauty in our society. However, I don't think that relaxing necessarily correlates to conforming to that style of beauty.

I don't know if anyone has noticed, but relaxed black hair is quite different than most white hair...

ffrant:

 

[luckiestdestiny]

dreads

OOOOOOOOOOOH!

(I'm instigating and I'm natural )

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I agree.

Also if you want to go from long hair to short, you have to cut your hair.


Does anyone here think a hair cut is a body alteration?

Not really. Hair is dead. The body isn't. You don't cut off your arm and it grows back but hair does. If you get a face lift, you're changing the underlying muscle and everything and it doesn't go back to normal. Hair always does because no matter what it grows and grows. So hair alterations are more temporary in my opinion. I'm prob one of the only naturals who don't think that relaxing is self loathing (all the time). I think it's a choice and WHATEVER. Let everyone do what they want and live their life.

 

[tmrskltn]

Ok so i been reading through this HILARIOUS (4 lack of a better word) thread, Iam all natural, i read some peoples comments and i believes that 1 most of us are just ignorant and don't know anything but realxed hair. iam mixed and my hair was natural but i remember my mom pressing it by the stove, and the smell of the grease/hair burning....she would not relax me though. i had not a clue how to do my hair so i relaxed and that was it never even thought about it. But as i got older i noticed that my hair was not as thick as it was when i was younger and i also hated getting perms( the burning and sores) 2 much so i started thinking hmmmm i wonder how it would be to have natural hair? So i did it transitioned and then chopped had about 4 in of new growth. It was the best/n most informed decision i have made for my hair. Iam enjoying my journey and reading of the other ladies on this journey also.

This is for all 4/A/B people i look through some of ur fotki's and i think WOW it is a shame that the world(ourselves included) have told you that your hair is nappy, ugly.......I personally think it is some of those most beautiful hair i have ever seen ....the texture and thickness, I think that we have the most different hair than any other ethnicity. Let's start enbracing that difference and understand that "It's a BEAUTIFUL THING.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

What about them? Transitioners are neither exempt from self-hate or self-love, if those are the terms people want to use. There are numerous threads about people transitioning only because their hair or scalp couldn't handle relaxers. And there are people who are transitioning just to be a straight natural. There are transitioners who straighten their new growth every single week, never even giving their natural texture a chance. Then there are transitioners who actually love their natural hair.

And from what I've seen, people stretch in order to make it easier for them to relax the next time and to give their relaxed hair a break from chemicals. In fact, is the stretchers who seem to make the most disparaging comments about natural hair.

Interesting. I'm sure there are also transitioners who stretch so that there's not a line of tension from straight to curly...not just because they don't want to see their natural texture.

As for giving natural texture a chance I'm sure there are naturals who straighten to reduce knots...I'm one of them. I am either flat ironed straight or in braids (cornrows w/ only my hair) like now so as to reduce knotting so that I can retain length better cause I know how my hair works.

So there are also these assumptions that self love=natural hair. You could hate your hair but be naturally kinky all you want and you could straighten and love yourself. I don't think it can just be defined by one thing such as how kinky or straight the hair is. There are reasons that people do this, and I think that is more important, and you can't get inside someone's head to determine their reasons. I think it can't be assumed either.

 

[AtlantaJJ]

It all comes down to experiences. It's like my mother, who has short, super soft/fine, 3c-4a hair encouraging me, the same daughter who she took to the beauty shop every week to get my 4j super thick APL hair pressed and curled because SHE couldn't even handle it, to go natural! Just because it works for YOU, doesn't mean it will work for ME! What's so hard to understand about that??

Some people are really playing themselves and think they are playing others. You have "rainbows" growing out of your head and I have "weeds" growing out of mine, and I'm supposed to sit here and look foolish just so I can embrace my heritage. I've gone the natural route, and after trial and error, came to the conclusion that it's not for me. I have a right to make that choice. I don't like puffs. I don't like twists. I don't like braids. I don't like frizz. I like wearing my hair straight, and I can do something about it. Everyone has different experiences, just like we all have different preferences. Why do we all have to be the same?

I totally agree with this point of view. What is wrong with doing you boo?

My hair is not a political statement. It's been said before I am not my hair! The way style and wear my hair is based on my CURRENT personal aesthetics only (subject to change without notice).

I do not project my preference on to others head's nor do I make judgments about others based on the way they style their hair. Life is too short and I just don't see the point of expending that kind of energy over things beyond my control anyway. GABD is right, we don't have to be the same!

Do you boo!

 

[luckiestdestiny]

I think we are all saying the same things here:

Some women relax their hair because it's just a style choice.

Some women relax their hair because they don't know anything about natural hair or that they even have that option.

Some women relax their hair because they don't like natural hair and would rather die before they let someone see a single nap spring forth from their scalp.


When we have hese discussions, we are not talking about the women who relax as a style choice. Everyone in these threads has admitted that some women who relax have issues, so why can't we just discuss them and leave all the other stuff out of it?

I totally agree.

Just like

some people are natural because they have problems with chemicals but would be relaxed in 2 seconds if they could.

Some people are natural because they originally had problems with chemicals but now love their natural hair so they stayed that way. Maybe because it's something they did since they were younger, who knows, but now are committed to natural hair.

Some people are natural because they want to be and it's a personal decision and they feel empowered.

Some people are natural because they want to be and feel like it makes them superior. It can make them feel that they can tell others what to do w/ their lives in addition to feeling empowered..


Heck I'm a natural and I know that because I've felt it from other naturals.
I think everyone should not assume anyone's motives and just live their lives happily. I love that this forum is one where everyone can come together and share knowledge and love hair care in general. No worries no judgements.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

Totally agree. Some women look great curly or kinky and some look great w/ straight hair.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

More power to anybody that does what they want with their hair.

It is not for me or anybody else to determine their motives for them.

PREACH. Wish I would've said this instead of my million posts. This is exactly what i was getting at.

 

[cutiebe2]

Totally agree. Some women look great curly or kinky and some look great w/ straight hair.

This is me. I think I would look best with a braid out that fell around APL. I have a chubby face naturally so I need big hair to balance..

 

[yuriko]

Its funny how the natural versus relaxer thing polarizes people, I must have been 17 when I transferred to college in the USA from Nigeria. And you know how much I avoided the afro-centric cult in my college. By their standards, you had to be natural with a puff or have locs, had to dress and behave a certain way to prove that you love yourself. I think that people who truly love their hair so much would not care so much to point out that the relaxed chics have issues. It is the natural that has something to say about the relaxed woman that has issues and vice versa. If you are busy talking about other people's hair, then something is wrong with you

Most of my close friends are Vietnamese, and they all hate their hair because its too straight, too limp, will not hold a curl, has no volume etc. I don't understand why I have to love my hair just because I am black. I like my hair but would like it better if it didn't tangle so much, and its my hair I have a right to complain about it. Oh I and also don't like my feet, they are really slender and I have problem finding shoes that fit me, so I guess that is just a lot of self hate.

It is normal to want to improve your appearance, You could ask the most beautiful woman what she does not like about herself and she would point out 5 body parts in a split second.

 

[mahogany_horizons]

The rule is, black women would rather be bald with dry, thin, flaky hair then to actually let their hair grow out and be natural. I have seen old ladies with BIG bakd spots in their hair, still going to the beauty salon to get that relaxer, why? They obviously think the HAM they have on their head is better than a nice lush afro, they are too scared to even try.

You have to admit there is a problem when women are walking around with busted weaves (yall know the matted kind), bald spots, thin air, no edges, dandruff flaky scalp but when asked if they have ever thought of going natural, they just about die at the thought! So, you mean your HAM on the top of your head is better than what your hair would look like natural?

I'VE BEEN RELAXED SINCE I was six but that mess is funny right there!! AND I AGREE WITH YOU. I never had the issues as mentioned above, but I see chicks like this all the time. They'd rather have thin, scraggly looking ratty hair with big patches of dandruff and bald spots relaxed, than to be natural!!

I have even started watching the old black ladies I know, and lots of them have bald spots in the middle of their heads that range from the size of a quarter to the size of my palm. And for what? So they can keep their hair straight!

If I had such issues, I would go natural tomorrow!

But we must admit this problem is huge.

I had a great family outing last weekend. A woman with natural hair rode by on the opposite escalator, and I heard my father whisper to my husband

"Good lord, I know her hair is giving her a headache,"

My husband chuckled but then he looked at me, b/c we are always having those conversations about black women putting hair health before lenght. He looks for women with unhealthy relaxed hair now too.

But it's attitudes like my father, and others like him that make it hard for people to embrace their natural hair.

And some people just like relaxed hair. I know when I am 12 weeks post, it gets difficult to comb through my hair if it's not in sections...I don't have issues with breakage....the hair underneath is curly. I think I'm 3c....some parts like the nape might even be 3b...my hairline might be 4aish......I'm not sure....I'm very suprized that my natural hair has such soft curls..

But without the proper knowledge, it is hard to care for, for me!

bUT i DON'T feel ashamed, even at 12 weeks post....I think natural hair is cool...I just think some of us don't know, dont' care to learn how to work with it, I'm a little of both....and then the second, some don't want their fathers, husbands/friends, etc, acting side eyed about natural hair.

 

[MA2010]

Its funny how the natural versus relaxer thing polarizes people, I must have been 17 when I transferred to college in the USA from Nigeria. And you know how much I avoided the afro-centric cult in my college. By their standards, you had to be natural with a puff or have locs, had to dress and behave a certain way to prove that you love yourself. I think that people who truly love their hair so much would not care so much to point out that the relaxed chics have issues. It is the natural that has something to say about the relaxed woman that has issues and vice versa. If you are busy talking about other people's hair, then something is wrong with you

Most of my close friends are Vietnamese, and they all hate their hair because its too straight, too limp, will not hold a curl, has no volume etc. I don't understand why I have to love my hair just because I am black. I like my hair but would like it better if it didn't tangle so much, and its my hair I have a right to complain about it. Oh I and also don't like my feet, they are really slender and I have problem finding shoes that fit me, so I guess that is just a lot of self hate.

It is normal to want to improve your appearance, You could ask the most beautiful woman what she does not like about herself and she would point out 5 body parts in a split second.

Great point!

 

[Kurlee]

Its funny how the natural versus relaxer thing polarizes people, I must have been 17 when I transferred to college in the USA from Nigeria. And you know how much I avoided the afro-centric cult in my college. By their standards, you had to be natural with a puff or have locs, had to dress and behave a certain way to prove that you love yourself. I think that people who truly love their hair so much would not care so much to point out that the relaxed chics have issues. It is the natural that has something to say about the relaxed woman that has issues and vice versa. If you are busy talking about other people's hair, then something is wrong with you

Most of my close friends are Vietnamese, and they all hate their hair because its too straight, too limp, will not hold a curl, has no volume etc. I don't understand why I have to love my hair just because I am black. I like my hair but would like it better if it didn't tangle so much, and its my hair I have a right to complain about it. Oh I and also don't like my feet, they are really slender and I have problem finding shoes that fit me, so I guess that is just a lot of self hate.

It is normal to want to improve your appearance, You could ask the most beautiful woman what she does not like about herself and she would point out 5 body parts in a split second.

I'm going to have to disagree with the bolded. Many people who are natural WERE relaxed, so maybe they speak from experience and being on both sides of the fence? For most of us on this board to still not know what our hair looks like without chemicals seems weird to me. Whenever I read the threads in the hair board about people transitioning the first question is almost always "what is my hair type?" or what is it going to look like? To me, for a grown person to not know what their real hair looks like is sooooooooooooo weird. Your hair, skin, facial features and perception of yourself are a part of your identity and to only figure it out past your twenties is ODD. Now with that said, I don't think people with relaxed hair are bad or "unenlightened", so to speak, but I do feel that collectively as "black people", there are things we do not know and understand about ourselves that many other non-black groups know and learn naturally. This MUST have an effect on our self-esteem and self-perception to some degree. I think it is a problem that we need to confront because there is a reason why these "identity issues" are so widespread among black people. I don't think it is a coincidence.

 

[PrissyMiss]

In the words of Flava Flav.... wowwwwwwwwwwww. Man, are we still on this topic. This is like asking whether Jesus is black or white. Lol. Who cares? Hey, if you think being natural means that you have truly accepted your heritage vs. those who are relaxed, then okay. That is your opinion.

Just to be clear, African- Americans have more important issues that should be discussed, and believe it or not, it does not involve hair. Yes some are hating themselves, but there is also an equal amount that are not. Some posters in this thread need to accept the fact that relaxing does not necessarily equal self-hate. Furthermore, I think most in this thread have strayed away from the op's original question,unless she had other intentions.

eta: Yes I have been both and enjoyed both journies.

 

[Br*nzeb*mbsh~ll]

um, locks....

What other "hairstyles" require you to cut your hair off in order to change the style?

 

[manter26]

i haven't read all 33 pages of posts, but just to comment on the original topic. I don't think white women (or any straight haired ladies) who curly perm their hair get into this discussion with those with straight hair.

Curly perm is also a style. And yes, u can probably put a relaxer over it to reverse it, but i'm sure all ur hair would fall out. So really it is another style option that requires growing out and cutting off.