Awww come on lets finish the discussion! It was civil!

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Wow. You haven't shed in MONTHS? Amazing. You're the only person I know in the world that doesn't shed.

That would have to be some kind of medical condition because all hair sheds a few strands a day at the minimum

 

[PinkSkates]

I never understood straight hair naturals either. I don't get it.

I'm natural and wear my natural hair straightened about 70% of the time. What don't you get?

 

[CandiceC]

There is a natural fairytale that once you free yourself from the chemicals that your hair will cause you less stress.



The act of pulling this into a puff took 15-20 minutes.

Pulling this into a ponytail takes about 15-20 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~
I think that the overwhelming majority of black women relax because they have no idea how to maintain natural hair. And while we are on the subject, most times black women who are natural can't shed much more light on natural hair problems other than 'cut it'.

I know for myself that the only time I see myself going back to natural is when I'm in a place in my life where I'm content to wear a TWA. Because knots and knotting hair are not the bisness.

Thanks for your perspective.
Two natural women I know that come to mind wear their hair in a TWA.
If I were natural, I'd want my hair big.

 

[Ramya]

That would have to be some kind of medical condition because all hair sheds a few strands a day at the minimum

If it does shed, it is very VERY little. But I don't manipulate my hair daily either. I 'style' my hair once a week and leave it alone.

 

[Summer_Rain]

But then does make one wonder why we've been doing it for "our entire lives"? Is it really just routine or something deeper? I suppose opinion is divided. My personal experiences and just reading about other women has swayed me to believe what keeps such large numbers of women going back to the relaxer is this idea of conformity, routine and an element of ignorance. Then a deep rooted sense of fear that many people don't address is also a factor. Obviously, I'm generalising a lot and I have already noted many women who relax don't do it because they hate natural hair.

As for long vs. short hair: it's quite clear that many do want longer hair because they've been socialised to believe long hair is better if you're a woman. It's undoubtedly tied to femininity in our society and many other societies. I think people question it less because with relax vs natural, people could presume you have something against your race or texture. In terms of hair length, the equivalent of wanting long hair is rejecting short hair. Men mainly have short hair...thus, it appears like a non-issue. Yet, I think when some people cut their hair really low, they suddenly face a crisis like many who first go natural do. I sure as heck went though it. I still don't like short hair on me. I feel like I want to cut my hair now but I can't do it because as much as my hair is frustrating me, I'm not dealing with short hair again unless absolutely necessary or in an unfortunate circumstance.

In a sense, it does make me feel more feminine. Yet it's also because I have a big ol' head and with my face shape, short hair didn't really work for me. Nor does that in-between thing. As my hair approaches APL, I think I look better.

I agree with you.

I suppose (for me at least) you could possibly accuse my mother, grandmother and aunties of "self hate" - they were the ones who forced me into the chemical process! lol They aren't on the board to defend their motives, but here we are (the processed generation) needing to defend ourselves for things that for the most part, was out of our control.

I've been on this board long enough to know that the process of transitioning can be long, tiresome and frustrating. If/when I get to the point that my time and money allows me to have someone else care for my tresses while I transition back, it would be something that I would at least want to try. But until then - I'll be Affirmin' it every 8-12 weeks! I'm driven by pure lazy!

 

[msa]

There is a natural fairytale that once you free yourself from the chemicals that your hair will cause you less stress.



The act of pulling this into a puff took 15-20 minutes.

Pulling this into a ponytail takes about 15-20 seconds.

~~~~~~~~~~

I seriously wish my hair looked like yours in the first picture. And I think this is an example of people forcing their hair to do things it's not meant to do. People with thick hair usually can't get their hair in a ponytail. So find another style instead of trying to force it. I don't see why that's so difficult.

I think my opinion is colored by the fact that I've had my natural hair my whole life. So, when it can't do something I want it to do I just find an alternative that makes more sense for my hairs characteristics.

I think that the overwhelming majority of black women relax because they have no idea how to maintain natural hair. And while we are on the subject, most times black women who are natural can't shed much more light on natural hair problems other than 'cut it'.

I know for myself that the only time I see myself going back to natural is when I'm in a place in my life where I'm content to wear a TWA. Because knots and knotting hair are not the bisness.

I think the bolded is true, but it also depends on who you talk to.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

If it does shed, it is very VERY little. But I don't manipulate my hair daily either. I 'style' my hair once a week and leave it alone.

When you comb/style your hair after that week is up do you have hairs in the comb/on the floor/wherever?

 

[tocktick]

There is a natural fairytale that once you free yourself from the chemicals that your hair will cause you less stress.

I agree, being natural is not less work or easy for some people. It takes me a long time to do my hair: I avoid braids and twists as styles. I put rough ones in (no comb) when I want a twistout but I hate doing that too. I don't like dealing with knots killing off my progress etc. I'm not doing anything to my hair that it can't do: it's just mad thick and matts incredibly easily. Some people can out their whole hair into 6 parts, I put mine into about 15. Some people can keep twists for 2 weeks, mine look like ish literally the next day.

I can see why some naturals go back to being relaxed purely from a maintenance standpoint. However, presuming relaxed hair actually suited me, I still wouldn't go back to it now. I know although I probably won't face the same issues, there would still be new issues (like exercise/sweat) and I'd still have to do a bunch of stuff to maintain it the way I liked it.

 

[shtow]

well i was addressed in the other thread when I "equated" hair to health because i said relaxing is like deodorant, toothpaste, etc...

No one is going to die from not using deodorant and not brushing ur teeth. Im sure it will take a hot minute to kill you lol I was saying relaxing is a means of self style, preference, and routine (for some people).

I mean dang, if we wana take it there....natural people deep coniditon, comb, use products, etc. We use products everyday and start long threads every month on the new ones we buy!!! So to me, relaxing is a way for me to make things easier. It fits my preference and my lifestyle. Just like some women DC because it makes it easier for them to style their hair as well.

I have no problem with natural ladies. Great. But personally, I don't relax cause I want to drastically alter myself and deny my true identity, its because its my hair and if I want to modify it to fit my preference and lifestyle then that's all there is to it.

Happy Hair Growing!


***swangs hair***

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I seriously wish my hair looked like yours in the first picture. And I think this is an example of people forcing their hair to do things it's not meant to do. People with thick hair usually can't get their hair in a ponytail. So find another style instead of trying to force it. I don't see why that's so difficult.

I think my opinion is colored by the fact that I've had my natural hair my whole life. So, when it can't do something I want it to do I just find an alternative that makes more sense for my hairs characteristics.



I think the bolded is true, but it also depends on who you talk to.

Msa, seriously, are you saying that natchal folx can't even wear there hair in ponytails? Why must those with afro textured hair commit to only wearing 1 style for the rest of their life?

 

[msa]

Msa, seriously, are you saying that natchal folx can't even wear there hair in ponytails? Why must those with afro textured hair commit to only wearing 1 style for the rest of their life?

Noooooooo.

She just provided an example that fit (kind of), though not a good one.

I'm saying forcing your hair to do something it's just not designed to do is always going to be a battle. So whether that's putting it in a ponytail or straightening, I choose to just skip things that my hair's characteristics make it difficult to do.

I don't think naturals should be forced to wear one style. I just think it makes more sense to wear styles that work with your hair, instead of against it. If you have too much hair for the ponytail holder, get a bigger one or find another way to do it instead of trying to force all your hair to fit.

 

[TCatt86]

If it does shed, it is very VERY little. But I don't manipulate my hair daily either. I 'style' my hair once a week and leave it alone.

Your hair probably isn't breaking but it will shed some, has to make space for the new hair growing in.

I think this debate about why women relax is for naught, because people relax for different reasons, the same way women stop relaxing for different reasons. I've said it before, not every woman that relaxes hate herself and hair and not every woman that's natural loves their hair the way it is, if they did their wouldn't be a million thread s in the hair forum about achieving the perfect twistout, braid out, coil out, flat iron etc.

 

[LunadeMiel]

really? my hair hasn't shed since my bc but it never shed a lot before. hmmm interesting

ETA: Transitioning can be hard for people with coily hair. That's one of the major reasons I chose not to transition. I will admit that it is initially shocking to cut all your hair off. I was a few inches below shoulder length, headed toward APL when I bc'd and I was stunned for the first week. Everybody around me was very supportive though so I think it helps to have people reinforcing the beauty of natural hair and baldness

I'm 99.9% sure that your hair is shedding. Or it wouldn't be growing... I do envy those women who don't shed a lot though. Since I cowash everyday I get to see it more often...

 

[tocktick]

I agree with you.

I suppose (for me at least) you could possibly accuse my mother, grandmother and aunties of "self hate" - they were the ones who forced me into the chemical process! lol They aren't on the board to defend their motives, but here we are (the processed generation) needing to defend ourselves for things that for the most part, was out of our control.

I've been on this board long enough to know that the process of transitioning can be long, tiresome and frustrating. If/when I get to the point that my time and money allows me to have someone else care for my tresses while I transition back, it would be something that I would at least want to try. But until then - I'll be Affirmin' it every 8-12 weeks! I'm driven by pure lazy!

@ bold - and I can't say I blame you at all. Natural hair is not a "quick fix", imo. I asked my mum why she relaxed my hair at 6 and she didn't really know. I think she got tired of dealing with my natural hair. Yet, one time last year, she said that she "forgot" my hair was so soft. She originally got a relaxer because she said back in the day it meant you were "sophisticated" and above other girls...this was back in like 80s Nigeria, btw. I know she had her doubts over me going natural and still isn't 100% on it.

I never questioned why I relaxed my hair until I suddenly realised natural hair was actually a real alternative and didn't just think of it as merely "new growth". But that took damn near all of the hair on my head snapping off. Of course, I then had to face my own issues because I found out I'd been buying into the "standard of beauty" hype erplexed. It never occurred to me before.

 

[LunadeMiel]

Noooooooo.

She just provided an example that fit (kind of), though not a good one.

I'm saying forcing your hair to do something it's just not designed to do is always going to be a battle. So whether that's putting it in a ponytail or straightening, I choose to just skip things that my hair's characteristics make it difficult to do.

I don't think naturals should be forced to wear one style. I just think it makes more sense to wear styles that work with your hair, instead of against it. If you have too much hair for the ponytail holder, get a bigger one or find another way to do it instead of trying to force all your hair to fit.

I agree with you MSA. I've learned that no matter how much product I apply to my hair it will always look frizzy... Now I can try and try to make it look others but that would be too much effort.
As far as ponytails, my hair is very dense so I make sure to do them when my hair is wet. That way I don't have to struggle with it when it's dry....

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Noooooooo.

She just provided an example that fit (kind of), though not a good one.

I'm saying forcing your hair to do something it's just not designed to do is always going to be a battle. So whether that's putting it in a ponytail or straightening, I choose to just skip things that my hair's characteristics make it difficult to do.

I don't think naturals should be forced to wear one style. I just think it makes more sense to wear styles that work with your hair, instead of against it. If you have too much hair for the ponytail holder, get a bigger one or find another way to do it instead of trying to force all your hair to fit.

You remember "the bodyguard" movie? I just read the "noooo" part like the crazy guy that was in love with Whitney

Ok, sorry for sidetracking -

I'll come back to this thought in a minute.....

 

[TCatt86]

There is a natural fairytale that once you free yourself from the chemicals that your hair will cause you less stress.

I don't know where that fairytale came from because it's a lie!!! I think some folks that go natural have this dream that their hair will look like Tracy Ellis Ross or Rachel True, etc. They think they will just be able to wake up with beautiful curls and what not, but for most it won't happen. I will say however that my natural hair isn't anymore difficult than my relaxed hair, it took me hours to style my hair when I was relaxed it still takes me hours now that I'm natural.

 

[Summer_Rain]

@ bold - and I can't say I blame you at all. Natural hair is not a "quick fix", imo. I asked my mum why she relaxed my hair at 6 and she didn't really know. I think she got tired of dealing with my natural hair. Yet, one time last year, she said that she "forgot" my hair was so soft. She originally got a relaxer because she said back in the day it meant you were "sophisticated" and above other girls...this was back in like 80s Nigeria, btw. I know she had her doubts over me going natural and still isn't 100% on it.

I never questioned why I relaxed my hair until I suddenly realised natural hair was actually a real alternative and didn't just think of it as merely "new growth". But that took damn near all of the hair on my hair snapping off. Of course, I then had to face my own issues because I found out I'd been buying into the "standard of beauty" hype erplexed. It never occured to me before.

I've convinced myself that any hair style I rock would fit me, an Angela Davis fro or Beyonce Hawaiian silky but I need to stop acting like there isn't an alternate experience had out there. I appreciate you sharing.

 

[msa]

I don't know where that fairytale came from because it's a lie!!! I think some folks that go natural have this dream that their hair will look like Tracy Ellis Ross or Rachel True, etc. They think they will just be able to wake up with beautiful curls and what not, but for most it won't happen. I will say however that my natural hair isn't anymore difficult than my relaxed hair, it took me hours to style my hair when I was relaxed it still takes me hours now that I'm natural.

I wake up to beautiful coils and kinks every single day.

It all depends on how you define beautiful. Most people think that only natural hair like Tracy's or Rachel's is beautiful. But if you have 4ab hair it's only beautiful if you do a twistout/braidout or some other kind of out first.

It's sad really.

 

[kandake]

Msa, seriously, are you saying that natchal folx can't even wear there hair in ponytails? Why must those with afro textured hair commit to only wearing 1 style for the rest of their life?

Ok, so I've been lurking. But, this phrase is like nails on a chalk board. I get visions of Shima. I just can't take it...

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Noooooooo.

She just provided an example that fit (kind of), though not a good one.

I'm saying forcing your hair to do something it's just not designed to do is always going to be a battle. So whether that's putting it in a ponytail or straightening, I choose to just skip things that my hair's characteristics make it difficult to do.

I don't think naturals should be forced to wear one style. I just think it makes more sense to wear styles that work with your hair, instead of against it. If you have too much hair for the ponytail holder, get a bigger one or find another way to do it instead of trying to force all your hair to fit.

I understand your point Msa

I guess my thing is, why must naturals (especially thick, coarse haired ones) be ostracized for deciding to relax because they want to have flexibility and options pertaining to styles they want to create?

 

[Poranges]

All in all...some black women relax because they don't like natural hair, some don't. End of that story...everybody has a different reason..I loved my afro and I might go back to it maaaany years from now, maybe when I'm 60-65..but relaxed hair suits my lifestyle AND my face...can't go wrong with that...not everybody wants to be natural and not everybody wants to be relaxed...yep. I just want healthy puurty hair.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Ok, so I've been lurking. But, this phrase is like nails on a chalk board. I get visions of Shima. I just can't take it...

My bad

 

[Crackers Phinn]

So for me, my hair requires maintenence no matter what state it's in.

This is true. But I think that folks tend to exaggerate the ease of natural hair. Mdwezi's detangling video made me shed tears for her. I'm glad she stayed natural if that's what she wants to do, but I all kinda understood why she was considering a relaxer.

Remember all those threads of folks BC'ing and then crying bloody mary because they've never seen their hair that short?

BC'ing is not for the faint of heart, but when you got folks cheerleading 'Do It. Do It.' and then in the BC thread they can't offer any advice other than put on some make up and earrings.

Hope I don't get in trouble , but I have seen some black women who look awkward with straight hair. Can't say for sure if it's relaxed or pressed, but the straight hair just doesn't seem to go with some black women.

Has anyone ever thought that?

Since I've been on hair boards, wigs don't look right on folks to me anymore.

I seriously wish my hair looked like yours in the first picture. And I think this is an example of people forcing their hair to do things it's not meant to do. People with thick hair usually can't get their hair in a ponytail. So find another style instead of trying to force it. I don't see why that's so difficult.

You don't see why finding an alternative to the most simple hairstyle available is difficult? erplexed

I agree, being natural is not less work or easy for some people.

Msa, seriously, are you saying that natchal folx can't even wear there hair in ponytails? Why must those with afro textured hair commit to only wearing 1 style for the rest of their life?

I can't even wrap my mind around that post. Not to mention that me wearing my hair loose for more than an hour led to all kind of knotty mayhem.

 

[nappystorm]

I'm natural and wear my natural hair straightened about 70% of the time. What don't you get?

I was wondering this as well...erplexed

 

[Ramya]

When you comb/style your hair after that week is up do you have hairs in the comb/on the floor/wherever?

No. I'm thinking maybe it sheds in the shower but I never see any when I clean the tub.

 

[TCatt86]

I wake up to beautiful coils and kinks every single day.

It all depends on how you define beautiful. Most people think that only natural hair like Tracy's or Rachel's is beautiful. But if you have 4ab hair it's only beautiful if you do a twistout/braidout or some other kind of out first.

It's sad really.

Yeah well I don't, if I woke up to beautiful hair every morning, I wouldn't have to comb it or do a wash and go or twist it or throw it back in a puff and fluff it out. When I wake up my hair is a flat, lopsided mess, I wish I could wake up with beautiful coils and kinks everyday. Do I hate my hair? No I love it and I feel it's beautiful, but I'm not walking out the door without my hair styled some sort of way, point.blank.period. To me that's not self hate that's me taking pride in my appearance.

 

[shtow]

BC'ing is not for the faint of heart, but when you got folks cheerleading 'Do It. Do It.' and then in the BC thread they can't offer any advice other than put on some make up and earrings.

That made me LOL so hard!!!

 

[msa]

I understand your point Msa

I guess my thing is, why must naturals (especially thick, coarse haired ones) be ostracized for deciding to relax because they want to have flexibility and options pertaining to styles they want to create?

I don't think they should be ostracized. I get where you're coming from though.

I guess I just don't agree with making that type of change to your hair because in my eyes it's not a temporary hair style. It's a permanent modification that can't be reversed. And, it requires really unhealthy chemicals.

I can do lots of styles with my hair. But any style that requires me to damage my hair (with chemicals or heat) just isn't for me. Good thing I only have to worry about my own head.

 

[Southernbella.]

Nevermind...already clarified.